::deep breath:: OK, here we go . . .

[altahnthorunn]

I wouldn't post if I didn't want your honest critique, both what is done right and what I can improve upon.

I am interested in what you feel, how you respond, if you end a section with a sense of confusion or a desire to read more.

You help me make my writing stronger, more vital, and I appreciate the time you are giving me-- a lot.

OK, here we go

Comments

Are you suuuuure? O.k., here goes,...

[chiere]

Hokay, here's my input,... I'm no great writer, so I hope I don't stear you wrong, but these are some of the things I remember from Creative Writing classes, what I like to read, and personal experience

Part two,...

[chiere]

"Robbie’s startled eyes jumped to Vivian’s heartily laughter." I imagine Robbie's eyes physically jumping across the space to land on Vivian's laughter. Which isn't visable. Maybe something like, Robbie turned startled eyes towards Vivian when he heard her hearty laughter

loved the mention of Sain Martin's spring

[islay]

I think you have a good start and should keep going - the cadance of your story is beginning to set the characters are coming to life. Keep up the good work!!!! Remember that ass glue and finish the story and then work on editing later.

Re: loved the mention of Sain Martin's spring

[sheridan_du]

I must agree...finish it and then go back and edit. In my opinion its better to get it out of your head and on paper and then go back and fix it.

Good start keep up the excellent work