letting it go

Nov 25, 2014 22:56

I came up with a new equation today. Being on my period + my mother = me being in a very very foul mood. And because I didn't want things to turn ugly, or explosive devices to be triggered, I'm letting it all go here.


It's so strange. My mother's relationship with me was strained for the last 4 years because of my relationship (now previous relationship) that she disapproved of. Ultimately the relationship wasn't strong enough to withstand the parental disapproval (neither was the other party willing to try) and it fell apart. The blame is equally spread, although I do believe my mother could have made things easier for me had she let go of some of her prejudices but that's besides the point.

So I would have thought that after having her way (read: I don't have that relationship she so disapproves of) things would be better between us, she'd be more understanding in other ways, life at home would be much more rosy. Unfortunately life has a way of stabbing you in the ass. Not only do I not have someone I can turn to when my mother is being a pain in the neck, the tension between us is still present.

So it seems we may never get along. Because our outlook on life is way too different and there's so many things we feud about.

Money for one. I detest the demanding nature that makes her expect me to give her money. I have no issues with giving her a cut from my salary. In fact, I do give her (and my dad) relatively large cuts as compared to others. And I'm doing it perfectly willingly. What I dislike is the way she continuously tries to manage my money as though it were hers, and the way she lays claim to the money as though it is her right and belongs to her rather than something I choose to give her. Rather than what it is: a gift. A monthly gift but still, it's a gift. So when she starts insinuating that it should be more, that she deserves more, I get mad because who would demand more for a gift?

And then there's the issue of living at home. Where I stay, living at home until you get married is the norm. Which means, parent's house, her rules. Where whatever I'm doing can be seen and is up for judgement by her. And she wields that judgement proudly. Restraining my use of my personal hand phone and laptop. Popping in to see "what are you doing now?" And then throwing a tantrum (ergo, taking away my laptop charger) when I'm using anything electronic, or doing anything relaxing. I honestly don't know what she expects me to be doing seeing as she doesn't voice any approval for any of my hobbies. Which are wholesome hobbies. Like reading ("don't read too much, you''re filling your mind with junk" PS I read biographies and nonfiction along with fiction btw), cardmaking ("why must you always make a mess"), watching shows ("can you stop using electricity"). So yeah, I'm not entirely sure what she wants me to do with my free time either seeing as now I don't have a partner to go out with.

Probably not the worst story or worst life for anybody, but this is frustrating me and I just wanted to verbally spew out all the frustration I've been harbouring inside
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