18 days...

my new journal awaits my arrival at home. i must fill it with summery things.

burned pages with feathers taped to their edges.

and drawings of the same sad eye.

and words, naturally.

19 days ( Read more... )

20 days...

and i have so much schoolwork, hopefully the time will fly.

i'm so excited for this summer.

running.
working en la biblioteca.
woods.
books.
piano.
old friends.
no more horrid essay assignments [at least until august].
no more awful food.
BEACHES.
MOUNTAINS.
MY OWN BED.

new school?

such persistent loneliness. i played the piano with my eyeslids closed this afternoon, and tonight i wandered, drunk and not in love, alone. this is solitude. stuck beneath the white of my fingernails. when i envisioned my college career, such lonely drunken nights as these were absent from my fantasy. for example, this afternoon when i pictured ( Read more... )

i'd forgotten the insatiable need for physical contact until the dream i had last night and realized it's been months since i've actually hugged someone and meant it.

i seem to oscillate between numbness and heart explosion. though right now, oddly, i sort of feel both tugging.

maybe i'll be split in two.

oh, daddy...

my defective personality has since been confirmed threefold in the past five or six days or so. i suppose i should be relieved, but i just don't know where to go from here. i am utterly incapable of maintaining any form of more than casual friendships. and it isn't in my intentions at all to lash out at people, but somehow, some things i do seem to ( Read more... )

it's been too long a while
since i felt anything was right
in this world.

so i would prefer to be remembered as a smiling face not this fucking wreck that has taken its place...

( … )