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We sat on the rock, sweaty and out of breath. We talked, both bipolar, words overlapping each others. "I used to be bulimic"...pause. Shock and interest ran through me. He explained his experience and I could feel myself closing up, not knowing how to react. All I can think is "I think I'm falling in love with you".
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Irritation taints my days. I have no patience for basic human gestures. I'm all over the place, contained behind a calm, detached facade. I'm going to burst or I'm going to implode. Implosion seems more probable. He wouldn't understand. No one would understand. The guilt, the disgust, the self hatred..the fucking rampant self hatred that takes me ( Read more... ) -
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So he's gone and this wine stays full no matter how much I pull on the bottle. It's downhill from now. There will not be a moment when I'm not either drunk, extremely hungry or bleeding. What's the point? Life is so futile and I'm too shallow, too weak for it's tests. Back into my head where I've always been safe. I'm too mad for anyone anyways.
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I might as well kill myself. I'm no good at losing weight, I'm a fucking scumbag, this is all just fucking bullshit.
Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.
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I'm tired, literally and in different aspects of the word.
And sick,
I've always been sick.
Born to a sick woman, in a sick world,
through osmosis I've obtained it.
I'm just trying to starve it away. -
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On another note, I am moving to California. Randomly. Because I need to be near more open minded people, the beach and I need a complete change of scenery. Start all over. Alot of my interwebz friends are in Cali anywho. I can transfer my job. Time to get on top of that. -
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Check out I don't care by Apocalyptica, video and all. -
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I love Apocalyptica. I sincerely suggest you check them out. I thought they were some stupid ass metal band but lo and behold they only have cellos and drums in their band. They're from Finland and they do collaborations with alot of awesome people. Their music is amazing and is a huge influenced in my wanting to get a cello which I fully intend to ( Read more... ) -
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I cannot wait until winter. I cannot wait for the first snow fall and boots crunching in snow and laying down in layers of snow feeling warm and contained ( Read more... )
