In the Deep and Down (1/2)
[ Master post ]
In the Deep and Down
Jared hasn’t done porn in seven months.
Now it’s just something he did, a conversation starter.
Things are mostly back to normal, though Jared’s still trying to adjust to a ‘normal’ that includes dating a guy, when seven months ago he’d considered himself mostly straight.
It’s his second year in college and things have mostly stayed the same. He and Chad still share the same narrow, crappy little house, Jared still works too many hours at the bookstore and he’s still trying to figure out where Jensen fits in his life.
Jared can’t put words to whatever it is that they have. They took a break over the summer, nothing official but a mutual agreement that being in different cities might make a new relationship more complicated than it needed to be. When September came and Jared was back in Galveston, they fell back into each other like no time had passed.
It’s exclusive, this thing between them, as much as it really can be with Jensen off fucking other guys for the camera. Which is something they don’t ever talk about for no other reason than Jared’s working really hard at not having a problem with it.
There’s this feeling of something building between them since Jared came back. They’re both so busy but every free second Jared has he gives to Jensen.
It’s a cool, rainy Thursday and Jared is knee deep in hours of dense reading for his Russian literature class, a class he’s forgotten the reasons for taking. He’s been at it since his last class let out at four. The world outside has gotten dark and he’s camped out in the gloomy living room. Better here than one of the crowded libraries.
There’s a knock at the door that startles him out of his reading haze. He’s not expecting anyone and he’s not all that with it when he gets blearily to his feet and heads for the door. Jensen is the last person he expects to see on the other side. Jensen’s hair is wet with rain water, his t-shirt damp and sticking to him and there’s this wild look in his eyes that take Jared by surprise.
Jared’s brain is complete mush from trying to cram it full of information he’s not sure he’ll ever need and it takes a second for it to register that Jensen’s standing on his front porch, soaked from the rain because he wanted to see Jared.
Jared feels himself go flushed with pleasure. “Hi,” he says stupidly, standing there in his bare feet, looking at Jensen like it’s been months and not a day and a half.
Jensen’s mouth quirks up in the hint of a smile before it’s gone and he’s stepping inside, kicking the door shut as he reaches for Jared. He wraps strong fingers around Jared’s neck and hauls him forward with more force than Jared’s expecting. Jared’s stunned stupid.
Jensen doesn’t kiss him like Jared’s expecting. He presses his mouth to Jared’s jaw, trails hot lips up to the shell of his ear and his voice is new and strange to Jared when he says “I’ll apologize later if you need me to, but I really need to fuck you.”
Jared chokes on his shock. He’s never seen Jensen like this and he wants to ask a dozen questions. He settles instead for nodding as he tries to catch his breath. Jensen brings him down with a strong grip on the back of his neck, his mouth hot when he kisses Jared, licks right into his mouth like he’s trying to taste all of him. It’s aggressive, demanding, more intense than Jared’s ever been kissed before.
It doesn’t matter that it’s all frighteningly new, like standing on the edge of a precipice waiting to jump. He’s hard from it, from the tension he can feel in Jensen’s body, from the way Jensen’s looking at him like he wants to fucking devour him.
Jared wraps his arms around Jensen’s back and holds on for dear life. He lets out a gasp that turns into a low cry when Jensen surges forward, backing them into the wall. Jared lands against it with a thud, knocking the breath right out of him. Jensen holds him there with his hips and Jared can feel the hard, thick shape of Jensen’s cock at his hip. He doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to being wanted by Jensen, being the object of Jensen’s focus. It’s a powerful feeling.
“Jesus,” Jared moans, clinging to Jensen, fingers curled around his upper arms. Jensen’s using his weight to hold Jared against the wall - they’re just about the same height, though Jared’s starting to edge ahead, but Jensen’s got the adrenaline going for him.
Jensen shocks the shit out of him by fumbling for one of Jared’s wrists and slamming it against the wall, using Jared’s surprise to get the other one pinned. Jared’s vision blurs a little - this is like some twisted, warped fantasy coming to life, one he didn’t even realize he had until now; until he’s got Jensen manhandling him.
Jensen gets a thigh between Jared’s legs and uses it to keep Jared pinned against the wall as he works his hips in a rhythm that makes Jared ache down in his bones for this.
He’s painfully aware that Chad could come in at any second and how frustratingly awkward that would be. He clutches at Jensen and mumbles into his mouth, "upstairs, Jensen." He’s trying to get some leverage, some friction, anything to ease the tension in him. He's so hard it's uncomfortable, and Jensen's got this frightening single minded focus, sucking hard at Jared's throat like he's trying to leave his mark.
Jared's skin gets hot at the thought of wearing reminders of Jensen on his skin.
"Please," Jared lets out - he just needs something right now, anything.
Jensen goes completely, frighteningly still. "Yeah?" he whispers, pulling back to look at Jared. His eyes are dark and there's something possessive in the way he's looking at Jared. Jared can’t help it - he whimpers, the most embarrassing sound he’s made in his life.
Jensen gives him one last hard kiss and pushes Jared toward the stairs. It’s a frantic rush as they push their way into Jared’s narrow, cluttered room. He’s only got a double bed; barely big enough for him alone, which is why they don’t usually do this here. But Jared’s too far gone to give a shit about that, he’ll take Jensen on the floor if he has to.
Jensen doesn’t hesitate as he yanks Jared’s shirt over his head and works quickly at his jeans. “Get on the bed,” Jensen says when Jared’s clothes are on the floor and he doesn’t have a second to feel embarrassed about how hard he is, his cock jutting out, hard as he’s ever been. It’s so clearly a demand but what’s surprising about it is the way it makes him feel, this heat in him at being told what to do.
He gets on the bed, flat on his back against the pillows, and curls his palm around his cock. He watches Jensen get naked. His shoulders are broader, his waist narrower since the summer. He’s been beefing up, Jared thinks, getting ready for some project Jeff and the JDM people have him working on. He looks different but Jared can’t take his eyes off the cut of his hips, that dip that makes his tongue itch to taste the skin there.
Jared’s eyes settle on Jensen’s. It’s like lightening sizzling under his skin, the way Jensen’s looking at him. Jared strokes himself a little faster, shifts his hips up into it and swears he could come like this.
Jensen settles on the bed between Jared’s spread legs and pushes Jared’s hand away. “No touching,” he says. It sounds like a warning. Jared wouldn’t have thought he’d like that, being told what he could and couldn’t do. But his cock drips pre-come on his belly and it doesn’t really matter what he thought before this.
Jensen takes a second to drag his eyes over Jared, looking at him like he’s trying to memorize every inch of him. It makes Jared feel stripped bare, like his skin’s been peeled away and everything’s been revealed.
Jared’s breath is caught in his chest. The way Jensen’s looking at him - like he’s seeing him, really seeing into him for the first time - makes Jared feel oddly vulnerable. It’s never been like this with anyone, ever. It’s a little like his world’s been tipped on its axis and it’s all he can do to dig in and hold on.
For a minute, Jared gets the impression that Jensen wants to say something, offer some kind of insight or explanation, but it passes and he says instead in this rough voice, “roll over.”
Just like that the hesitation is gone and Jensen is pressing Jared into the mattress, face down into the sheets. He holds him there, like Jared’s planning on going anywhere, with a palm on his lower back, strength Jared’s never noticed before.
Jared tilts his ass up and waits for it, waits for Jensen's fingers to get him ready. It’s still new to him, the way he likes anything in his ass. But Jared doesn’t get Jensen’s fingers. What he gets instead is the blunt head of Jensen's dick pushing at him, slick with something, but no stretching to make the push easier.
His first reaction is to tense up completely; use his muscles to keep Jensen out. He’s not used to it like this, without prep or warning. He exhales sharply and forces his body to relax. He wants it, he always wants it, but he’s never taken it like this - nothing but the stretch of Jensen’s dick working him open.
The pain of it surprises him in its sharpness that hits him in his back, his knees. Beyond that is how hot it makes Jared, just Jensen’s dick loosening him. The ache makes it hotter, that unexpected burn making his whole body shake. He bites his lip to keep from making stupid, needy noises because shit, this is so stupidly, insanely sexy and he just wants to focus on everything.
He grips the sheets beneath him, tangles them in his fingers and tries to focus. His cock is so hard where it’s pressed to the mattress he can feel the wetness against his belly. He rocks a little, as much as he can with Jensen keeping him still, fingers digging into his spine. Jensen’s taking his damn time, working Jared open with a slow rocking rhythm of his hips. Jared’s gasping, trying to breathe. His body’s trying to adjust and he’s biting his to keep from coming like this, before Jensen’s even halfway in.
“Jensen,” Jared babbles, “fuck, do it, come on.” Just a stream of words that barely register.
He swears he can feel Jensen’s growl as he leverages his weight on Jared; palm braced on his back as he fucking thrusts all the way in, hips slamming against Jared. Jensen does it again, just starts moving, rocking his hips deep into Jared until Jared can feel every inch of him. Jensen doesn’t let him adjust before he’s pulling out to push all the way back in with enough force that Jared feels it in his teeth.
Jared’s choking on it, feeling every fucking inch of Jensen’s cock in him, trying to get the right angle, the right rhythm, but it really doesn’t matter when he’s so close he’s going to come all over his sheets with nothing but the friction of the bed and his belly trapping his cock.
He’s never been fucked like this. They’ve had some hot sex, but it’s never been like this; primal and raw. Jared’s sweating and panting and fucking shaking.
"Oh fuck," Jared groans, trying to hold it back but this is so frantic and rushed and so, so hot. He’s going to feel this later, will be feeling it for the next couple of days. The idea of it gets him hotter, the thought that he’ll have this reminder of Jensen dicking him so fucking deep, fucking him so good his teeth ache with it.
Jared doesn't know where Jensen's head is at, but he's almost methodical, mechanical in his moves; rocking his hips hard, this rhythm to it that makes light flare behind Jared's eyelids.
Jensen shifts suddenly, getting leverage and unfolding himself to lie over Jared, all that skin against his own; hot and feverish.
Jared doesn't quite register what Jensen's doing, just that he’s fumbling between them. And then Jensen grabs his wrist, hauls it up and presses it to the bed. He does the same thing with Jared's other arm, uses one hand to lock Jared's wrists together. It surprises the hell out of Jared; the strength in Jensen, the weight of him on Jared, and how much Jared fucking loves it.
His shoulders ache and his wrists ache and his dick is fucking throbbing. He's got his teeth digging into his lip, just to keep from begging Jensen to fuck him harder.
Jensen mouths at the dip of Jared's shoulder, breath hot against his skin, and works his hips against Jared's ass; so deep Jared can feel it in his fucking stomach.
Jensen opens his mouth, closes his teeth around a patch of skin and Jared's eyes roll back in his head; hissing as his orgasm starts in his knees and rushes out of him, come soaking the sheets beneath him and staining his belly.
Jensen doesn't stop. Usually this is when Jensen pulls out and takes Jared's mouth, his hand; jerks himself off maybe. But he's not relenting, just pounding into Jared and holding him by the shoulder.
Jared breathes into the sheets, wet beneath his cheek where he's been drooling and panting. He swears he's still hard. This is the hottest fuck of his life and he's going to be reliving it for days, even after he's stopped walking funny.
Jensen’s sucking at that patch of skin, licking and biting at it and Jared’s still shuddering through orgasm. Jensen’s found this relentless rhythm. He’s got his dick all the way in, his hips pressed flush against Jared’s ass and he’s rocking hard and deep, fucking Jared so good Jared wonders if it’s possible to pass out from this.
"Jensen," Jared mumbles, "I'm gonna come again." He’s halfway there already, after no recovery time. HIs cock is sticky where it’s trapped against his belly and every push of Jensen’s cock in him jolts him into the mattress, rubbing at his dick.
"Yeah?" Jensen hisses, mouthing at Jared's jaw, tongue licking at Jared’s stubble. "You're so hot for this."
Jared just whimpers at that. It’s the god honest truth. He’s never been so turned on in his life, just lying here and taking every inch of Jensen, letting Jensen use him in a way he never has before. Jensen’s always been sweetly careful with Jared. Not now, though, and Jared can’t even hide how bad he wants it.
Jensen pulls out suddenly and so fast Jared's head spins. He manhandles Jared over, keeping a hand on his wrists and it hurts; his shoulders aching now, his wrists tender. But he's getting off on it; the way Jensen just braces his weight on Jared as he presses his wrists back into the mattress, and uses his free hand to guide himself back inside.
Like this, Jared can't touch himself, he realizes suddenly. He glances down. His cock is sticky with his load, red and pressed against his belly. His ass is starting to feel tender and raw. He’s vaguely aware that he’s making these stupid noises deep in his chest that he can’t help. He’s a mess of emotion, of sensation, of fucking feeling and all he can do is take everything Jensen’s giving him.
Jensen leans forward, covering Jared with his body so they’re pressed together, all sweat damp skin to skin. Jensen presses his face to Jared’s throat, breath hot against Jared’s overheated skin, sucking a kiss to the hollow there. Like this, with Jensen’s arms bracketing him, holding his own wrists to the bed, Jared can feel everything - every breath Jensen takes, every sound that comes out of his mouth, fucking everything.
When Jensen comes, it’s without any warning and Jared feels that, too. His breathing stutters and catches and he comes deep. He feels the way Jensen shudders through it, the way his hips stutter and press all the way in, the way his shoulders shake the way they do when he comes really hard.
Jared turns his face blindly towards Jensen, gasps into it when Jensen takes the hint and kisses him hard, all aggressive tongue and teeth.
Like this, Jared’s dick is trapped between them, caught and rubbing against Jensen’s sweat slick belly. Jared’s shoulders and wrists ache, that soreness in his ass more pronounced now and he has never been so hard for anything in his life. And he just fucking came, Jesus.
Jensen pulls out abruptly, letting go of Jared and moving to a sprawling position between Jared’s splayed thighs. His breath his hot and wet on Jared’s cock and that’s all the warning Jared gets before he sucks him in deep, hollowing his cheeks and flattening his tongue. He looks up at Jared with his mouth stretched, his face flushed, hair matted to his forehead.
“Oh my god, Jensen,” Jared just moans, pushing a hand into Jensen’s head to hold him there as Jensen just sucks at him all sloppy and wet, making choked off little noises that vibrate through Jared’s bones.
It’s embarrassingly quick, especially given this is the second time he’s blowing his load in less than an hour. Jensen sucks at the head of Jared’s dick, sucks hard and just makes encouraging noises when Jared tells him he’s close.
It surprises the shit out of him when he comes hard, this convulsing of his body that’s never happened to him before. It’s a freight train barreling through him with no warning and when it comes it’s all he can do to hold on.
Jensen doesn’t let up. He’s digging his fingers into Jared’s hips, pressing him down, and Jared can feel the shape of his fingertips leaving marks in his skin. Jensen relaxes the suction a little but keeps mouth at Jared, swallowing all of Jared’s come and waiting patiently.
Jared reaches to grab Jensen by the shoulders, pulls him up before he’s really caught his breath, while he’s still shaking. He palms Jensen’s face in his hands and catches Jensen’s wet, sloppy open mouth. He chases the taste of himself on Jensen’s tongue.
Jared feels it when Jensen comes back to himself. He’s holding his body full of tension. He’s abrupt when he withdraws, gets to his feet to dispose of the condom. He’s all aloof and detached now, like what happened just now didn’t just happen.
It’s startling. Jensen looks stunned. Jared’s lying there covered in his own come, watching Jensen’s emotions play across his face. He looks like he’s just realizing the enormousness of what happened between them, that this was brand new and completely unfamiliar in the context of the two of them.
Jared focuses on coming back to himself. He’s all boneless now, relaxed to the point of being comatose. There’s a soreness in his shoulders, his thighs, his wrists that he knows he’ll feel tomorrow. He’s looking forward to it. If this is the only time they do it like this, with Jensen letting himself go and taking what he wants, Jared wants a reminder of it to hold onto.
When Jared looks back to Jensen, Jensen’s watching him with this unreadable expression in his eyes. “Jared,” he says quietly as he reaches out to touch Jared’s shoulder. The way Jensen’s looking at him is intense. “I’m sorry.”
It’s the last thing Jared’s expecting to hear. He sits up a little, wincing as he feels it in every muscle. “What?” His head is a fog, his body completely foreign to him, and he blinks a little owlishly at Jensen because things just aren’t making sense at the moment. Sorry is not what he’s wanting to hear.
“Shit, I’m fucking sorry,” Jensen mumbles, pushing a hand through his hair and looking as close to frazzled as Jared’s ever seen him. Jared just sits there in his tiny bed that reeks of sex and watches his boyfriend completely shut down. And that’s new, boyfriend. Something to think about for another day.
Jensen’s reaching for his underwear, looking a little frantic, and Jared just needs things to slow down for a second.
“Jensen, stop,” he says, putting a hand on Jensen’s arm. “I don’t understand.” It’s an understatement of epic proportions, actually. “What’s wrong?”
Jensen makes a frustrated noise and lets his briefs fall to the floor. He turns to look at Jared and Jared’s caught by how incredible he looks like this. His hair’s a mess, his face flushed, his skin in a layer of sweat. Even now, completely lost at whatever it is that’s happening right now, Jared can’t get over how beautiful Jensen is.
“Jensen,” Jared mumbles, putting a hand on his hip just because he wants to reassure Jensen in some way and touch has always been the only way he knows how. “Will you just tell me what’s wrong?”
Jensen gives Jared the ghost of a smile, the fondness in his eyes that still makes Jared a little breathless. He sits at the edge of the bed, body turned toward Jared, and reaches out to brush Jared’s sweaty hair out of his eyes.
Jared hums, leaning into the touch. He’s such a sucker for this. “Please talk to me, and stop looking so tortured.” He turns his face into Jensen’s hand and kisses the heel of his palm. “It’s freaking me out.”
Jensen’s quiet for long enough that Jared thinks he might not answer. And then, in a quiet voice he says, “what do you know about BDSM?”
Jared feels the surprise on his face. It’s not something he knows anything about, it’s never even really entered his mind. “Um, you mean like whips and chains?” He says with a dry mouth and what feels like a flush spreading up his throat.
This time the smile Jensen gives Jared is a sweet mix of indulgent and amused. He’s visibly more relaxed now, though, and that makes Jared breathe a little easier. “Something like that,” Jensen agrees. “I guess that’s an element of it.” He’s still sifting his fingers through Jared’s sweaty hair, rubbing his thumb along the curve of his neck, and Jared feels like he’s going into a trance. He tries to focus on the words Jensen’s saying. “I’m talking mostly about the dominant and submissive relationship.”
Jared nods like he understands what Jensen’s saying, like it’s clear where he’s going with this.
Jensen digs his thumb into Jared’s skin and Jared can’t help it, he lets his head fall back, groaning. But Jensen has his attention now. “Like holding someone down.” Jensen tells him in this low, rough voice that hits Jared hot in his gut. “Controlling them.”
Jared’s whole body is reacting to this conversation. It’s new, it’s intriguing, it’s overwhelming and quite out of nowhere, he’s interested.
“Jared,” Jensen sounds bemused. “Pay attention to what I’m saying. There are rules that come with that kind of play, Jared, established rules that I didn’t follow. I should have asked you before I did any of that. I’m sorry.”
“What kind of rules?” Jared’s pulse is hammering in his throat. He didn’t know Jensen was into this kind of thing, even though he’s not sure what “this kind of thing” really entails.
“Established boundaries,” Jensen says, circling his thumb over the pulse point at Jared’s throat. “An agreement between the dominant and submissive partners, what’s acceptable, what’s forbidden. Usually there’s a safe word involved as well.”
Jared’s heard the term before but he doesn’t really understand what it means. “Safe word?”
“It’s a word, usually something random and unsexy, like ‘spaghetti.’ It’s for safety purposes, when you get involved in consent play, breath play, pain play, anything that involves an aspect of danger. If the safe word is used, all play comes to an end, no questions asked.”
Jared’s trying to take in everything Jensen’s explaining to him, but it’s difficult with Jensen touching him like that, with the way Jared’s body’s reacting to not only Jensen but what he’s telling him. He’s intrigued, turned on by the thought of doing those kinds of things with Jensen.
“Do you do that a lot?” Jared asks him. “Play?”
Jensen shakes his head. “Not anymore. I used to.” He’s combing his fingers through the damp hair at the nape of Jared’s neck now and Jared’s gone completely, stupidly boneless. “I used to be in a serious Dominant/Submissive relationship.”
Jared knows the surprise is showing on his face. “I didn’t know that,” Jared says.
“It ended, not badly or otherwise, it just sort of dissolved and I walked away from it for a while.” Jensen’s quiet then and Jared lets the silence exist, doesn’t try to fill it.
“What are you thinking?” Jensen says after a short while.
“I was thinking I’m glad you told me that,” Jared admits softly, ducking his head and kissing Jensen, lips brushing the corner of his mouth.
Jensen looks like he’s coming down from wherever it was that he went. Jared leans into him and lets the exhaustion settle into his bones. He’s got too much homework ahead of him but he’d be content to stay like this and forget the rest of the world.
“I had a bad day,” Jensen tells him. It’s a quiet admission. “A shitty day. And the first thing I thought about was you.” He reaches for Jared’s hand and curls his fingers around his palm.
Jared feels his face get warm. Jensen keeps catching Jared off guard, the way he has since the day they met seven months ago. One of these days Jared will stop being surprised.
“I wanted to see you,” Jensen’s saying, “and then something just flipped in me; like a switch, and I was right back in that mindset.”
Jared’s remembering the frantic, wild eyed expression on Jensen’s face, the way he held onto Jared. “I don’t really understand it,” Jared says. “But I liked it.”
Jensen lets out a huff of surprise, like he wasn’t expecting that, and gives Jared a sly smile with a hint of something dirty and dark. “You did?”
Jared laughs then, a genuine belly laugh. He hides his face in Jensen’s shoulder. It’s an understatement, really. Jared wouldn’t mind doing it again, maybe a few more times.
“Yeah.” He mumbles when he’s caught his breath. “I did.”
Jared can feel Jensen’s grin against his skin and that feels nice, good.
“It’s after nine,” Jensen mumbles a little later, this note of apology in his voice. They both have school work and neither have them have eaten.
Jensen gets to his feet and there he is in all his naked, unapologetic glory, reaching for Jared with this sweet, fond curve of his lips. Jared lets Jensen pull him up. His feet hit the floor and his knees buckle, a rush of dizziness hitting him hard.
“Careful,” Jensen hums, catching Jared with a palm at the small of his back.
“Shit,” Jared whispers. He can feel the flush in his face, the heat spreading down his throat. He gets a flash of the very first time Jensen ever fucked him, what it was like to get up and feel in every ounce of him the memory of Jensen in him. It’s different now, the kind of ache that comes from a fast, hard fuck.
“Alright?” Jensen presses his mouth to Jared’s ear. He’s stroking his fingers along Jared’s skin and it’s driving Jared a little insane.
“A little light headed,” Jared admits. It makes sense, he hasn’t eaten anything since lunch and he just had his brains fucked out.
“Come on,” Jensen says lowly, “let’s go shower.”
Showering together means Jensen turns Jared against the wall and fucking worships him. Jared couldn’t get it up again if he tried and his body sure is trying. Jensen’s pressing kisses to every inch of Jared’s body, trailing his mouth down the dip of Jared’s spine until Jared’s thighs quake and he’s not sure he can hold himself anymore.
Jensen soaps up his hands and washes Jared there, between his legs where he’s sore and aching.
Jared just braces himself against the wall, palms flat and forearms shaking. He hisses when Jensen rubs two fingers over his hole.
Jensen stills his hand but doesn’t remove his fingers. He kisses Jared behind his ear. “Does it hurt?” Jensen asks.
It’s sexy as hell being here with Jensen, hot, steamy water sliding over them as Jensen takes care of Jared like it’s something he wants to do. Jared’s face is hot but he nods and says quietly, “a little. It’s sore.” He’s going to feel it for days, he knows, a thought that’s hotter than he would have imagined.
“I’m sorry,” Jensen says, sounding like he means it.
Jared tries to turn to look at Jensen, to protest. He doesn’t want an apology, not when he wants to do it again as soon as they can.
“Shh,” Jensen soothes, keeping Jared against the tile with a hand between his shoulder blades. “I’m not sorry it happened,” he says like he knows what Jared’s thinking. “I’m sorry it hurts.”
Sometimes Jensen’s so fucking sweet Jared’s chest tightens up and it feels like he can’t breathe. It’s overwhelming, when he spent his adolescence dating girls and feeling massively underwhelmed.
When Jensen’s done with the soap, he turns Jared around and drags him under the spray, letting the water wash it all away. He keeps his hands on Jared’s body, fingers at his hips.
“Can I borrow some pants?” Jensen asks a little while later, standing in Jared’s tiny bedroom with a towel around his hips and water sliding down his shoulders.
Jared’s pulled on a pair of underwear and he’s standing there, body putting up a valiant effort to get hard as he looks at Jensen. He gets caught off guard every now and then by how beautiful Jensen is, like he’s seeing him for the first time all over again.
“Jared,” Jensen prompts, mouth in a smile. “Clothes?”
Jared makes a face. “Right, pants,” he says to himself and unearths a pair of old sweats that will likely be too big on Jensen.
He’s right, they hang off his hips in a way that makes Jared want to get on his knees and taste Jensen’s skin, lick at his hipbones and follow the trail of hair where it deeps beneath the waistband.
Jared finds Jensen an old t-shirt that was probably Chad’s once upon a time judging by the way it fits Jensen like a second skin, stretching across his shoulders and molding around the shape of his chest.
“Food,” Jared says suddenly, way too loudly. “I’m starving.” Anything to get out of this room that smells like come and sweat and reminds Jared of what took place not that long ago. He needs food and air and a second to get his bearings.
Jensen laughs at him then, an amused sound that makes him look five years younger. Jared can’t even bring himself to be annoyed, he likes it so much when Jensen looks like that.
Chad comes home when they're eating sandwiches at the narrow kitchen table. Jared's sitting gingerly on a pillow from the sofa, smiling at the way Jensen so chivalrously procured it for him when Jared hissed as he sat on the unforgiving wooden chair.
Chad comes into the kitchen, nods at Jensen and takes a good look at Jared. He's wearing sweats, his hair still wet from the shower, and he's been half hard since he sat down. He bends over his plate and ignores the calculating way Chad's looking at him. His face is flushed pink. Beneath the table, he feels Jensen's bare foot nudge at his ankle, making him smile and duck his head to hide it.
"Well," Chad says, grabbing the seat beside Jared and straddling it. "You look like you've been fucked into next week," he says like this is something best friends say to each other. He takes the other half of Jared's sandwich off his plate and stuffs it in his mouth.
Given that's how Jared feels at the moment, he doesn't have much of anything to say to that.
Across the table, Jensen's looking half embarrassed, half ridiculously pleased with himself. He catches Jared's gaze and his smile gets wide and really fucking dirty.
This isn't the first time the three of them have hung out, and it's not the first time Jared's been aware of the fact that his boyfriend and his best friend once fucked for the camera. It's something Jared doesn't let himself dwell on. It was too long ago to make a deal out of, but it's something that lurks there in the back of his head.
Chad steals Jensen’s beer, finishes Jared’s sandwich and gets up with a loud, “you owe me details,” to Jared, before he stomps up the stairs.
Jared shrugs and smiles apologetically at Jensen. “I’ve been friends with him so long I’ve forgotten why I like him.”
Jensen’s nodding his head like he understands. Jared knows very little about Jensen’s best friend Christian, but he’s guessing Jensen probably does get it.
Jensen heads to the fridge for another beer. He leans against the counter as he drinks it, his eyes on Jared. There’s heat in Jensen’s eyes. Jared feels it slide over him.
He gets up unthinkingly and goes to stand between Jensen’s legs. He tucks his thumb in one of Jensen’s belt loops and leans in to taste the beer on Jensen’s tongue.
Jensen hums into the kiss. He slips his hand under Jared’s t-shirt, fingers cool and moist from the beer bottle against his skin. Jared feels like something huge and important has shifted between them. He feels an intimacy between them that he’s never felt with anyone. Jensen was honest with him tonight, shared something with Jared that he’s kept mostly to himself and Jared couldn’t help responding to that, giving Jensen what he could of himself.
Jensen puts a hand on Jared’s jaw as he breaks the kiss. “I should go,” he says. It's what they usually do, say goodnight at some point and spend the night in their respective beds.
Impulsively, Jared mumbles a quiet "stay," curling his fingers in the hem of Jensen’s t-shirt. He doesn't make a habit of saying things like that. He usually lets Jensen take the lead. But something's changed between them tonight and Jared's holding onto it, willing to see where it's going to lead them.
Jensen looks mildly surprised but he doesn’t hesitate. "Okay,” he says, kissing the corner of Jared’s mouth. “I left my books in the car," he says, shifting them around with an arm around Jared’s waist. "I'll go get them. I've got another two hours of work."
Which is how they end up spread out around the coffee table, sitting at opposite ends of the couch in companionable silence.
It's the least productive two hours of Jared's life. He's never had more difficulty concentrating. His entire body is vibrating with the reminders of what happened between them earlier. It's uncomfortable sitting and when he shifts to find a better way, it sends heat and electricity shooting up his spine. He keeps rotating his neck, his shoulders still aching from being held down.
Eventually he gives up. He's hard, he's exhausted, he's feeling something that feels a lot like vulnerability. It's a foreign feeling.
Jensen looks up from a stack of documents and catches Jared zoning out. "You alright?" he asks, this sweet hint of concern in the way he says it.
"Come here?" is what comes out of Jared's mouth, this searching plea. He doesn't know what he's looking for but Jensen's suddenly too far away. Jared's always lived for being touched, taken his love and reassurance from those around him by physical affection. Right now he wants to be touching Jensen, even if it doesn’t lead anywhere, even if’s just something to hold onto when he feels like his world has been tipped on its axis in the last few hours.
Jensen's eyes are dark, appraising. He doesn’t answer. He gets on his knees, palms on the sofa cushions and fucking crawls over to Jared, sliding up over him and nudging a knee between Jared’s thighs as he pushes him back against the arm of the couch.
His hips settle against Jared’s as he braces an arm beneath Jared’s shoulders. Jared’s waiting for Jensen to kiss him, but Jensen just stays like that, hovering above him and says quietly, eyes serious, “Are you freaking out right now?”
Jared shakes his head automatically. He’s not. He just has a lot racing through his brain and it’s a lot to process when his body’s a walking reminder that Jared was introduced to a whole new world of possibilities.
“No,” Jared says, holding Jensen’s gaze. “I’m just thinking.”
“Okay,” Jensen agrees. He wraps his fingers around Jared’s neck and strokes Jared’s jaw. “What are you thinking about?” he says for the second time tonight.
He doesn’t know how to say what he wants. He’s never been afraid to speak his mind or stand up for himself, but there’s a level of embarrassment and an aspect of the unknown. “I want to do more -” he hesitates, trying to find the right words. “More of that,” he settles on, “with you.”
Jensen doesn’t look all that surprised, but he does look interested. Turned on is the right phrase. Jensen looks turned on right now, looking down at Jared with dark eyes and a set to his jaw that Jared likes.
“Tell me,” Jensen urges. He knows how to get Jared to relax - he doesn’t stop stroking Jared’s skin, keeps up a steady rhythm for Jared to focus on.
"I liked it," Jared says a little helplessly. He doesn't know what else to say. It's not enough. What he wants is whatever Jensen wants to show him. He wants to know what Jensen likes. He wants to know what it means to have the dominant/submissive undertones in a relationship. He takes a deep breath and forces himself to keep from looking away. "I liked being held down," he says. "I liked the way you took control." His breathing is uneven now and he's trying like hell to keep from pushing his hips up to rub against Jensen's.
"I want to know more," he admits. "To know what else there is."
"Jesus," Jensen says on a breath, like Jared's just shattered him. He sinks down, forehead knocking into Jared's and just stays there like that, like he's trying to get himself together.
"You keep shocking the hell out of me," Jensen says, his own admission.
"Jensen," Jared says then, giving into his curiosity, "tell me what you like. When you do - when you 'play.'"
He feels Jensen take a slow, shuddering breath. He picks his head back up and looks down at Jared. "I like what I did to you," he says hoarsely, "holding you down and making you take me."
Jared can't help it, he groans and pushes his hips up against Jensen's, looking for whatever friction he can get.
"In general, I like restraining someone." His tone's gone conversational though there's a strain in his voice and he's started rocking his hips in little circles that make Jared arch up for more. "I like cuffs. I like a little breathplay. I was always into spanking and," he says, his breath catching in his chest, "I always came hardest making someone choke on my cock."
Shit. Jared didn't realize he could be so into dirty talk, but he's hard and shaking from Jensen's words, from the images being presented to him.
“Do you -” Jared cuts himself off. His mouth is dry and the words get caught in his throat. “Do you want to do those things with me?” Jared’s asking because he wants it, because he’s realized there are things he could want that he didn’t understand.
Jensen answers by reaching between them to grab Jared’s forearms. He pushes them over Jared’s head, rears up to brace his weight on Jared as he rocks his hips hard. “What do you think?” he whispers all filthy, his breath hot on Jared’s cheek.
“Oh shit, please,” Jared begs. This is some out of body experience he’s having, this kind of thing never happens in real life, to good Texas boys. But it’s happening now with someone who wants him like Jared’s never been wanted before. It’s a lot to take in.
“Tell me what you want,” Jensen tells him and there it is, that tone from before, that unmistakable command. It sends Jared into a fucking frenzy, struggling to get his thighs open, to push up and get some kind of pressure on his cock.
“You,” Jared says helplessly, the only thing he knows for sure. He wants this, he wants Jensen, whatever Jensen is willing to give him. It’s a fucking terrifying realization.
Jensen sits back abruptly, kneeling between Jared’s thighs. “Show me how hard you are for this,” he says roughly.
“Go on,” Jensen says, a little more gently this time. This is Jared’s out, he realizes. This is Jensen saying it’s okay if Jared wants to back out now.
Fuck that. Jared pushes his sweats and briefs down his hips in one go and hisses as his cock springs free. It’s obscene, lying here like this as Jensen watches. Jared can see how hard Jensen is, though, and that’s a reassurance. The head of his cock is poking up out of the waist of his sweats and Jared’s mouth waters with wanting to taste it, to suck at it and make Jensen show him how he likes it when he’s not holding anything back.
“Show me how you get yourself off, Jared,” Jensen tells him. “Show me what you look like when you’re alone.”
It hits Jared where they are. That they’re doing this here, right here on this grimy old sofa, where he and Chad have spent too many hours getting drunk and hanging out. He realizes how hot the idea of it is, that Chad could decide to come down at any second and he’d catch them like this.
This will be the third time he’s come tonight. It would make sense if it took a while to get off but Jared’s worried it might happen too soon. He’s so turned on just the air on his dick has him sweating. His face is hot, this embarrassment under his skin that’s kind of heady and addicting. He’s watching Jensen because he’s helpless, couldn’t tear his eyes away if he tried. He wraps his palm around his dick and goes slow, strokes himself from the base to the tip.
This is so hot, is all Jared can think right now, Jensen sitting there just watching him, telling him what to do. He jerks himself off, gets right into it and works his dick.
“Stop,” Jensen says abruptly, the command clear in his voice.
Jared’s breath catches, groaning, but he does.
“Good, that’s good, Jared,” Jensen says, praising him. “You’re good for me, aren’t you Jared?”
“Fuck,” Jared whispers, biting his lip. He nods.
“Touch yourself,” Jensen says, “go slow. You get to come when I say you can.” He feels the words hit him with a force that knocks the breath out of him. Fuck, the way Jensen sounds when he’s like this, commanding, in control. It makes Jared so hot his cock is wet and leaking just from Jensen’s words, from Jensen watching him.
Jensen’s stroking his own dick as he talks. “Do you understand, Jared?”
Jared swallows. His fingers are slick with his pre-come and if Jensen drags this out too long Jared’s going to fall apart. He nods again.
“Say it,” Jensen says, an edge to his tone. It’s an amazing image, Jensen sitting on his knees with his cock out, watching Jared with dark eyes and commanding Jared to do as he says.
“Yes,” Jared moans a little breathlessly, “I understand.”
“Go on, Jared,” Jensen says, his own breathing uneven and rapid. “You can come.”
Jared lets out a breath in relief and speeds his hand up on his cock. He can’t tear his eyes from Jensen’s, from the heat in the way he’s looking at him. That’s all it takes, a few strokes and Jensen watching him and Jared comes with a sharp cry, spilling over his fist.
“Fuck,” Jensen breathes, eyes falling shut as he hunches in on himself, hand speeding up on his cock. He comes watching Jared, teeth in his lip like he’s trying not to make a sound.
“Shit,” Jensen says, wiping his hand on his pant leg. He looks stunned, like he can’t believe that just happened. “Maybe that should be the last time we try to study together,” he says, still breathing hard.
Jared can’t help it, he laughs out loud. “Maybe,” he agrees, pressing his hand to his face. He feels a little delirious with exhaustion and the emotions of the day. “I’m ready for bed,” he admits.
He lifts his hips up off the sofa to yank his sweats back into place and sits up. He aches all over.
“Hey.” Jensen catches Jared with an arm around his waist as they stand. “Did you like that?” His eyes are serious, his tone quiet.
Jared gives Jensen a fast kiss. “Yes.”
“Good,” Jensen says, responding with a kiss of his own. “Let’s go sleep,” he mumbles around a yawn and lets Jared lead the way upstairs.
In the bathroom, Jared finds Jensen an extra toothbrush still in the package and it’s ridiculously cozy, standing there with him, hip to hip. They both reek of come and they look as strung out and exhausted as Jared feels.
In Jared’s room, they open a couple of windows because it still smells like sex.
It takes a little creativity, fitting them both in Jared’s bed. “Come here,” Jensen says with a tired smile, rolling Jared over and tangling their legs together. Jared tastes the toothpaste on Jensen’s tongue when Jensen gives him a slow, searching kiss.
Jared falls asleep like that, wrapped up in Jensen, thinking it doesn’t feel nearly as weird as he thought it would.
* * *
Jared has weird, restless dreams, fevered almost. He wakes up sometime before dawn, sweating and breathing hard. He can’t remember the details, just the way they made him feel. He’s achingly hard, skin damp, body overheated. Beside him, Jensen’s asleep, their legs tangled together.
Jared thinks about it for split second before he’s kicking the sheets to the foot of the bed, arching to get his underwear pushed around his thighs. Jensen’s a heavy sleeper and Jared is too hard to think clearly, all the blood in his cock.
He dreamt about Jensen, not for the first time, though this time the dreams were about dark, sexy things. His body’s still shaking, his skin overheated from the memory of those images. The details are fuzzy but the way they made him feel are sharp and heady.
He hisses and bites his lip when he wraps his hand around himself. He’s leaking pre-come everywhere and it makes the slide of his palm easier.
He yanks his underwear off, gets himself off quick and efficiently and uses them to catch the come. He falls back to sleep still breathing hard, burrowing himself in against Jensen.
He wakes up an hour later to his alarm blaring the grating voices of a morning show. Jensen’s grumbling and reaching out to slap at the radio before Jared’s even really awake.
This is only the second time they’ve done this, woken up together in Jared’s bed. It’s not that often they spend the night together but when they do it’s at Jensen’s place in his enormous bed and his quiet apartment without the risk of Chad barging in or yelling rude comments from his room.
Jensen rolls into Jared and presses his face to Jared’s throat, mumbling a sleep rough “‘morning.”
Jared reaches his arms up over his head, stretching. He’s sore everywhere, in places he didn’t know it was possible. His shoulders especially ache. He’s never felt so amazingly well laid.
He feels Jensen go completely, startlingly still, tensing up. Before Jared can react, Jensen’s sitting up and reaching for Jared’s arm, more forcefully than Jared’s expecting.
Jared hisses when Jensen’s fingers wrap around his wrist, bringing to his attention the ring of bruises on his skin, a blur of color that makes the heat rush to Jared’s cock.
“Shit, Jared,” Jensen groans, turning Jared’s palm over and tracing the marks with his thumb. That’s like a jolt of electricity through Jared’s blood, little nerves shooting off like sparks.
“Fuck,” Jared breathes, holding himself still.
“I’m sorry,” Jensen mumbles, looking stricken. “I shouldn’t have been so rough, Jared.”
Jared doesn’t say anything. He’s trying to get his breathing under control, trying to focus on something, anything other than the way it feels to have Jensen idly stroking at nerves that seem to be directly connected to his dick.
Jared can’t help the startled groan that rumbles out of him when Jensen ducks his head and presses his lips to the paper thin skin at Jared’s wrist.
Jared gives in, wraps his palm around his cock, still naked. His dick is sticky from coming earlier but he’s wet at the head already, making his palm slick with it.
“Jared,” Jensen whispers, something between realization and awe in his voice. “Fuck,” he says a little louder, “you like that?”
“Yes,” Jared mumbles, completely needlessly. It’s painfully obvious at this point. He wraps his hand around Jensen’s neck, urging him on, trying to tell him without telling him that he wants it harder, wants something he can’t name. There’s this raw pulse of need beating in his blood and his body is fucking straining. He’s gasping to catch his breath.
“Okay, okay,” Jensen says under his breath, lifting his head and looking at Jared with hot eyes. “I’m going to be late,” he says but it’s breathless and full of regret.
This is the wrong time for this, they both realize that. Jared’s thankful that Jensen’s the one to pull away and put some space between them because he’s not sure he could have.
Jensen rolls out of bed in the sweats he borrowed from Jared. “I have to go to my place before my classes,” Jensen says apologetically. “I’ll get these back to you at sometime,” he tells Jared, gesturing to the pants hanging off his hips.
Jared waves him off and curls his fingers in the hem of Jensen’s t-shirt, lifting his chin. Jensen takes the hint and kisses Jared. “Come over tonight?” he says into Jared’s mouth, curling his fingers around Jared’s neck.
Jared doesn’t need a second to think about it, he nods and mumbles, “yes.”
He feels Jensen smile against his mouth. “Okay,” Jensen agrees. “I’m going. Be good.”
[ part 2 ]
In the Deep and Down
Jared hasn’t done porn in seven months.
Now it’s just something he did, a conversation starter.
Things are mostly back to normal, though Jared’s still trying to adjust to a ‘normal’ that includes dating a guy, when seven months ago he’d considered himself mostly straight.
It’s his second year in college and things have mostly stayed the same. He and Chad still share the same narrow, crappy little house, Jared still works too many hours at the bookstore and he’s still trying to figure out where Jensen fits in his life.
Jared can’t put words to whatever it is that they have. They took a break over the summer, nothing official but a mutual agreement that being in different cities might make a new relationship more complicated than it needed to be. When September came and Jared was back in Galveston, they fell back into each other like no time had passed.
It’s exclusive, this thing between them, as much as it really can be with Jensen off fucking other guys for the camera. Which is something they don’t ever talk about for no other reason than Jared’s working really hard at not having a problem with it.
There’s this feeling of something building between them since Jared came back. They’re both so busy but every free second Jared has he gives to Jensen.
It’s a cool, rainy Thursday and Jared is knee deep in hours of dense reading for his Russian literature class, a class he’s forgotten the reasons for taking. He’s been at it since his last class let out at four. The world outside has gotten dark and he’s camped out in the gloomy living room. Better here than one of the crowded libraries.
There’s a knock at the door that startles him out of his reading haze. He’s not expecting anyone and he’s not all that with it when he gets blearily to his feet and heads for the door. Jensen is the last person he expects to see on the other side. Jensen’s hair is wet with rain water, his t-shirt damp and sticking to him and there’s this wild look in his eyes that take Jared by surprise.
Jared’s brain is complete mush from trying to cram it full of information he’s not sure he’ll ever need and it takes a second for it to register that Jensen’s standing on his front porch, soaked from the rain because he wanted to see Jared.
Jared feels himself go flushed with pleasure. “Hi,” he says stupidly, standing there in his bare feet, looking at Jensen like it’s been months and not a day and a half.
Jensen’s mouth quirks up in the hint of a smile before it’s gone and he’s stepping inside, kicking the door shut as he reaches for Jared. He wraps strong fingers around Jared’s neck and hauls him forward with more force than Jared’s expecting. Jared’s stunned stupid.
Jensen doesn’t kiss him like Jared’s expecting. He presses his mouth to Jared’s jaw, trails hot lips up to the shell of his ear and his voice is new and strange to Jared when he says “I’ll apologize later if you need me to, but I really need to fuck you.”
Jared chokes on his shock. He’s never seen Jensen like this and he wants to ask a dozen questions. He settles instead for nodding as he tries to catch his breath. Jensen brings him down with a strong grip on the back of his neck, his mouth hot when he kisses Jared, licks right into his mouth like he’s trying to taste all of him. It’s aggressive, demanding, more intense than Jared’s ever been kissed before.
It doesn’t matter that it’s all frighteningly new, like standing on the edge of a precipice waiting to jump. He’s hard from it, from the tension he can feel in Jensen’s body, from the way Jensen’s looking at him like he wants to fucking devour him.
Jared wraps his arms around Jensen’s back and holds on for dear life. He lets out a gasp that turns into a low cry when Jensen surges forward, backing them into the wall. Jared lands against it with a thud, knocking the breath right out of him. Jensen holds him there with his hips and Jared can feel the hard, thick shape of Jensen’s cock at his hip. He doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to being wanted by Jensen, being the object of Jensen’s focus. It’s a powerful feeling.
“Jesus,” Jared moans, clinging to Jensen, fingers curled around his upper arms. Jensen’s using his weight to hold Jared against the wall - they’re just about the same height, though Jared’s starting to edge ahead, but Jensen’s got the adrenaline going for him.
Jensen shocks the shit out of him by fumbling for one of Jared’s wrists and slamming it against the wall, using Jared’s surprise to get the other one pinned. Jared’s vision blurs a little - this is like some twisted, warped fantasy coming to life, one he didn’t even realize he had until now; until he’s got Jensen manhandling him.
Jensen gets a thigh between Jared’s legs and uses it to keep Jared pinned against the wall as he works his hips in a rhythm that makes Jared ache down in his bones for this.
He’s painfully aware that Chad could come in at any second and how frustratingly awkward that would be. He clutches at Jensen and mumbles into his mouth, "upstairs, Jensen." He’s trying to get some leverage, some friction, anything to ease the tension in him. He's so hard it's uncomfortable, and Jensen's got this frightening single minded focus, sucking hard at Jared's throat like he's trying to leave his mark.
Jared's skin gets hot at the thought of wearing reminders of Jensen on his skin.
"Please," Jared lets out - he just needs something right now, anything.
Jensen goes completely, frighteningly still. "Yeah?" he whispers, pulling back to look at Jared. His eyes are dark and there's something possessive in the way he's looking at Jared. Jared can’t help it - he whimpers, the most embarrassing sound he’s made in his life.
Jensen gives him one last hard kiss and pushes Jared toward the stairs. It’s a frantic rush as they push their way into Jared’s narrow, cluttered room. He’s only got a double bed; barely big enough for him alone, which is why they don’t usually do this here. But Jared’s too far gone to give a shit about that, he’ll take Jensen on the floor if he has to.
Jensen doesn’t hesitate as he yanks Jared’s shirt over his head and works quickly at his jeans. “Get on the bed,” Jensen says when Jared’s clothes are on the floor and he doesn’t have a second to feel embarrassed about how hard he is, his cock jutting out, hard as he’s ever been. It’s so clearly a demand but what’s surprising about it is the way it makes him feel, this heat in him at being told what to do.
He gets on the bed, flat on his back against the pillows, and curls his palm around his cock. He watches Jensen get naked. His shoulders are broader, his waist narrower since the summer. He’s been beefing up, Jared thinks, getting ready for some project Jeff and the JDM people have him working on. He looks different but Jared can’t take his eyes off the cut of his hips, that dip that makes his tongue itch to taste the skin there.
Jared’s eyes settle on Jensen’s. It’s like lightening sizzling under his skin, the way Jensen’s looking at him. Jared strokes himself a little faster, shifts his hips up into it and swears he could come like this.
Jensen settles on the bed between Jared’s spread legs and pushes Jared’s hand away. “No touching,” he says. It sounds like a warning. Jared wouldn’t have thought he’d like that, being told what he could and couldn’t do. But his cock drips pre-come on his belly and it doesn’t really matter what he thought before this.
Jensen takes a second to drag his eyes over Jared, looking at him like he’s trying to memorize every inch of him. It makes Jared feel stripped bare, like his skin’s been peeled away and everything’s been revealed.
Jared’s breath is caught in his chest. The way Jensen’s looking at him - like he’s seeing him, really seeing into him for the first time - makes Jared feel oddly vulnerable. It’s never been like this with anyone, ever. It’s a little like his world’s been tipped on its axis and it’s all he can do to dig in and hold on.
For a minute, Jared gets the impression that Jensen wants to say something, offer some kind of insight or explanation, but it passes and he says instead in this rough voice, “roll over.”
Just like that the hesitation is gone and Jensen is pressing Jared into the mattress, face down into the sheets. He holds him there, like Jared’s planning on going anywhere, with a palm on his lower back, strength Jared’s never noticed before.
Jared tilts his ass up and waits for it, waits for Jensen's fingers to get him ready. It’s still new to him, the way he likes anything in his ass. But Jared doesn’t get Jensen’s fingers. What he gets instead is the blunt head of Jensen's dick pushing at him, slick with something, but no stretching to make the push easier.
His first reaction is to tense up completely; use his muscles to keep Jensen out. He’s not used to it like this, without prep or warning. He exhales sharply and forces his body to relax. He wants it, he always wants it, but he’s never taken it like this - nothing but the stretch of Jensen’s dick working him open.
The pain of it surprises him in its sharpness that hits him in his back, his knees. Beyond that is how hot it makes Jared, just Jensen’s dick loosening him. The ache makes it hotter, that unexpected burn making his whole body shake. He bites his lip to keep from making stupid, needy noises because shit, this is so stupidly, insanely sexy and he just wants to focus on everything.
He grips the sheets beneath him, tangles them in his fingers and tries to focus. His cock is so hard where it’s pressed to the mattress he can feel the wetness against his belly. He rocks a little, as much as he can with Jensen keeping him still, fingers digging into his spine. Jensen’s taking his damn time, working Jared open with a slow rocking rhythm of his hips. Jared’s gasping, trying to breathe. His body’s trying to adjust and he’s biting his to keep from coming like this, before Jensen’s even halfway in.
“Jensen,” Jared babbles, “fuck, do it, come on.” Just a stream of words that barely register.
He swears he can feel Jensen’s growl as he leverages his weight on Jared; palm braced on his back as he fucking thrusts all the way in, hips slamming against Jared. Jensen does it again, just starts moving, rocking his hips deep into Jared until Jared can feel every inch of him. Jensen doesn’t let him adjust before he’s pulling out to push all the way back in with enough force that Jared feels it in his teeth.
Jared’s choking on it, feeling every fucking inch of Jensen’s cock in him, trying to get the right angle, the right rhythm, but it really doesn’t matter when he’s so close he’s going to come all over his sheets with nothing but the friction of the bed and his belly trapping his cock.
He’s never been fucked like this. They’ve had some hot sex, but it’s never been like this; primal and raw. Jared’s sweating and panting and fucking shaking.
"Oh fuck," Jared groans, trying to hold it back but this is so frantic and rushed and so, so hot. He’s going to feel this later, will be feeling it for the next couple of days. The idea of it gets him hotter, the thought that he’ll have this reminder of Jensen dicking him so fucking deep, fucking him so good his teeth ache with it.
Jared doesn't know where Jensen's head is at, but he's almost methodical, mechanical in his moves; rocking his hips hard, this rhythm to it that makes light flare behind Jared's eyelids.
Jensen shifts suddenly, getting leverage and unfolding himself to lie over Jared, all that skin against his own; hot and feverish.
Jared doesn't quite register what Jensen's doing, just that he’s fumbling between them. And then Jensen grabs his wrist, hauls it up and presses it to the bed. He does the same thing with Jared's other arm, uses one hand to lock Jared's wrists together. It surprises the hell out of Jared; the strength in Jensen, the weight of him on Jared, and how much Jared fucking loves it.
His shoulders ache and his wrists ache and his dick is fucking throbbing. He's got his teeth digging into his lip, just to keep from begging Jensen to fuck him harder.
Jensen mouths at the dip of Jared's shoulder, breath hot against his skin, and works his hips against Jared's ass; so deep Jared can feel it in his fucking stomach.
Jensen opens his mouth, closes his teeth around a patch of skin and Jared's eyes roll back in his head; hissing as his orgasm starts in his knees and rushes out of him, come soaking the sheets beneath him and staining his belly.
Jensen doesn't stop. Usually this is when Jensen pulls out and takes Jared's mouth, his hand; jerks himself off maybe. But he's not relenting, just pounding into Jared and holding him by the shoulder.
Jared breathes into the sheets, wet beneath his cheek where he's been drooling and panting. He swears he's still hard. This is the hottest fuck of his life and he's going to be reliving it for days, even after he's stopped walking funny.
Jensen’s sucking at that patch of skin, licking and biting at it and Jared’s still shuddering through orgasm. Jensen’s found this relentless rhythm. He’s got his dick all the way in, his hips pressed flush against Jared’s ass and he’s rocking hard and deep, fucking Jared so good Jared wonders if it’s possible to pass out from this.
"Jensen," Jared mumbles, "I'm gonna come again." He’s halfway there already, after no recovery time. HIs cock is sticky where it’s trapped against his belly and every push of Jensen’s cock in him jolts him into the mattress, rubbing at his dick.
"Yeah?" Jensen hisses, mouthing at Jared's jaw, tongue licking at Jared’s stubble. "You're so hot for this."
Jared just whimpers at that. It’s the god honest truth. He’s never been so turned on in his life, just lying here and taking every inch of Jensen, letting Jensen use him in a way he never has before. Jensen’s always been sweetly careful with Jared. Not now, though, and Jared can’t even hide how bad he wants it.
Jensen pulls out suddenly and so fast Jared's head spins. He manhandles Jared over, keeping a hand on his wrists and it hurts; his shoulders aching now, his wrists tender. But he's getting off on it; the way Jensen just braces his weight on Jared as he presses his wrists back into the mattress, and uses his free hand to guide himself back inside.
Like this, Jared can't touch himself, he realizes suddenly. He glances down. His cock is sticky with his load, red and pressed against his belly. His ass is starting to feel tender and raw. He’s vaguely aware that he’s making these stupid noises deep in his chest that he can’t help. He’s a mess of emotion, of sensation, of fucking feeling and all he can do is take everything Jensen’s giving him.
Jensen leans forward, covering Jared with his body so they’re pressed together, all sweat damp skin to skin. Jensen presses his face to Jared’s throat, breath hot against Jared’s overheated skin, sucking a kiss to the hollow there. Like this, with Jensen’s arms bracketing him, holding his own wrists to the bed, Jared can feel everything - every breath Jensen takes, every sound that comes out of his mouth, fucking everything.
When Jensen comes, it’s without any warning and Jared feels that, too. His breathing stutters and catches and he comes deep. He feels the way Jensen shudders through it, the way his hips stutter and press all the way in, the way his shoulders shake the way they do when he comes really hard.
Jared turns his face blindly towards Jensen, gasps into it when Jensen takes the hint and kisses him hard, all aggressive tongue and teeth.
Like this, Jared’s dick is trapped between them, caught and rubbing against Jensen’s sweat slick belly. Jared’s shoulders and wrists ache, that soreness in his ass more pronounced now and he has never been so hard for anything in his life. And he just fucking came, Jesus.
Jensen pulls out abruptly, letting go of Jared and moving to a sprawling position between Jared’s splayed thighs. His breath his hot and wet on Jared’s cock and that’s all the warning Jared gets before he sucks him in deep, hollowing his cheeks and flattening his tongue. He looks up at Jared with his mouth stretched, his face flushed, hair matted to his forehead.
“Oh my god, Jensen,” Jared just moans, pushing a hand into Jensen’s head to hold him there as Jensen just sucks at him all sloppy and wet, making choked off little noises that vibrate through Jared’s bones.
It’s embarrassingly quick, especially given this is the second time he’s blowing his load in less than an hour. Jensen sucks at the head of Jared’s dick, sucks hard and just makes encouraging noises when Jared tells him he’s close.
It surprises the shit out of him when he comes hard, this convulsing of his body that’s never happened to him before. It’s a freight train barreling through him with no warning and when it comes it’s all he can do to hold on.
Jensen doesn’t let up. He’s digging his fingers into Jared’s hips, pressing him down, and Jared can feel the shape of his fingertips leaving marks in his skin. Jensen relaxes the suction a little but keeps mouth at Jared, swallowing all of Jared’s come and waiting patiently.
Jared reaches to grab Jensen by the shoulders, pulls him up before he’s really caught his breath, while he’s still shaking. He palms Jensen’s face in his hands and catches Jensen’s wet, sloppy open mouth. He chases the taste of himself on Jensen’s tongue.
Jared feels it when Jensen comes back to himself. He’s holding his body full of tension. He’s abrupt when he withdraws, gets to his feet to dispose of the condom. He’s all aloof and detached now, like what happened just now didn’t just happen.
It’s startling. Jensen looks stunned. Jared’s lying there covered in his own come, watching Jensen’s emotions play across his face. He looks like he’s just realizing the enormousness of what happened between them, that this was brand new and completely unfamiliar in the context of the two of them.
Jared focuses on coming back to himself. He’s all boneless now, relaxed to the point of being comatose. There’s a soreness in his shoulders, his thighs, his wrists that he knows he’ll feel tomorrow. He’s looking forward to it. If this is the only time they do it like this, with Jensen letting himself go and taking what he wants, Jared wants a reminder of it to hold onto.
When Jared looks back to Jensen, Jensen’s watching him with this unreadable expression in his eyes. “Jared,” he says quietly as he reaches out to touch Jared’s shoulder. The way Jensen’s looking at him is intense. “I’m sorry.”
It’s the last thing Jared’s expecting to hear. He sits up a little, wincing as he feels it in every muscle. “What?” His head is a fog, his body completely foreign to him, and he blinks a little owlishly at Jensen because things just aren’t making sense at the moment. Sorry is not what he’s wanting to hear.
“Shit, I’m fucking sorry,” Jensen mumbles, pushing a hand through his hair and looking as close to frazzled as Jared’s ever seen him. Jared just sits there in his tiny bed that reeks of sex and watches his boyfriend completely shut down. And that’s new, boyfriend. Something to think about for another day.
Jensen’s reaching for his underwear, looking a little frantic, and Jared just needs things to slow down for a second.
“Jensen, stop,” he says, putting a hand on Jensen’s arm. “I don’t understand.” It’s an understatement of epic proportions, actually. “What’s wrong?”
Jensen makes a frustrated noise and lets his briefs fall to the floor. He turns to look at Jared and Jared’s caught by how incredible he looks like this. His hair’s a mess, his face flushed, his skin in a layer of sweat. Even now, completely lost at whatever it is that’s happening right now, Jared can’t get over how beautiful Jensen is.
“Jensen,” Jared mumbles, putting a hand on his hip just because he wants to reassure Jensen in some way and touch has always been the only way he knows how. “Will you just tell me what’s wrong?”
Jensen gives Jared the ghost of a smile, the fondness in his eyes that still makes Jared a little breathless. He sits at the edge of the bed, body turned toward Jared, and reaches out to brush Jared’s sweaty hair out of his eyes.
Jared hums, leaning into the touch. He’s such a sucker for this. “Please talk to me, and stop looking so tortured.” He turns his face into Jensen’s hand and kisses the heel of his palm. “It’s freaking me out.”
Jensen’s quiet for long enough that Jared thinks he might not answer. And then, in a quiet voice he says, “what do you know about BDSM?”
Jared feels the surprise on his face. It’s not something he knows anything about, it’s never even really entered his mind. “Um, you mean like whips and chains?” He says with a dry mouth and what feels like a flush spreading up his throat.
This time the smile Jensen gives Jared is a sweet mix of indulgent and amused. He’s visibly more relaxed now, though, and that makes Jared breathe a little easier. “Something like that,” Jensen agrees. “I guess that’s an element of it.” He’s still sifting his fingers through Jared’s sweaty hair, rubbing his thumb along the curve of his neck, and Jared feels like he’s going into a trance. He tries to focus on the words Jensen’s saying. “I’m talking mostly about the dominant and submissive relationship.”
Jared nods like he understands what Jensen’s saying, like it’s clear where he’s going with this.
Jensen digs his thumb into Jared’s skin and Jared can’t help it, he lets his head fall back, groaning. But Jensen has his attention now. “Like holding someone down.” Jensen tells him in this low, rough voice that hits Jared hot in his gut. “Controlling them.”
Jared’s whole body is reacting to this conversation. It’s new, it’s intriguing, it’s overwhelming and quite out of nowhere, he’s interested.
“Jared,” Jensen sounds bemused. “Pay attention to what I’m saying. There are rules that come with that kind of play, Jared, established rules that I didn’t follow. I should have asked you before I did any of that. I’m sorry.”
“What kind of rules?” Jared’s pulse is hammering in his throat. He didn’t know Jensen was into this kind of thing, even though he’s not sure what “this kind of thing” really entails.
“Established boundaries,” Jensen says, circling his thumb over the pulse point at Jared’s throat. “An agreement between the dominant and submissive partners, what’s acceptable, what’s forbidden. Usually there’s a safe word involved as well.”
Jared’s heard the term before but he doesn’t really understand what it means. “Safe word?”
“It’s a word, usually something random and unsexy, like ‘spaghetti.’ It’s for safety purposes, when you get involved in consent play, breath play, pain play, anything that involves an aspect of danger. If the safe word is used, all play comes to an end, no questions asked.”
Jared’s trying to take in everything Jensen’s explaining to him, but it’s difficult with Jensen touching him like that, with the way Jared’s body’s reacting to not only Jensen but what he’s telling him. He’s intrigued, turned on by the thought of doing those kinds of things with Jensen.
“Do you do that a lot?” Jared asks him. “Play?”
Jensen shakes his head. “Not anymore. I used to.” He’s combing his fingers through the damp hair at the nape of Jared’s neck now and Jared’s gone completely, stupidly boneless. “I used to be in a serious Dominant/Submissive relationship.”
Jared knows the surprise is showing on his face. “I didn’t know that,” Jared says.
“It ended, not badly or otherwise, it just sort of dissolved and I walked away from it for a while.” Jensen’s quiet then and Jared lets the silence exist, doesn’t try to fill it.
“What are you thinking?” Jensen says after a short while.
“I was thinking I’m glad you told me that,” Jared admits softly, ducking his head and kissing Jensen, lips brushing the corner of his mouth.
Jensen looks like he’s coming down from wherever it was that he went. Jared leans into him and lets the exhaustion settle into his bones. He’s got too much homework ahead of him but he’d be content to stay like this and forget the rest of the world.
“I had a bad day,” Jensen tells him. It’s a quiet admission. “A shitty day. And the first thing I thought about was you.” He reaches for Jared’s hand and curls his fingers around his palm.
Jared feels his face get warm. Jensen keeps catching Jared off guard, the way he has since the day they met seven months ago. One of these days Jared will stop being surprised.
“I wanted to see you,” Jensen’s saying, “and then something just flipped in me; like a switch, and I was right back in that mindset.”
Jared’s remembering the frantic, wild eyed expression on Jensen’s face, the way he held onto Jared. “I don’t really understand it,” Jared says. “But I liked it.”
Jensen lets out a huff of surprise, like he wasn’t expecting that, and gives Jared a sly smile with a hint of something dirty and dark. “You did?”
Jared laughs then, a genuine belly laugh. He hides his face in Jensen’s shoulder. It’s an understatement, really. Jared wouldn’t mind doing it again, maybe a few more times.
“Yeah.” He mumbles when he’s caught his breath. “I did.”
Jared can feel Jensen’s grin against his skin and that feels nice, good.
“It’s after nine,” Jensen mumbles a little later, this note of apology in his voice. They both have school work and neither have them have eaten.
Jensen gets to his feet and there he is in all his naked, unapologetic glory, reaching for Jared with this sweet, fond curve of his lips. Jared lets Jensen pull him up. His feet hit the floor and his knees buckle, a rush of dizziness hitting him hard.
“Careful,” Jensen hums, catching Jared with a palm at the small of his back.
“Shit,” Jared whispers. He can feel the flush in his face, the heat spreading down his throat. He gets a flash of the very first time Jensen ever fucked him, what it was like to get up and feel in every ounce of him the memory of Jensen in him. It’s different now, the kind of ache that comes from a fast, hard fuck.
“Alright?” Jensen presses his mouth to Jared’s ear. He’s stroking his fingers along Jared’s skin and it’s driving Jared a little insane.
“A little light headed,” Jared admits. It makes sense, he hasn’t eaten anything since lunch and he just had his brains fucked out.
“Come on,” Jensen says lowly, “let’s go shower.”
Showering together means Jensen turns Jared against the wall and fucking worships him. Jared couldn’t get it up again if he tried and his body sure is trying. Jensen’s pressing kisses to every inch of Jared’s body, trailing his mouth down the dip of Jared’s spine until Jared’s thighs quake and he’s not sure he can hold himself anymore.
Jensen soaps up his hands and washes Jared there, between his legs where he’s sore and aching.
Jared just braces himself against the wall, palms flat and forearms shaking. He hisses when Jensen rubs two fingers over his hole.
Jensen stills his hand but doesn’t remove his fingers. He kisses Jared behind his ear. “Does it hurt?” Jensen asks.
It’s sexy as hell being here with Jensen, hot, steamy water sliding over them as Jensen takes care of Jared like it’s something he wants to do. Jared’s face is hot but he nods and says quietly, “a little. It’s sore.” He’s going to feel it for days, he knows, a thought that’s hotter than he would have imagined.
“I’m sorry,” Jensen says, sounding like he means it.
Jared tries to turn to look at Jensen, to protest. He doesn’t want an apology, not when he wants to do it again as soon as they can.
“Shh,” Jensen soothes, keeping Jared against the tile with a hand between his shoulder blades. “I’m not sorry it happened,” he says like he knows what Jared’s thinking. “I’m sorry it hurts.”
Sometimes Jensen’s so fucking sweet Jared’s chest tightens up and it feels like he can’t breathe. It’s overwhelming, when he spent his adolescence dating girls and feeling massively underwhelmed.
When Jensen’s done with the soap, he turns Jared around and drags him under the spray, letting the water wash it all away. He keeps his hands on Jared’s body, fingers at his hips.
“Can I borrow some pants?” Jensen asks a little while later, standing in Jared’s tiny bedroom with a towel around his hips and water sliding down his shoulders.
Jared’s pulled on a pair of underwear and he’s standing there, body putting up a valiant effort to get hard as he looks at Jensen. He gets caught off guard every now and then by how beautiful Jensen is, like he’s seeing him for the first time all over again.
“Jared,” Jensen prompts, mouth in a smile. “Clothes?”
Jared makes a face. “Right, pants,” he says to himself and unearths a pair of old sweats that will likely be too big on Jensen.
He’s right, they hang off his hips in a way that makes Jared want to get on his knees and taste Jensen’s skin, lick at his hipbones and follow the trail of hair where it deeps beneath the waistband.
Jared finds Jensen an old t-shirt that was probably Chad’s once upon a time judging by the way it fits Jensen like a second skin, stretching across his shoulders and molding around the shape of his chest.
“Food,” Jared says suddenly, way too loudly. “I’m starving.” Anything to get out of this room that smells like come and sweat and reminds Jared of what took place not that long ago. He needs food and air and a second to get his bearings.
Jensen laughs at him then, an amused sound that makes him look five years younger. Jared can’t even bring himself to be annoyed, he likes it so much when Jensen looks like that.
Chad comes home when they're eating sandwiches at the narrow kitchen table. Jared's sitting gingerly on a pillow from the sofa, smiling at the way Jensen so chivalrously procured it for him when Jared hissed as he sat on the unforgiving wooden chair.
Chad comes into the kitchen, nods at Jensen and takes a good look at Jared. He's wearing sweats, his hair still wet from the shower, and he's been half hard since he sat down. He bends over his plate and ignores the calculating way Chad's looking at him. His face is flushed pink. Beneath the table, he feels Jensen's bare foot nudge at his ankle, making him smile and duck his head to hide it.
"Well," Chad says, grabbing the seat beside Jared and straddling it. "You look like you've been fucked into next week," he says like this is something best friends say to each other. He takes the other half of Jared's sandwich off his plate and stuffs it in his mouth.
Given that's how Jared feels at the moment, he doesn't have much of anything to say to that.
Across the table, Jensen's looking half embarrassed, half ridiculously pleased with himself. He catches Jared's gaze and his smile gets wide and really fucking dirty.
This isn't the first time the three of them have hung out, and it's not the first time Jared's been aware of the fact that his boyfriend and his best friend once fucked for the camera. It's something Jared doesn't let himself dwell on. It was too long ago to make a deal out of, but it's something that lurks there in the back of his head.
Chad steals Jensen’s beer, finishes Jared’s sandwich and gets up with a loud, “you owe me details,” to Jared, before he stomps up the stairs.
Jared shrugs and smiles apologetically at Jensen. “I’ve been friends with him so long I’ve forgotten why I like him.”
Jensen’s nodding his head like he understands. Jared knows very little about Jensen’s best friend Christian, but he’s guessing Jensen probably does get it.
Jensen heads to the fridge for another beer. He leans against the counter as he drinks it, his eyes on Jared. There’s heat in Jensen’s eyes. Jared feels it slide over him.
He gets up unthinkingly and goes to stand between Jensen’s legs. He tucks his thumb in one of Jensen’s belt loops and leans in to taste the beer on Jensen’s tongue.
Jensen hums into the kiss. He slips his hand under Jared’s t-shirt, fingers cool and moist from the beer bottle against his skin. Jared feels like something huge and important has shifted between them. He feels an intimacy between them that he’s never felt with anyone. Jensen was honest with him tonight, shared something with Jared that he’s kept mostly to himself and Jared couldn’t help responding to that, giving Jensen what he could of himself.
Jensen puts a hand on Jared’s jaw as he breaks the kiss. “I should go,” he says. It's what they usually do, say goodnight at some point and spend the night in their respective beds.
Impulsively, Jared mumbles a quiet "stay," curling his fingers in the hem of Jensen’s t-shirt. He doesn't make a habit of saying things like that. He usually lets Jensen take the lead. But something's changed between them tonight and Jared's holding onto it, willing to see where it's going to lead them.
Jensen looks mildly surprised but he doesn’t hesitate. "Okay,” he says, kissing the corner of Jared’s mouth. “I left my books in the car," he says, shifting them around with an arm around Jared’s waist. "I'll go get them. I've got another two hours of work."
Which is how they end up spread out around the coffee table, sitting at opposite ends of the couch in companionable silence.
It's the least productive two hours of Jared's life. He's never had more difficulty concentrating. His entire body is vibrating with the reminders of what happened between them earlier. It's uncomfortable sitting and when he shifts to find a better way, it sends heat and electricity shooting up his spine. He keeps rotating his neck, his shoulders still aching from being held down.
Eventually he gives up. He's hard, he's exhausted, he's feeling something that feels a lot like vulnerability. It's a foreign feeling.
Jensen looks up from a stack of documents and catches Jared zoning out. "You alright?" he asks, this sweet hint of concern in the way he says it.
"Come here?" is what comes out of Jared's mouth, this searching plea. He doesn't know what he's looking for but Jensen's suddenly too far away. Jared's always lived for being touched, taken his love and reassurance from those around him by physical affection. Right now he wants to be touching Jensen, even if it doesn’t lead anywhere, even if’s just something to hold onto when he feels like his world has been tipped on its axis in the last few hours.
Jensen's eyes are dark, appraising. He doesn’t answer. He gets on his knees, palms on the sofa cushions and fucking crawls over to Jared, sliding up over him and nudging a knee between Jared’s thighs as he pushes him back against the arm of the couch.
His hips settle against Jared’s as he braces an arm beneath Jared’s shoulders. Jared’s waiting for Jensen to kiss him, but Jensen just stays like that, hovering above him and says quietly, eyes serious, “Are you freaking out right now?”
Jared shakes his head automatically. He’s not. He just has a lot racing through his brain and it’s a lot to process when his body’s a walking reminder that Jared was introduced to a whole new world of possibilities.
“No,” Jared says, holding Jensen’s gaze. “I’m just thinking.”
“Okay,” Jensen agrees. He wraps his fingers around Jared’s neck and strokes Jared’s jaw. “What are you thinking about?” he says for the second time tonight.
He doesn’t know how to say what he wants. He’s never been afraid to speak his mind or stand up for himself, but there’s a level of embarrassment and an aspect of the unknown. “I want to do more -” he hesitates, trying to find the right words. “More of that,” he settles on, “with you.”
Jensen doesn’t look all that surprised, but he does look interested. Turned on is the right phrase. Jensen looks turned on right now, looking down at Jared with dark eyes and a set to his jaw that Jared likes.
“Tell me,” Jensen urges. He knows how to get Jared to relax - he doesn’t stop stroking Jared’s skin, keeps up a steady rhythm for Jared to focus on.
"I liked it," Jared says a little helplessly. He doesn't know what else to say. It's not enough. What he wants is whatever Jensen wants to show him. He wants to know what Jensen likes. He wants to know what it means to have the dominant/submissive undertones in a relationship. He takes a deep breath and forces himself to keep from looking away. "I liked being held down," he says. "I liked the way you took control." His breathing is uneven now and he's trying like hell to keep from pushing his hips up to rub against Jensen's.
"I want to know more," he admits. "To know what else there is."
"Jesus," Jensen says on a breath, like Jared's just shattered him. He sinks down, forehead knocking into Jared's and just stays there like that, like he's trying to get himself together.
"You keep shocking the hell out of me," Jensen says, his own admission.
"Jensen," Jared says then, giving into his curiosity, "tell me what you like. When you do - when you 'play.'"
He feels Jensen take a slow, shuddering breath. He picks his head back up and looks down at Jared. "I like what I did to you," he says hoarsely, "holding you down and making you take me."
Jared can't help it, he groans and pushes his hips up against Jensen's, looking for whatever friction he can get.
"In general, I like restraining someone." His tone's gone conversational though there's a strain in his voice and he's started rocking his hips in little circles that make Jared arch up for more. "I like cuffs. I like a little breathplay. I was always into spanking and," he says, his breath catching in his chest, "I always came hardest making someone choke on my cock."
Shit. Jared didn't realize he could be so into dirty talk, but he's hard and shaking from Jensen's words, from the images being presented to him.
“Do you -” Jared cuts himself off. His mouth is dry and the words get caught in his throat. “Do you want to do those things with me?” Jared’s asking because he wants it, because he’s realized there are things he could want that he didn’t understand.
Jensen answers by reaching between them to grab Jared’s forearms. He pushes them over Jared’s head, rears up to brace his weight on Jared as he rocks his hips hard. “What do you think?” he whispers all filthy, his breath hot on Jared’s cheek.
“Oh shit, please,” Jared begs. This is some out of body experience he’s having, this kind of thing never happens in real life, to good Texas boys. But it’s happening now with someone who wants him like Jared’s never been wanted before. It’s a lot to take in.
“Tell me what you want,” Jensen tells him and there it is, that tone from before, that unmistakable command. It sends Jared into a fucking frenzy, struggling to get his thighs open, to push up and get some kind of pressure on his cock.
“You,” Jared says helplessly, the only thing he knows for sure. He wants this, he wants Jensen, whatever Jensen is willing to give him. It’s a fucking terrifying realization.
Jensen sits back abruptly, kneeling between Jared’s thighs. “Show me how hard you are for this,” he says roughly.
“Go on,” Jensen says, a little more gently this time. This is Jared’s out, he realizes. This is Jensen saying it’s okay if Jared wants to back out now.
Fuck that. Jared pushes his sweats and briefs down his hips in one go and hisses as his cock springs free. It’s obscene, lying here like this as Jensen watches. Jared can see how hard Jensen is, though, and that’s a reassurance. The head of his cock is poking up out of the waist of his sweats and Jared’s mouth waters with wanting to taste it, to suck at it and make Jensen show him how he likes it when he’s not holding anything back.
“Show me how you get yourself off, Jared,” Jensen tells him. “Show me what you look like when you’re alone.”
It hits Jared where they are. That they’re doing this here, right here on this grimy old sofa, where he and Chad have spent too many hours getting drunk and hanging out. He realizes how hot the idea of it is, that Chad could decide to come down at any second and he’d catch them like this.
This will be the third time he’s come tonight. It would make sense if it took a while to get off but Jared’s worried it might happen too soon. He’s so turned on just the air on his dick has him sweating. His face is hot, this embarrassment under his skin that’s kind of heady and addicting. He’s watching Jensen because he’s helpless, couldn’t tear his eyes away if he tried. He wraps his palm around his dick and goes slow, strokes himself from the base to the tip.
This is so hot, is all Jared can think right now, Jensen sitting there just watching him, telling him what to do. He jerks himself off, gets right into it and works his dick.
“Stop,” Jensen says abruptly, the command clear in his voice.
Jared’s breath catches, groaning, but he does.
“Good, that’s good, Jared,” Jensen says, praising him. “You’re good for me, aren’t you Jared?”
“Fuck,” Jared whispers, biting his lip. He nods.
“Touch yourself,” Jensen says, “go slow. You get to come when I say you can.” He feels the words hit him with a force that knocks the breath out of him. Fuck, the way Jensen sounds when he’s like this, commanding, in control. It makes Jared so hot his cock is wet and leaking just from Jensen’s words, from Jensen watching him.
Jensen’s stroking his own dick as he talks. “Do you understand, Jared?”
Jared swallows. His fingers are slick with his pre-come and if Jensen drags this out too long Jared’s going to fall apart. He nods again.
“Say it,” Jensen says, an edge to his tone. It’s an amazing image, Jensen sitting on his knees with his cock out, watching Jared with dark eyes and commanding Jared to do as he says.
“Yes,” Jared moans a little breathlessly, “I understand.”
“Go on, Jared,” Jensen says, his own breathing uneven and rapid. “You can come.”
Jared lets out a breath in relief and speeds his hand up on his cock. He can’t tear his eyes from Jensen’s, from the heat in the way he’s looking at him. That’s all it takes, a few strokes and Jensen watching him and Jared comes with a sharp cry, spilling over his fist.
“Fuck,” Jensen breathes, eyes falling shut as he hunches in on himself, hand speeding up on his cock. He comes watching Jared, teeth in his lip like he’s trying not to make a sound.
“Shit,” Jensen says, wiping his hand on his pant leg. He looks stunned, like he can’t believe that just happened. “Maybe that should be the last time we try to study together,” he says, still breathing hard.
Jared can’t help it, he laughs out loud. “Maybe,” he agrees, pressing his hand to his face. He feels a little delirious with exhaustion and the emotions of the day. “I’m ready for bed,” he admits.
He lifts his hips up off the sofa to yank his sweats back into place and sits up. He aches all over.
“Hey.” Jensen catches Jared with an arm around his waist as they stand. “Did you like that?” His eyes are serious, his tone quiet.
Jared gives Jensen a fast kiss. “Yes.”
“Good,” Jensen says, responding with a kiss of his own. “Let’s go sleep,” he mumbles around a yawn and lets Jared lead the way upstairs.
In the bathroom, Jared finds Jensen an extra toothbrush still in the package and it’s ridiculously cozy, standing there with him, hip to hip. They both reek of come and they look as strung out and exhausted as Jared feels.
In Jared’s room, they open a couple of windows because it still smells like sex.
It takes a little creativity, fitting them both in Jared’s bed. “Come here,” Jensen says with a tired smile, rolling Jared over and tangling their legs together. Jared tastes the toothpaste on Jensen’s tongue when Jensen gives him a slow, searching kiss.
Jared falls asleep like that, wrapped up in Jensen, thinking it doesn’t feel nearly as weird as he thought it would.
* * *
Jared has weird, restless dreams, fevered almost. He wakes up sometime before dawn, sweating and breathing hard. He can’t remember the details, just the way they made him feel. He’s achingly hard, skin damp, body overheated. Beside him, Jensen’s asleep, their legs tangled together.
Jared thinks about it for split second before he’s kicking the sheets to the foot of the bed, arching to get his underwear pushed around his thighs. Jensen’s a heavy sleeper and Jared is too hard to think clearly, all the blood in his cock.
He dreamt about Jensen, not for the first time, though this time the dreams were about dark, sexy things. His body’s still shaking, his skin overheated from the memory of those images. The details are fuzzy but the way they made him feel are sharp and heady.
He hisses and bites his lip when he wraps his hand around himself. He’s leaking pre-come everywhere and it makes the slide of his palm easier.
He yanks his underwear off, gets himself off quick and efficiently and uses them to catch the come. He falls back to sleep still breathing hard, burrowing himself in against Jensen.
He wakes up an hour later to his alarm blaring the grating voices of a morning show. Jensen’s grumbling and reaching out to slap at the radio before Jared’s even really awake.
This is only the second time they’ve done this, woken up together in Jared’s bed. It’s not that often they spend the night together but when they do it’s at Jensen’s place in his enormous bed and his quiet apartment without the risk of Chad barging in or yelling rude comments from his room.
Jensen rolls into Jared and presses his face to Jared’s throat, mumbling a sleep rough “‘morning.”
Jared reaches his arms up over his head, stretching. He’s sore everywhere, in places he didn’t know it was possible. His shoulders especially ache. He’s never felt so amazingly well laid.
He feels Jensen go completely, startlingly still, tensing up. Before Jared can react, Jensen’s sitting up and reaching for Jared’s arm, more forcefully than Jared’s expecting.
Jared hisses when Jensen’s fingers wrap around his wrist, bringing to his attention the ring of bruises on his skin, a blur of color that makes the heat rush to Jared’s cock.
“Shit, Jared,” Jensen groans, turning Jared’s palm over and tracing the marks with his thumb. That’s like a jolt of electricity through Jared’s blood, little nerves shooting off like sparks.
“Fuck,” Jared breathes, holding himself still.
“I’m sorry,” Jensen mumbles, looking stricken. “I shouldn’t have been so rough, Jared.”
Jared doesn’t say anything. He’s trying to get his breathing under control, trying to focus on something, anything other than the way it feels to have Jensen idly stroking at nerves that seem to be directly connected to his dick.
Jared can’t help the startled groan that rumbles out of him when Jensen ducks his head and presses his lips to the paper thin skin at Jared’s wrist.
Jared gives in, wraps his palm around his cock, still naked. His dick is sticky from coming earlier but he’s wet at the head already, making his palm slick with it.
“Jared,” Jensen whispers, something between realization and awe in his voice. “Fuck,” he says a little louder, “you like that?”
“Yes,” Jared mumbles, completely needlessly. It’s painfully obvious at this point. He wraps his hand around Jensen’s neck, urging him on, trying to tell him without telling him that he wants it harder, wants something he can’t name. There’s this raw pulse of need beating in his blood and his body is fucking straining. He’s gasping to catch his breath.
“Okay, okay,” Jensen says under his breath, lifting his head and looking at Jared with hot eyes. “I’m going to be late,” he says but it’s breathless and full of regret.
This is the wrong time for this, they both realize that. Jared’s thankful that Jensen’s the one to pull away and put some space between them because he’s not sure he could have.
Jensen rolls out of bed in the sweats he borrowed from Jared. “I have to go to my place before my classes,” Jensen says apologetically. “I’ll get these back to you at sometime,” he tells Jared, gesturing to the pants hanging off his hips.
Jared waves him off and curls his fingers in the hem of Jensen’s t-shirt, lifting his chin. Jensen takes the hint and kisses Jared. “Come over tonight?” he says into Jared’s mouth, curling his fingers around Jared’s neck.
Jared doesn’t need a second to think about it, he nods and mumbles, “yes.”
He feels Jensen smile against his mouth. “Okay,” Jensen agrees. “I’m going. Be good.”
[ part 2 ]