"Do No Harm" for the SGA Teyla Ficathon, Teyla/Cadman
Title: Do No Harm
Author: Alizarin
Fandom: SGA
Pairing: Teyla/Cadman
Rating: R
Spoilers/Setting: Post S2 Finale
Written for: The Teyla Ficathon, hosted by tielan, one of the prompts given -- the one I’ve chosen -- is "Show me what it’s like to be the last one standing." -- Nickleback, Savin' Me. I've never heard that song, and I hope femslash is okay. It's what the muse proposed.
It’s Michael himself that takes the life of Carson Beckett before Teyla gets to Michael and kills him herself.
It turned out that Michael stayed behind secretly after the Wraith visited Atlantis and perpetuated their "truce" - a suicide mission - something not inherently Wraith-like, but there’s also the fact that she has yet to find any species that does not know vengeance.
In the end, Teyla thinks that it was fate’s design. After the Dr. Beckett’s funeral, she stops asking why and accepts what is.
She misses Dr. Beckett and she grieves for him daily, but there’s a bigger hole inside her that isn’t going to be closed until she learns what happened to her team; her friends. She’s adrift without John. Without McKay. Without Ronon.
They return one by one and she thinks she’s glad. But the men that come back aren’t the men that left, the men taken away on the hive ship so many months ago. They’re hollow inside. They’re just empty spaces waiting for nightmares to cease and injuries to heal. They’re waiting for the balm of time to ease the raw burn of memory.
Teyla begins working out regularly with Lorne and Cadman because they need it and they are among the few who don’t look at her with pity. John and Ronon are nowhere near ready and McKay never sparred with her except verbally, and visiting him in the infirmary brings her to the realization that he won’t be doing that anytime soon. So she needs the sparring exercise as much as Lorne and Cadman do.
Lorne is usually the first to go down. He fights hot and fast and wears himself out far too quickly. They touch foreheads and he departs, leaving her to face the hours of relentless aggression ahead of her, since Cadman never gives up, she just keeps fighting until her breath is ragged in her throat and bruises bloom nearly everywhere. Teyla keeps hitting her until Cadman says stop.
She understands what Cadman wants. She recognizes another woman’s grief like an intimate relation.
The sparring sessions only grow more desperate, more aggressive. Cadman flies at Teyla with fists and Teyla deflects each blow methodically, never dropping her sticks, never giving in. Cadman tries to grab her head or pull her hair and Teyla whirls like a Solstice dancer, just out of reach.
“I want to know what it feels like to be invincible,” Cadman tells her at one point. “Show me what it’s like to be the last one standing.”
“Why would you ever want that?” Teyla asks, astonished.
Teyla remembers fighting off a Wraith attacker and then standing in the middle of a field of corpses, her countrymen, all now far older than she remembered them, some already turning to dust, others beamed away mid-run, screams echoing, to a worse fate. She survived, somehow, and then stood among the dead as the drones buzzed away blindly, passing her by, taking everyone away from her.
Cadman thinks she can learn this? She really does have a lot to learn.
Teyla beats Cadman soundly that same night without saying another word, until Cadman limps away. But she always comes back. She really does think that by winning, she'll be tough enough to beat her loneliness. Teyla only wishes that were true.
And then one day, Cadman tries a new move. They're wrestling close, sticks set aside for the moment, and Cadman tries to kiss Teyla, and this is new. It catches Teyla off-guard for a split second, enough time for Cadman to get a hand around the back of Teyla’s head and then she’s biting and kissing and pulling, sloppy but persistent. Even when Teyla snaps to and fights back, she’s lost the upper hand completely. So she kisses back. She lets Cadman in, lets her put her hands on her body, on places no one has touched in months, not since John under the influence of the iratus bug over-powered her and…
But she’s not thinking about John right now. She’s not thinking about any of her teammates.
Cadman makes small grunts, noises, desperate moans. Teyla pulls back -- even though she swears she’s not going to think about this -- and she forces Cadman to look at her.
“Laura.”
Cadman just looks at her, confused and lustful and lost.
“Anger and desperation are common forms of aphrodisiac,” Teyla says. “This is not what you really want.”
“I don’t care, Teyla, I really, really don’t.” Cadman’s voice is low and throaty. She’s been getting thinner for weeks now and her face is no longer the round, cheerful moon-face that smirked at McKay and smiled at Carson. She’s pale and hollowed out and Teyla moves to hold her at arm’s length.
“You may not care now, but you will care later. I will not be responsible for what you may come to view as a mistake.”
“No mistake,” she says cooly. “Not at all. I want you, Teyla.”
Teyla really wants to believe her. And so she does. Teyla hurts too, and she has never thought of herself as desperate, but she does need things. She can recognize self-destructive behavior when she sees it and she knows that physical contact can be cleansing, but only in the way that one loses oneself for a few moments, like drinking wine or firing a gun, or defeating an opponent utterly and completely.
They kiss again, and Cadman drags them to the floor. She’s unlacing the front of Teyla’s top and when her hand closes around Teyla’s breast, she groans because it feels so good, so sudden, and it’s something she’s missed. Cadman is rough but not too rough and now it’s Teyla’s tongue in the other woman’s mouth, Teyla’s hands reacting to the frenzy and pulling off Cadman’s sports top. Teyla wants more touch, so she puts her hands on Cadman’s shoulders and lays down on top of her so their chests are together, sweat slick between them.
Teyla breaks off the kiss to lick Cadman’s breasts. She’s enjoying the taste of sweat and remembering the feel of a nipple on her tongue. Then she notices a brief silence and when she looks up again, she sees tears on Cadman’s face.
“Laura.” Teyla thinks again that she just cannot do this, cannot be this thing for this woman. She might be doing more harm than good and that is not her way.
“Don’t stop,” Cadman says fiercely. “Don’t you dare stop.” She grips Teyla’s head in her hands and Teyla hasn’t ever given in to Cadman, has always beaten her down, but this time she obeys. She doesn’t stop. She moves down and licks her way straight in to Laura’s clit, and feels Laura’s hands on her head, guiding her and she just gives in. Crying and fucking sometimes go together.
And when she’s done, after Cadman shouts her name and flexes under her, she lets Cadman flip her over and watches as the blond head moves inexorably down between her legs. She didn’t expect her to be gentle, and she’s not, she’s using tongue and fingers and soon Teyla is fluttering around her hand and she’s clutching the mat. And maybe Laura Cadman loved a man, but she’s certainly done that before.
When the world rights itself again, she looks down and Cadman - Laura - looks up at her. She knocks Teyla right out with a smile. She decks her with that smile that Teyla hasn’t seen in months - a gentling of expression, a breath of relief.
Teyla lets her head fall back and bang on the mat. “I give,” she says, laughing.
“Yeah,” Laura answers. “I figured you had to have some kind of weakness.” They’re both laughing now, and Teyla knows that whatever happens tomorrow, there was this, and this is a kind of joy. Even in the middle of grief.
It’s the kind of joy that only the survivors can still feel.
*end*
.
Author: Alizarin
Fandom: SGA
Pairing: Teyla/Cadman
Rating: R
Spoilers/Setting: Post S2 Finale
Written for: The Teyla Ficathon, hosted by tielan, one of the prompts given -- the one I’ve chosen -- is "Show me what it’s like to be the last one standing." -- Nickleback, Savin' Me. I've never heard that song, and I hope femslash is okay. It's what the muse proposed.
It’s Michael himself that takes the life of Carson Beckett before Teyla gets to Michael and kills him herself.
It turned out that Michael stayed behind secretly after the Wraith visited Atlantis and perpetuated their "truce" - a suicide mission - something not inherently Wraith-like, but there’s also the fact that she has yet to find any species that does not know vengeance.
In the end, Teyla thinks that it was fate’s design. After the Dr. Beckett’s funeral, she stops asking why and accepts what is.
She misses Dr. Beckett and she grieves for him daily, but there’s a bigger hole inside her that isn’t going to be closed until she learns what happened to her team; her friends. She’s adrift without John. Without McKay. Without Ronon.
They return one by one and she thinks she’s glad. But the men that come back aren’t the men that left, the men taken away on the hive ship so many months ago. They’re hollow inside. They’re just empty spaces waiting for nightmares to cease and injuries to heal. They’re waiting for the balm of time to ease the raw burn of memory.
Teyla begins working out regularly with Lorne and Cadman because they need it and they are among the few who don’t look at her with pity. John and Ronon are nowhere near ready and McKay never sparred with her except verbally, and visiting him in the infirmary brings her to the realization that he won’t be doing that anytime soon. So she needs the sparring exercise as much as Lorne and Cadman do.
Lorne is usually the first to go down. He fights hot and fast and wears himself out far too quickly. They touch foreheads and he departs, leaving her to face the hours of relentless aggression ahead of her, since Cadman never gives up, she just keeps fighting until her breath is ragged in her throat and bruises bloom nearly everywhere. Teyla keeps hitting her until Cadman says stop.
She understands what Cadman wants. She recognizes another woman’s grief like an intimate relation.
The sparring sessions only grow more desperate, more aggressive. Cadman flies at Teyla with fists and Teyla deflects each blow methodically, never dropping her sticks, never giving in. Cadman tries to grab her head or pull her hair and Teyla whirls like a Solstice dancer, just out of reach.
“I want to know what it feels like to be invincible,” Cadman tells her at one point. “Show me what it’s like to be the last one standing.”
“Why would you ever want that?” Teyla asks, astonished.
Teyla remembers fighting off a Wraith attacker and then standing in the middle of a field of corpses, her countrymen, all now far older than she remembered them, some already turning to dust, others beamed away mid-run, screams echoing, to a worse fate. She survived, somehow, and then stood among the dead as the drones buzzed away blindly, passing her by, taking everyone away from her.
Cadman thinks she can learn this? She really does have a lot to learn.
Teyla beats Cadman soundly that same night without saying another word, until Cadman limps away. But she always comes back. She really does think that by winning, she'll be tough enough to beat her loneliness. Teyla only wishes that were true.
And then one day, Cadman tries a new move. They're wrestling close, sticks set aside for the moment, and Cadman tries to kiss Teyla, and this is new. It catches Teyla off-guard for a split second, enough time for Cadman to get a hand around the back of Teyla’s head and then she’s biting and kissing and pulling, sloppy but persistent. Even when Teyla snaps to and fights back, she’s lost the upper hand completely. So she kisses back. She lets Cadman in, lets her put her hands on her body, on places no one has touched in months, not since John under the influence of the iratus bug over-powered her and…
But she’s not thinking about John right now. She’s not thinking about any of her teammates.
Cadman makes small grunts, noises, desperate moans. Teyla pulls back -- even though she swears she’s not going to think about this -- and she forces Cadman to look at her.
“Laura.”
Cadman just looks at her, confused and lustful and lost.
“Anger and desperation are common forms of aphrodisiac,” Teyla says. “This is not what you really want.”
“I don’t care, Teyla, I really, really don’t.” Cadman’s voice is low and throaty. She’s been getting thinner for weeks now and her face is no longer the round, cheerful moon-face that smirked at McKay and smiled at Carson. She’s pale and hollowed out and Teyla moves to hold her at arm’s length.
“You may not care now, but you will care later. I will not be responsible for what you may come to view as a mistake.”
“No mistake,” she says cooly. “Not at all. I want you, Teyla.”
Teyla really wants to believe her. And so she does. Teyla hurts too, and she has never thought of herself as desperate, but she does need things. She can recognize self-destructive behavior when she sees it and she knows that physical contact can be cleansing, but only in the way that one loses oneself for a few moments, like drinking wine or firing a gun, or defeating an opponent utterly and completely.
They kiss again, and Cadman drags them to the floor. She’s unlacing the front of Teyla’s top and when her hand closes around Teyla’s breast, she groans because it feels so good, so sudden, and it’s something she’s missed. Cadman is rough but not too rough and now it’s Teyla’s tongue in the other woman’s mouth, Teyla’s hands reacting to the frenzy and pulling off Cadman’s sports top. Teyla wants more touch, so she puts her hands on Cadman’s shoulders and lays down on top of her so their chests are together, sweat slick between them.
Teyla breaks off the kiss to lick Cadman’s breasts. She’s enjoying the taste of sweat and remembering the feel of a nipple on her tongue. Then she notices a brief silence and when she looks up again, she sees tears on Cadman’s face.
“Laura.” Teyla thinks again that she just cannot do this, cannot be this thing for this woman. She might be doing more harm than good and that is not her way.
“Don’t stop,” Cadman says fiercely. “Don’t you dare stop.” She grips Teyla’s head in her hands and Teyla hasn’t ever given in to Cadman, has always beaten her down, but this time she obeys. She doesn’t stop. She moves down and licks her way straight in to Laura’s clit, and feels Laura’s hands on her head, guiding her and she just gives in. Crying and fucking sometimes go together.
And when she’s done, after Cadman shouts her name and flexes under her, she lets Cadman flip her over and watches as the blond head moves inexorably down between her legs. She didn’t expect her to be gentle, and she’s not, she’s using tongue and fingers and soon Teyla is fluttering around her hand and she’s clutching the mat. And maybe Laura Cadman loved a man, but she’s certainly done that before.
When the world rights itself again, she looks down and Cadman - Laura - looks up at her. She knocks Teyla right out with a smile. She decks her with that smile that Teyla hasn’t seen in months - a gentling of expression, a breath of relief.
Teyla lets her head fall back and bang on the mat. “I give,” she says, laughing.
“Yeah,” Laura answers. “I figured you had to have some kind of weakness.” They’re both laughing now, and Teyla knows that whatever happens tomorrow, there was this, and this is a kind of joy. Even in the middle of grief.
It’s the kind of joy that only the survivors can still feel.
*end*
.