(no subject)
BECAUSE YOU MORONS KEEP ASKING AND ASKING AND ASKING
ALLOW ME TO EDUCATE YOUR FEEBLE THINK PANS IN THE COMPLEX ART OF TROLL ROMANCE.
MAYBE THIS WILL STOP YOU FUCKERS FROM ACCIDENTALLY HITTING ON US.
WHICH, BY THE WAY, IS UNCOMFORTABLE AND DISGUSTING.
NO INTERSPECIES SLOPPY MAKEOUTS ARE GOING TO HAPPEN WHILE I'M IN CHARGE, GOT IT?
The first thing you need to realize is that when it comes to romance in our culture, trolls have two primary emotions; hate and pity. Every feeling in a troll's head will either be related to hate or to pity, which is basically just a watered-down version of hate, anyway. A healthy troll will have an even balance of both.
We're a violent, self-absorbed race, deal with it.
Anyway, so unlike you humans and your pathetic singular kind of romance, trolls have four different kinds. We call them quadrants, obviously. Because there are four. I know a moron who missed that part, and it made him look even stupider than usual, so there you go. Four. They can be split into two groups, which is what I'll do to explain them. These two groups are hate and pity. If you didn't see that coming I'm going to jam a culling fork into your bone bulge.
First, let's talk about the pity quadrants, because those are close enough to the human concept of romance that you might be able to comprehend it. But I'm not getting my hopes up, because humans are ridiculously stupid.
The pity quadrants are known as RED ROMANCE, and are often noted as strongly positive relationships. The first of the pity quadrants is MATESPRITSHIP, the flushed quadrant, which is basically the troll equivalent of a human "soul mate". They're the person you're tied to with pity and are fated to be with. It's main function is to lend hand to troll reproduction, but we're not going to talk about that, so don't fucking ask. Matesprits are bound together by affection for one another. Both parties must be equally as interested in the other for a matespritship to work.
The second of the pity quadrants is MOIRALLEGIANCE, the pale quadrant, which is... complicated. A moirail is like a platonic best friend, only they serve a better purpose than that. Because best friends serve no purpose at all, and that's a stupid thing to call a relationship. The job of a pair of moirails is to achieve balance in the other. Because trolls are a violent race, someone needs to stop us from tearing each other to pieces. This is what a moirail does. A moirail is fated to look after a certain person, and to stop that person from maiming or otherwise hurting themselves slash the people around them. Two passive people can't be moirails and two violent people can't be moirails, think of it like that. They're like chains to keep someone grounded.
The second set of quadrants are the hate quadrants, otherwise known as BLACK ROMANCE. I'm pretty sure nobody will be able to understand these, because hate isn't the same in human culture. But because I'm feeling generous, I'll answer. Even though I know this will just go in one auricular sponge clot and out the other.
The first of the two black quadrants is KISMESISSITUDE, which is the reason I started writing this. There is no human parallel to a kismesis, so I can't really... relate it to any of your shitty relationships, but think of it like an arch-rival, only more romantically. This is also related to troll reproduction, and guess what? We're not going to talk about that. Kismesis are tied together through an equal amount of hate and sexual attraction, though sometimes you get miss-matched couples, where one is too weak-willed to bother fighting the other out of the idea. Platonic hate won't work in a kismesissitude.
The forth quadrant is the ashen quadrant, AUSPISTICING. An auspistice relationship requires three people, and before anyone says anything, it's a non-sexual quadrant you sick fucks. Fuck you for even thinking that. It's like a kismesissitude, only with one other person facilitating the interactions between the two potential hate-mates. This is to stop black infidelity. Usually an auspistice will intervene if a black relationship between the two will be potentially dangerous to others. Without auspistices, every little fight between two trolls who sneer at one another the wrong way can turn into a kismesissitude, interfering with other, actual kismesissitudes.
Open your question chutes and lay them on me; I'm feeling magnanimous today, you'd better feel fucking tickled pink at the chance.
ALLOW ME TO EDUCATE YOUR FEEBLE THINK PANS IN THE COMPLEX ART OF TROLL ROMANCE.
MAYBE THIS WILL STOP YOU FUCKERS FROM ACCIDENTALLY HITTING ON US.
WHICH, BY THE WAY, IS UNCOMFORTABLE AND DISGUSTING.
NO INTERSPECIES SLOPPY MAKEOUTS ARE GOING TO HAPPEN WHILE I'M IN CHARGE, GOT IT?
The first thing you need to realize is that when it comes to romance in our culture, trolls have two primary emotions; hate and pity. Every feeling in a troll's head will either be related to hate or to pity, which is basically just a watered-down version of hate, anyway. A healthy troll will have an even balance of both.
We're a violent, self-absorbed race, deal with it.
Anyway, so unlike you humans and your pathetic singular kind of romance, trolls have four different kinds. We call them quadrants, obviously. Because there are four. I know a moron who missed that part, and it made him look even stupider than usual, so there you go. Four. They can be split into two groups, which is what I'll do to explain them. These two groups are hate and pity. If you didn't see that coming I'm going to jam a culling fork into your bone bulge.
First, let's talk about the pity quadrants, because those are close enough to the human concept of romance that you might be able to comprehend it. But I'm not getting my hopes up, because humans are ridiculously stupid.
The pity quadrants are known as RED ROMANCE, and are often noted as strongly positive relationships. The first of the pity quadrants is MATESPRITSHIP, the flushed quadrant, which is basically the troll equivalent of a human "soul mate". They're the person you're tied to with pity and are fated to be with. It's main function is to lend hand to troll reproduction, but we're not going to talk about that, so don't fucking ask. Matesprits are bound together by affection for one another. Both parties must be equally as interested in the other for a matespritship to work.
The second of the pity quadrants is MOIRALLEGIANCE, the pale quadrant, which is... complicated. A moirail is like a platonic best friend, only they serve a better purpose than that. Because best friends serve no purpose at all, and that's a stupid thing to call a relationship. The job of a pair of moirails is to achieve balance in the other. Because trolls are a violent race, someone needs to stop us from tearing each other to pieces. This is what a moirail does. A moirail is fated to look after a certain person, and to stop that person from maiming or otherwise hurting themselves slash the people around them. Two passive people can't be moirails and two violent people can't be moirails, think of it like that. They're like chains to keep someone grounded.
The second set of quadrants are the hate quadrants, otherwise known as BLACK ROMANCE. I'm pretty sure nobody will be able to understand these, because hate isn't the same in human culture. But because I'm feeling generous, I'll answer. Even though I know this will just go in one auricular sponge clot and out the other.
The first of the two black quadrants is KISMESISSITUDE, which is the reason I started writing this. There is no human parallel to a kismesis, so I can't really... relate it to any of your shitty relationships, but think of it like an arch-rival, only more romantically. This is also related to troll reproduction, and guess what? We're not going to talk about that. Kismesis are tied together through an equal amount of hate and sexual attraction, though sometimes you get miss-matched couples, where one is too weak-willed to bother fighting the other out of the idea. Platonic hate won't work in a kismesissitude.
The forth quadrant is the ashen quadrant, AUSPISTICING. An auspistice relationship requires three people, and before anyone says anything, it's a non-sexual quadrant you sick fucks. Fuck you for even thinking that. It's like a kismesissitude, only with one other person facilitating the interactions between the two potential hate-mates. This is to stop black infidelity. Usually an auspistice will intervene if a black relationship between the two will be potentially dangerous to others. Without auspistices, every little fight between two trolls who sneer at one another the wrong way can turn into a kismesissitude, interfering with other, actual kismesissitudes.
Open your question chutes and lay them on me; I'm feeling magnanimous today, you'd better feel fucking tickled pink at the chance.