Disintegration Chapter Three: Thoughts of Strangers
Chapter Three
Thoughts of Strangers
It's been a long year since we last spoke
~ For Blue Skies, Strays Don't Sleep
March 8th 1977
"Remember we only have one more class for those of you who will be taking your tests at the end of the month so keep telling yourself-"
"Destination, determination and deliberation," Sirius rolled his eyes, as he stood up. "You'd think we were all thick as planks of wood the way she goes on."
"Some of us are," James said, indicating in the direction of Avery.
"I suppose she's just covering her back," Remus said tiredly. "It's a dangerous business this apparition."
"Dangerous Moony," Sirius exclaimed. "You can't have forgotten lesson one already, its-"
"All in the mind," James finished with an elaborate flourish of his hand, as Remus rolled his eyes. "It is true though," James mused, as they travelled up the main staircase. "I mean my great uncle Maximus was never quite the same after that time he splinched himself."
"What happened?" Peter asked nervously.
"He changed his mind on where he wanted to go at the last minute; he always was an indecisive git, married three times. Anyway, he ended up in two places and they never found a few of his toes." Peter's eyes widened horrified as James continued. "He walks constantly lopsided now, it makes him seem more than a little crazed."
"I remember him," Sirius said. "The one that ran off to France in pursuit of that Veela."
"Maria," James remembered fondly. "I wonder if he ever found her."
"I wish I'd found her," Sirius muttered.
"How old was she again?" Remus asked.
"About forty," Sirius shrugged.
"Forty," Peter repeated.
"Did you not here the bit about the Veela Wormtail, changes everything mate," Sirius told him, reaching into his bag and pulling out a magazine that James had never seen before the front cover of which bore the title Melody Maker and had a picture of a rather dirty looking man and alongside the tagline 'New London Bands To Know.'
"What is that anyway?" James asked Sirius.
"Muggle music magazine. I got it from Mary who borrowed it from Evans."
"Lily?" Peter asked.
"Know any others. I was shocked too," Sirius said in the direction of Remus. "I didn't see her as a rock kind of girl let alone punk. Turns out there more to her than meets the eye."
James could feel Peter's eyes on him and he focused on looking forward letting the conversation occur around him.
"All it takes to earn your respect is a reasonable taste in music," Remus observed. "I'll tell her she has your approval."
"Not entirely," Sirius corrected him. "I tolerate Prongs and Wormy here and they both have a terrible taste in music." Peter made a noise in disagreement but Sirius continued. "And Evans is still a massive high and mighty pain in the arse hence the surprise," he gestured the magazine.
"She's different to what you think," Remus told him.
"Not you as well," Sirius groaned. Suddenly out of nowhere he turned to face James, "Have you spoken to her?" he asked.
"Spoken to who?" James replied.
"Spoken to who?" Sirius repeated rolling his eyes "Spoken to Evans of course."
James looked up at him, and Peter quickly looked down. "Nope, should I have?"
"No, I was just curious. I mean after the Quidditch match you two talked."
"She said thanks for the week before, nothing more," James told him forcefully. "It is no big deal."
Sirius gave him a firmly disbelieving look. "When it comes to you and Evans it's always been a big deal."
"Well now it's not."
The four of them fell into silence as they walked. James thought back over the events of the past two weeks, and to research he had been doing since the Hogsmead weekend, the majority of which was currently residing in the schoolbag. It hadn't been Evans that he had most wanted to talk to since that day but his parents. He had known something suspicious had been going on over the summer holidays when he had first begun to notice the amount of out of Ministry meetings his Dad had been attending, and the growing level of correspondence that bore Dumbledore's unmistakable scrawl. Yet he had not allowed himself to dwell too much on it, just thankful that for once he was not the subject of the increased mail. After all, it had been the first summer that Sirius had stayed with them and he had been determined to make it the best summer his best friend had ever had.
But now things were changing and he didn't like being left in the dark. He wanted answers and he knew that being armed with as many facts, or as many facts as possible, was the only way that he was going to get them. He stopped suddenly, and turned in the direction of the library.
Sirius looked up from the magazine surprised. "Where are you going? I thought we were going to discuss tomorrow night."
"Library," he replied. "I've just remembered I've got those bloody Arithmacy questions to finish for tomorrow," he lied quickly.
"But its only half an hour from curfew," Remus told him.
"Exactly, I'm not going to concentrate on them in there am I. Plus, the sooner I get them done the better, we could all use an early night."
"Look about that-" Remus began.
"Spare me Moony," he shook his head in Remus' direction. "We know what you're going to say. It's dangerous and irresponsible and perhaps we should reconsider but we're not going to." He heaved his bag higher onto his shoulder as Sirius nodded defiantly. "I'll be back in a bit."
March 9th 1977
Lily hurried down the corridor, bag swinging mercilessly behind her as she glanced at her watch. She was already late for class. It was typical that she would have been up so late last night double checking the homework that she had left it on bedside table and was now going to be late for class and if there was one thing she really didn't need it was detention. She quickened her pace despite her now ragged breathing. Watching Sirius and Potter one afternoon last year had told her that if she took the short cut from behind the usually empty painting at the end of this corridor she would practically be inside the Arithmacy classroom. She turned the corridor and stopped dead still, panting slightly as she stared at him. He was standing right next to the painting, black hair hanging limply over his face, his hand shoved deep inside the pockets of his robes and he glanced about him with a nervous air. Momentarily she considered turning back and taking the long way to class but she knew that would make her well over fifteen minutes late. She watched Severus scuff his shoes against the floor as he waited and with a firm sigh she adjusted her bag onto her shoulder and fixed a determined look upon her face and made her way towards him.
"Hello Severus," she greeted him quietly as she approached.
He looked up from the floor and instantly removed his hands from his robes. "Lily," he stuttered, "Shouldn't you be in class."
She stared at him shocked, not even questioning how he knew her timetable. They hadn't spoke in months and now all he could do was question he tardiness. A now familiar resentment towards him began to rise up inside her. "Yes," she replied evenly, "Running late."
"Oh," he returned his hands to his pockets and looked down towards the floor.
"How are you Severus?"
"Fine," he answered shortly. "You?"
"Fine," she returned. She watched him for a second. He raised his to nervously glance around the corridor and she realised that he was waiting for something, or more accurately someone. All of the things that she had promised herself she would say to him the next time they spoke vanished as the resentment began to build into anger.
"Listen Lily," he broke the silence nervously. "You're going to be really late for class and I'd hate for you to get detention for being caught hanging around in the corridor, we are both prefects after all."
"It never bothered you before," she retorted harshly.
His body recoiled slightly at her words. "We're sixth years now," he reasoned calmly. "Everything little thing we do is monitored. Don't you wish to be head girl?"
"If it means changing everything I have done these last few years then I don't think I do. After all, you are the one hanging around the corridor as well," she defended quickly.
He looked at her for a second. "I have something I need to do."
The apologetic glance he gave her made her feel momentarily guilty for her tone but the way he warily glanced once more up and down the corridor told her everything she needed to know about who he was waiting for. The anger was back, this time not only directed at Severus but at herself. She had been such an idiot to think that he was ever going to change. That perhaps if she had spoken to him about everything that had happened, told him about what Avery and Mulciber had done to her then he would somehow come round. But he knew. Of course he knew. He may not have been involved in gossip or anything of that sort but he was a watcher. Had that not been something that had attracted her to his company all those years ago, the fact that he knew more than anyone she had ever met just by watching and studying. After all, had it not been Severus that had taught her the power that was held in silence. That it was not always necessary to be involved in the action but to simply sit and observe the world would always tell you more. She made to walk past him.
"Listen Lily," he began.
"Don't bother," she told him, turning so her face was inches from his own. "I have to go anyway or else I'll be later than I already am, so don't worry your friends won't have to see you with the likes of me."
"Its not like that," he tried to assure her, grabbing her arm and spinning her back round to face him. There was a clatter somewhere in the distance and he dropped her arm quickly as though she had burned him.
She shook her head. "Trust me, after the way they cornered me on the way to Hogsmead I have no desire for a reunion."
"What are you talking about?" he whispered.
"I have to get to class," she muttered before turning on her heel and walking away. For a second she thought he might call out to her but there was nothing but silence and so she dodged around the painting and down the passageway. She thought bitterly that there were two things she really could have done without that morning, detention and a run in with Severus, and judging by the time she was now likely to get both.
It was by some stroke of pure luck that she managed to get to class before Professor Mullins. The whole class looked up at her as she opened the door and she muttered greetings to a few as she quickly hurried to her seat. Minutes after she had sat down she could still feel Potter gazing at her and she ignored it. Of course it wasn't his fault, as easy as it might be to blame him, but she hated that he had been right. That he had known all along what she had been too ignorant and blind, or perhaps to hopeful that it wouldn't be true, to see; that in the end Slytherin house would get to them all. A part of her wanted to go back to the corridor, although whether it was to yell at Severus or to discover who he had been waiting for she couldn't decide. Instead she set about unpacking her books, bringing out of the bag with them the letter from her Dad. She turned it over and broke the seal, wondering why her hands had begun to shake.
"I'm sorry I'm late," the always quiet yet stern voice of Professor Mullins as usual seemed to arrive through the door before the its owner and Lily dropped the letter onto the desk. Mullins, the figure, followed the voice and he made his way into the classroom, moving quicker than a man his age with a cane should have been able to, and hurrying towards the front. "As we're running late if you could all place your homework to the edge of your desks and I'll collect it once we're underway."
There was a general scraping of chairs and rustling of bags and papers as the class fulfilled the task as Mullins laid down the briefcase he constantly carried, despite the fact he always taught in the same classroom, and turned the blackboard with his wand. "The changing of the multiple," he announced and with a flourish the words appeared in chalk in front of them. "You will have all prepared by reading the Chapter of course but let us just go through the key points and processes one more time."
Lily opened her textbook and quickly tucked her Dad's letter between the front two pages before turning to Chapter Eleven and fixing her gaze on Mullins and the numbers that he was moving about on the blackboard. She knew that Potter's eyes were still staring at her back and she wished him away. As she placed the nib of her quill onto the parchment and began to take notes, she cursed the letter, cursed Snape and cursed Potter for refusing to look away from her.
"Bugger it," he swore, as he reached the bottom of his bag. "Stupid sodding quill," he muttered under his breath. Of course it would snap in the one class that he didn't have with any of the other Marauders. He pushed aside some of the loose crumpled parchment that had accumulated at the bottom of his bag, berating himself inwardly; firstly, for not cleaning the thing out and, secondly, for never checking whether Sirius had taken the spare quill which he was sure he had been in there last week. Naturally, of course, this had to happen in the class in which the nearest person to him was Lily. For a moment he considered just put up his hand and asking Mullins for a quill, but after his and Sirius' antics in the class last year he was still slightly surprised, and a little curious as to why, he had been allowed back to take the NEWT in the first place. He had a strange feeling that perhaps Dumbledore or his parents had something to do with it and to admit to being unprepared would be adding more fuel to Mullins already well fed fire. Especially as James had a very good idea about who was responsibility for this morning's display of Dungbombs that would have delayed the professor's path from the his office to the classrom.
He could just sit in silence and listen and then go over the chapter again later but this topic was bound to come up in the exam and Arithmacy was the subject he struggled most it. The rules, as James saw it, were simple, his parents and Professors, although not always happy about his escapades at Hogwarts tolerated them so long as his grades didn't slip. He knew, after many warnings on the subject, that once that happened they might considered revoking the one position that did mean something to him - Quidditch captain. Plus, his parents only had him, and, as a favour to him, they were now caring for Sirius, he owed them to at least keep up his end of the bargain. There was nothing for it he was going to have to ask her. It was a full moon tonight ther was no way he was going to have the time to do several hours of Arithmacy work before the next class as well.
"Evans," he whispered, leaning forward in his seat. "Evans."
She seemed to be making notes but he wondered if she was really even paying any attention. She had run into class nearly fifteen minutes late, and looked to James like she wasn't sure whether or not she'd rather punch something or cry. Of course no matter how hard he had tried to ignore her his curiosity had been piqued and he couldn't help glancing at her back trying to work out whether or not she was ok. The amount of times he had spent watching her, as well as the amount of times he had been the one to annoy her told him quite easily that she was pretty livid about something.
"Hey, Evans, Evans. Lily," he hissed and she turned around sharply.
"What?" she snapped.
"Sorry," he raised his hands and tried to lower his voice, "I just wondered if you had a spare quill."
"A spare-"
"Quill?" he repeated, miming the act of writing. "Mine just snapped." He mimed that as well to be sure.
She stared at him for a moment, as if frozen until slowly she nodded. "Um, yeah. Hang on." She turned back around and went into her bag. A few seconds later she pulled out a quill and turned around to hand it him.
"Thanks," he mouthed quickly before she could turn away from him. He briefly considered asking her if she was alright but she had already started to make notes again and with a small shake of his head he set about doing the same.
This class went the same as every Arithmacy class that had come before it, and probably every other that Mullins would ever teach, although considering the man's age James didn't think there could be too many of those left. Once the basics of the problem had been covered they set about answering questions for the majority of the lesson, any that were unfinished were to be completed for homework. This left nearly an hour of silence, which was occasionally interrupted by a student checking an answer, and, as always, James spent this hour inwardly debating why he signed up for the stupid class in the first place.
For that he blamed his mother. He could hear her voice ringing in his ear, telling him tiredly to 'keep his options open as long as possible.' He knew her heart was in the right place. He supposed had she not had a knack for Arithmacy she would never have been offered an opportunity at Gringotts and would, in all likelihood have followed the same path as the other women in her family - married to a good breeding partner before she had got off the Hogwarts Express. However even this did nothing to make the five hours a week go any faster.
He wished he had taken time to ask her more about what it had been like growing up in such traditional pureblood environment. The Potter's had always been known for the democratic politics, and slightly off the wall ways, but his mother's family the opposite. As a child he had spent so much time making excuses to avoid hearing about another Potter family ancestor who had done something or another, whether it be momentous or down right stupid, that he had never considered how little she spoke of her own family. He had thought more about it when he had first met Sirius but had still never asked. Now, as began to dig deeper into the history around the development of Voldemort and his followers, he regretted how little he knew about her history and the how difficult it must have been for her. For all the political information that his father was sure to be able to give him it was his mother that he felt might actually have the greater understanding of what was going on outside the castle walls.
Of course, as much as he tried to ignore or argue against it, thoughts of what was going on always bought him somehow back to Lily. The final reason he regretted the class was it made it even more difficult to keep up the deal that James had made with himself at the beginning of this school year. No more pining after Lily Evans.
The minute hand on the clock above Mullins desk inched another fraction towards the hour and James waited his hand already on the zip of his bag. As if moving in slow motion Mullins laid his quill down on the desk and surveyed his class. Fifteen expectant faces stared back at him. "Please finish the questions before Friday," he smiled at them. "You may make your way to your next class."
There was a scraping of chairs as his classmates stood and began to group together their things. James shoved his notes roughly into his bag before standing up. He paused holding the quill for a moment and looked at Lily. He chastised himself for the nerves he felt. "It's just a sodding quill you muppet," he muttered under his breath, "Do it," before he made his way around his deak and towards hers.
She turned abruptly as she placed her bag onto her shoulder and so he found himself directly in front of her face. "Potter," she exclaimed quickly, stepping back in shock narrowly missing her chair with the back of her thigh.
"Hi," he greeted nervously, holding out of the quill to her quickly. "Thanks for this," he added quickly. He could practically see Padfoot rolling his eyes at the stupidity of the situation and ran a frustrated hand through his hair.
"Oh thanks," she took it gingerly from him. "Don't worry about it." They stood there for a few seconds facing each other. "I should probably get to Transfiguration," she said. "Are you heading that way?" It was a pointless question, regardless of the size of the class James' presence was always felt, especially Transfiguration where any frustrations his head of house had over his rule breaking were put to the test by his natural talent for the subject. It seemed most of the time she was actually waiting for him to challenge her in order that she could remark 'Well it is interesting you should say that Mr Potter?'
"Yeah," James nodded. "Meant to be."
"Ok." She took a step towards him.
James wasn't entirely sure if that had been an invitation to accompany her to their next class or just an attempt to fill the silence but he walked alongside her anyway. She paused slightly to wait for him as he closed the classroom door behind them and he took that to be a sign that no matter how uncomfortable she might seem she wasn't completely against the idea. His stomach did a little somersault at the thought.
"Evans, are you alright?"
"I'm sorry," she asked.
"I was just wondering," he tried again. "If you were alright?" He could hear the sound of Sirius laughing at him in his head.
She was staring at him blankly, clearly unsure what to make of him. "I'm fine Potter. Yourself?"
"Good thanks."
They walked in silence throughout the corridors and it wasn't until they had reached the Transfiguration corridor that James finally had the courage to ask her, "What I meant to say, to ask you I mean, is has something upset you?"
"What?" she looked up at him quickly and he averted his eyes.
"Its just, well, you were attacking your parchment rather forcefully back there, as though it had wronged you in some way." He looked up at her and instantly regretted it as he eyes looked as if they were beginning to fill with tears. She looked down at the floor quickly and James suddenly realised the possibility of this conversation making her cry. Not for the first time he decided that simply being in her presence was a bad idea for him.
"Just having a bad day that's all," she mumbled.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"Nope. Not really," she shook her head. "Would much rather hit something," she added giving him a small smile.
"Right," he muttered, returning her smile. "I guess I would be best to keep quiet then," he joked.
She chuckled slightly. "I'm sorry that I snapped at you before."
"It's alright," he assured her. "Not the first time."
They continued in silence down the corridor.
"Can I ask you something," he turned to notice that she had stopped a few paces behind him and he took a step back. "If you don't mind."
He nodded slowly. "Sure, anything."
"Do you think one day it won't be an issue?" she asked him. "My being a muggle."
He hesitated for a moment, considering her. It was a pretty loaded question. He took a breath, "Firstly," he began, "You are not a Muggle," he reminded her softly. "Not that it matters either way but you are a Muggleborn witch, not a Muggle. Even if you might sometimes want to be one," he added. It was a guess but she didn't correct him and so he continued.
"As for your question, I guess that depends who you're asking about. For some of us it isn't, hasn't ever been and never will be but unfortunately for others you'll be waiting generations."
"Oh," she replied with a nod.
He wanted to reach out a hand and touch her arm but he felt that might be overstepping the mark, so instead he simply said, "I'm sorry."
"It's alright," she assured him. She stood there for a second more staring at him. "You might need this," she told him handing him back the quill slowly. "I'm not sure it is wise to rely on one of your friends to have a spare."
It was a diversion tactic and he knew it and he momentarily wished he had the courage, or the time before McGonagall arrived, to continue to conversation; to ask what it was really like for her but he didn't. "I was going for Remus," he admitted.
"True," she smiled. "At least one of you has a brain." He chuckled a little at that. "Seriously keep it just in case."
"Thanks, I'll get you a new one."
"Don't worry about it."
The moment was over and he knew it and they both continued the few more steps towards the classroom. He swung the door open letting her through. In one quick moment his courage returned and before he had time to doubt himself he placed a quick hand on her arm. "You belong here Lily," he whispered to her. "Don't ever let anyone make you feel otherwise."
He didn't wait for a response and removed his arm quickly but she turned towards him and he was sure a faint smile crept about her face before she turned away and made her way towards the girls. A feeling of lightness seemed to take over him and he grinned before he walked towards his own seat, punching Sirius on the arm in greeting.
March 10th 1977
By the following evening Lily had still not replied to her father's letter or made any progress on her Defence essay and instead sat staring at the piece of blank parchment in front of her. Since she had arrived in the library over an hour ago all she had successfully achieved was turning the pages of her textbook mindlessly. Mary continued raise her eyes from her own work to give her questioning glances to which Lily would drop her own and pretend to read. She had come to the library with two tasks; neither of which were difficult, and yet she couldn't seem to start either.
She placed her palms to her eyes and rubbed them, telling herself to concentrate. All she wanted to do was pick up the piece of parchment and reply to her father telling him the truth about everything. It was more than not wanting to worry him, he was so excited by the possibilities that magic could bring to her, in much the same way she had been when she had first met Severus. He had also been thrilled that she had finally found somewhere that she could belong and fit in and she didn't want to ruin that for him. Perhaps she also didn't want to finally ruin it for herself.
"Hey Lily," Mary had laid down her quill and was beginning to roll up the essay she had been working on. "I'm done, do you need to finish anything else? I can wait."
"You're finished? That was quick."
"Not really," Mary replied giving her a confused look. "We've been in here for two hours, it's nearly curfew."
Lily looked down at her watch and said nothing.
"Are you alright Lil?" Mary asked.
"Yeah," Lily nodded. "Just easily distracted today I suppose. I do need to finish this letter I suppose." She took one look at the blank parchment and her Dad's letter.
"Do you mind if I go, I wanted to head past the Hufflepuff Common Room before curfew?"
"Go on."
"Are you sure?"
"Of course I'll be fine, go and see your boyfriend and I'll meet you back in the Common Room," she said. "It shouldn't take me too long."
"Thanks Lils you're the best," Mary replied, gathering the last of her things into her bag and standing up. "See you in a bit."
She had often wondered why she didn't confide in Mary. As a Muggleborn she had been through everything that Lily had and must have the same unspoken fears but their relationship had been strained in the early days, something Lily still felt guilty about. Mary, like all the other girls, had never understood Lily relationship with Severus, who bullied Mary as he did every other Muggleborn. Lily remember the way Mary had told her Severus was waiting for her outside the Common Room the night following their Defence OWL, the look in her eye seemed to challenge Lily to forgive him this time, whilst the way she said his name was with a hatred Lily had never heard from her friend.
She looked up as a familiar voice was greeting someone to see James Potter walking down the aisle to the left of her seat. He did not notice her, or if he did he chose not to look in her direction. This was the second night evening this week she had seen him in the library and he had walked Mary back at curfew the night before. She wondered he was doing here without his friends, it was a very rare sight indeed that he would be without Sirius Black, and the fact that he would dismiss time with the others to spend it alone in the library was pretty much unheard of. Although she was not close to him Lily had been in his house and his classes long enough to know that there was no need for James Potter to spend any more time studying than he already did.
Of course it wasn't the fact that he was in the library that was disturbing to her, it was the fact that she yet again felt the need to talk to him. It was stupid really. He probably would have said what he had said to her to any Muggleborn, she knew he had once had such a conversation with Mary. It wasn't as if they were friends, she had long ago come to the conclusion that was never going to be a possibility. But there was one thing about James Potter that was certain. He had a way of surprising everyone and turning people's opinions of him on their heads, she supposed that's why he fascinated people as much as he did. He didn't have the looks or natural charm of Sirius but somehow out of the two people gravitated towards him. Whether it be saving someone's life, a simple sentence, or the brand new quill that was sitting in her place in Potions that morning, James Potter had a way getting under your skin, or, if she was being precise, her skin.
She returned her palms to her eyes and rubbed them once again. She knew she was never going to work and if she hurried she could catch Potter and thank him for the quill. She folded the still blank letter and pushed it into her bags with the rest of her belongings.
He had disappeared by the time she had made it out of the library and so she quickened her step in the direction of the Gryffindor Common Room. As she walked she couldn't get the words out of her head, You belong here Lily. She knew that. The girls had been telling her that for years, so why did it make such a difference when James Potter said them? Because of who he is, the voice in her head answered. It was true. He was James Potter, Charlus Potter's son. Slytherin's would have killed to have the wizarding heritage that he had and yet he didn't care. She turned the corner and he came into view.
"Jane," he called out.
Lily paused for a second, slowing her walking pace until she was still. She hadn't even noticed the figure that was walking in front of Potter. Jane turned and Lily noticed her smile as he approached. "Evening Captain," she heard her greet James. They stood for a second side by side, for a moment she strained to try and here what they were saying but it was no good. Instead she just stood there motionless as they laughed together. Did this mean they were...
She didn't even have time to finish the thought. The sound of footsteps in the other direction made her turn her head. He was wearing his heavy outdoor cloak, and was checking left and right about him as he hurried down the corridor turning down the back staircases. She turned to look in the direction to her own Common Room, but Potter and Jane had vanished oblivious to what she had seen. She paused for a second. She knew she should head back to the Tower. After all she had promised herself that she would give up only yesterday morning but it was no good, and she hitched up her bag and hurried after Severus.
She followed him closely until they reached the side of the Entrance Hall and then she stopped and hung back. Slowly she watched him look left, then right and left again before he hurried his way across the marble flooring to the main doors. She lent back against the wall into the shadows and wondered quickly what was she getting herself into. She had no idea where he was going, but the forest seemed a safe assumption, and she had no idea what he was going to meet, although she could make some fairly accurate guesses. All in all it didn't seem like it was going to end well for her. Or Snape, if the others discovered her presence.
She breathed in and out and watched his figure begin to fade into the darkness outside. It was no or never, once she lost him to the darkness she knew better than to try and find him in the forest. Why did it bother her? The question repeated itself over and over in her head. Why did she still care? She shook her head firmly and banished the question away before checking left and right herself, and following Snape's pathway towards the door.
James' eyes narrowed as watched the map, or more accurately the dot labelled Lily Evans as it moved back through the main doors and into the Entrance Hall.
"Well," Sirius asked, from the foot of his bed, "Is it clear?"
"No," James snapped, as he watched the other dot, labelled Severus Snape walk away in the other direction towards the forest.
"Who?"
"Bloody Snape, is who," James replied angrily. Of course, he was going to be out tonight, the stupid git was always hanging around on the full moon hoping to catch them out, but what was Lily doing with him?
"Fucks sake," Sirius muttered. "What the hell is he doing at this time of night?" he asked, reaching for the map James was holding.
"What do you think?" Peter replied. "Same as always," he walked over to his own bed and lay down.
"It's still early," James mumbled. "Mischief managed," he told the map, before curling it away and putting it out of the Sirius' reach. "Curfew is only just passed. Let's give him twenty minutes, if he doesn't see us he'll bugger off."
"But-"
"It's not worth it Pads," Peter reminded him tiredly. "It's really not worth it."
Sirius shrugged and walked across the room as James lay down on his bed and closed his eyes. Like most people we just took different paths. He had gone over that conversation so many times in the last two weeks, had dissected it word for word. He clenched his fists, why would she have lied to him? Why would she not, the voice in his answered. They weren't friends, he reminded himself, they weren't even close to being friends. He was just the tosser who had believed that one conversation was going to change things but of course it wasn't.
But it wasn't just him she was lying to this time. Hestia had promised him that the day by the lake had destroyed whatever was left of their friendship. He had spent the summer reliving that day in his head, feeling guilty, trying to think of anyway to go back and change it for her. He clenched his fists tighter as anger bubbled in the pit of his stomach. This time was it, he promised himself, no more pining over Lily Evans.
"Lily?"
She spun quickly in direction of the voice. She stood still as Chris slowly made his way down the main stairs towards her, an eyebrow raised and a small smirk on his face.
"Evening Lily," he greeted her smugly.
"Hi," she replied quickly.
They stood there facing each other for a few seconds before Chris asked, "You going to tell me what you're doing out here?"
"Nothing," she lied quickly.
He raised an eyebrow at her. "Nothing?" he repeated. "You can tell you're new to this troublemaking business, has no one ever told you that nothing sounds extremely guilty, always best to have an excuse up your sleeve."
"Stayed late in the library," she muttered.
"And decided to take the long way back to the Common Room via the lake?" he asked, the smirk growing and turned and began to walk back the way he had came.
She shrugged and made to follow him. "Something like that. I was heading back to the Common Room but just realised fancied some air," she muttered sheepishly.
"Some air?" he asked her, as he lead the way through the Entrance Hall. "I'm sure as a Prefect you are aware that rules are rules."
"You're not going to dock points are you?" she asked him.
He shook his head. "No, not for a first offence," he smiled at her, "Although actually I rarely dock points at all. Don't tell Dorcas," he added as an after thought.
"Thanks," Lily smiled at him. "Hang on," she asked quickly. "Shouldn't there be two of you patrolling every night."
Chris stuttered for a second. "Sarah couldn't make it," he told her. "There was this Potions homework she had to finish."
"Potions homework?" Lily repeated with a raised eyebrow.
Chris nodded before he shook his head. "I guess I'm not so great at this lying business either. She hasn't spoken to me in about two weeks, if you don't count evil glares across breakfast, and she's avoiding doing rounds together."
"Have you told Dorcas?"
"Nope," he replied. "And please don't. She'll change the rounds schedule and I kept half hoping that she might turn up next time and listen to me rather than instructing her friends to tell me to shove it. I never knew but Hufflepuffs can be feisty when they want to be. I'm an eighteen year old bloke for Merlin's sake, surely that entitles me to a moment of indecision."
"She's hurting."
"Thanks for reminded me Lily," he said sarcastically, as they reached the top of the main staircase.
"I mean she just needs some time, I'm sure she'll come round eventually."
"Perhaps. Anyway, Lily is there anything you want to talk about? Maybe the real reason that you were hanging around the main hall past curfew for example."
"Can we not?"
He shrugged. "Sure, but I'm here if you need me, you know, and not just as a Prefect, as a friend."
She let them fall into silence for a second. Perhaps she could confide in him, but truth be told she wasn't sure what she would say. She didn't even know what she wanted advice about, if anything. She had followed Snape for answers but confiding in Chris would never get her those.
"Are you scared Chris?" she asked him.
He looked surprised by the question, and his face faltered for a second as he turned to look at her. "About what?"
"About what's going on outside of Hogwarts."
He looked down at the floor for a second. "Sure, I mean isn't everyone and my whole family is in the Ministry somehow, Marlene has just joined the Department of Law Enforcement," he added. "Which doesn't really sound a safe place for your sister to be working right now but people are fighting back. People will always fight back," he said.
Lily flinched a little at the word fight and Chris stopped walking to turn and face her. "Are you sure you're alright Lily? What's happened? What's someone been saying to you?"
"Nothing," she shook her head. "No one's said or done anything, not since last week anyway." She sighed. "I've just been thinking about it a lot I suppose since what happened on the way to Hogsmead, and I know I shouldn't be letting them get to me but," she trailed off quietly.
Chris reached down and grabbed her hand. "Don't let them do this Lily. Promise me that whatever happens don't let them get this far under your skin." He squeezed her hand. "It's not going away, everyone knows that, but that you just have to try your best not to let them get so far under your skin." He smiled at her weakly and dropped her hand, before slinging his arm around her shoulder and leading her towards the Common Room. "I know it's crap advice but what happens outside Hogwarts, or inside Hogwarts I suppose, is out of our control for now. We just have to try and be normal and not let it get to us."
"It's not that easy though is it?"
"Of course it isn't. But it hasn't come to a head yet and, anyway, as hard as it is to admit it there's a limited amount we can do inside Hogwarts. Look the way I've come to see it is this, we only get to be here once and we should make the best of it, the rest of the world is going to be there for the rest of our lives."
"You make a good point."
"I make many good points every day Lily," he smiled at her. "Look we have enough problems as teenagers to deal with anyway."
"Like Sarah?"
He nodded grimly, "Im actually going backwards. I tell you sorting out Voldemort might actually be easier than sorting of this mess."
She rolled her eyes at this. "She will forgive you," Lily promise. "Just don't give up."
They reached the Portrait Hole, "Expecto patronum," he told the Fat Lady and the portrait swung forward for them.
"It'll be fine Lily," he told her. "Just try and enjoy yourself." He inclinded his head in the direction of Dorcas, who had looked up from whatever she was reading to wave them over. "Why do you really think she's spending time with Sirius, it's because everyone need to forget about everything once in a while and just laugh."
"Any problems?" Dorcas asked them, laying her book down the second they got within speaking distance of her armchair.
Chris shook his head as Dorcas turned her head to look inquisitivaly at Lily. "Nope, no problem," Chris confirmed. "And I saw Lily on her way back from the library we had nearly finished patrols so I figured after what happened you would find it very un-prefect like of me to allow her walk back to the Common Room on her own." Chris gave Dorcas a winning smie.
Dorcas rolled her eyes at him, "Are you looking for a gold star?" she asked.
"Oh don't worry about that. I'll talk a sneaky look at your Defence homework instead if you really want to say thank you," he replied, throwing himself into the chair opposite Dorcas.
"You will not," she told him, grabbing roll of parchment he had gone for out of his reach. "That took me hours."
Chris looked up at Lily and smiled.
"Thanks," she mouthed at him before giving a small wave and making her way towards the girls staircase.
She pushed open the door to the dormitory and hurried toward her bed, throwing herself on it and closing her eyes.
"You were out late." Lily sat up with a start to look at Hestia who was sitting on the floor beside her own bed, rifling through her trunk. "I mean it's not like you to miss curfew," she clarified, before returning to searching for whatever it was she was missing.
"Library," Lily lied quickly, before lying her head back down on the bed. "I lost track of time that's all."
Hestia raised an eyebrow at that, but did not look up from her trunk. Silence took over the dormitory for a while and Lily just stared at the ceiling, trying to think everything through. That had been her chance, the one chance to find out everything, but the truth was perhaps it was best she didn't know. She knew who she was going to see him talking to, there was doubt in her mind about that but once she saw that it was over. He had chosen their side, the side that was determined to get rid of people like her. In truth it had been going down this road since the second he placed the sorting hat on his head but now she was admitting it. She was giving up and letting go.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Hestia asked softly, as she stood up from the floor, clutching a textbook. "I mean you can tell me that everything is fine, or whatever, and I'll let it go, but I'm here if you want to talk about it." She came to sit on the end of Lily's bed.
"Thanks Hes', but I'm ok, honestly," she replied. "Just tired."
"Alright. Don't do this alone Lily, just promise me you won't."
She nodded closing her eyes.
Author's Note: Thanks so much for reading. I hope you enjoyed it. Reviews and comments are always appreciated.
Chapter Two: A Victory of Sorts | Chapter Four: The Places You Appear