in your deepest dreams
Don't you feel free?
I wish I didn't feel so bound; but I've only put things on myself, so I shouldn't complain. I went hysterical the other day. My dad was interrogating me about my life, and I blew up. I sobbed, without crying; and I screamed, without any sound. It was ridiculous. I couldn't get through to him; and he couldn't get through to me. It was so pointless.
So today I took the english HSA. That, too, was pointless. Good thing it was extremely easy. I even enjoyed one of the essays because I was able to be opinionated and speak from my soul, rather than my mind.
I've been doing that a whole lot lately. Speaking from my soul. No, not heart, nor mind. Your mind deals with logic; your heart is your emotion; and your soul contains your innermost desires, dreams, and thoughts. Not that I've been randomly preaching my wishes to anyone. I've just been more open. For the first essay on the english HSA, I wrote about how tricky human psychology was.
A scientist can spend a lifetime studying the way a human reacts, functions, and feels; and yet never realize the obvious. That which makes each of us human; is that we are unpredictable.
I think I ended up learning that lesson the hard way. My entire life, I've expected to know people; to know how they feel about things; and the way they would react to everything. I guess I just didn't realize how crazy it was to make someone with a mind, heart, and soul a machine--generic in emotions and reactions. Better late, than never, though.
On another note ... I feel like I'm going downhill again. I keep trying to let this person know that they're amazing and special. I'm pulling my hair out trying to get through to them. I don't think they believe me, though, when I tell them I care. "I don't know; how can I be sure? I can't read your mind. "
Yeah. But I don't want you to read my mind. I want you to read my heart.
It was so much easier without this kind of thing.
Falling...
Fall of an angel...
You can see the fall...
When you're feeling high...
When you kiss the earth
Angel of your mind I'm blowing
Maybe this is some sort of a lesson I'm supposed to learn. Everything in life is, isn't it? Or am I just making philosophies with the blues?