Viva los cocks.
Thanks in part to the nine Corona Lights I've had over the past 14 hours in honour of Día de Independencia, I'm ready to talk, no, I'm ready to SHOUT out of school.
You can't be a rockstar wife without learning some intimate details about the rockers.
Let's talk cock!
Pete Townshend's Magic Bus
I know how much you want me to say Karen was riding the 'short bus' because we all know that would have explained so much, but it's actually proportionate to the nose and feet. Of course, with that other prominent appendage blocking his view all those years, he was horribly insecure and didn't know how lucky he was until became an exalted guest of honour at the New York bath houses in the late 70s.
Keith Moon's Eminent Front
You know how blokes sometimes use the "it's cold in here" excuse? Let's just say there was a permanent wind chill in his knickers. Not that it's a secret. Approximately 54% of the population of 1960s Greater London have seen (and been underwhelmed by) it.
Jimmy Page's Led Torpedo
The world's most experienced remover of training bras was modestly endowed so as not to frighten the 14 year-olds he typically dated. But there are rumours that after the demise of Zeppelin, he focused his black magic on 'self-improvement' and reportedly it is now a life-size replica of one of Satan's horns.
Roger Daltrey's Rock Horse
The back alley abortionists round Shepherd's Bush called it The Rainmaker. The fifth member of The Who, the man is the cock and the cock is the man: not remarkable in stature but full of brutal Napoleonic 'get up and go.' It had more nicknames than he did, and in fact more than anyone in The Who except for Pete, who gave everyone just a hair more material than Duchess von Clap.
Ronnie Lane's Ooh La La
Shady always had her hands full with the not-so-Small Face, but she did confide once that it hooked to the left. Apparently he could wave hello to you from around the corner. Then again she also claimed it could play 'Heart to Hang Onto' on the bass, so who knows.
John Paul Jones' Little Lamb
Speaking of, like a veiny incarnate of a vaudeville joke, JPJ's prodigious unit could play the entire Disney songbook on the piano. I can extrapolate that if it tickles the ivory that well, it can't be large, but with dexterity like that, who fuckin' cares!
Roger Waters' Brick in His Pants
No info available. If not for his famed and prolific wanking, I'd be skeptical the one-eyed sprinkler even existed.
As always, feel free to add to this.
You can't be a rockstar wife without learning some intimate details about the rockers.
Let's talk cock!
Pete Townshend's Magic Bus
I know how much you want me to say Karen was riding the 'short bus' because we all know that would have explained so much, but it's actually proportionate to the nose and feet. Of course, with that other prominent appendage blocking his view all those years, he was horribly insecure and didn't know how lucky he was until became an exalted guest of honour at the New York bath houses in the late 70s.
Keith Moon's Eminent Front
You know how blokes sometimes use the "it's cold in here" excuse? Let's just say there was a permanent wind chill in his knickers. Not that it's a secret. Approximately 54% of the population of 1960s Greater London have seen (and been underwhelmed by) it.
Jimmy Page's Led Torpedo
The world's most experienced remover of training bras was modestly endowed so as not to frighten the 14 year-olds he typically dated. But there are rumours that after the demise of Zeppelin, he focused his black magic on 'self-improvement' and reportedly it is now a life-size replica of one of Satan's horns.
Roger Daltrey's Rock Horse
The back alley abortionists round Shepherd's Bush called it The Rainmaker. The fifth member of The Who, the man is the cock and the cock is the man: not remarkable in stature but full of brutal Napoleonic 'get up and go.' It had more nicknames than he did, and in fact more than anyone in The Who except for Pete, who gave everyone just a hair more material than Duchess von Clap.
Ronnie Lane's Ooh La La
Shady always had her hands full with the not-so-Small Face, but she did confide once that it hooked to the left. Apparently he could wave hello to you from around the corner. Then again she also claimed it could play 'Heart to Hang Onto' on the bass, so who knows.
John Paul Jones' Little Lamb
Speaking of, like a veiny incarnate of a vaudeville joke, JPJ's prodigious unit could play the entire Disney songbook on the piano. I can extrapolate that if it tickles the ivory that well, it can't be large, but with dexterity like that, who fuckin' cares!
Roger Waters' Brick in His Pants
No info available. If not for his famed and prolific wanking, I'd be skeptical the one-eyed sprinkler even existed.
As always, feel free to add to this.