PIRATES 2!!!!
I JUST CAME BACK FROM SEEING PIRATES 2: DEAD MAN'S CHEST
CONCLUSION: I LOVED IT TO TINY BITS.
This movie, despite the CLAIM of bad reviews had the FIVE TOP THINGS I want in movies:
1) TENTACLES!!!!!!
2) PIRATES
3) NORRINGTON/JACK DAVENPORT
4) ZOMBIES (Zombie monkey!)
5) MERMEN
So as you can gather, I enjoyed it immensely, so very very much.
As to the bad reviews, I read a few and I just WHUT, all the things they WHINED AND COMPLAINED ABOUT was everything I ABSOLUTELY LOVED ABOUT THIS MOVIE.
They said it was TOO LONG, except I wanted more, I never wanted it to end. It could've run for 5 hours and I would've sat on the edge of my seat, completely thrilled and enthralled because every moment had its joys, and nothing at all dragged. From Elizabeth's emo little display right at the beginning, to their imprisonment, to the sailors calling out to her, to JACK oh jack, popping out of the coffin, to the TENTACLE MAN or... Davy Jones, to THE KRACKEN that made me love HP lovecraft all over again.
Critics whined again about how the first half had such vibrant plot and exposition and the second half was almost entirely slapstick, and yikes, WHAT?! IF YOU PEOPLE WANTED SERIOUS EMOTIONALLY THRAUGHT DRAMA DON'T WATCH DISNEY YO. These are the producers of classics like CHIP AND DALE, DONALD DUCK and let's face it, Bloody Kingdom Hearts. Slap stick is their SPECIALTY and not once did my laughter felt forced. Every hit had their comedic value, and it's been quite a while since I've HAD such lovely, amusing slapstick. POTC2 played up things that NEVER stop being funny, across time and space, zombie monkeys, people falling from great heights, BIG HAMSTER WHEELS, and of course, FOOTBALL HITTING VITAL ORGANS WOO. The slapstick was FUNNY dammit.
And lets not forget Norrington and Jack Sparrow.
One of the OTHER main complaints is that critics felt they weren't EMOTIONALLY attached to Will and Elizabeth's TRAILS AND TRIBULATIONS and felt they SHOULD'VE BEEN. Well the news is, YOU WEREN'T. Will and Lizzie HAD their movie. This is JACK'S AND NORRINGTON's. Hell, it might've JUST been NORRINGTON'S, because THEY were the characters that drove the movie. How much did I love Norrington's drunken brawling, his bitter cynical take on life, his awesome sword skills and brash, snarky voice of reason among all the idealists and crazy piracical lunatics? Much. I loved him all dirty. Everytime he was on screen, my ovaries just cried out and I had to muffle my squees. Norrington might've been even a backward HERO of his movie, despite being sort of a villain. Critics complained his role was not substantial and I have to just SCREAM at this unfounded conclusion. Norrington barely had THREE SCENES in the first movie, but HE WAS PERFECT IN THIS ONE. ANYTHING MORE THAN THREE SCENES TECHNICALLY ISSSSSS SUBSTANTIAL YOU MINDLESS UNFUN TWITS.
It had everything I WANTED to see from the Norrington character:
I loved that he became more selfish, and was remarkably self assured through this selfishness. He did figure out what he wanted, laid grounds into his own sense of morality despite his squalor, and never ever gave up on his goals.
I loved that Jack was still rooting for him.
I loved that Norrington was scrubbing decks and the whole power dynamic there.
I loved that he was a CREW member on the Pearl even for just a few days.
I loved him muttering in the background while Jack and Lizzie flirted, and still, obviously holding FEELINGS though he, like Will and Jack dropped her for the greater rush of battle.
I loved his snark, his intelligence (because not many others would look at a jar of dirt and just... assume).
I loved his dirty hair and lack of hygiene because I LIVE to see that man debaunched.
And I LOVED the fact HE got the prize. (of course this is going to be reverted later, but GOGOGO NORRINGTON RAH RAH RAH).
And of course, Jack Davenport LOOKED like he was having fun ALL through this. He looked SO HAPPY doing his crazy stunts and sword skills, and I felt he was nearly beaming to be another top notch star like Johnny and Orlando. I sense this. Because my love is pure.
Of course Johnny was no slouch either. But if I go through HIS good points I would just spooge out the entire film. He was lovely and beautiful, and I don't care how flouncy and daft he is, Johnny as Sparrow is Love. The last wonderfully slow mo scene of him facing the Kracken should be an oil painting.
Orlando and Lizzie were their USUAL nancy selves, but that worked for them. I shipped the Jack/Lizzie/Will OT3 so hard in this, because the sexual tension was just.. fraught. All the criticism about their lack of substance forgets that Elizabeth and Will NEVER had substance, they are archetypal characters; deeply, deeply selfish ones even though they put forward a moral front, and they are naive dreamers that BUY all of Jack's tales with little complaint. It's these traits that make them perfect for each other. Plus, they're in love, and they HAD their happy ending, this movie isn't about their adventures EVER AFTER, it's about Jack and his continuing tale that HASN'T gotten its happy ending yet.
Another complaint is of course the overuse of CGI. But WHUT. TENTACLES. ON A DEEP SUBCONSCIOUS LEVEL EVERYONE LOVES TENTACLES. EVERYONE. Davy Jones is a crazily sexy man and he would give the best head, like, ever. And sure that hits the squick metre liek whoa, but guh. It's BRUCKHEIMER for gods sake, he NEEDS to blow up stuff, if he started doing serious works WHERE WOULD THE WORLD BE?!
I went into SHOCK when the pearl was broken. That just tore me.
I also loved the extra chracaters. I was pleasantly charmed by the witch lady, couldn't understand half the stuff she said, but I liked her character design, and didn't get sick of staring at her. She's one of those women who are crazily sexy yet, repulsive. She was great. I was pleasantly surprised by Pintel and Ragetti's reappearance, because they're such a nice duo to focus on, and always made me laugh. I think every film needs someone THAT stupid to carry out some obvious jokes. They ACED the SO LAME ITS FUNNY jokes and were awesome beyond words. I only wished Murtogg and his friend could've also been there. Bootstrap Bill may have been the only one that was a bit boring since he was... just, kind of dull, I thought he would have more character, but most of the time I expected him to burst out in oldschool rock than deliver dialouge. It actually might've been better if he had launched into song. Ditto to Lord Beckett who was... ridiculous. He is a small, nervous man and I can't believe he would be promoted to that level, or have the keen intelligence the film purports he has. I love navy men, but he didn't have Norrington's screen presence. No Rum sodomy and the lash for him.
Speaking of, 5 lashes for Will is... really nothing. Sailors get from 10 to 50 NORMALLY, and Will and Bill are whining about 5 measeley lashes. That said, I CAN believe he'd still be walking about afterwards.
The other nit picks I have concern the flagitious travelling from one place to another. At one point I'm suppose to believe they went from an island in the middle of nowhere to the same island they began with, ON A ROWBOAT. Or how Norrington conveniently hitched a ride from a desert island to Port Royal, that fast. All that talk about Davy Jones not being allowed ashore also led me to believe his CREW was also included in that bargain. But, apparantly not. It's like the undead pirates and lack of oars problem in the first one. What exactly would happen IF he stepped ashore more than once every ten years anyway?
Then again, these nit picks are from a movie that has ZOMBIE MONKEYS, MERMEN, CANNIBALS and a KRACKEN in the same universe, so our cosmic laws clearly don't apply.
At any rate, it was a completely enjoyable, lovely, whimsical, AWESOME MOVIE.
And Everyone should watch it. Don't listen to people grouching. Keep your love PURE.
Because this deserves a 10/10, and GOD I WISH THERE WAS MORE.
CONCLUSION: I LOVED IT TO TINY BITS.
This movie, despite the CLAIM of bad reviews had the FIVE TOP THINGS I want in movies:
1) TENTACLES!!!!!!
2) PIRATES
3) NORRINGTON/JACK DAVENPORT
4) ZOMBIES (Zombie monkey!)
5) MERMEN
So as you can gather, I enjoyed it immensely, so very very much.
As to the bad reviews, I read a few and I just WHUT, all the things they WHINED AND COMPLAINED ABOUT was everything I ABSOLUTELY LOVED ABOUT THIS MOVIE.
They said it was TOO LONG, except I wanted more, I never wanted it to end. It could've run for 5 hours and I would've sat on the edge of my seat, completely thrilled and enthralled because every moment had its joys, and nothing at all dragged. From Elizabeth's emo little display right at the beginning, to their imprisonment, to the sailors calling out to her, to JACK oh jack, popping out of the coffin, to the TENTACLE MAN or... Davy Jones, to THE KRACKEN that made me love HP lovecraft all over again.
Critics whined again about how the first half had such vibrant plot and exposition and the second half was almost entirely slapstick, and yikes, WHAT?! IF YOU PEOPLE WANTED SERIOUS EMOTIONALLY THRAUGHT DRAMA DON'T WATCH DISNEY YO. These are the producers of classics like CHIP AND DALE, DONALD DUCK and let's face it, Bloody Kingdom Hearts. Slap stick is their SPECIALTY and not once did my laughter felt forced. Every hit had their comedic value, and it's been quite a while since I've HAD such lovely, amusing slapstick. POTC2 played up things that NEVER stop being funny, across time and space, zombie monkeys, people falling from great heights, BIG HAMSTER WHEELS, and of course, FOOTBALL HITTING VITAL ORGANS WOO. The slapstick was FUNNY dammit.
And lets not forget Norrington and Jack Sparrow.
One of the OTHER main complaints is that critics felt they weren't EMOTIONALLY attached to Will and Elizabeth's TRAILS AND TRIBULATIONS and felt they SHOULD'VE BEEN. Well the news is, YOU WEREN'T. Will and Lizzie HAD their movie. This is JACK'S AND NORRINGTON's. Hell, it might've JUST been NORRINGTON'S, because THEY were the characters that drove the movie. How much did I love Norrington's drunken brawling, his bitter cynical take on life, his awesome sword skills and brash, snarky voice of reason among all the idealists and crazy piracical lunatics? Much. I loved him all dirty. Everytime he was on screen, my ovaries just cried out and I had to muffle my squees. Norrington might've been even a backward HERO of his movie, despite being sort of a villain. Critics complained his role was not substantial and I have to just SCREAM at this unfounded conclusion. Norrington barely had THREE SCENES in the first movie, but HE WAS PERFECT IN THIS ONE. ANYTHING MORE THAN THREE SCENES TECHNICALLY ISSSSSS SUBSTANTIAL YOU MINDLESS UNFUN TWITS.
It had everything I WANTED to see from the Norrington character:
I loved that he became more selfish, and was remarkably self assured through this selfishness. He did figure out what he wanted, laid grounds into his own sense of morality despite his squalor, and never ever gave up on his goals.
I loved that Jack was still rooting for him.
I loved that Norrington was scrubbing decks and the whole power dynamic there.
I loved that he was a CREW member on the Pearl even for just a few days.
I loved him muttering in the background while Jack and Lizzie flirted, and still, obviously holding FEELINGS though he, like Will and Jack dropped her for the greater rush of battle.
I loved his snark, his intelligence (because not many others would look at a jar of dirt and just... assume).
I loved his dirty hair and lack of hygiene because I LIVE to see that man debaunched.
And I LOVED the fact HE got the prize. (of course this is going to be reverted later, but GOGOGO NORRINGTON RAH RAH RAH).
And of course, Jack Davenport LOOKED like he was having fun ALL through this. He looked SO HAPPY doing his crazy stunts and sword skills, and I felt he was nearly beaming to be another top notch star like Johnny and Orlando. I sense this. Because my love is pure.
Of course Johnny was no slouch either. But if I go through HIS good points I would just spooge out the entire film. He was lovely and beautiful, and I don't care how flouncy and daft he is, Johnny as Sparrow is Love. The last wonderfully slow mo scene of him facing the Kracken should be an oil painting.
Orlando and Lizzie were their USUAL nancy selves, but that worked for them. I shipped the Jack/Lizzie/Will OT3 so hard in this, because the sexual tension was just.. fraught. All the criticism about their lack of substance forgets that Elizabeth and Will NEVER had substance, they are archetypal characters; deeply, deeply selfish ones even though they put forward a moral front, and they are naive dreamers that BUY all of Jack's tales with little complaint. It's these traits that make them perfect for each other. Plus, they're in love, and they HAD their happy ending, this movie isn't about their adventures EVER AFTER, it's about Jack and his continuing tale that HASN'T gotten its happy ending yet.
Another complaint is of course the overuse of CGI. But WHUT. TENTACLES. ON A DEEP SUBCONSCIOUS LEVEL EVERYONE LOVES TENTACLES. EVERYONE. Davy Jones is a crazily sexy man and he would give the best head, like, ever. And sure that hits the squick metre liek whoa, but guh. It's BRUCKHEIMER for gods sake, he NEEDS to blow up stuff, if he started doing serious works WHERE WOULD THE WORLD BE?!
I went into SHOCK when the pearl was broken. That just tore me.
I also loved the extra chracaters. I was pleasantly charmed by the witch lady, couldn't understand half the stuff she said, but I liked her character design, and didn't get sick of staring at her. She's one of those women who are crazily sexy yet, repulsive. She was great. I was pleasantly surprised by Pintel and Ragetti's reappearance, because they're such a nice duo to focus on, and always made me laugh. I think every film needs someone THAT stupid to carry out some obvious jokes. They ACED the SO LAME ITS FUNNY jokes and were awesome beyond words. I only wished Murtogg and his friend could've also been there. Bootstrap Bill may have been the only one that was a bit boring since he was... just, kind of dull, I thought he would have more character, but most of the time I expected him to burst out in oldschool rock than deliver dialouge. It actually might've been better if he had launched into song. Ditto to Lord Beckett who was... ridiculous. He is a small, nervous man and I can't believe he would be promoted to that level, or have the keen intelligence the film purports he has. I love navy men, but he didn't have Norrington's screen presence. No Rum sodomy and the lash for him.
Speaking of, 5 lashes for Will is... really nothing. Sailors get from 10 to 50 NORMALLY, and Will and Bill are whining about 5 measeley lashes. That said, I CAN believe he'd still be walking about afterwards.
The other nit picks I have concern the flagitious travelling from one place to another. At one point I'm suppose to believe they went from an island in the middle of nowhere to the same island they began with, ON A ROWBOAT. Or how Norrington conveniently hitched a ride from a desert island to Port Royal, that fast. All that talk about Davy Jones not being allowed ashore also led me to believe his CREW was also included in that bargain. But, apparantly not. It's like the undead pirates and lack of oars problem in the first one. What exactly would happen IF he stepped ashore more than once every ten years anyway?
Then again, these nit picks are from a movie that has ZOMBIE MONKEYS, MERMEN, CANNIBALS and a KRACKEN in the same universe, so our cosmic laws clearly don't apply.
At any rate, it was a completely enjoyable, lovely, whimsical, AWESOME MOVIE.
And Everyone should watch it. Don't listen to people grouching. Keep your love PURE.
Because this deserves a 10/10, and GOD I WISH THERE WAS MORE.