so it's come to this. man, what was so wrong. its hard to understand. It only half registers in my mind. mostly, it's like one big lie, someone's going to tell me that you're still here. but no. because there are those moments when a wave of realization hits. hits hard. i picture you there. lifeless. and then I know. this is real. I wish I was ( Read more... )

i haven't been doing anything too productive lately. just floating through at this point. not the best position, but not hurting anything. school is just a job, something to go through until 2.00... just to say you did it i guess. teachers are okay. not bad, not great. the work is do'able. future goals... theyre pretty sad, but here they are ( Read more... )

update on dad's words of wizdom: rehab is for quitters ( Read more... )

the ultimate revelation has come to my attention on the issue at hand. i decided that i am no longer going to merely 'watch' while everyone has a good time and laughs at nothing. i am sick of it and its gotto stop. so now to the cliche part of this entry:: if you can't beat em', join em'. its not a bad deal. i mean its having fun and not being mad ( Read more... )

bad influences everywhere and theres no way to know the right way. how am i supposed to figure it all out bymyself anyways. no one cares about anything but themselves and its bullshit cause we all have problems. guess im still trying to find out who i want to be, and who i am. we're almost juniors and that means responsibility for yourself. it ( Read more... )

yea so there's really good stuff coming up soon to look foreward to. like contraband from velvet revolver comes out tuesday. slither is a kick ass tune.. i cant get enough of it. and its been all over mtv that creed has officially broken up. even though i knew they broke up since like march... its hard to hear them talk about it. when mark says ( Read more... )

am i stupid for this?... he says u wanna come out, have a beer? and i say no. i think thats the right thing, but around here who knows.. its fukd up man. i donno what to do now, cuz im bored outta my mind, and im actually contemplating it. if i did, i would be going against my principle: "i will not conform". i suppose if i did it inside alone it ( Read more... )