(no subject)
I confuse myself, sometimes.
Take the acting thing. Obviously, somewhere deep down, I crave the attention that being on stage gets an actor. I love the lights, the drama, the words, making moments real and creating a world to which an audience can escape for an hour or two. I love getting praise when something goes perfectly in rehearsal, and whenever someone else is praised, I try to bring myself up to their level.
But at the same time, I hate taking credit for what I've created. Call it modesty, chalk it up to knowing too many self-centered, ostentatious people, but when it comes time to take a bow, I almost wish the earth would swallow me up. I'd rather join the audience in applauding the rest of the cast than be applauded. When it's a group bow, I don't mind at all. If an ensemble works hard, they all deserve the applause. But single bows? For other people, they're great. I think everyone in every show deserves a single bow for doing what they do. But I'm embarrassed to take a bow by myself.
Similarly, I love to sing with my friends, just goofing off and trying to belt as high as I can. I rejoice when I hit a perfect note as I'm singing alone in my car. But stick me on a stage in front of an audience and ask me to sing a song, and I couldn't possibly feel more self-conscious.
I just don't get it. I guess other people probably feel the same way, or maybe I'm just strange. But it's weird. And I need to get over that.
In other news, life's been really nice lately. I love being immersed in a show, even if it means I don't do much else. And Into the Woods is going to be fantastic. I'm starting to really like the cast. Great time for me to realize it, right? With only 2 days left? Ha. Oh well. I'm glad I decided to do Interact this summer.
And tomorrow is Cati's birthday! So that's exciting. Happy Birthday, Cati!
...aaand I think that's it.