Um... I don't know where to begin. In a way, there's nothing to begin, but rather something to resume. A life to go back to. Shanna is back.

She sent me an email. It wasn't even to me, I was just one in a long list of recipients, and it wasn't even a personal message. She took part in the Race for Life for Cancer Research UK, and wanted people to ( Read more... )

Well, I am nearly half a year behind on updating here, and there is everything and nothing and nothing to write about. What I mean by that, is that whilst my life has changed pretty much beyond recognition, it appears to have done so quite gently, and not because of any major individual happenings. In one way, I have everything I could have wanted ( Read more... )

I'm currently on a 20-hour shift at work, so I still don't have time to write anything significant at the moment (though I will really really try very soon, I promise) - but I just wanted try and persuade people to go and vote for jameth in the LJ Advisory Board elections.

Oh by the way, it's a boy :)

( Read more... )

Darkness is beautiful. The early hours of Christmas morning, and I'm sat in my parents' house, laying back on the sofa admiring the only true darkness I get anymore. My flat is on a busy, well-lit road, and not one of the rooms escapes being lit by the street lights outside. Here, I am at the back of the house - all that is behind it is a field, ( Read more... )

It's never too soon. I said "I love you", and meant it, broke a rule I've believed in my whole life, and didn't regret it ( Read more... )

Here is the turning point. I'm on a new path now, one that's a lot less certain, but still one I'm very clearly in control of; I may not be able to see very far ahead, but it's certainly me doing the driving. I've been talking to people, something I've not even attempted in years, and it's working - people are talking to me. I know it sounds ( Read more... )

Hmm. Except that it's not over, is it? Things like this don't stop, they fade. I'm angry now. A little bit at myself, because I didn't help steer away from this path, but overwhelmingly at Shanna for seeming so carefree about it all, like it's nothing at all to commit your life to somebody and then just change your mind and try something else. And ( Read more... )

It's over. Shanna's visit absolutely failed to go the way I had intended, but it did occur, and all her possessions are gone. She came online a couple of days before, to tell me I am an 'arrogant prick'. I'd told her I intended to produce a document for her to sign saying that she'd been here and been allowed to take all of her posessions, and ( Read more... )

Oh, here we go. Life is a curse, not a gift. If you get lucky, very lucky, you can find happiness for at least a reasonable portion of it, but if you weren't alive, this wouldn't be an issue. Maybe it turns out alright for you, maybe you have a good time. Or, maybe you don't, maybe you suffer. If it weren't for being alive, you wouldn't have to ( Read more... )