Miss You
Title: Miss You
Pairing: pete/ashlee, pete/patrick
Summary: one sided ranting
Rated: pg-13
I'll say 'I miss you', if that helps. I've said it a million times, or at least it feels that way. In songs, and mix tapes, and small nods and goodbyes. I see you more in pixels than in real life anymore.
We're on good terms. Well, you're on good terms. My marriage is falling apart and you're on the sideline. You don't cheer or boo, you sit boredly and wait for the game to end. I wish I could end it for you.
If I say that you'll look at me, I won't see you, but on the phone you'll pull a face I know too well. It's tired now, it used to be concern but now it's frustration and worry.
You worry that if I do anything the press will ask you questions. You have every right to not deal with me anymore. That's the whole reason we took a break. You don't need me.
You don't need me, you never did, and for the most part never will. You only need me to be quiet, and smile. You only need me to be a mannequin or a marionette.
You were my fixer. My band aid, my kiss it better. You would let me cry on your couch at 4am because no one else would listen. You would sing me to sleep on nights I was drunk and called you and begged you to. You were the angel on my shoulder to tell me when my ideas were dangerous and then the devil that watched me go through with them and laugh.
I never realised how much you did for me.
I never thanked you enough, and I won't ever be able to.
You were so happy when I got married. I wasn't going to be your problem anymore, I was hers. Only, she doesn't sing like you do, she doesn't have the same jokes, she doesn't make me smile no matter what. Which I guess is something I should have realised sooner. Before I married her, before she got pregnant, before I got drunk and ended up with her back in my hotel room.
But back to us; I miss you, I need you. You talk to me often enough and you ask, 'Didn't we just have dinner together yesterday?' and you know it was over a week ago. You try and manipulate me, make me think that we're together more often than not. I noticed you started screening your calls, soon you'll notice I stopped leaving messages.
The worst part is: I know I'll be alright. I know I'm fine without you around all the time. I functioned without you for years, but I'm stuck. I'm stuck in reverse right now, because if I go backwards everything else will follow, right?
It doesn't matter, but I miss you.
Pairing: pete/ashlee, pete/patrick
Summary: one sided ranting
Rated: pg-13
I'll say 'I miss you', if that helps. I've said it a million times, or at least it feels that way. In songs, and mix tapes, and small nods and goodbyes. I see you more in pixels than in real life anymore.
We're on good terms. Well, you're on good terms. My marriage is falling apart and you're on the sideline. You don't cheer or boo, you sit boredly and wait for the game to end. I wish I could end it for you.
If I say that you'll look at me, I won't see you, but on the phone you'll pull a face I know too well. It's tired now, it used to be concern but now it's frustration and worry.
You worry that if I do anything the press will ask you questions. You have every right to not deal with me anymore. That's the whole reason we took a break. You don't need me.
You don't need me, you never did, and for the most part never will. You only need me to be quiet, and smile. You only need me to be a mannequin or a marionette.
You were my fixer. My band aid, my kiss it better. You would let me cry on your couch at 4am because no one else would listen. You would sing me to sleep on nights I was drunk and called you and begged you to. You were the angel on my shoulder to tell me when my ideas were dangerous and then the devil that watched me go through with them and laugh.
I never realised how much you did for me.
I never thanked you enough, and I won't ever be able to.
You were so happy when I got married. I wasn't going to be your problem anymore, I was hers. Only, she doesn't sing like you do, she doesn't have the same jokes, she doesn't make me smile no matter what. Which I guess is something I should have realised sooner. Before I married her, before she got pregnant, before I got drunk and ended up with her back in my hotel room.
But back to us; I miss you, I need you. You talk to me often enough and you ask, 'Didn't we just have dinner together yesterday?' and you know it was over a week ago. You try and manipulate me, make me think that we're together more often than not. I noticed you started screening your calls, soon you'll notice I stopped leaving messages.
The worst part is: I know I'll be alright. I know I'm fine without you around all the time. I functioned without you for years, but I'm stuck. I'm stuck in reverse right now, because if I go backwards everything else will follow, right?
It doesn't matter, but I miss you.