as usual a pointless rambling update

[allcutupx]

so it's been quite awhile since i've last updated, i guess things have been going pretty well lately, been doing a lot of stuff...got accepted to Mansfield University!!!! YAY!! I'm pretty excited about that. SO I haven't been on for a long time because I went on vacation. My family and I went to Disney World, so I was in Florida for a good week and

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[xpush4servicex]

I know that my mom took zoloft but it didnt do much for her but it did make her sleepy lol. I dont cut and have a weak stomach when it comes to blood but i understand why ppl do it. It's a form of release, u release ur pain, and if u get stressed u turn to it? If thats wrong i'm sorry for being ignorant.. But to me cutting is just another form and everyone does things. Me i do drugs...it feels so awful and so hopeless being addicted. I DONT want to stop and i cant sleep without it. Recently i tried another drug and its very addicting i regret being so nonchalant about it. I feel stuck and depressed and like no one can help me. I feel alone. I get that urge to turn to drugs when things get hard. I take 4 pills a day b/c i'm so sick all the time from acid reflux disease. I know it could be so much worse for me but i see i dont have it easy. I feel like theres nothing to live for sometimes u know? Life is just so hard and pointless. I dont know i fear that i'm just as mental as my father whose diagnosed with severe chronic depression.