Super Junior: Of Indecent Announcements and Brilliant Plans
Title: Of Indecent Announcements and Brilliant Plans
Author: papered
Fandom: Super Junior
Characters/Pairings: Hankyung, Hanchul
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1692
Summary: One day, Heechul walks into the kitchen where Hankyung's in the middle of cooking and announces loudly, "Hankyung needs to get laid."
Notes: With 2008 almost over, I decided to go through the pile of unfinished fics I have to see which ones I could finish off. A part of this was originally written back in August, and the very first snippet I wrote for SJ-fandom. :) This is complete crack; I blame waveless for everything. ♥
It's an established fact that Heechul is loud. He's loud and annoying and obnoxious and just won't shut up, and Hankyung entertains the thought of drowning him in the bathtub more than once.
This goes double, when one day, Heechul walks into the kitchen where he's in the middle of cooking and announces loudly, "Hankyung needs to get laid."
Hankyung nearly burns his hand on the stove. Kibum, who'd been sitting at the table looking half-asleep, suddenly jerks awake.
The other ten members of their thirteen-membered group just happen to be walking by the kitchen at that exact moment, and of course, everyone hears Heechul loud and clear.
Donghae keeps walking, as if nothing out of the ordinary had occurred.
Siwon gives the ceiling a vaguely scandalized look.
"Excuse me?" Hankyung chokes out.
"You need to get laid," Heechul repeats, casually reaching over to steal the bowl of Beijing fried rice Hankyung had just scooped out, as if he hadn't just announced to the whole band that Hankyung needs to get laid.
By the time he’s done with his coughing fit ("Yah, Kangin, you owe me money!" "What the fuck, how was that more than three shades of red?"), Heechul’s nearly finished Hankyung’s breakfast and Eunhyuk’s whining about how he’s hungry and Shindong’s pouring milk into Siwon’s apple juice (and Kibum’s possibly the only sane one of the bunch but he’s perfectly willing to sit there and let the others set the kitchen on fire), so Hankyung firmly puts the morning’s conversation out of his mind and instead turns his attention to keeping Heechul from killing Hyukjae. After all, it wasn’t like anything would come from it, right?
Wrong.
Heechul starts Mission Getting Hankyung Laid the very next morning.
CHINA MAN LOOKING TO GET LAID, the banner hanging outside the Super Junior dorms announced, with Hankyung’s face blown up beneath it. ALL APPLICATIONS SHOULD BE DIRECTED TO HEECHUL.IS.HOT@SMTOWN.COM
"Oh my god," Hankyung says when he sees it, and wonders how Heechul managed to tape a poster in the middle of an empty section of the outer wall when there are no windows around to reach it from and (as far as he knows) no ladders in the dorm.
He buries his head under the pillow as Heechul cackles gleefully and proclaims himself a genius when the emails start flooding in instantaneously.
The banner lasts all of six hours. Their manager comes storming in after four, but after thirty minutes of handwaving and attempting-to-yell-at-Heechul-but-being-ignored, settles for covering his face with his hands and moaning about his career being over instead. Leeteuk finally puts his foot down when Hankyung dies and announces that he’s never showing his face in public again.
It takes a certain kind of personality to lead a boyband made up of people like Heechul and Kangin, and so before too long, a pouting Heechul is complaining about not being appreciated and the walls outside the dorm are bare again.
Hankyung figured that he could at least let his guard down for twenty-four hours, but in hindsight, even that’s too much to expect when it comes to Heechul. It’s exactly fifteen hours after the Banner Incident that he finds the curtains pulled aside in the middle of his evening shower and Siwon stumbling in.
He lets out an incoherent yell while Siwon turns bright red and immediately starts apologizing and explaining that "Heechul-hyung had pushed him in" as he was walking by.
Hankyung resists the urge to bang his head against the wall and thinks that with friends like Heechul, who needs enemies?
("If you don’t do what I tell you, I’ll delete your entire porn collection."
"Hyung! I don’t have a porn collection!" Hyukjae tried to look the appropriate amount of scandalized, but failed miserably.
Heechul smirked. "Right, of course not. Fine, I’ll delete your non-existent porn collection. And post naked photos of you on the internet too, for good measure."
Hyukjae sputtered helplessly. "... what do you want me to do?")
("Yah, Donghae! You want to improve your dancing, right?"
"Of course, hyung!"
"Well, here’s what you have to do. You and Hyukkie are going to have a competition. Think of it as a challenge."
"What kind of challenge?"
"It’s simple. See who can take their clothing off the fastest while dancing."
"Oh. Okay.")
("Siwonnie, I need a favour."
"Yes, hyung?"
"I want you to make sure everyone except for Hyukjae, Donghae, and Kyungie stays downstairs for a good long time tomorrow after dinner."
"Are you sure, hyung? You know everyone’s tired after practice - and Ryeowook has a cold too. They should sleep as soon as they can."
"Yah, stop questioning me! I’m the hyung, so just hurry up and do what I say!"
"):"
"Don’t you want to make your hyung happy?"
"... okay.")
He should’ve found it suspicious when Heechul told him to "conserve his energy" and go to sleep early the next day. As it is, he’s too relieved that Heechul had done nothing outrageous (at least, nothing more outrageous than usual) in the last twenty hours, and had headed upstairs without thinking.
He nearly chokes on his tongue when he flicks the lights on.
A bright-red Hyukjae looks like a cross between a tomato and an octopus, shirt half-on and half-off. Seeing Hankyung, he trips on air and tries to stop himself from falling, but with his arms caught in the material of his top, ends up with his face on the ground instead.
"Yah, I’m winning!" Donghae says gleefully, and Hankyung tries desperately not to look at his indecent state of dress.
Thankfully, the door swings open with a loud bang at precisely that moment. Kibum comes storming in and pauses to throw a jacket over Donghae’s torso ("Kibummie, what are you doing? I was winning!") before dragging Donghae out of the room, mumbling something about killing Heechul under his breath.
Hyukjae is still on the ground, looking horrified as he tries to explain that it hadn’t been his fault, really ("Heechul-hyung made me! You have to believe me!"), but by this point, Hankyung doesn’t actually need any convincing. Heechul is clearly to blame for ninety percent of what goes wrong in his life, and at this rate, he’s going to have to check himself into an asylum before the age of thirty.
After locating random members half-naked in his bed the next week, and finding condoms in his pocket the week after that, Hankyung finally decided that it’s time he and Heechul had a Talk.
Of course, by "Talk", he meant asking-Heechul-to-please-stop-while-Heechul-brushed-off-his-every-concern.
"Why are you doing this?" he finally asked, heroically managing not to scream.
"Because you’re an idiot and don’t know what’s best for you," Heechul said loftily, waving his hand dismissively. "You should be grateful you have someone like me around to make sure you don’t burst into flames from sexual frustration."
Hankyung wisely decided not to point out that he’d managed fine (sort of, he tells himself) before Heechul had come along.
There’s been no scandalous plans from Heechul in three weeks, and Hankyung can’t help but wonder if Heechul had actually given up, or if he’s only biding his time and planning something even more outrageous.
Even if he’s praying to every deity out there that it’s the former, the logical part of his brain tells him otherwise.
So when their manager rushed in asking if anyone had seen Heechul three hours before their end-of-the-year performance, Hankyung’s a mix of anxious and nervous, but if he’s completely honest with himself, he can’t say he’s too surprised. Heechul just didn’t give up that easily.
("Oh my god, what has he done now," Leeteuk said, and buried his face in Kangin’s arm.)
Thirty minutes before the performance, there was still no Heechul.
Of course, Hankyung was the one voted unanimously to go locate him (he gave Siwon a betrayed look). He was mentally cursing the world and walking down the same hall for the twenty-third time when a hand shot out of the adjacent cleaning cupboard and dragged him in.
What the hell, I’m being kidnapped, is the first thought that crossed his mind as a hand covered his mouth to prevent him from yelling.
"Mmpph, let go of me! There’s security everywhere in this building; I have to be on stage in twenty minutes and everyone will be looking for me, so whoever you are, whatever you’re trying to do isn’t going to -"
"God, don’t you ever shut up?"
Wait. "... Heechul?"
"That took you far longer than it should have."
"... what am I doing in a cleaning cupboard? No, what are you doing in a cleaning cupboard?"
"I always knew you were stupid," is all he’s told before slightly chapped lips are pressed against his (ohmygodheechul’skissingme) and Hankyung’s thoughts sputtered to a stop.
A minute later, Heechul pulled away and frowned at him. "I hope you realize that you suck at kissing."
askdjfksadfjks, went Hankyung’s brain.
"Since everyone else in this band is already taken or too stupid to get a clue, I guess it’s my duty to make sure you don’t implode from sexual frustration. But that’s only if you improve your kissing skills, because otherwise, I’m changing my mind." Heechul whacked him on the head. "Yah, pay attention to me!"
"Er," Hankyung said intelligently.
Heechul glared at him. "I hope you don’t get some stupid idea like this-means-we’re-dating into your head."
"... of course not."
"Good. And you’d better hurry up and practice your kissing. I’m giving you two weeks, or else I’m dumping you."
Hankyung felt himself starting to smile, because only Heechul could come up with something like this. "Dump me? I thought we weren’t dating?"
"Yah, stop asking so many questions!" The redhead jabbed him in the side.
"Ow, stop that, your elbows are pointy! And my kissing’s fine! It’s just because you surprised me earlier!"
Heechul smirked at him. "Prove it then."
"... we have to be on stage in about ten minutes."
"We’ll just have to make sure we don’t mess up our hair then."
"Leeteuk’s going to kill us," Hankyung complained, and then proceeded to prove his kissing prowess.
fic started: August 25th, 2008
fic written/finished: December 28th, 2008
+ Feedback would be greatly appreciated.
+ Like what you've read? Please friend!
Author: papered
Fandom: Super Junior
Characters/Pairings: Hankyung, Hanchul
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1692
Summary: One day, Heechul walks into the kitchen where Hankyung's in the middle of cooking and announces loudly, "Hankyung needs to get laid."
Notes: With 2008 almost over, I decided to go through the pile of unfinished fics I have to see which ones I could finish off. A part of this was originally written back in August, and the very first snippet I wrote for SJ-fandom. :) This is complete crack; I blame waveless for everything. ♥
It's an established fact that Heechul is loud. He's loud and annoying and obnoxious and just won't shut up, and Hankyung entertains the thought of drowning him in the bathtub more than once.
This goes double, when one day, Heechul walks into the kitchen where he's in the middle of cooking and announces loudly, "Hankyung needs to get laid."
Hankyung nearly burns his hand on the stove. Kibum, who'd been sitting at the table looking half-asleep, suddenly jerks awake.
The other ten members of their thirteen-membered group just happen to be walking by the kitchen at that exact moment, and of course, everyone hears Heechul loud and clear.
Donghae keeps walking, as if nothing out of the ordinary had occurred.
Siwon gives the ceiling a vaguely scandalized look.
"Excuse me?" Hankyung chokes out.
"You need to get laid," Heechul repeats, casually reaching over to steal the bowl of Beijing fried rice Hankyung had just scooped out, as if he hadn't just announced to the whole band that Hankyung needs to get laid.
By the time he’s done with his coughing fit ("Yah, Kangin, you owe me money!" "What the fuck, how was that more than three shades of red?"), Heechul’s nearly finished Hankyung’s breakfast and Eunhyuk’s whining about how he’s hungry and Shindong’s pouring milk into Siwon’s apple juice (and Kibum’s possibly the only sane one of the bunch but he’s perfectly willing to sit there and let the others set the kitchen on fire), so Hankyung firmly puts the morning’s conversation out of his mind and instead turns his attention to keeping Heechul from killing Hyukjae. After all, it wasn’t like anything would come from it, right?
Wrong.
Heechul starts Mission Getting Hankyung Laid the very next morning.
CHINA MAN LOOKING TO GET LAID, the banner hanging outside the Super Junior dorms announced, with Hankyung’s face blown up beneath it. ALL APPLICATIONS SHOULD BE DIRECTED TO HEECHUL.IS.HOT@SMTOWN.COM
"Oh my god," Hankyung says when he sees it, and wonders how Heechul managed to tape a poster in the middle of an empty section of the outer wall when there are no windows around to reach it from and (as far as he knows) no ladders in the dorm.
He buries his head under the pillow as Heechul cackles gleefully and proclaims himself a genius when the emails start flooding in instantaneously.
The banner lasts all of six hours. Their manager comes storming in after four, but after thirty minutes of handwaving and attempting-to-yell-at-Heechul-but-being-ignored, settles for covering his face with his hands and moaning about his career being over instead. Leeteuk finally puts his foot down when Hankyung dies and announces that he’s never showing his face in public again.
It takes a certain kind of personality to lead a boyband made up of people like Heechul and Kangin, and so before too long, a pouting Heechul is complaining about not being appreciated and the walls outside the dorm are bare again.
Hankyung figured that he could at least let his guard down for twenty-four hours, but in hindsight, even that’s too much to expect when it comes to Heechul. It’s exactly fifteen hours after the Banner Incident that he finds the curtains pulled aside in the middle of his evening shower and Siwon stumbling in.
He lets out an incoherent yell while Siwon turns bright red and immediately starts apologizing and explaining that "Heechul-hyung had pushed him in" as he was walking by.
Hankyung resists the urge to bang his head against the wall and thinks that with friends like Heechul, who needs enemies?
("If you don’t do what I tell you, I’ll delete your entire porn collection."
"Hyung! I don’t have a porn collection!" Hyukjae tried to look the appropriate amount of scandalized, but failed miserably.
Heechul smirked. "Right, of course not. Fine, I’ll delete your non-existent porn collection. And post naked photos of you on the internet too, for good measure."
Hyukjae sputtered helplessly. "... what do you want me to do?")
("Yah, Donghae! You want to improve your dancing, right?"
"Of course, hyung!"
"Well, here’s what you have to do. You and Hyukkie are going to have a competition. Think of it as a challenge."
"What kind of challenge?"
"It’s simple. See who can take their clothing off the fastest while dancing."
"Oh. Okay.")
("Siwonnie, I need a favour."
"Yes, hyung?"
"I want you to make sure everyone except for Hyukjae, Donghae, and Kyungie stays downstairs for a good long time tomorrow after dinner."
"Are you sure, hyung? You know everyone’s tired after practice - and Ryeowook has a cold too. They should sleep as soon as they can."
"Yah, stop questioning me! I’m the hyung, so just hurry up and do what I say!"
"):"
"Don’t you want to make your hyung happy?"
"... okay.")
He should’ve found it suspicious when Heechul told him to "conserve his energy" and go to sleep early the next day. As it is, he’s too relieved that Heechul had done nothing outrageous (at least, nothing more outrageous than usual) in the last twenty hours, and had headed upstairs without thinking.
He nearly chokes on his tongue when he flicks the lights on.
A bright-red Hyukjae looks like a cross between a tomato and an octopus, shirt half-on and half-off. Seeing Hankyung, he trips on air and tries to stop himself from falling, but with his arms caught in the material of his top, ends up with his face on the ground instead.
"Yah, I’m winning!" Donghae says gleefully, and Hankyung tries desperately not to look at his indecent state of dress.
Thankfully, the door swings open with a loud bang at precisely that moment. Kibum comes storming in and pauses to throw a jacket over Donghae’s torso ("Kibummie, what are you doing? I was winning!") before dragging Donghae out of the room, mumbling something about killing Heechul under his breath.
Hyukjae is still on the ground, looking horrified as he tries to explain that it hadn’t been his fault, really ("Heechul-hyung made me! You have to believe me!"), but by this point, Hankyung doesn’t actually need any convincing. Heechul is clearly to blame for ninety percent of what goes wrong in his life, and at this rate, he’s going to have to check himself into an asylum before the age of thirty.
After locating random members half-naked in his bed the next week, and finding condoms in his pocket the week after that, Hankyung finally decided that it’s time he and Heechul had a Talk.
Of course, by "Talk", he meant asking-Heechul-to-please-stop-while-Heechul-brushed-off-his-every-concern.
"Why are you doing this?" he finally asked, heroically managing not to scream.
"Because you’re an idiot and don’t know what’s best for you," Heechul said loftily, waving his hand dismissively. "You should be grateful you have someone like me around to make sure you don’t burst into flames from sexual frustration."
Hankyung wisely decided not to point out that he’d managed fine (sort of, he tells himself) before Heechul had come along.
There’s been no scandalous plans from Heechul in three weeks, and Hankyung can’t help but wonder if Heechul had actually given up, or if he’s only biding his time and planning something even more outrageous.
Even if he’s praying to every deity out there that it’s the former, the logical part of his brain tells him otherwise.
So when their manager rushed in asking if anyone had seen Heechul three hours before their end-of-the-year performance, Hankyung’s a mix of anxious and nervous, but if he’s completely honest with himself, he can’t say he’s too surprised. Heechul just didn’t give up that easily.
("Oh my god, what has he done now," Leeteuk said, and buried his face in Kangin’s arm.)
Thirty minutes before the performance, there was still no Heechul.
Of course, Hankyung was the one voted unanimously to go locate him (he gave Siwon a betrayed look). He was mentally cursing the world and walking down the same hall for the twenty-third time when a hand shot out of the adjacent cleaning cupboard and dragged him in.
What the hell, I’m being kidnapped, is the first thought that crossed his mind as a hand covered his mouth to prevent him from yelling.
"Mmpph, let go of me! There’s security everywhere in this building; I have to be on stage in twenty minutes and everyone will be looking for me, so whoever you are, whatever you’re trying to do isn’t going to -"
"God, don’t you ever shut up?"
Wait. "... Heechul?"
"That took you far longer than it should have."
"... what am I doing in a cleaning cupboard? No, what are you doing in a cleaning cupboard?"
"I always knew you were stupid," is all he’s told before slightly chapped lips are pressed against his (ohmygodheechul’skissingme) and Hankyung’s thoughts sputtered to a stop.
A minute later, Heechul pulled away and frowned at him. "I hope you realize that you suck at kissing."
askdjfksadfjks, went Hankyung’s brain.
"Since everyone else in this band is already taken or too stupid to get a clue, I guess it’s my duty to make sure you don’t implode from sexual frustration. But that’s only if you improve your kissing skills, because otherwise, I’m changing my mind." Heechul whacked him on the head. "Yah, pay attention to me!"
"Er," Hankyung said intelligently.
Heechul glared at him. "I hope you don’t get some stupid idea like this-means-we’re-dating into your head."
"... of course not."
"Good. And you’d better hurry up and practice your kissing. I’m giving you two weeks, or else I’m dumping you."
Hankyung felt himself starting to smile, because only Heechul could come up with something like this. "Dump me? I thought we weren’t dating?"
"Yah, stop asking so many questions!" The redhead jabbed him in the side.
"Ow, stop that, your elbows are pointy! And my kissing’s fine! It’s just because you surprised me earlier!"
Heechul smirked at him. "Prove it then."
"... we have to be on stage in about ten minutes."
"We’ll just have to make sure we don’t mess up our hair then."
"Leeteuk’s going to kill us," Hankyung complained, and then proceeded to prove his kissing prowess.
fic started: August 25th, 2008
fic written/finished: December 28th, 2008
+ Feedback would be greatly appreciated.
+ Like what you've read? Please friend!