"There is more slash in Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than is dreampt of in your philosophy,"
[I generally use the Folio version for this quote--"our philosophy," rather than "your philosophy," but I figured Horatio's philosophy probably dreams of less slash than Hamlet's. Because, sheesh, Horatio's always like "wharrawaahh??" oblivious when Hamlet's trying to sex him up (see below), meanwhile, Hamlet's off 'proving a point' with Ros, Guil, and a recorder. Antic disposition, my ass.]
So. Hamlet/Horatio. My guess is anyone's who's read Hamlet isn't going to contest this pairing too very much and is probably familiar with all these quotes, but here they are anyway, notated for enhanced credibility!
1. It's Shakespeare. Shakespeare. Really?
2. They undress address each other by the formal "you" in company, but always by the intimate "thee, thou" when they're alone. They're supposed to be BFFs--why the discrepancy? Down-playing their closeness in public, perhaps?
3. Act I, Scn V, lns 133-144:
" HAMLET Why, right; you are i' the right;
And so, without more circumstance at all,
I hold it fit that we shake hands and part:
You, as your business and desire shall point you;
For every man has business and desire,
Such as it is; and for mine own poor part,
Look you, I'll go pray.
HORATIO These are but wild and whirling words, my lord.
HAMLET I'm sorry they offend you, heartily;
Yes, 'faith heartily.
HORATIO There's no offence, my lord.
HAMLET Yes, by Saint Patrick, but there is, Horatio,
And much offence too. Touching this vision here,
It is an honest ghost, that let me tell you:
For your desire to know what is between us,
O'ermaster 't as you may. "
(Slashy) Translation:
Hamlet: You guys go do what you want. 'Cos, you know, everybody has wants *significant glance at Horatio.* Yep, wants. Desires, even. --Well, I'm going to go "pray," just in case anyone wants to come find me later for an intimate tete-a-tete. And I do mean intimate.
Horatio: You're sexy I mean upsex I MEAN UPSET-- JAYSUS!
Hamlet: Yeah. I'm sorry---heartily sorry. Heart. Get it? It's heartily 'cos I love you.
Horatio: Aw. It's okay.
Hamlet: No, it really isn't. 'Cos I love you. Have some sensual language like "touching this vision here" and "your desire to know what is between us" and "O'ermaster't." Also this is a hint that I trust you with my my secret regarding the Ghost, but Marcellus is around so I have to make both of you swear. Sorry it seems like I don't trust you.
4. Act III, Scn II Lns 52-74 Slashy translation is (()) this time
Enter HORATIO
HORATIO Here, sweet lord, at your service. ((ILU, OMG))
HAMLET Horatio, thou art e'en as just a man
As e'er my conversation coped withal. ((I'm super glad you exist))
HORATIO O, my dear lord,-- ((*soils trousers*))
HAMLET Nay, do not think I flatter;
For what advancement may I hope from thee
That no revenue hast but thy good spirits,
To feed and clothe thee? Why should the poor be flatter'd? ((for real, I'm not kidding. I've got nothing to gain from you because we're engaged in a mutual relationship of respect and love))
No, let the candied tongue lick absurd pomp,
And crook the pregnant hinges of the knee
Where thrift may follow fawning. ((Have some thinly-veiled sensual language about oral sex)) Dost thou hear? ((Did you hear me just talk about oral sex?))
Since my dear soul was mistress of her choice
And could of men distinguish, her election
Hath seal'd thee for herself ((ILU 4EVR)) ; for thou hast been
As one, in suffering all, that suffers nothing,
A man that fortune's buffets and rewards
Hast ta'en with equal thanks ((you're great because you don't take any crap from people)): and blest are those
Whose blood and judgment are so well commingled,
That they are not a pipe for fortune's finger
To sound what stop she please. Give me that man
That is not passion's slave, and I will wear him
In my heart's core, ay, in my heart of heart,
As I do thee. ((btw LOVE.))
5. Hamlet calls Horatio "Damon, dear" (Act III, Scn II, Ln275) which is "appropriately addressed to one who has the ancient virtues of the golden age before the realm was 'dismantled'" (Jenkins)--so that's Hamlet telling Horatio he's awesome-- I love the [probably] unintentional use of "dismantled"--it makes it sound like Hamlet's saying "Horatio, you were great even before you took your clothes off!" wow. sub-subtext.
6. Hamlet signs his letter to Horatio "He that thou knowest thine," (Act IV, Scn VII, Ln 27). Does it get any more homosexual obvious?
7. SHEESH the entire death scene (Act V, Scn II, Lns 358-365) Horatio attempts to kill himself rather than live life without Hamlet. Hamlet's like "nuh-uuh--I love you too much. Also, tell my story 'cos you won't screw it up." Then, of coruse, there's the whole "More antique Roman than a Dane" which I think could definitely be a reference to not only the Roman tradition of servants killing themselves to die with their masters, but also buttsecks. Because buttsecks is very Roman.
Yep. Hope I didn't miss anything.
Discuss!
So. Hamlet/Horatio. My guess is anyone's who's read Hamlet isn't going to contest this pairing too very much and is probably familiar with all these quotes, but here they are anyway, notated for enhanced credibility!
1. It's Shakespeare. Shakespeare. Really?
2. They undress address each other by the formal "you" in company, but always by the intimate "thee, thou" when they're alone. They're supposed to be BFFs--why the discrepancy? Down-playing their closeness in public, perhaps?
3. Act I, Scn V, lns 133-144:
" HAMLET Why, right; you are i' the right;
And so, without more circumstance at all,
I hold it fit that we shake hands and part:
You, as your business and desire shall point you;
For every man has business and desire,
Such as it is; and for mine own poor part,
Look you, I'll go pray.
HORATIO These are but wild and whirling words, my lord.
HAMLET I'm sorry they offend you, heartily;
Yes, 'faith heartily.
HORATIO There's no offence, my lord.
HAMLET Yes, by Saint Patrick, but there is, Horatio,
And much offence too. Touching this vision here,
It is an honest ghost, that let me tell you:
For your desire to know what is between us,
O'ermaster 't as you may. "
(Slashy) Translation:
Hamlet: You guys go do what you want. 'Cos, you know, everybody has wants *significant glance at Horatio.* Yep, wants. Desires, even. --Well, I'm going to go "pray," just in case anyone wants to come find me later for an intimate tete-a-tete. And I do mean intimate.
Horatio: You're sexy I mean upsex I MEAN UPSET-- JAYSUS!
Hamlet: Yeah. I'm sorry---heartily sorry. Heart. Get it? It's heartily 'cos I love you.
Horatio: Aw. It's okay.
Hamlet: No, it really isn't. 'Cos I love you. Have some sensual language like "touching this vision here" and "your desire to know what is between us" and "O'ermaster't." Also this is a hint that I trust you with my my secret regarding the Ghost, but Marcellus is around so I have to make both of you swear. Sorry it seems like I don't trust you.
4. Act III, Scn II Lns 52-74 Slashy translation is (()) this time
Enter HORATIO
HORATIO Here, sweet lord, at your service. ((ILU, OMG))
HAMLET Horatio, thou art e'en as just a man
As e'er my conversation coped withal. ((I'm super glad you exist))
HORATIO O, my dear lord,-- ((*soils trousers*))
HAMLET Nay, do not think I flatter;
For what advancement may I hope from thee
That no revenue hast but thy good spirits,
To feed and clothe thee? Why should the poor be flatter'd? ((for real, I'm not kidding. I've got nothing to gain from you because we're engaged in a mutual relationship of respect and love))
No, let the candied tongue lick absurd pomp,
And crook the pregnant hinges of the knee
Where thrift may follow fawning. ((Have some thinly-veiled sensual language about oral sex)) Dost thou hear? ((Did you hear me just talk about oral sex?))
Since my dear soul was mistress of her choice
And could of men distinguish, her election
Hath seal'd thee for herself ((ILU 4EVR)) ; for thou hast been
As one, in suffering all, that suffers nothing,
A man that fortune's buffets and rewards
Hast ta'en with equal thanks ((you're great because you don't take any crap from people)): and blest are those
Whose blood and judgment are so well commingled,
That they are not a pipe for fortune's finger
To sound what stop she please. Give me that man
That is not passion's slave, and I will wear him
In my heart's core, ay, in my heart of heart,
As I do thee. ((btw LOVE.))
5. Hamlet calls Horatio "Damon, dear" (Act III, Scn II, Ln275) which is "appropriately addressed to one who has the ancient virtues of the golden age before the realm was 'dismantled'" (Jenkins)--so that's Hamlet telling Horatio he's awesome-- I love the [probably] unintentional use of "dismantled"--it makes it sound like Hamlet's saying "Horatio, you were great even before you took your clothes off!" wow. sub-subtext.
6. Hamlet signs his letter to Horatio "He that thou knowest thine," (Act IV, Scn VII, Ln 27). Does it get any more homosexual obvious?
7. SHEESH the entire death scene (Act V, Scn II, Lns 358-365) Horatio attempts to kill himself rather than live life without Hamlet. Hamlet's like "nuh-uuh--I love you too much. Also, tell my story 'cos you won't screw it up." Then, of coruse, there's the whole "More antique Roman than a Dane" which I think could definitely be a reference to not only the Roman tradition of servants killing themselves to die with their masters, but also buttsecks. Because buttsecks is very Roman.
Yep. Hope I didn't miss anything.
Discuss!