the fifth of july.
Today is the fifth anniversary of the day that one of the great loves of my life married the woman who forbade him to ever speak to me again.
God, i loved him. Five years later, i'm still trying to say goodbye.
There were any number of reasons. But this one i've been thinking about recently, here in these days when no one seems to think i can do anything right:
he's the only person ever to have a *positive* explanation for the complex of traits that i (along with almost everyone else) think of as "clumsy", "impatient", "incautious", "not delicate enough".
Not just *tolerated*. Not just *excused*. Not just *forgave*, even -- but actually regarded those traits as manifestations, albeit difficult and flawed, of something that made me *special*. He valued me, not in spite of those things, but *because* of them.
(Now, it may be he'd have gotten just as tired and annoyed at those traits as everyone else does, given time. Loss has a powerful magic -- i can't ever *know*, so there's no negative aftermath, no disillusionment, to dull the memory.)
Goodnight and happy anniversary, Jonathan Livingston Severson. I imagine i'll be saying this for many years to come: i *still* wish i were the full moon shining off your Camaro's hood.
love,
Adrienne
God, i loved him. Five years later, i'm still trying to say goodbye.
There were any number of reasons. But this one i've been thinking about recently, here in these days when no one seems to think i can do anything right:
he's the only person ever to have a *positive* explanation for the complex of traits that i (along with almost everyone else) think of as "clumsy", "impatient", "incautious", "not delicate enough".
Not just *tolerated*. Not just *excused*. Not just *forgave*, even -- but actually regarded those traits as manifestations, albeit difficult and flawed, of something that made me *special*. He valued me, not in spite of those things, but *because* of them.
(Now, it may be he'd have gotten just as tired and annoyed at those traits as everyone else does, given time. Loss has a powerful magic -- i can't ever *know*, so there's no negative aftermath, no disillusionment, to dull the memory.)
Goodnight and happy anniversary, Jonathan Livingston Severson. I imagine i'll be saying this for many years to come: i *still* wish i were the full moon shining off your Camaro's hood.
love,
Adrienne