Fic: Lie To Me (5/?)
Title: Lie To Me [5/?]
Characters: Walter, Drake, Josh
Pairing: None
Rating: PG13
Warnings: Abuse, Cutting
Summary: Walter starts drinking and shows a totally different side of himself, but only Drake sees it.
A/N: There is cutting in this chapter, and I just wanted to let anyone who might be reading this know that I do not condone cutting at all.
Chapters:
One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Bruises heal fast, and so do split lips. Ribs were another thing.
Drake slowly sat up from his bed. Days after the run-in with the gang his ribs had hurt just a little bit, but now he couldn’t move without the searing pain racing through him. He couldn’t believe he had actually thought the pain was horrible before.
Drake glanced over at the empty bed near the door, suddenly feeling very lonely. A few weeks ago he would never have thought he would miss Josh, but he did. He had grown to like the Oprah obsessed dork.
The teen had just started walking across his room, when he heard his mom call for him.
“Coming!” Drake exclaimed, cringing almost immediately. He should’ve learned by now that it hurt his ribs to talk, and even more so to yell.
Once he had reached the bottom step, he could see his whole family sitting down in the living room. Everyone stopped talking when they saw him walk in.
“Drake, my mother called, and she offered to take Megan for the summer. And since I already have some vacation time coming to me at work, I thought I would go with Megan. Is that okay?”
Leave me here with two people who hate me? Sure, why not?
Instead of voicing his true thoughts, he put on a smile, “It’s perfectly fine! I hope you two have a great time!”
“Great! We’re leaving tomorrow,” She looked to the rest of her family, “I’m sorry I’ve told everyone this on such short notice, but she just called this morning.”
“Honey,it’s okay! I’ll be happy to take care of the boys!” Walter said, throwing an arm around his wife's shoulder.
Drake stood up slowly from where he sat and began walking back upstairs. No one seemed to notice him leaving, they were all busy talking about their plans for the next few weeks. Their plans without him. Maybe this was his mom’s ideal family? Why did she need a son that reminded her of her ex-husband every time she looked at him anyway?
He did the only thing that he knew would relieve him of all this pain, both mentally and physically. Something he hadn't done in years. Grabbing the razor, he lifted it up so he could see the blade. The artificial light reflected off of it, enticing him. His body longed for it. When he cut, he felt free. He felt happy. Maybe Josh would move back in if he was happy again?
Deep down he knew his mom would be upset. But he didn’t really care what she thought. He needed this. Nobody would care what was going on. Nobody knew how he felt. Nobody understood his pain. He felt like someone had grabbed a time-turner and thrown him back into the past, and now his world was falling to pieces. Everything was happening so fast! First his step-father was drinking, just like his own father had. His step-brother had left him, just like…
Drake shook his head. He couldn’t go there. He couldn’t release those memories after it had taken so long to bury them.
Glancing back at the razor in his right hand, Drake slowly lowered it to his arm, and then dragged the cool blade against his skin. He let out a sigh of relief, and sat down on the cold tile of the bathroom floor, his lips tightening as his ribs radiated pain. He brought the blade down repeatedly until his wrist was covered in small cuts.
Drake looked down at his arm that now had a trail of blood dripping down it. Why had he stopped doing this before? Placing the razor down, he smiled relieved. His brain blocked out any other signs of pain, solely focusing on the blood flowing freely from the cut. He felt alive again. He felt like a real person, with real feelings; a concept many people tend to forget.
Standing up, he regretfully wiped the blood off his arm and grabbed a first aid kit from the bathroom closet. Hiding the cut behind a small bandage, he washed the razorblade off and threw it in the trash. The pain in his ribs had died down significantly, faster than any painkiller had worked so far.
Feeling much happier now, he waltzed into his room, untroubled. This is what he missed, being so carefree. But he had never truly been carefree. His father had raised him like an adult. Instead of going to the movies or tossing the ball, Drake was beat until his father had had enough of him. Then he was physically thrown into his small room, and locked in. He remembered crying for hours on end, begging for his dad to let him out. This was how every Saturday and Sunday had been back then. His mother, at the time, worked very late shifts during the weekends, and even during the week she sometimes had to work late. She never paid much attention to him anyways. And then when Megan was born everything got worse.
Not wanting to ruin his ecstasy, Drake stopped thinking about the past. He mentally shut it in a box and locked it away.
For the first time in weeks his mind was clear. He could think straight again, and he wasn’t about to let anyone or anything ruin that, including old memories. So he grabbed his jacket and walked back downstairs.
“Mom, can I go for a drive?” She didn’t answer him. Audrey was still focused on planning her and Megan's trip summer. Drake grabbed the keys to her car and slammed the front door.
The only person who showed any sign of knowing that Drake had just left was Josh.
*****************************
Driving was exhausting, fun, but exhausting. Unfortunately his ‘happiness’ was starting to wear off, so he turned around and started heading back home. Glancing at the car clock, Drake cringed. His mom was going to kill him for being late!
If she even cares.
Drake froze. Where had that thought come from? Of course his mom cared if he got back home in time for dinner.
How do you know that? She didn’t seem to care that you were leaving…
Of course she did. She was just a little preoccupied.
Keep telling yourself that. What about Josh? Think he cares about you? Then why did he leave? And Megan? Think she would really mind if you cut until you bled to death?
Drake pulled the car over into the emergency lane, and stopped. Leaning back in the seat, he closed his eyes. Of course they would care, they loved him, didn't they?
Doubts started to fill Drake as he pulled back onto the road.
*****************************
He couldn’t take it. His ribs were throbbing, his wrist was aching with need. His thoughts wouldn't leave him alone, his head was going crazy. Drake knew what he needed.
He could hear his mom packing away in her room, Walter downstairs watching tv. Peering over the bathroom counter into the small trashcan, the light shined off the used blade.
Pulling up his sleeve, he tore off the bandage revealing the cuts from earlier. Drake never liked cutting over the same areas, it made his spine tingle. So he raised his sleeve a bit more. He knew exactly where he was going to do it. Grabbing the razor from the trash can, he felt the excitement race through him.
Suddenly the bathroom door opened. Drake froze, dropping the razor in surprise, and managing to nick his arm. There stood Josh, eyes wide open, mouth agape.
“What in the hell are you doing?”
Drake was speechless. What does one say in a situation such as this? Sorry? His mouth moved, but no words came out.
Finally, he lowered his eyes, placing a hand over the small cut that was now bleeding.
“Are you insane! What did you think you're doing?” Josh demanded. "Answer me!" Drake had never seen his brother so upset.
When no answer came, Josh stepped forward causing Drake to back up in fear. The problem was Drake was no longer seeing his kind step-brother; he was seeing his furious drunken father.
Tears filled his brown eyes, as he found he could no longer back up without running into the wall. He was trapped. His legs
collapsed under him, and he curled himself into a tight ball, his face hidden between his knees.
“Drake?” That voice wasn’t his fathers. This voice was pleading for him to answer. His father’s voice was harsh, and he never pleaded for anything.
Josh sat beside his brother, and put a hand gently on his shoulder, surprised when the other boy flinched at the contact.
“It’s just me. Josh. It's okay, I didn't mean to yell,” he whispered in a soothing tone hoping to calm Drake down. "I’m sorry if I scared you."
"Josh?" And in the blink of an eye, Drake was himself again. He uncurled, and, with Josh’s help, stood up.
“What just happened?” Josh asked, once he thought Drake had regained his composure.
“I-I don’t know…”
“Can you tell me why-” Josh stopped talking and just stared at the blade that was now lying on the floor.
“You wouldn’t believe me.”
“Try me.”
Drake washed the small cut off, and grabbed more bandages from the first aid kit.
“Josh, just leave it. I don’t want to talk.”
“Well, too bad, because I do. Why are you cutting yourself? I want to know what’s going on!”
“You don’t need to know what’s going on! And a few cuts won’t kill me!” Josh stared at Drake incredulously.
“That’s how people die! By cutting themselves! It’s suicide! What I want to know is why my brother, who I love very much, is doing this to himself?”
Drake stared up at the other teen in shock. No one had ever said ‘I love you’ to him. Sure the girl’s he went out with did and his mom sometimes said it but that was sort of expected. They never seemed to say it from their heart.
Leaning against the door frame, Drake looked into his brother’s eyes.
“You wouldn’t understand,” He replied softly, and walked out the door.
Once Drake had gotten back to his room, he closed his door and locked it. Everything hurt. Again.
Josh sat down on the guest bed, numb with shock. He didn't know what to do.