Everything hurts and is more sore than it should be. My heart pounds and I know that I can't leave; I can't get away. Donnie will be back any second for another round of 'beat your sister'. I thought I was rid of him, them, of everything.
He found me; they found me.
There is a loud bang at the door that makes me jump, out of habit I bite my lip only to feel the already broken flesh start to bleed. I bury my face in the pillow, my hands still bound tightly with the phone cord.
He has to leave. He said he would come back with Daddy...oh god.
Struggling still bound I bury my face in the pillow, hoping that everything would be a nightmare and I'll wake up soon...I have to. When I wake up I won't be here and I won't be trying to ignore Angel as he pounds on my apartment door.
"Tara," I call again, when I don't get an answer. I keep quiet for a few long moments, concentrating. Well, something with a heartbeat is in there. I can't tell if it's Tara.
I shake my head and wonder if this her way of telling me I should leave her alone. But I don't believe that and it's a damn good thing she's had me in before. I shove back the window next to her door, only breaking the latch if she has to pay for the damage, and reach in and unlock the door.
"Tara, are you okay?" I ask into the quiet, closing and locking the door behind me. "Tara?" God, what if something happened...
"Tara," I whisper when I open the bedroom door and see her there on the bed. "Can I come in?" I ask softly, wanting to scoop her up in my arms, but at the same time not wanting to push. She's still got her face in the pillow, but this looks bad. And I'm so not thinking about what might have happened.
I hear his footsteps and I whimper, curling myself up tighter even as my ribs ache. "Goawaygoaway...pleasepleaseplease," I chant quietly into my pillow. Donnie will be back soon and I don't want Angel here when he gets here.
The fear fills up into my gut when I hear Angel come into the room. I don't want him to see me like this; he can't find me. He'll know I'm too broken inside. Angel'll go away and I will really be alone again.
"Go," I whisper when he comes closer to the bed. "P-please..." I shift on the bed, whimpering as everything hurts even more and I try to hide my wrists under the pillows, my eyes falling on the otherside of the room and hoping Angel doesn't see the mess.
My fist balls up as I step into the room and I hear her tell me to go away. This is one thing I will not feel guilty for, because I didn't do this to her. I didn't even cause this in any way, I'm betting. Why is she telling me to go away? I thought she...cared? about me?
"No," I say quietly. If she's hurt, I'm not leaving. "I'm not leaving you. I told you I'd take care of you," I hear her whimper, and that's it, I sit down on the bed next to her, hand settling on her side. "Tell me what happened. Let me help," I say, looking at her with penetrating eyes. She's going to tell me and I'm going to beat someone within an inch of their life for doing this to her.
Someone's going to pay for making her tell me to leave.
If this was any other moment and Angel was washing my hair for any other reason I know that I would actually enjoy it. His fingers move smoothly in my hair and I breathe slow and deep as he washes my hair, the warm water flows over my body and I do my best to ignore the red swirls that form in the water
( ... )
I watch as she curls in on herself, her hair doing it's job and hiding her from me. This, this right here makes me more angry than if they had broken all of her bones. To turn her into this. This damage is so much harder to fix. But I'll do whatever I can. Anything she needs
( ... )
Fragments. Everything comes to me in fragments, all the memories of that night and what happened when Dad and Donnie showed up... They were big enough to cut and make their imprint in me, burning into my skin and making me ache all over again
( ... )
I don't know how long she sleeps, or dozes, but I watch her the whole time, worried and shaken, wanting to do anything to protect her right now. I shush her and stroke her hair when she whimpers in her sleep. Keep her still when she starts to thrash. My poor girl.
It's the smell of the tears that makes me stand at alert first. She's not quite awake, but crying nonetheless. I wait, letting her chose what she needs. When she turns over, I'm relieved that she's not trying to hide this from me and that she wants to see me.
I lean in very slowly so I don't startle her and give her forehead a kiss. "You're my girl, of course I'm going to worry," I tell her with a half smile. My fingers brush lightly over her shoulder, wanting to touch her more solidly, but not sure if she's ready for that. "How do you feel? Need anything? Tea? Painkillers?" I ask quietly, brushing a few strands of hair from her face.
My heart twists again when he speaks and for a moment I can't figure out how someone like me got so lucky to find someone as caring as he is. It never crosses my mind or makes me think differently that there is no echo when I lean against his chest.
"I believe you, Angel." I smile at him and shift on the bed, pulling back from his arms. "I know you won't be gone long. Just any movie you t-think we can watch and something sweet? Ice cream maybe? I t-think I had some down in the kitchen."
Leaning in, I kiss his cheek gently and let my eyes meet his intently. "I like being in your arms and...I w-wish it didn't take this to get me back here." In your bed. "I like being here with you. Always." I touch his face again gently and brush my fingers through his hair. "Hurry back," I murmur, smiling at him teasingly; trying to be somewhat light hearted and ignore everything else that happened.
Her words, her smiles, her touches all feel good, and make me feel like something must have gone right. Not that I think everything is fixed by any means, but it's a start
( ... )
When Angel leaves the room, I sigh heavily and lean back against the pillows. I close my eyes and take slow and deep breaths, trying to get my head to stop spinning again frome verything. It's a big pill to swallow to find out that I'm not a demon, it's a relief but it leaves me wondering what now and I can't help but question who I am or who I'm supposed to be
( ... )
"You've Got Mail? Cordy had it lying around..." I say giving her a shrug. Okay, we're going the escapism route. I can handle that. "How are the cookies," I ask, looking around the room and realizing there's no TV in here. Not like I watch much. Really the only reason we've got one at all is for Cordy to watch her soaps. And maybe catch the news once in awhile
( ... )
Comments 46
He found me; they found me.
There is a loud bang at the door that makes me jump, out of habit I bite my lip only to feel the already broken flesh start to bleed. I bury my face in the pillow, my hands still bound tightly with the phone cord.
He has to leave. He said he would come back with Daddy...oh god.
Struggling still bound I bury my face in the pillow, hoping that everything would be a nightmare and I'll wake up soon...I have to. When I wake up I won't be here and I won't be trying to ignore Angel as he pounds on my apartment door.
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I shake my head and wonder if this her way of telling me I should leave her alone. But I don't believe that and it's a damn good thing she's had me in before. I shove back the window next to her door, only breaking the latch if she has to pay for the damage, and reach in and unlock the door.
"Tara, are you okay?" I ask into the quiet, closing and locking the door behind me. "Tara?" God, what if something happened...
"Tara," I whisper when I open the bedroom door and see her there on the bed. "Can I come in?" I ask softly, wanting to scoop her up in my arms, but at the same time not wanting to push. She's still got her face in the pillow, but this looks bad. And I'm so not thinking about what might have happened.
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The fear fills up into my gut when I hear Angel come into the room. I don't want him to see me like this; he can't find me. He'll know I'm too broken inside. Angel'll go away and I will really be alone again.
"Go," I whisper when he comes closer to the bed. "P-please..." I shift on the bed, whimpering as everything hurts even more and I try to hide my wrists under the pillows, my eyes falling on the otherside of the room and hoping Angel doesn't see the mess.
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"No," I say quietly. If she's hurt, I'm not leaving. "I'm not leaving you. I told you I'd take care of you," I hear her whimper, and that's it, I sit down on the bed next to her, hand settling on her side. "Tell me what happened. Let me help," I say, looking at her with penetrating eyes. She's going to tell me and I'm going to beat someone within an inch of their life for doing this to her.
Someone's going to pay for making her tell me to leave.
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It's the smell of the tears that makes me stand at alert first. She's not quite awake, but crying nonetheless. I wait, letting her chose what she needs. When she turns over, I'm relieved that she's not trying to hide this from me and that she wants to see me.
I lean in very slowly so I don't startle her and give her forehead a kiss. "You're my girl, of course I'm going to worry," I tell her with a half smile. My fingers brush lightly over her shoulder, wanting to touch her more solidly, but not sure if she's ready for that. "How do you feel? Need anything? Tea? Painkillers?" I ask quietly, brushing a few strands of hair from her face.
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"I believe you, Angel." I smile at him and shift on the bed, pulling back from his arms. "I know you won't be gone long. Just any movie you t-think we can watch and something sweet? Ice cream maybe? I t-think I had some down in the kitchen."
Leaning in, I kiss his cheek gently and let my eyes meet his intently. "I like being in your arms and...I w-wish it didn't take this to get me back here." In your bed. "I like being here with you. Always." I touch his face again gently and brush my fingers through his hair. "Hurry back," I murmur, smiling at him teasingly; trying to be somewhat light hearted and ignore everything else that happened.
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