When I was one I died from a heat stroke right? No another baby did.. And I took it's PLACE omg that makes total sense! If the first child didn't die I wouldn't have been normal?yeah the brain died and I was placed inside her body so either my mind is fucked up from that or I am the same one and all the sicknesses with the high temps I got as a ( Read more... )

Y am I like this...I'll never change..it's not like something I can control cuz believe it or not I can't I have no control of anything when it comes to my emotions.I will complain and bitch and moan and nothing will change..until I suppose lose everything I guess I don't know any worse than losing John..that's the biggest thing and most sad thing ( Read more... )

I hate my life with all the ups and downs. I want all this pain to just go away. If there is a god why can't he stop my suffering. All that I want is gone all that I have is under control. I'm ready to go I need to go y live with this shit day after day! Please just make it all go away!

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

gosh i dont know what to do. sitting in my car is pats bday present and johns videos on cd and the journal he gave me in 2005 with journal entries in it. his wristband he gave me, his drawing, some convos...im thinkin i shouldnt give him these things. i dont want to let him go. why cant he forgive me.

ok so ...today marks an anniversary for pat 1 year of no smoking...thot i would list that here in case i forget. or in case i get too old and one day look at this when i have alzheimers or something...hmm but i would forget my password too...hmm i better start giving pat my passwords since john is no longer. ya know..oh wait 11:11 make a wish time ( Read more... )

i decided to go back to what i know...lj...its there when i need to cry its there when i need to vent and...its someone i can count on in a time of need. although...some may take it as a way of reaching out for help or getting attention or just making friends. I'm that person that uses it for all those reasons ( Read more... )

i wish i had the courage to kill myself

he drank tonite and i asked him if he did and he said no...

later he asked me what if he said yes...

no response was given

I WANNA DIE ON MY WAY BACK FROM CONNECTICUT SO I CAN ENJOY MY DAYS THERE AND NOT HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE INEVITABLE OF MY FUTURE