The Rumour (Chapter 2)
Title: The Rumour (2/?)
Author: badenoughforyou
Pairing: Jalex
Rating: PG-13
Summary:Jack has fallen inevitably head over heels for his best friend. Truth is, Alex doesn't feel the same way until the night one "staged" kiss changes that all forever
Disclaimer: none of this is real blah blah I don't own anyone. Title cred goes to YMAS
A/N: This one is kind of short, but there's A LOT in it. Oh, also, I was going to update this last night, but I was fucking tired after my Before You Exit concert, which was AMAZING by the way. If anyone wants pictures, I'll put them up. Otherwise, Imma be lazy.
Master Post
For the rest of the tour, Jack and Alex didn't say a word to each other unless they were on stage. It killed Alex inside to know that he couldn't talk to his best friend in the whole world like they used to. It made him feel awful and sick and he wanted to talk to Jack so bad, but he was scared. Terrified was a better word. He wanted that old friendship back at least. He wanted to be able to fall asleep with Jack and cuddle wrhile watching Home Alone for the thousandth time. He wanted that back so badly. But inside, even deeper, he wanted Jack like Jack wanted him. He wanted to kiss him again and touch him all over. The thought made him shudder. He needed Jack.
On the other hand, Jack didn't want to speak to the older boy. He didn't want to hear his angelic voice. Although he did and that ripped him up inside. Every time he heard Alex talking to Lisa on the phone, his heart broke a little more at the fact that Alex wasn't his to hold and touch and kiss and say sweet things to. He was just his best friend. Or was he? He doubted that he could ever be just that again. He was terrified of losing him, but if Alex couldn't admit he felt the same way after that kiss, he didn't want to torture himself by being just friends.
The fans noticed what was up. After the huge Jalex moment, they noticed that the boys' banters were lacking in their usual humor. It was obvious that Alex was hurting. He didn't hide it as well as Jack could. One more show… One more show and it would be all over for a little while. He didn't have to look at Jack and feel the urge to push him against a wall and just kiss him again. He didn't need that. It hurt.
"What's up, Orlando? It's fucking hot today." Alex said with a small chuckle as they finished their first song. Already, he was dripping with sweat, as it was probably about 90 degrees out. But when you're jumping around on stage, it feels like 120. The crowd roared in response. It felt different though. It felt… more like they were pitying him than anything. He tried to cover up the emotions bubbling up inside him, but it was clear he was on the edge. He made it through the first half of the set without skipping a beat, though. He knew he had to do well for the fans. He hated letting them down. They didn't deserve that.
"Alright, guys. This next song…" Alex started, pulling up a stool to the mic while Danny handed him his acoustic. "…it's probably my favorite song of ours. It's a really beautiful one and I'm sure you've heard it all before. You see, sometimes in this life, we just feel shitty for no reason and we can't find the answers to it and we feel so… stupid." He said, choking on his words slightly. He cleared his throat and continued. "But… but sometimes you know exactly why you feel awful. Exactly why you feel that you have no right to be sad because of something you did…" He continued, strumming a few chords. "This song makes me think of someone that I love… and I can't imagine my life without them… And even though I can't understand what I'm feeling right now, I know that… they're just a day dream away." He said, feeling hot tears forming.
"I wish you could see your face right now… 'cause you're grinning like a fool…" He started to sing softly. The words originally were supposed to be happy sounding, but Alex made it sound like a somber ballad this time around. He hadn't even made it through the whole song when he felt tears running down his cheeks. He stopped playing abruptly and bit his lip, holding back silent sobs.
"I-I'm sorry…" He said to the crowd before walking off stage as fast as he could. He pushed past Danny and Matt and everyone else trying to ask what was wrong. He laid down his guitar quickly and made his way to the backstage bathroom, feeling horrid. He run to one of the stalls and wretched into the toilet, feeling as if everything awful was coming back up and making him feel worthless. He'd never felt such a surge of emotion in his life.
He'd hoped to God that Jack knew that song was for him. He hoped every word he said wasn't in vain and that he'd just made a complete fool of himself. He wished Jack was here to hold him and tell him in hushed whispers that he was there and everything would be okay. But he knew it wouldn't be. He sat on the cold tile, holding his knees to his chest and crying harder than he'd ever cried in his life. Even harder than when his brother died.
And there he stayed for the rest of night, like a fallen soldier, clinging onto the last bit of reality and hoping he could get it all back.
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Jack felt as though his heart had been ripped out and stomped on incessantly the moment Alex gave his little speech. He felt every part of him screaming out that he couldn't let Alex hurt himself like that, but he didn't say a word as he watched, lips parted, eyes watering, arms crossed so tightly he thought they would break.
His lips trembled as he neared the end, but just couldn't finish. As Alex ran off, Jack felt himself moving towards him, preparing to hold him and say he forgave him, but at the last second, he held back. Maybe this was what Alex deserved. But Jack didn't understand that what the other boy was feeling was so much more.
Jack made his way to the bathroom in which his friend disappeared and sat outside the door, listening to soft cries. He didn't know why he didn't burst in and hug him close. He didn't know why he didn't say a word as he sat silently at the door. He didn't want his friend to suffer, but that's what he did. They couldn't go back on without a singer. They could have had Matt come out like he had before, but this was different on so many levels. There was no way Jack could play.
He was jarred away from his thoughts where the door opened slowly. He looked up to see Alex standing there, white as a ghost, eyes red. Jack couldn't help himself from gasping at how broken the boy looked. How shattered and torn up he must have felt. He stood up quickly and embraced the slightly shorter boy, loving the feel of him being pressed against him like old times.
But Jack didn't get the reciprocation he'd expected.
Alex tore himself away from him, his eyes conveying complete and utter devastation.
"Don't touch me like that, Jack." He said softly, fighting the urge to scream and run. Alex's quite nature scared Jack more than anything, though. He felt his blood turn to ice as the boy started walking backwards little by little.
"Alex, I forgive you! Please don't do this…" Jack cried feeling a tear slide down his cheek. Alex didn't stop though. In fact, he turned and ran like he'd never run before. He felt his feet pound against the concrete and not even the searing pain of smacking his feet down on an incline made him stop. He ran back to the bus before anyone had a chance to react. He hurriedly took a duffle bag out of his bunk and stared shoving clothes into it. He had no idea what he was doing or where he planned on going. All he knew was that he was done.
He stopped cold when he felt someone stepping up into the bus.
"L-Lex?" The voice asked. Jack's voice. The old nickname was a kick in the groin, for sure. He felt like doubling over, but he stayed relatively still.
"Alex, please… Please don't leave me…" Jack pleaded, his doe eyes round and full of rejection. "I'm so stupid… I'm just a little boy with a stupid little crush and I should have never made you feel like this, Alex… Please, I love you too much…" Jack said.
"See? That's why I can't stay!" Alex cried, feeling his throat constricting. Jack looked taken aback. "You… you can't just throw that word around and expect me to believe you just mean it as a friend…" He said softly, not having enough energy to keep talking.
"What do you want me to say, Alex? We've been friends forever and you expect me not to love you in some way?" Jack said, feeling weak. "I can't say I think of you just like… a friend. But if that's what you want, we can go back to that… We can…" Jack said, but he sounded hopeless.
"Jack… we can never be just friends again…" Alex said, feeling his heart break at each word. "We can't… I… I…" He didn't know what to say. He just simply stepped forward and gave Jack one last kiss before leaving. Jack was too stunned to stop him. He sat down heavily on the couch and looked ahead, looking at the wall. He didn't move until Rian and Zack came running onto the bus.
"Jack! Where's Alex? We can't find him anywhere." Rian said breathlessly as if they'd been running around in a mad goose chase. Jack looked up at them, eyes wide.
"He's gone… He left…" Jack said so softly he was surprised they heard. Rian blinked and stared back, not sure what he meant.
"He… He left?" Rian asked, feeling odd.
"Yes! He left! What else do you fucking want me to say?" Jack asked, suddenly angry, but not at Rian. He was furious with himself. He hadn't stopped Alex. He should have tried harder. He should have, but he didn't. He felt as if his world had been ripped out from under him like a table cloth under expensive china.
"We'll get him back. He's probably just getting some air…. He's probably-" Rian started.
"No! He's not coming back! And it's all my fault…" Jack said brokenly.
And for once, Rian Dawson had no comforting words.