When It All Falls Apart
Started here:
I Don't Wanna Wait
Continued from:
Did Ya Think
Special thanks to my most wonderful beta Sugarcross who put up with at least 8 rewrites on this chapter alone!
Kunzite sat perched upon the high border wall of the Venusian palace, his left knee drawn to his chest. Thousands of meters below him sand filled winds blew at speeds that would strip flesh from a body within minutes of exposure - if the person didn't succumb to the heat first. His back rested against a small turret, his right leg dangled over the edge with nothing but gravity between him and the mighty fall.
"You know that you can't actually fall off that wall," Adonis laughed as he pulled himself up onto the same ledge.
"Did I look like I was close to falling?" Kunzite asked, his fingers wrapped around the red material of the sash that hung off his trim waist.
Kunzite watched as the Venusian queen entered the throne room. Her head was down as she whispered to the other blonde woman walking with her, both smiling with shared secrets. The queen spared a glance towards where he stood, and without losing pace or breaking her conversation, winked at him before turning back to the other woman. He resisted the urge to shake his head despite knowing that she would find humor rather than insult from his action. When the queen reached her throne, she sat down and shooed away the other woman, patting her hand at the king's throne next to her for Kunzite to sit. He shook his head indicating that he was fine standing as he did not want to risk any political faux pas such as sitting in a chair belonging to a kingdom he did not run. "I keep forgetting how much you have changed," she said, almost to herself.
The heat of the Venusian planet required the inhabitants to wear shades of whites and tans, leaving the golds and yellows for the royal family. By night, darker colors were embraced to offset the cooling temperature that would otherwise be stifling in the daytime sun. Kunzite himself had taken to wearing a thin white cotton uniform that allowed his skin to breathe in the stifling heat. After his sparring match with Adonis, rather more of a song and dance show for the King and Queen, Kunzite had shed his shirt, leaving himself only in a pair of pants and with the red sash around his waist. Adonis had explained that the sash was something that dated back to their earliest records, and that only soldiers of great esteem were permitted to wear this symbol of respect to show their status. It rather made Kunzite apprehensive wearing such a mark in public. On Earth, he had been feared because of his status, yet on Venus, he was revered and often the center of attention for many Venusians.
"There is magic that surrounds the floating castle. If anyone were to fall off the wall, they would fall to the tip of the castle grounds, and then be pulled back up. Not many people know this, but then I guess not many Venusians would have need of such a jump."
Kunzite offered a wry smile. "So are you saying that I should jump? I'd like to believe that I've been better company than that."
Adonis laughed, a bit awkwardly. "The Queen would never forgive me if you jumped because I said it was safe."
"I miss the days of walking the earth with your blue skies. The way the moon shone so brilliantly down on you. That was a long time ago when I was still a warrior and not a queen." Her eyes looked out the windows to her left, gold skies filled her view. "There was a time when we walked together, but I guess you wouldn't remember those days."
And it was true that the Queen had immediately taken a liking to Kunzite. Venus had been the first planet to embrace the Earth and had invited the King and Queen to send their ambassador, since the Earth had been so kind to their own daughter. It had been said that Kunzite was sent as he was the best for negotiations and the best hope for Earth in joining the alliance. Kunzite knew otherwise.
"You will go," Endymion said, sounding part regal and part petulant.
"Jadeite would fare far better than I," Kunzite responded, his tone neutral and devoid of emotion. He stood overlooking the palace grounds from the turret he and Endymion were meeting in. The bright sun beating down on the castle did little to warm the room made of stone. "He may not always have the most diplomatic touch, but he is smooth tongued enough to hold the ear of any monarch."
"Endymion has summoned me to return home tomorrow," Kunzite said as if only in passing.
"Have you told my queen this yet?"
Kunzite looked back over the wall, breaking eye contact with the other man. "We spoke earlier about travels from Venus to Earth. It seems she is much more aware of happenings than I ever was."
"You look so different in this life, so much of you has changed. But your eyes, they are still the same."
"Your majesty," Kunzite said, his step faltering a bit as he moved to step forward. "Did we once know each other? I can't imagine I would have forgotten."
"Has your prince told you nothing?" The queen shook her blonde head, not waiting for or expecting a response, waves of gold moving around her. "When the earth departed the alliance, they left magic and everything else behind. Apparently their own history as well. You are Kunzite, and Kunzite is you. We have known each other a long time."
Adonis chuckled in response. It was a well-known fact around the Venusian court that the Queen had declared her adoration of Kunzite from day one and doted on him like a lover ever since. He had been gifted with clothing, his own apartments, and even a decorative sword that was part of the royal family's collection that dated far back to the time of the queen's coronation. Kunzite attempted to appear humbled by her attention, which only seemed to bring him more. It wasn't until that morning when he had spoken with the queen on his own that he finally understood what brought upon her constant favor. It was not who he is, but who he was and who he would continue to become.
"But you will be returning to your home and to the glory of battle, unlike here where we have all become ornaments in the queen's guard. It is all parades and shows, people praising you as you attempt to walk discretely down the street."
"At least you are acknowledged and not feared. Embrace what you are given. Living in secrecy and shadows is not nearly as glorious as you often pretend it to be."
"And leave you here to do what instead?" Endymion asked. "You are gone for days at a time, and even when you are here, you're not."
"Someone has to protect your kingdom, even if you do not see the dangers."
"Secrets and shadows, Kunzite, that is what you have become."
"You accuse me of vanity?" Adonis asked, his eyebrows rising in surprise as his back straightened.
"Are you not a proper child of Venus?" Kunzite muttered under his breath.
"I am a soldier like you," Adonis snapped, now leaning forward, both hands resting against the orange tinted stone wall below him.
"Then perhaps you should return to Earth in my place."
"You are one of the legendary Shitennou, you mock me with such a statement."
"The Shitennou are legendary immortals," the queen continued, leaning forward in her seat as if sharing a secret that only the two of them could hear. "You are Kunzite, born again into this world. Everything that you are is him. It is the light within us both that continues to draw us together. Perhaps you've noticed that same light within my daughter as well."
Kunzite rose to his feet in a fluid movement, his eyes looking over the wall to watch the sand storms below him, the harsh winds mimicking the remembered fragments of conversation that echoed in his mind. Endymion's banishment of him to Venus, the beautiful queen with her legends and words. For a moment he pondered if Adonis was telling the truth that magic would protect him if he stepped over the edge and silenced the voices. Would it be but a moment of free fall and then the sensation of falling into a safety net? Or would the magic fail his frail human body allowing him to fall without mercy, the heat and winds stealing his last breathe before he could hit the ground? "We are legends because people say it is to be so. I am no more man than you."
"Yet I am not you, nor will I ever be enough to be one of you."
Kunzite's eyes remained fixed on the lush greens spreading out from the tower window than meet the eyes of his prince. "That is only true if you choose to believe the rumors.
"I have heard other rumors, Kunzite. I know where you have been and what you are doing. Correct me if I'm wrong, but courting the Venusian princess can hardly count as protecting the kingdom from dangers."
Green eyes met blue eyes.
"Dream less, Adonis. If you continue to reach for things beyond your grasp, you may find yourself on your face more than your feet."
Adonis reached out and grabbed the other man's arm, halting him from moving any further. They stood face to face, both men wearing the same white cotton pants with flowing red sash. One taller with hair the color of the moon, the other several inches shorter with strands colored by the sun.
Adonis struggled with the thoughts in his head and the words that wanted to come to his mouth. For so long he had wanted to be this man in front of him, someone that was always so untouchable, outside of his circle. But here he was now, so close, his mind telling him that the legendary soldier before him was nothing more than a man just as he was, yet something inside him persisted, telling him that he was still so far below him. Before he could allow his chaotic mind to continue, he leaned forward and pressed his lips against Kunzite's. Feelings of attraction and admiration overwhelmed him, pushing him to continue the kiss not wanting to let go, not wanting the moment to end.
Kunzite paused, his body frozen by the unexpected kiss. He felt no attraction for the other man, for his mind was already too distracted to allow any other attractions to pass through. The kiss felt hard and needful, as if it had been held back for too long. He could remember the same look in Venus's eyes when he had first spoken to her on the cliffs. An attraction that would not be denied, and by a Venusian, it could not be. Before Kunzite could respond, he felt a sharp pain race through him, piercing his spine. His body tensed and he suddenly felt as if he could not breathe. He pushed Adonis away from him and gasped for air, his vision blurring for an instant, bringing him to his knees. The sensation was now familiar, yet amplified from when he had felt it on Earth so many times before. His heart still pounded and he felt as if he couldn't speak, still winded by his reaction. Rather than excuse himself, he jumped from the wall in silence, staggering his first few steps, and crossed the yard back towards the palace taking several large paces. Behind him, Adonis stood with his back rigid, mouth cut into a firm straight line, his eyes dancing with unshed tears, filled with anger and humilation at the rejection.
"When my wayward prince who is embroiled in his own illicit love affair feels that my rumored actions are condemnable, then perhaps there is something to be considered."
"I love the princess," Endymion growled as his eyes narrowed. "Everything that I do is for this alliance and my people."
"Of course it is," Kunzite responded.
When he found the golden senshi, she was in the private garden that spanned the east side of the palace turret, body clad in a gown of pale pink. Green grass was spread across the surface, large trees scattered across the grounds creating pockets of shade and relief from the heat of the midday sun. Flowers bloomed in bushes along the walls and walkways, primarily boasting shades of yellows and golds with only one rebellious bush of white roses blooming around the marble fountain. The venusian princess had her hands wrapped around the delicate branch of the cherry blossom tree, a small ribbon being added to the multitude of other ribbons of various shades decorating all of the branches within the range of her short stature.
"You shouldn't be here," she said, her voice soft as if the words hadn't been meant for him to hear.
"I needed to see you. You have been avoiding me for months since I last saw you on Earth. Why is it that at one time I could not escape you, and now you are making every effort to escape me?"
Venus sighed, her shoulders slumping, choosing to ignore his question. "It doesn't matter how high in esteem my mother holds you, she would not be happy to find you in here."
"If I married you today, your mother could not be made happier. I think we both know this."
She turned to face him, hands clasped in front of her. "Do you come bearing a proposal? Maybe a gift? A need to build a shrine for worship? Isn't that what all men of your planet want in the end?"
"You've left me to believe that you've been avoiding me."
"My mother is fickle in her own affairs, she does not put nearly enough thought into who I should marry for very long."
"Did you know of your mother's past affairs? Did you know who I was from the first day we met?"
Endymion brought his fist down on the oak desk before him, ignoring the pain that shot up his arm. "What did she do to you, Kunzite? When did you become this man?"
"Venus and my love affair is nothing more than gossip fodder for the court. Someone sees us standing together and maybe we appear too close, or hands brush as we both reach forward for the same thing. It is the thing of fantasy that draws people in and makes them repeat what they believe they either witnessed or heard."
"She was here on Earth, on the palace grounds. You were seen standing with her in the rain. Do you deny that tryst?"
Kunzite closed the distance between them until he was close enough to reach for her hand, fingers closing around her smaller, more delicate ones. He had expected her to resist him, fight against his hold, but instead she allowed herself to be pulled, her body controlled, as he brought her face to face with him, her skirt swirling around her like loose cherry blossoms for an instant before fading away to reveal a golden fuku. Their faces were close enough that he could kiss her if he chose to, and the look in her eyes told him that she would not refuse him.
From behind him he could hear a faint echo coming from within Minako's room. He fought against his instincts to look, to allow himself to be distracted, or worse, to allow Minako the moment to flee.
"You have known about me all this time haven't you?" he growled at her, jaw clenched so tightly that he almost wondered how the words had made it out. "You and your mother both knew all this time what I was - who I was." The tone of his words more accusation than question or statement.
"I don't understand," Venus stuttered out in response.
"Your mother said the same thing that you once said to me, that we were both of the light and drawn together. Have you always known what I was?"
"Not always. I only found out -."
"Lies," he said, cutting her off. "Has it all been a game to you? You dangling this information in front of me, leaving breadcrumbs as if I were a small bird to chase after you, picking up the pieces. And what was I going to find at the end of the trail? You laughing at my ignorance?" He dropped her hand and took a step back from her. "To exist lifetime after lifetime, knowing that I have been touched by death and constantly reborn into this new person, this new body based on an oath so many lifetimes ago that no one can even begin to count them. Knowing that I am not me and that there is no me, only an entity that lives and breathes through me, it is wrong."
"Kunzite-."
"Do you understand what it feels like to know that your life is not your own? I suppose not. You of the moon kingdom have your own rules and infinite lives that you would never understand."
"You want me to go to Venus to punish me for her slipping away to our planet uninvited? Or do you think that you are somehow helping me by sending me to her?"
"You're the one I trust the most for this."
"Yet I'm the one you seem to trust the least."
Endymion paused, exhaling a long breath, his eyes shifting away for a moment "Your sage came to me last night. She said that it could only be you."
Minako stood in her garden, watching the now empty path the Earthen soldier departed down.
"I almost died," she exhaled to herself, releasing the breath she had not allowed herself to exhale while he spoke. She felt chilled despite the heat of the sun radiating down on her skin. His touch still burned against her palm and she could feel where his fingers had been wrapped around her own. The way their hands fit so well into each other with his longer fingers encompassing hers'. "I understand the lies that we all live with," she whispered. "I know what it is to be reincarnate and never yourself."
Golden sandal clad feet crossed over the yards of grass, blades bending under her light weight. The conversation hung heavy in her mind, words playing over and over again. His words were cruel and wrong, telling her that she did not understand, accusing her of keeping secrets that she had only learned herself when she had heard scraps of gossip of the conversation between her mother and Kunzite. The only truth he had uttered were his words about her mother marrying her off to him. Arranged marriages were not natural to the Venusian culture - coupling had always been a choice of love - yet her mother was so fickle in her own passing fancies that she would have seen her daughter betrothed many times over. It was only a short time ago that Adonis had been her mother's most recent favorite, to which Adonis would tease her relentlessly. Back then Minako had thought that maybe he was her one true love - but then the Earth happened and everything changed. She was no longer just a princess or a guardian to a moon princess who lived a life of boundaries and ceremonies. She was awakened by her new experiences and she wanted to live and experience it all, yet at the end of the day, she was still a girl who had to follow her heart.
She arrived at the door to Adonis's room and pushed it open without knocking. Knocking was pretense they used when it mixed company, but never when they were alone. Boundaries were non-existent to them; it was something they had promised to each other so long ago. She stepped into the empty living room that echoed with silence and the gentle clacking of her heels against marble floors. In the corner, a red swash of material stood out against the white chair it had been laid upon. Minako crossed over and picked up the silky cloth, wrapping it around her shoulders like a scarf as she twirled around, the ends of the material swirling around her. When she came to a stop, she stood staring at herself in the large wall mirror. Thin fingers brushed back tendrils of blond hair that tumbled haphazardly around her. With a smile, she took the swath of cloth and tied a large red bow into her hair, clearing the front pieces back so that only her bangs hung over her forehead. When Adonis saw her with his sash, she would dangle it in front of him, making him ask her nicely for it back, all the while knowing that it would take him days of frustration before he would utter the word please and she would return it to him.
Continued in: Revenge is Sweeter