fic: a sordid affair
title: a sordid affair
fandom: shameless (us)
pairing: lip/ian
rating: pg-13
summary: You haven't decided which hurts worse, the fact that he thinks you're gutless or that he's the first person to ever call you gay out loud and he says it like it's a joke, like it's something he can't believe, won't believe.
notes: 1124 words. second person and lots of run-ons. hey look, incest in a different fandom, oh deeeeer. for wandersfound.
At first you're not sure that it's him, afraid that maybe your mind's playing tricks on you, like you've finally lost it, hearing your brother's voice while Kash has his arms around you. But then you see Lip around the corner of the shelves and you can't get dressed quickly enough, Kash just as terrified as you for a dozen different reasons. You've never been caught before, the two of you, never even considered the idea of it happening but all the while knowing exactly what it would mean if you were.
It's business as usual as best that you can, and you smile and look busy and Lip says, "Thanks for the tools," and you think 'thank fuck he didn't notice, everything's good' and put the cream cheese in the cooler, trying to control your breathing and hoping to hell that your hard-on got scared away when Lip showed up. He's silent for a bit and you think he's getting ready to leave, turn around and walk out the door, gratitude applied, but then you look up and suddenly it feels like the world is ending, his face frozen in shock.
"You must be joking," he says, and for a moment you don't understand, or at least you pretend not to.
"You're fucking him?" His eyes are wide and his breath comes out heavy. You don't think you've never seen him so terrified in your life and that scares you to death. He runs away from you and Kash before you can even decide what to say, as if there are any words to make this hurt less, make it better. You're not even sure how he figured it out until you look down and see your mismatched and untied shoes.
Kash doesn't speak, waits for you to make the first move, like you always do. You're fond of Kash, and maybe even you love him a bit, but he'll never understand you, never get the reason why you let him suck your dick, why when he has a wife and children at home you're here in the store with him, on your hands and knees. You can't very well tell him you'd like to be fucking your brother instead, now could you.
~
Later, when you're in your room and he's yelling in your face, you're trying to prove to him that it's not all about him. You're trying to convince him it's not about the money, that Kash cares for you and you for him, and he's hitting you and judging you and you're not sure which part hurts worse, his fists or his words.
His hands are all over you and you fight back. "Listen to me, stupid! You think you know everything but you don't know shit!" At this point you don't know who you're more mad at, yourself or him and you're only yelling because he's inches away, his face in your face, and that's your mistake, shoving him up against the wall, so close.
You've given Kash things too, you say, CDs and tickets and you list everything you can think of but it's not enough to distract you, not enough to keep you from thinking that he's just so close and if you just move a little closer...
He pushes you away, wipes his face off, there's blood pooling at the corner of his lip and you don't remember doing it but you must've. He walks away from you, opposite corner of the room from you even, like he can't stand to be close to you, like he wants to be as far away from your queer ass as possible. "Fake Muslim," he says, "cheats on white fundamentalist wife with gutless gay boy," he says.
"I'm not gutless," you say. You haven't decided which hurts worse, the fact that he thinks you're gutless or that he's the first person to ever call you gay out loud and he says it like it's a joke, like it's something he can't believe, won't believe. Like it's not something that affects him. But it does, and it will.
You may be gay but you're not gutless, so you cross the room, cross this great divide he's created in the room you've shared together for seventeen years, and you kiss him. You wrap your fucking hands around the back of his neck so he can't pull away and he's still for a moment, like he's too shocked to move, and then you feel him start to realize, start to pull away, but you hold fast and kiss him, make the most of the moment before he finally pulls out of your grip and punches you and never speaks to you again.
Except he doesn't. He stays stiff and awkward for longer than you expect, and then unexpectedly his mouth opens a little wider, and he pulls a hand up tentatively to your face. Then you're the one pulling back first, eyes wide with shock. "Lip?" you ask, breath heavy and voice wavering.
He says, "shhhh" and pulls you closer to him, lines up every inch of your bodies and you've never noticed how close in height you've become, still used to looking up at him, up at your big brother with your starry wide eyes knowing there's nothing in this world you wouldn't do for him and vice versa. But now he's kissing you, his one hand gripping around your head tighter than both of yours around his and you're trying to think, trying to wonder if he's only doing this because he knows you want it or if he's doing it because he wants it. You're not sure which is the better scenario, but then again you really don't care, not when his mouth's on yours and he tastes like cigarettes and leftover lasagna, not when his free hand grips your hips and slides down underneath your jeans, fingers long and lean and cold.
"Jesus, Lip!" You jump away from his hand and instantly regret it, see the look on his face like he's lost and confused and 'what the fuck did I just do?' You remember how it felt the first time you realized you wanted to fuck your brother, the first time you let Kash touch you, and here's Lip on the fast track through both those sensations, regret and sexual crisis all in one instant. You rush out, "It's okay, your hand was just cold," and reach for him again, but the moment's lost and gone, and he stares at you wide-eyed for several seconds before running out of the room, leaving you with your pants half-down and a cold hand print fading on your body.
This is not how your night was supposed to go.
fandom: shameless (us)
pairing: lip/ian
rating: pg-13
summary: You haven't decided which hurts worse, the fact that he thinks you're gutless or that he's the first person to ever call you gay out loud and he says it like it's a joke, like it's something he can't believe, won't believe.
notes: 1124 words. second person and lots of run-ons. hey look, incest in a different fandom, oh deeeeer. for wandersfound.
At first you're not sure that it's him, afraid that maybe your mind's playing tricks on you, like you've finally lost it, hearing your brother's voice while Kash has his arms around you. But then you see Lip around the corner of the shelves and you can't get dressed quickly enough, Kash just as terrified as you for a dozen different reasons. You've never been caught before, the two of you, never even considered the idea of it happening but all the while knowing exactly what it would mean if you were.
It's business as usual as best that you can, and you smile and look busy and Lip says, "Thanks for the tools," and you think 'thank fuck he didn't notice, everything's good' and put the cream cheese in the cooler, trying to control your breathing and hoping to hell that your hard-on got scared away when Lip showed up. He's silent for a bit and you think he's getting ready to leave, turn around and walk out the door, gratitude applied, but then you look up and suddenly it feels like the world is ending, his face frozen in shock.
"You must be joking," he says, and for a moment you don't understand, or at least you pretend not to.
"You're fucking him?" His eyes are wide and his breath comes out heavy. You don't think you've never seen him so terrified in your life and that scares you to death. He runs away from you and Kash before you can even decide what to say, as if there are any words to make this hurt less, make it better. You're not even sure how he figured it out until you look down and see your mismatched and untied shoes.
Kash doesn't speak, waits for you to make the first move, like you always do. You're fond of Kash, and maybe even you love him a bit, but he'll never understand you, never get the reason why you let him suck your dick, why when he has a wife and children at home you're here in the store with him, on your hands and knees. You can't very well tell him you'd like to be fucking your brother instead, now could you.
~
Later, when you're in your room and he's yelling in your face, you're trying to prove to him that it's not all about him. You're trying to convince him it's not about the money, that Kash cares for you and you for him, and he's hitting you and judging you and you're not sure which part hurts worse, his fists or his words.
His hands are all over you and you fight back. "Listen to me, stupid! You think you know everything but you don't know shit!" At this point you don't know who you're more mad at, yourself or him and you're only yelling because he's inches away, his face in your face, and that's your mistake, shoving him up against the wall, so close.
You've given Kash things too, you say, CDs and tickets and you list everything you can think of but it's not enough to distract you, not enough to keep you from thinking that he's just so close and if you just move a little closer...
He pushes you away, wipes his face off, there's blood pooling at the corner of his lip and you don't remember doing it but you must've. He walks away from you, opposite corner of the room from you even, like he can't stand to be close to you, like he wants to be as far away from your queer ass as possible. "Fake Muslim," he says, "cheats on white fundamentalist wife with gutless gay boy," he says.
"I'm not gutless," you say. You haven't decided which hurts worse, the fact that he thinks you're gutless or that he's the first person to ever call you gay out loud and he says it like it's a joke, like it's something he can't believe, won't believe. Like it's not something that affects him. But it does, and it will.
You may be gay but you're not gutless, so you cross the room, cross this great divide he's created in the room you've shared together for seventeen years, and you kiss him. You wrap your fucking hands around the back of his neck so he can't pull away and he's still for a moment, like he's too shocked to move, and then you feel him start to realize, start to pull away, but you hold fast and kiss him, make the most of the moment before he finally pulls out of your grip and punches you and never speaks to you again.
Except he doesn't. He stays stiff and awkward for longer than you expect, and then unexpectedly his mouth opens a little wider, and he pulls a hand up tentatively to your face. Then you're the one pulling back first, eyes wide with shock. "Lip?" you ask, breath heavy and voice wavering.
He says, "shhhh" and pulls you closer to him, lines up every inch of your bodies and you've never noticed how close in height you've become, still used to looking up at him, up at your big brother with your starry wide eyes knowing there's nothing in this world you wouldn't do for him and vice versa. But now he's kissing you, his one hand gripping around your head tighter than both of yours around his and you're trying to think, trying to wonder if he's only doing this because he knows you want it or if he's doing it because he wants it. You're not sure which is the better scenario, but then again you really don't care, not when his mouth's on yours and he tastes like cigarettes and leftover lasagna, not when his free hand grips your hips and slides down underneath your jeans, fingers long and lean and cold.
"Jesus, Lip!" You jump away from his hand and instantly regret it, see the look on his face like he's lost and confused and 'what the fuck did I just do?' You remember how it felt the first time you realized you wanted to fuck your brother, the first time you let Kash touch you, and here's Lip on the fast track through both those sensations, regret and sexual crisis all in one instant. You rush out, "It's okay, your hand was just cold," and reach for him again, but the moment's lost and gone, and he stares at you wide-eyed for several seconds before running out of the room, leaving you with your pants half-down and a cold hand print fading on your body.
This is not how your night was supposed to go.