Everybody in the club gettin tipsy...

[alika06]

Ok so saturday I didn't get up until 12...yeah I was tired ok! lol and I actually woke up pretty hyper..scary. I got ready and stuff and made it to Heathers house around 2. We went and got Starbucks and headed over to the Halloween store. She bought a different costume lol she's a cute lil fairy :-D we bought a bunch of halloween stuff for our

Comments

[silver_lining05]

*hugs*

Hun I'm sorry, but your mom is really being pretty damn selfish right now. You're right, you're her 16 year old daughter AND you live like eight hours away. There's nothing you can do. She's being human and getting frustrated at others cuz she's frustrated with herself that she can't do anything to change her situation. I know she's your mom and you love her, but you really need to put your foot down because she CANNOT keep doing this to you. She's making you feel guilty for things that you should by no means feel guilty about! You're being a teenage girl, what you're SUPPOSED to be! You have no reason to grow up so fast and I think your mom subconciously wants you to so you can relate to her and her problems, and help her. But you CAN'T. And she needs to realize that. I'm sorry she's making you feel this way and I really wish there was something I could do to help. Let me know if there is.

<3333333

[alika06]

She's always kind of done this..because you know me..I'm always there to listen even when I probably shouldn't or when I have no business...I always listen and I'm one of the only people who will listen to my mom. Usually she just wants me to listen, but not she wants me to help her and I can't! I know she really wants me to go down there...it helps her a lot..but it doesn't help me...all of this is killing me right now, but I can't hind from it. I can't ignore her and throw her away like everyone else is doing..but I dunno what to do. If I keep trying to help her, it'll kill me..inside and out and if I don't try and help her I would feel so bad and so guilty cause this is my mother..and my sister and I don't want to lose either of them ya know? She does want me to grow up..she wants me to be everything...she wants me to be successful and she doesn't even want me to get married cause her life has been so screwed and I'm trying to get her to understand that not everything is bad like that! there's no way to comfort her and its really

[silver_lining05]

Yeah you know what, I realize all of that, but you REALLY need to tell her what you just told me. It doesn't mean you love her any less, but the fact is you need to start taking care of YOURSELF, and putting yourself through this shit is definetley not one of the ways to do it. It's NOT fair to you, and I know nothing is fair for your mom right now, I know she's had a lot of bad breaks, but she is not you. It is not your fault that things are the way they are and you do NOT have to be the one to fix everything! I know you've got it in your head that you "need" to listen and "need" to be there 24/7 in case she "might" need your help, which you can't even give. You know I'm right and you know you need to tell your mom everything you just told me. I know you're scared to lose your mom and sister, but frankly, that is really not in your control. And you need to come to terms with that before you get yourself really hurt

[alika06]

I can't tell her Heather..you don't understand..I'm all she has! If I tell her all that she will break apart and I'm really scared what would happen at that point. Everything keeps getting worse and the last thing she needs is for her daughter to stop listening and stop trying to help her. If I tell her all that, she has nobody! nobody in the world to help her..she has been pretty understanding and helpful for me, I don't want to NOT be understanding with her ya know? In a lot of ways, I feel like I owe her. I have wasted so much of her money and other things and I just feel like I owe her..even if it is just listening...but at the same time its killing me! It hurts so much...I know none of this is my fault...but if something happens I'll blame it on myself by saying I wasnt there for her! God I don't know what to do and I don't mean to put this on you at all...I'm just so lost

[hairyotter236]

Glad you had fun at the dance!! and I'm sorry about the whole mom thing.. she prolly isn't really mad at you she just has no one to take her anger out on so she takes it out on you.. I dunno.. but maybe you should tell her what you said in here.. let her know that you wanna help but can't and that your only 16 and it's not your job to be solving everyone else's problems when you have your own stuff to deal with...

*hugs*

oh before I forget, no sea scouts all this week cause skipper needs a brake and the scouts that went to YBI do too. I'll ttyl.. byez

[alika06]

No she is a little mad at me, but for the most part she i just blowing up at me cause I was there and it was easy and she knows that and its REALLY getting annoying cause she's been doing it for ages....if I tell her all that, she'd be crushed, feeling like she has no one to turn to, she'll say I don't care and that I'm too wrapped up in Robert or something. She'll explode..trust me and I can't take that....not again...

*hug*

grrness. I guess I'll just have to wait until NEXT week to see everyone.

[hairyotter236]

you still gotta tell her.. cause if you don't things will just stay the same...things could go bad and things could go good.. you just gotta take that chance and promise me if things go bad that you wont do anything you'll regret!!! Heather, Robert and I will be there for ya no matter what :)

*BIG HUG* ttyl

[alika06]

if i tell her I KNOW things will get worse, how can they get better if I tell my mother I can't be there for her? I can't take that chance, cause if my mom loses it, we lose my sister and I could NEVER forgive myself nor my family for that...I know I need to do something...something to stop this hurt and nothing seems good enough....