episode 5: college
my dad started watching the sopranos no doubt because the new york times said it was great, and also because the people in his office were talking about it. one of the women who works for him taped all the episodes (oh the days of vhs, they seem so far away) and so my dad would borrow them at the end of the season. around teh third season i
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beautiful picture, stunning family, purdyful mabel.
it seems theyre always being celebrated for one reason or another... of course its my youngest child syndrome to always feel neglected and not as well loved as my sisters, so by pre-empting my celebration, id be feeding that neglect, justifying my parents lack of love for me, the youngest who can only follow footsteps, can never blaze her own trail to be celebrated in her own right. thinking about that kind of celebration almost feels like pity. "look what i can do!" the retarded kid who dropped out of school 3 or 4 times finally finished! i often, very often, have felt/feel that way. i went through the same thing when i graduated. i think maybe the reason i felt it when i graduated was because i had spent 5 years in school, got amazing grades- better than my sister, but i couldnt find a job... i felt (& still feel) like for some reason it was a waste for me because i wasn't good enough to be like my sister & come out of school with almost a 6 figure income & have ( ... )
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