117.
originally for porcupine ♥
---
Honestly, Jessica is bored. She knows she has an obligation to attend school, be a good girl, get good grades to make her parents proud, blah blah blah, but seriously. Sitting in class day after day, head slightly bowed to write down notes and staring at the blackboard like it's actually interesting is taking its toll. She wants out.
Which is how she finds herself under the bridge, far enough from school so that the teachers won't spot her. She knows that it would be hell if she's found here, and she can even imagine the headlines -- Young schoolgirl found dead under local bridge, suspected work of local gangs.
But right now, she doesn't give a shit. Having a dictated life firmly ruled by test scores and grades wasn't what she imagined when the move was originally proposed. Yes, she knew it would have been a part of it, part of her new school life but not the whole part.
So she sits in the shadows as the bikie gang finally comes into view, the noises of their motors echoing in the darkness of the bridge. It's wonderful.
This is your typical love story, but not.
The first time they lock eyes, he's just gotten off his bike, helmet secure under one arm, mouth lifting in a half smirk and gaze going to her as if they're connected. She's the one who flinches and hides behind the pole, heart pounding and suddenly sweaty. Is she afraid?
No, she isn't -- she's curious, like one predator to another, and she's about to go out and confront him before other bikes' motors suddenly echo and his friends fly into the darkness, each of them stopping with a dust cloud. She peaks around the pole again, and Changmin's eyes are far from her, idly watching the man climbing off the bike in front of him.
"Changmin," the man says croons as he take off his helmet, and Jessica has to suppress a slight laugh at the disgust that crosses Changmin's face.
"Heechul-hyung," he says agreeably enough, though his face says otherwise.
"Changminnie, oh how I've missed you so," Heechul says and launches himself at Changmin in a hug. "Where have you been the last few days, my darling?"
"Back off Heechul, Changmin's mine," someone else says as they take off their helmet, and Changmin's face contorts in ways Jessica never knew existed.
"Yoochun, please, Changmin's all mine, aren't you, sweetie?" A lithe figure runs through the air and launches herself at Yoochun's back, long hair trailing behind her before her limbs wrap around Yoochun, trapping him effectively. He just sighs.
"And you wonder why I left you guys for a few days," Changmin says loudly, and Jessica giggles.
Jessica's sat in the same spot for so often that she can identify each of them -- Jaejoong, Yoochun, Heechul, Boa and of course, Changmin. She can't help feeling a bit like a stalker as she listens to the motors echo again in the darkness, the great expanse of the bridge stretching above them, the dirt road giving way to a gentle slope before dissolving into water. It's not beautiful -- the air always stinks of exhaust pipes, diesel, dirt and the river, the landscape a mix of urban and rustic -- but the sight has become something that allows Jessica to escape from school and life at home. It's her own secret, and she treasures it.
"Hey, you!"
Jessica's head jerks and she wipes a tiny bit of drool away. The voice compels her to look around the pole -- she recognises it as Changmin's voice and that alone is reason enough -- but she's unwilling to reveal herself.
"Come on, come out! I know you're there!" Changmin calls out again, and even as she feels her heart beating a mile a minute, Jessica steps out from the shadow, her school bag and school jacket dangling from a hand.
"I know I'm here, too," she says, voice shaking just a bit, and Changmin smiles in triumph.
"Who are you?" he asks, and Jessica wants to laugh. She must know almost everything about Shim Changmin, legendary rebel who had only graduated from her high school a few months ago with top grades but zero attendance. Shim Changmin who lives only the next street over from her and likes to come to the bridge to meet the other bikers every other day.
"I'm Jung Jessica, pleased to meet you." She bows, all perfect like the perfect high school student she isn't, looking down at him. When she looks up again, the slope of the grass giving her some height and distance, she drinks in the sight greedily, of Changmin casually leaning on his motorbike, the helmet on the seat beside him. He's squinting, looking into the sun to try to catch a glimpse of her, dressed neatly in her school uniform with her hair a delinquent's blonde but tied and pinned back as per regulations.
"Shim Changmin," he says slowly, and Jessica wants to say I know.
She almost does but the rumbling of more motorbikes fill the silence, and they both look over as two pull in. The bikes stop with a low rumble and more dirt flying, one leaping off the bike with their arms spread wide in a welcoming hug.
"CHANGMINNIE BABY!"
"Ooff."
"MY DARLING CHANGMIN!"
"Oh god."
Jessica can't help the giggle that comes out at Changmin's long-suffering expression as he's wrapped in a threeway hug -- a suffocating one by the looks of it. And it's this that causes the two other guys to look up the hill at her, eyes widening slowly.
"Why hello," Yoochun begins, leering, before Jaejoong hits him on the back of his head.
"Don't be rude," Jaejoong half whispers and Changmin rolls his eyes.
"I'm not being rude, I'm being friendly," Yoochun half whispers back, "something Changmin here was never taught."
"Friendly, alright," Changmin says loudly, and Jessica giggles again. The other two look at each other before they turn to her and Jaejoong speaks, all courtesy and perfect gentleman-ly skills.
"I'm Kim Jaejoong, and this is Park Yoochun." They both bow deeply, and she bows back, again.
"Have you been stalking us?" Changmin asks in the following silence, eyes narrowed, and Jessica instantly fears for her life.
"Um, no?" she offers weakly, and he frowns, climbing up the slope in large strides. He's in front her before she can react, and she hadn't ever realised just how tall he is.
He scoffs once he's there, and she has to tilt her head up to look at him.
"You're... not from another gang, are you?" he asks, and she shakes her head, Jaejoong laughing.
"Does she look it? She's in her school uniform," Jaejoong says, his voice travelling, and Changmin has to grin. He grabs her arm and squeezes it lightly -- no muscle at all.
"You're right. What're you doing here, then? Skipping school?" he asks lightly, and Jessica shrinks again.
"You could say that."
There are things up close that Jessica could've never picked up from a distance, safely hidden. How Changmin's eyelashes fan against his cheeks, the intensity of his gaze and how his fringe flops over his eyes, uninvited. Up close, Jessica's different from how Changmin imagined as well, from all those hidden glances he couldn't help. Less innocent and demure, the school uniform only acting as an unreliable costume.
"Not, but really," Changmin starts again, "why are you here? Out of the all the places to skip, you had to come here?"
"I've... heard about you," she said lowly, and she can see his eyebrows rise. "There are rumours about you, at school."
"Right," he says, looking her up and down, "we went to the same school. But that doesn't mean we have some kind of bond."
"Changmin thinks he needs to be an asshole to the rest of the human race because he's such a gift to us," Jaejoong informs her cheerfully.
"Us?"
"Us, the gang, us bikies, whatever you want to call us," Changmin says, shrugging, backing off. Being so close to him is intoxicating and thrilling, and Jessica's thankful for the space.
"Right," Jessica says, throat dry.
"Changmin," Jaejoong says, laughing, and he's climbing up the slope. "Stop scaring her."
"He's not--"
"No need to put on a brave face," Yoochun says and stands before her, hair windswept. "It's not like we're going to kidnap you or rape you and kill you and hide your body in the river." Because that is so reassuring.
"You're scaring her," Jaejoong says, trying to hide his grin, and Jessica has to admit that she is really, pretty freaking scared right now.
"I'm not," she says instead, and is just a bit offended when Changmin grins, so close to laughing.
"I'm not!" she insists, and Changmin takes a slow step back.
"Well, then you're an idiot," he says, and looks her up and down in a predatory way. "You're here, alone, with three other guys, bikies, gangsters, whatever, and I don't think anyone else knows you're here, right? You should be scared."
Jessica doesn't know what to say, and Yoochun reaches up to sling a friendly arm over Changmin's shoulders. "Stop bullying her," Yoochun says, and Jaejoong laughs at Changmin's affronted expression.
"I'm not bullying her, I'm just stating the facts--"
"And scaring the shit out of her," Jaejoong says, and slowly begins tugging Changmin down the slope. He looks up at Jessica, still in the same position with the deer-caught-in-headlines-scared look on her face, and gives her a friendly smile. "No need to worry about us scary gangsters, we'll be on our way now, leaving poor, innocent high schoolers alone and going back to terrorising the neighbourhood."
"Bye Jessica, nice to meet you!" Yoochun says as he grabs Changmin's other arm and pulls him back to the bikes.
"Bye," she says softly when they're revving their engines and it's so loud she can barely hear herself even as Changmin looks at her before flicking his visor down and speeding away.
For a solid week, Jessica tries to be perfect daughter and student -- she wakes up at 6AM, dresses, makes sure she has everything she needs, and goes to school as Krystal blearily rubs her eyes and wonders aloud how much time it'll take her to run to school. Jessica pretends to take notes in each of her classes as she doodles in the margins, chats with the other girls between periods and at lunch, and goes home right after school, sits in her room, staring out the window until it's shower time, packs her bag for the next day and then goes to bed at 11PM.
That is, until the following Wednesday when Sunny lightly pushes her shoulder as they're packing up, pouting lightly.
"You never hang out with us anymore! Come on, come to noraebang tonight! Since when have you turned into a nerd?"
Jessica smiles a bit as she tucks her pencil case in her bag, closing it with quick, smooth movements. To be honest, she has no idea why she's suddenly obsessed with looking perfect -- so much so that even Sunny has noticed -- after talking to Changmin, Jaejoong and Yoochun. It's like finally getting a touch with the other side of the law has opened her eyes and made her realise she doesn't want it. At all.
"Don't be a spoil sport," Taeyeon adds from behind her, all packed up, and Jessica sighs.
"Alright, then."
It feels weird, like she's had three different lives -- delinquent, perfect student and normal teenager -- and it like none of them really fit, that it's an either/or situation without peaceful coexistence. She kind of feels lost, like she doesn't know herself anymore, or what she wants, and she hates that.
Noraebang is fun, though Sunny carefully didn't mention it was a mixer, a triple date of sorts with three other guys from a nearby high school. Jessica's paired up with the loud, talkative one -- Jonghyun, or Jaehyun, or something -- who's quite nice but also pretty damn boring. When he gets up to sing some old Korean ballad she doesn't recognise, though, he proves his worth.
"Only reason we keep him 'round -- he's useless otherwise," one of the other guys comment, the one with Sunny. She laughs prettily and Jessica awkwardly looks away.
"Sunny mentioned you're pretty good at singing," Jonghyun says as he sits down, slightly breathless as Taeyeon and her date grab at the mic.
"Nothing compared to you," Jessica says dully.
"I'm sure you're not that bad! Come on, we're at noraebang, you have to sing!"
No, I really don't. But Jessica bites her tongue and pulls out her phone.
krystal, favour, call me + pretend to be mum?
Her phone rings a few seconds later.
"Hello? Oh hey Mum." Jessica lets herself out of the room quietly, ignoring Jonghyun's inquisitive look.
"Blah blah blah come home now do you know what time it is oh my god now Jessica," Krystal says flatly and Jessica grins.
"Yes Mum, see you soon, love you."
"Welcome daughter, come home now blah blah blah glad to see you finally got that stick of your ass by the way bye!"
Jessica frowns at the dial tone but looks up when Jonghyun pokes his head through the doorway worriedly.
"Everything okay?"
"Oh, yeah, I just have to head home now."
"Oh." His frown increases when she pushes past him to get her bag.
"Already?" Sunny whines, and Jessica gives her an apologetic smile.
"Mum, can't say no." Jessica gives the girls a hug and waves goodbye at the other two guys.
"Should I walk you to the station?" Jonghyun asks, and Jessica shakes her head.
"I'll be fine, you have fun, I'll see you again sometime."
"Oh, okay..."
Jessica ends up at the convenience store just down the street from her house, one that looks run down and derelict and just old, but is clearly loved. The elderly couple who run it are always cheerful and welcoming, happy to greet a customer with a smile or name, and Jessica nods at them when she sits at the counter at the back.
The sun's only just setting, the last rays blocked by the tall apartment blocks across from the humble store, and it strikes her that those apartments must be relatively new and younger than her, such a contrast to the shop she's sitting in. They're all shiny and gleam prettily, but there's something about them that disturbs Jessica, and she can't pinpoint why.
"Welcome!"
She watches the road outside the store, relatively busy as people continue on their way home, and she cuts out the sound of a customer walking up a n down the cramped aisles. They're taking their time in the chips section, foil crinkling loudly under indecisive fingers, and the sound puts Jessica's teeth on edge. The footsteps start up again as she watches street lights flicker on, and then,
"Oh, it's you."
Half of her wants to ignore the voice, but the other half wins out and, surprise surprise, it's Changmin, his voice as familiar as ever.
"Jung Jessica, right?"
Against her will, she finds herself nodding, and he smirks.
"Huh, fancy seeing you here."
She remembers his predatory gaze looking her up and down the other day, and a chill spreads across her skin. She's scared of him, but she's also sure she doesn't want to shy from any of his little taunts.
"Stalking me, huh?" she says, a cool expression in place but heart beating furiously.
He grins wider, all shark-like with his teeth showing.
"You wish. Really thought I'd be that easy?"
He dumps his chips on the table next to her and swings himself into the seat. Jessica can't help the involuntary flinch at his actions and tries to slowly inch away. At least he won't do anything in a public place.
"Think you're so good?" Jessica mumbles, half to herself, but Changmin leans forward, grin still in place.
"Why yes, actually, how'd you know?"
She stares at him, his face so close, her eyes slightly cross-eyed.
"You think you're pretty good," Changmin comments, taking a box of cigarettes from his pocket and flipping it open as he leans back and casually makes distance.
"What made you think that?" she mutters and he grins. He jabs a cigarette at her and then sticks it between his fingers, sweeping his hand up and down to encompass her whole body.
"This, like, act you have going on, all Miss Perfect, dressed perfectly but being cold and frigid and about as friendly as a lump of coal. Oh sorry, that's an insult to the lump of coal; you're worse."
Her mouth's hanging open.
"Excuse me?"
"Oh, you're excused." He cheerily waves at her and sticks the cigarette in his mouth.
Her mouth snaps closed.
"No smoking inside," she says shortly. "And smoking will kill you."
He shrugs and grabs his chips, standing.
"You make it sound like we're not dying everyday."
With that, he's gone.
When she gets home, she quickly takes out last year's yearbook, flicking through the pages until she gets to the graduating class and stops. She runs her finger down the list of names and photos until she realises how idiotic she's being and checks the academic awards. And, right there, is a picture of Shim Changmin, unsmiling and serious-faced.
His hair is short and undyed, and his eyes are looking right into the camera. It chills her, how he's looking at her, right into her soul and she quickly closes the book and slides it under her bed.
Out of sight, out of mind.
Jessica keep sat it for the next week and half, rejecting Sunny and Taeyeon's invitations out, even as Sunny says, "that Jonghyun guy? Yeah, Kyuhyun says he's really into you."
As appealing as that sounds, Jessica kind of really isn't interested in him and rejects all of his calls and pleading, emoticon-filled messages, getting so irritated that she takes to leaving her phone at home.
Two weeks since noraebang and her phone vibrates on her desk and she hangs up and chucks it into the drawer. A few seconds later, it vibrates again and she turns it off, slams her drawer shut, rethinks it and then takes the battery out before closing the drawer again.
"Wow, persistent much," Krystal comments as she flicks through a magazine.
"You have no idea," Jessica says flatly as she turns over a letter from Tiffany back home, and there are no words to express how jealous Jessica is.
Miss you so much, it ends, XOXO, Tiffany!
"Bit heartless, though," Krystal says. "Not even giving him a chance."
"Please, you wouldn't either, I bet."
"You're just picky," Krystal says, and flips a page of her magazine. "Is he cute? Good looking? Personality?"
"...Pretty cute," Jessica concedes. "Alright looking, bit like a hamster. Nice."
"Oh, nice guy, well, he never had a chance then." Krystal exaggeratedly licks a finger to turn a page.
"What do you mean?" Jessica frowns.
"Nice guys always end up last in your books; you always go for the bad boys."
"Not true."
"Malfoy in Harry Potter?" Krystal raises her eyebrows. "Robert Downey Junior? Magneto?"
"Michael Fassbender is hot? And R-D-J isn't evil?"
"He looks evil," Krystal says and slowly turns a page. "I mean, imagine bringing him home to Mum and Dad." She slowly holds up a magazine. "See, if you brought home Song Joongki or Lee Minho instead..."
"Unstable job career," Jessica says and doesn't even look.
Fate seems to enjoy her suffering -- and Changmin's.
Another day, another school day where she's paid zero attention lightly brushes off invitations after class and walked home. She's crossing the street sucking on a lolly and playing with her phone. The street's basically empty and it isn't a busy one at the best of times, so Jessica doesn't pay attention, taking her time.
Until she hears a screech and she looks up, eyes widening as she takes in the sight of the massive, monstrous motorcycle bearing down on her, the only sound she can hear -- her frantic heartbeat and the loud engine -- and the only smell -- the exhaust fumes.
Jessica can't move -- she's petrified, scared out of her fucking socks, but apparently the driver has enough sense to swerve, his brakes screeching and his bike skidding until it sends him flying and he hits the pavement.
It's deadly silent.
Jessica unfreezes enough to hurry over, remembering meagre first aid knowledge and checking his pule. It's still beating solidly, and Jessica, paranoid in her panic, hurries over to the bike and tries to pull it from the middle of the road. It's too heavy, though, and she can't make it budge.
"Here, I'll do that," a kind voice says, and Jessica startles. It's the elderly man from the convenience store, his wife crouched over the driver, and Jessica realises, no duh, she just exited their store, and there was no way the wouldn't hear that.
With a heave, Jessica and the man get the bike standing again, and they lead it over to the side of the road, resting it under a tree. His wife is still crouched over the body, and Jessica hates to think that he-or-she might be dead -- and it would be all her fault. She swallows against her dry throat.
"Are they okay?" she manages, and the woman gives her a fleeting smile.
"We'll see. Help me hold the head while I take off the helmet? And, honey," she calls out to he man, "Could you please call an ambulance?"
Jessica gingerly kneels, feeling vulnerable and exposed in her school uniform as she holds the driver's head, and the woman slowly eases off the helmet.
The gasp that comes out is completely involuntary and Jessica almost drops the head, because who else would it be but Shim Changmin, eyes closed and face completely peaceful.
"You know him?" the woman asks sharply, and Jessica fidgets.
"I know of him..."
"You better ride with him in the ambulance then.
(description of his injuries, blah blah blah)
The hospital gives her a form to fill out, but all she can write down in his name.
"You knew the patient?" the nurse asks as she takes it back. Jessica shakes her head.
"Only in passing."
The nurse pauses, thinking.
"Do you know if you could contact a relative or close friend of his?" Again, she shakes his head. "Well, okay, here's what we'll do. Since you aren't authorised to do anything on his behalf, just take this and see if you can contact anyone else who might be able to help out."
The nurse puts a mobile on the counter and then walks away.
It's a standard cellphone; red and flat without charms. She flips it open and the background is of Seoul's cityscape, pretty but also standard and cliche. It feels invasive to go through someone's phone -- practically a stranger's -- but she goes to the contact list, slowly typing all variations she knows of "Mum", "Dad", "Sister", "Brother", "Grandmother" and "Grandfather". Nothing pops up, and she slowly scrolls down the contacts list until she pauses on Kim Jaejoong. Of course.
She clicks call and puts it to her ear, clearing her throat. He answers just as she's about to hang up, with a cheerful, "Changminnie!"
Jessica clears her throat. "Hello? Jaejoong-sshi?"
All cheer instantly disappears from Jaejoong's voice.
"What? Who's this? Why do you have Changmin's phone?"
"Sorry, this is Jung Jessica -- we met a few weeks ago? Changmin was in an accident and I need a relative to come to the hospital -- if you could please give me a number--"
"No," Jaejoong says curtly. "Jessica, was it? No, just tell me which hospital and we'll be there right away."
---
Honestly, Jessica is bored. She knows she has an obligation to attend school, be a good girl, get good grades to make her parents proud, blah blah blah, but seriously. Sitting in class day after day, head slightly bowed to write down notes and staring at the blackboard like it's actually interesting is taking its toll. She wants out.
Which is how she finds herself under the bridge, far enough from school so that the teachers won't spot her. She knows that it would be hell if she's found here, and she can even imagine the headlines -- Young schoolgirl found dead under local bridge, suspected work of local gangs.
But right now, she doesn't give a shit. Having a dictated life firmly ruled by test scores and grades wasn't what she imagined when the move was originally proposed. Yes, she knew it would have been a part of it, part of her new school life but not the whole part.
So she sits in the shadows as the bikie gang finally comes into view, the noises of their motors echoing in the darkness of the bridge. It's wonderful.
This is your typical love story, but not.
The first time they lock eyes, he's just gotten off his bike, helmet secure under one arm, mouth lifting in a half smirk and gaze going to her as if they're connected. She's the one who flinches and hides behind the pole, heart pounding and suddenly sweaty. Is she afraid?
No, she isn't -- she's curious, like one predator to another, and she's about to go out and confront him before other bikes' motors suddenly echo and his friends fly into the darkness, each of them stopping with a dust cloud. She peaks around the pole again, and Changmin's eyes are far from her, idly watching the man climbing off the bike in front of him.
"Changmin," the man says croons as he take off his helmet, and Jessica has to suppress a slight laugh at the disgust that crosses Changmin's face.
"Heechul-hyung," he says agreeably enough, though his face says otherwise.
"Changminnie, oh how I've missed you so," Heechul says and launches himself at Changmin in a hug. "Where have you been the last few days, my darling?"
"Back off Heechul, Changmin's mine," someone else says as they take off their helmet, and Changmin's face contorts in ways Jessica never knew existed.
"Yoochun, please, Changmin's all mine, aren't you, sweetie?" A lithe figure runs through the air and launches herself at Yoochun's back, long hair trailing behind her before her limbs wrap around Yoochun, trapping him effectively. He just sighs.
"And you wonder why I left you guys for a few days," Changmin says loudly, and Jessica giggles.
Jessica's sat in the same spot for so often that she can identify each of them -- Jaejoong, Yoochun, Heechul, Boa and of course, Changmin. She can't help feeling a bit like a stalker as she listens to the motors echo again in the darkness, the great expanse of the bridge stretching above them, the dirt road giving way to a gentle slope before dissolving into water. It's not beautiful -- the air always stinks of exhaust pipes, diesel, dirt and the river, the landscape a mix of urban and rustic -- but the sight has become something that allows Jessica to escape from school and life at home. It's her own secret, and she treasures it.
"Hey, you!"
Jessica's head jerks and she wipes a tiny bit of drool away. The voice compels her to look around the pole -- she recognises it as Changmin's voice and that alone is reason enough -- but she's unwilling to reveal herself.
"Come on, come out! I know you're there!" Changmin calls out again, and even as she feels her heart beating a mile a minute, Jessica steps out from the shadow, her school bag and school jacket dangling from a hand.
"I know I'm here, too," she says, voice shaking just a bit, and Changmin smiles in triumph.
"Who are you?" he asks, and Jessica wants to laugh. She must know almost everything about Shim Changmin, legendary rebel who had only graduated from her high school a few months ago with top grades but zero attendance. Shim Changmin who lives only the next street over from her and likes to come to the bridge to meet the other bikers every other day.
"I'm Jung Jessica, pleased to meet you." She bows, all perfect like the perfect high school student she isn't, looking down at him. When she looks up again, the slope of the grass giving her some height and distance, she drinks in the sight greedily, of Changmin casually leaning on his motorbike, the helmet on the seat beside him. He's squinting, looking into the sun to try to catch a glimpse of her, dressed neatly in her school uniform with her hair a delinquent's blonde but tied and pinned back as per regulations.
"Shim Changmin," he says slowly, and Jessica wants to say I know.
She almost does but the rumbling of more motorbikes fill the silence, and they both look over as two pull in. The bikes stop with a low rumble and more dirt flying, one leaping off the bike with their arms spread wide in a welcoming hug.
"CHANGMINNIE BABY!"
"Ooff."
"MY DARLING CHANGMIN!"
"Oh god."
Jessica can't help the giggle that comes out at Changmin's long-suffering expression as he's wrapped in a threeway hug -- a suffocating one by the looks of it. And it's this that causes the two other guys to look up the hill at her, eyes widening slowly.
"Why hello," Yoochun begins, leering, before Jaejoong hits him on the back of his head.
"Don't be rude," Jaejoong half whispers and Changmin rolls his eyes.
"I'm not being rude, I'm being friendly," Yoochun half whispers back, "something Changmin here was never taught."
"Friendly, alright," Changmin says loudly, and Jessica giggles again. The other two look at each other before they turn to her and Jaejoong speaks, all courtesy and perfect gentleman-ly skills.
"I'm Kim Jaejoong, and this is Park Yoochun." They both bow deeply, and she bows back, again.
"Have you been stalking us?" Changmin asks in the following silence, eyes narrowed, and Jessica instantly fears for her life.
"Um, no?" she offers weakly, and he frowns, climbing up the slope in large strides. He's in front her before she can react, and she hadn't ever realised just how tall he is.
He scoffs once he's there, and she has to tilt her head up to look at him.
"You're... not from another gang, are you?" he asks, and she shakes her head, Jaejoong laughing.
"Does she look it? She's in her school uniform," Jaejoong says, his voice travelling, and Changmin has to grin. He grabs her arm and squeezes it lightly -- no muscle at all.
"You're right. What're you doing here, then? Skipping school?" he asks lightly, and Jessica shrinks again.
"You could say that."
There are things up close that Jessica could've never picked up from a distance, safely hidden. How Changmin's eyelashes fan against his cheeks, the intensity of his gaze and how his fringe flops over his eyes, uninvited. Up close, Jessica's different from how Changmin imagined as well, from all those hidden glances he couldn't help. Less innocent and demure, the school uniform only acting as an unreliable costume.
"Not, but really," Changmin starts again, "why are you here? Out of the all the places to skip, you had to come here?"
"I've... heard about you," she said lowly, and she can see his eyebrows rise. "There are rumours about you, at school."
"Right," he says, looking her up and down, "we went to the same school. But that doesn't mean we have some kind of bond."
"Changmin thinks he needs to be an asshole to the rest of the human race because he's such a gift to us," Jaejoong informs her cheerfully.
"Us?"
"Us, the gang, us bikies, whatever you want to call us," Changmin says, shrugging, backing off. Being so close to him is intoxicating and thrilling, and Jessica's thankful for the space.
"Right," Jessica says, throat dry.
"Changmin," Jaejoong says, laughing, and he's climbing up the slope. "Stop scaring her."
"He's not--"
"No need to put on a brave face," Yoochun says and stands before her, hair windswept. "It's not like we're going to kidnap you or rape you and kill you and hide your body in the river." Because that is so reassuring.
"You're scaring her," Jaejoong says, trying to hide his grin, and Jessica has to admit that she is really, pretty freaking scared right now.
"I'm not," she says instead, and is just a bit offended when Changmin grins, so close to laughing.
"I'm not!" she insists, and Changmin takes a slow step back.
"Well, then you're an idiot," he says, and looks her up and down in a predatory way. "You're here, alone, with three other guys, bikies, gangsters, whatever, and I don't think anyone else knows you're here, right? You should be scared."
Jessica doesn't know what to say, and Yoochun reaches up to sling a friendly arm over Changmin's shoulders. "Stop bullying her," Yoochun says, and Jaejoong laughs at Changmin's affronted expression.
"I'm not bullying her, I'm just stating the facts--"
"And scaring the shit out of her," Jaejoong says, and slowly begins tugging Changmin down the slope. He looks up at Jessica, still in the same position with the deer-caught-in-headlines-scared look on her face, and gives her a friendly smile. "No need to worry about us scary gangsters, we'll be on our way now, leaving poor, innocent high schoolers alone and going back to terrorising the neighbourhood."
"Bye Jessica, nice to meet you!" Yoochun says as he grabs Changmin's other arm and pulls him back to the bikes.
"Bye," she says softly when they're revving their engines and it's so loud she can barely hear herself even as Changmin looks at her before flicking his visor down and speeding away.
For a solid week, Jessica tries to be perfect daughter and student -- she wakes up at 6AM, dresses, makes sure she has everything she needs, and goes to school as Krystal blearily rubs her eyes and wonders aloud how much time it'll take her to run to school. Jessica pretends to take notes in each of her classes as she doodles in the margins, chats with the other girls between periods and at lunch, and goes home right after school, sits in her room, staring out the window until it's shower time, packs her bag for the next day and then goes to bed at 11PM.
That is, until the following Wednesday when Sunny lightly pushes her shoulder as they're packing up, pouting lightly.
"You never hang out with us anymore! Come on, come to noraebang tonight! Since when have you turned into a nerd?"
Jessica smiles a bit as she tucks her pencil case in her bag, closing it with quick, smooth movements. To be honest, she has no idea why she's suddenly obsessed with looking perfect -- so much so that even Sunny has noticed -- after talking to Changmin, Jaejoong and Yoochun. It's like finally getting a touch with the other side of the law has opened her eyes and made her realise she doesn't want it. At all.
"Don't be a spoil sport," Taeyeon adds from behind her, all packed up, and Jessica sighs.
"Alright, then."
It feels weird, like she's had three different lives -- delinquent, perfect student and normal teenager -- and it like none of them really fit, that it's an either/or situation without peaceful coexistence. She kind of feels lost, like she doesn't know herself anymore, or what she wants, and she hates that.
Noraebang is fun, though Sunny carefully didn't mention it was a mixer, a triple date of sorts with three other guys from a nearby high school. Jessica's paired up with the loud, talkative one -- Jonghyun, or Jaehyun, or something -- who's quite nice but also pretty damn boring. When he gets up to sing some old Korean ballad she doesn't recognise, though, he proves his worth.
"Only reason we keep him 'round -- he's useless otherwise," one of the other guys comment, the one with Sunny. She laughs prettily and Jessica awkwardly looks away.
"Sunny mentioned you're pretty good at singing," Jonghyun says as he sits down, slightly breathless as Taeyeon and her date grab at the mic.
"Nothing compared to you," Jessica says dully.
"I'm sure you're not that bad! Come on, we're at noraebang, you have to sing!"
No, I really don't. But Jessica bites her tongue and pulls out her phone.
krystal, favour, call me + pretend to be mum?
Her phone rings a few seconds later.
"Hello? Oh hey Mum." Jessica lets herself out of the room quietly, ignoring Jonghyun's inquisitive look.
"Blah blah blah come home now do you know what time it is oh my god now Jessica," Krystal says flatly and Jessica grins.
"Yes Mum, see you soon, love you."
"Welcome daughter, come home now blah blah blah glad to see you finally got that stick of your ass by the way bye!"
Jessica frowns at the dial tone but looks up when Jonghyun pokes his head through the doorway worriedly.
"Everything okay?"
"Oh, yeah, I just have to head home now."
"Oh." His frown increases when she pushes past him to get her bag.
"Already?" Sunny whines, and Jessica gives her an apologetic smile.
"Mum, can't say no." Jessica gives the girls a hug and waves goodbye at the other two guys.
"Should I walk you to the station?" Jonghyun asks, and Jessica shakes her head.
"I'll be fine, you have fun, I'll see you again sometime."
"Oh, okay..."
Jessica ends up at the convenience store just down the street from her house, one that looks run down and derelict and just old, but is clearly loved. The elderly couple who run it are always cheerful and welcoming, happy to greet a customer with a smile or name, and Jessica nods at them when she sits at the counter at the back.
The sun's only just setting, the last rays blocked by the tall apartment blocks across from the humble store, and it strikes her that those apartments must be relatively new and younger than her, such a contrast to the shop she's sitting in. They're all shiny and gleam prettily, but there's something about them that disturbs Jessica, and she can't pinpoint why.
"Welcome!"
She watches the road outside the store, relatively busy as people continue on their way home, and she cuts out the sound of a customer walking up a n down the cramped aisles. They're taking their time in the chips section, foil crinkling loudly under indecisive fingers, and the sound puts Jessica's teeth on edge. The footsteps start up again as she watches street lights flicker on, and then,
"Oh, it's you."
Half of her wants to ignore the voice, but the other half wins out and, surprise surprise, it's Changmin, his voice as familiar as ever.
"Jung Jessica, right?"
Against her will, she finds herself nodding, and he smirks.
"Huh, fancy seeing you here."
She remembers his predatory gaze looking her up and down the other day, and a chill spreads across her skin. She's scared of him, but she's also sure she doesn't want to shy from any of his little taunts.
"Stalking me, huh?" she says, a cool expression in place but heart beating furiously.
He grins wider, all shark-like with his teeth showing.
"You wish. Really thought I'd be that easy?"
He dumps his chips on the table next to her and swings himself into the seat. Jessica can't help the involuntary flinch at his actions and tries to slowly inch away. At least he won't do anything in a public place.
"Think you're so good?" Jessica mumbles, half to herself, but Changmin leans forward, grin still in place.
"Why yes, actually, how'd you know?"
She stares at him, his face so close, her eyes slightly cross-eyed.
"You think you're pretty good," Changmin comments, taking a box of cigarettes from his pocket and flipping it open as he leans back and casually makes distance.
"What made you think that?" she mutters and he grins. He jabs a cigarette at her and then sticks it between his fingers, sweeping his hand up and down to encompass her whole body.
"This, like, act you have going on, all Miss Perfect, dressed perfectly but being cold and frigid and about as friendly as a lump of coal. Oh sorry, that's an insult to the lump of coal; you're worse."
Her mouth's hanging open.
"Excuse me?"
"Oh, you're excused." He cheerily waves at her and sticks the cigarette in his mouth.
Her mouth snaps closed.
"No smoking inside," she says shortly. "And smoking will kill you."
He shrugs and grabs his chips, standing.
"You make it sound like we're not dying everyday."
With that, he's gone.
When she gets home, she quickly takes out last year's yearbook, flicking through the pages until she gets to the graduating class and stops. She runs her finger down the list of names and photos until she realises how idiotic she's being and checks the academic awards. And, right there, is a picture of Shim Changmin, unsmiling and serious-faced.
His hair is short and undyed, and his eyes are looking right into the camera. It chills her, how he's looking at her, right into her soul and she quickly closes the book and slides it under her bed.
Out of sight, out of mind.
Jessica keep sat it for the next week and half, rejecting Sunny and Taeyeon's invitations out, even as Sunny says, "that Jonghyun guy? Yeah, Kyuhyun says he's really into you."
As appealing as that sounds, Jessica kind of really isn't interested in him and rejects all of his calls and pleading, emoticon-filled messages, getting so irritated that she takes to leaving her phone at home.
Two weeks since noraebang and her phone vibrates on her desk and she hangs up and chucks it into the drawer. A few seconds later, it vibrates again and she turns it off, slams her drawer shut, rethinks it and then takes the battery out before closing the drawer again.
"Wow, persistent much," Krystal comments as she flicks through a magazine.
"You have no idea," Jessica says flatly as she turns over a letter from Tiffany back home, and there are no words to express how jealous Jessica is.
Miss you so much, it ends, XOXO, Tiffany!
"Bit heartless, though," Krystal says. "Not even giving him a chance."
"Please, you wouldn't either, I bet."
"You're just picky," Krystal says, and flips a page of her magazine. "Is he cute? Good looking? Personality?"
"...Pretty cute," Jessica concedes. "Alright looking, bit like a hamster. Nice."
"Oh, nice guy, well, he never had a chance then." Krystal exaggeratedly licks a finger to turn a page.
"What do you mean?" Jessica frowns.
"Nice guys always end up last in your books; you always go for the bad boys."
"Not true."
"Malfoy in Harry Potter?" Krystal raises her eyebrows. "Robert Downey Junior? Magneto?"
"Michael Fassbender is hot? And R-D-J isn't evil?"
"He looks evil," Krystal says and slowly turns a page. "I mean, imagine bringing him home to Mum and Dad." She slowly holds up a magazine. "See, if you brought home Song Joongki or Lee Minho instead..."
"Unstable job career," Jessica says and doesn't even look.
Fate seems to enjoy her suffering -- and Changmin's.
Another day, another school day where she's paid zero attention lightly brushes off invitations after class and walked home. She's crossing the street sucking on a lolly and playing with her phone. The street's basically empty and it isn't a busy one at the best of times, so Jessica doesn't pay attention, taking her time.
Until she hears a screech and she looks up, eyes widening as she takes in the sight of the massive, monstrous motorcycle bearing down on her, the only sound she can hear -- her frantic heartbeat and the loud engine -- and the only smell -- the exhaust fumes.
Jessica can't move -- she's petrified, scared out of her fucking socks, but apparently the driver has enough sense to swerve, his brakes screeching and his bike skidding until it sends him flying and he hits the pavement.
It's deadly silent.
Jessica unfreezes enough to hurry over, remembering meagre first aid knowledge and checking his pule. It's still beating solidly, and Jessica, paranoid in her panic, hurries over to the bike and tries to pull it from the middle of the road. It's too heavy, though, and she can't make it budge.
"Here, I'll do that," a kind voice says, and Jessica startles. It's the elderly man from the convenience store, his wife crouched over the driver, and Jessica realises, no duh, she just exited their store, and there was no way the wouldn't hear that.
With a heave, Jessica and the man get the bike standing again, and they lead it over to the side of the road, resting it under a tree. His wife is still crouched over the body, and Jessica hates to think that he-or-she might be dead -- and it would be all her fault. She swallows against her dry throat.
"Are they okay?" she manages, and the woman gives her a fleeting smile.
"We'll see. Help me hold the head while I take off the helmet? And, honey," she calls out to he man, "Could you please call an ambulance?"
Jessica gingerly kneels, feeling vulnerable and exposed in her school uniform as she holds the driver's head, and the woman slowly eases off the helmet.
The gasp that comes out is completely involuntary and Jessica almost drops the head, because who else would it be but Shim Changmin, eyes closed and face completely peaceful.
"You know him?" the woman asks sharply, and Jessica fidgets.
"I know of him..."
"You better ride with him in the ambulance then.
(description of his injuries, blah blah blah)
The hospital gives her a form to fill out, but all she can write down in his name.
"You knew the patient?" the nurse asks as she takes it back. Jessica shakes her head.
"Only in passing."
The nurse pauses, thinking.
"Do you know if you could contact a relative or close friend of his?" Again, she shakes his head. "Well, okay, here's what we'll do. Since you aren't authorised to do anything on his behalf, just take this and see if you can contact anyone else who might be able to help out."
The nurse puts a mobile on the counter and then walks away.
It's a standard cellphone; red and flat without charms. She flips it open and the background is of Seoul's cityscape, pretty but also standard and cliche. It feels invasive to go through someone's phone -- practically a stranger's -- but she goes to the contact list, slowly typing all variations she knows of "Mum", "Dad", "Sister", "Brother", "Grandmother" and "Grandfather". Nothing pops up, and she slowly scrolls down the contacts list until she pauses on Kim Jaejoong. Of course.
She clicks call and puts it to her ear, clearing her throat. He answers just as she's about to hang up, with a cheerful, "Changminnie!"
Jessica clears her throat. "Hello? Jaejoong-sshi?"
All cheer instantly disappears from Jaejoong's voice.
"What? Who's this? Why do you have Changmin's phone?"
"Sorry, this is Jung Jessica -- we met a few weeks ago? Changmin was in an accident and I need a relative to come to the hospital -- if you could please give me a number--"
"No," Jaejoong says curtly. "Jessica, was it? No, just tell me which hospital and we'll be there right away."