Weekly recap
Raw (Nov. 23)
For the big Thanksgiving show, our host is Jesse Ventura.
But we open with Randy Orton. He says that Jesse Ventura has a decision to make tonight, about the WWE title. Orton thinks Jesse should let Orton challenge for the title, despite the rules that Orton agreed upon with John Cena. Jesse comes out to say that he likes Orton, respects him and admires his style. However, Jesse thinks that the same people have been in this title picture for too long; tonight, he declares, the new #1 contender will be chosen from a pool of candidates, none of which have ever held the championship title. After a series of matches between Smackdown and Raw roster members, the winners of each match will contend in a battle royale, the sole winner of which will challenge for the WWE title or the world heavyweight title (depending on which brand they belong to). Huh. Ok, this should be interesting.
Kofi Kingston vs. Dolph Ziggler: Kofi wins it to earn his spot in the battle royale.
The Miz is backstage. He says that he's thankful for everybody giving him respect, among other things. On second thought, he says, he expects these things; furthermore everyone else should be thankful for Miz being so awesome.
Sheamus vs. Finlay: They brawl. Finlay gets in some good beating on Sheamus, but then Sheamus fights back to win. Sheamus will be in the battle royale. Post-match, he continues to attack Finlay. Maybe he should consider seeing an anger management therapist.
Backstage, Orton badgers Jesse to let him into the Battle Royale; Jesse says he'd love for Orton to be in it, but sorry, no can do.
CM Punk comes down to the ring to delcare that he's thankful for being straight-edge. Also, he's glad he's not like the rest of us gluttons, because he's better than us. Also, he calls John Cena a turkey.
CM Punk vs. John Cena: Kickass. Punk throws his t-shirt at Cena. Cena takes off his own shirt and chucks it into the crowd. (No offense, Punk, but it's more impressive when Cena does it, because Cena is a serious hunk of man-flesh. lesson_in_love: "Cena's abs are particularily awesome tonight.") Then, the match: Nice. They go back and forth for a while; Punk gains the upper hand, then Cena, then Punk again, but in the end Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment for the win.
Chris Masters, Jack Swagger, & Chavo Guerrero vs. MVP, Mark Henry, & R-Truth: MVP gets beat on by the heels. Henry doesn't do much of anything. R-Truth wins the match for his team, all three of whom have now been entered into the battle royale. Lame.
Backstage, Triple-H is glaring at Shawn Michaels. H feels betrayed over the sudden turn in the PPV triple-threat match; Shawn says that he thought Triple-H would turn on him and therefore made a preemptive strike. ...Or maybe it was just his dodgy eye, right? Then, seriously, dude, in comes the real Mini-Me, Verne Troyer. He serves DX with a notice that they're being sued by Hornswoggle in the Little People’s Court next week. Ha!
Evan Bourne vs. Primo: When Primo comes out, Orton ambushes him from behind! Good-bye, Primo! Orton says he's taking Primo's place in the match. On the jumbotron, Jesse says that rules were meant to be broken; if Orton wins the match, he gets to be in the battle royale.
Evan Bourne vs. Randy Orton: Ooohhh. (planningmyxcape: "this match is SEX") Orton is ready to rumble and goes after Evan for an early two-count. Then Evan comes back, goes for a pin attempt and gets a two-count! Then Orton turns it around again, Evan eats a powerslam, and Orton nails the RKO! (Once again, owies for Evan, but also, hhhott.) Orton gets his wish to enter the battle royale.
Backstage, Ted Dibiase and Cody Rhodes talk strategy. *sighs dreamily*
There's a divas' match. I don't care.
Degeneration-X vs. The Hart Dynasty: The Hart boys team up to do some damage to Michaels early on. Eventually, though, Shawn gets the hot tag to Triple-H, who cleans house. The Harts try to save it, but one eats a superkick, the other gets a Pedigree, and DX wins.
While DX celebrates in the ring, Chris Jericho comes out to give them some lovely sarcastic applause. Then Jesse Ventura is back to announce DX vs. JeriShow for the unified tag titles at the next PPV in a TLC match. Dude, that should be good. Jericho promises that as long as he holds the tag titles, DX won't touch them.
Batista comes out to Rey Mysterio's music to announce that Mysterio won't be here tonight, he’ll be spending Thanksgiving in the hospital. (That's not quite true, but I do believe that Mysterio is slated for surgery the following week to address some lingering knee problems.) Batista is here tonight to put everyone on notice: If anyone from Smackdown dares to win the battle royale tonight, Batista will make them regret it because the Undertaker and the world heavyweight title are Batista's for the taking. Then Kane comes out for a face-to-face chat. Kane wants to know what, exactly, constitutes disrespect to Batista. Kane challenges Batista to make an example out of him. They glare at each other for a few moments, but eventually Batista backs down and leaves, watching Kane over his shoulder.
Legacy vs. Cryme Tyme: Yay! Go Fanboyz! Legacy has things under control for a while. Then Dibiase gets into trouble against Shad, but Rhodes breaks up the pin attempt and JTG gets clobbered out of the ring. Then Dibiase hits Dream Street on Shad for the pin and the win. Dibiase and Rhodes are the final entrants in the battle royale.
For tonight's main event, Jesse Ventura and Vince McMahon will be on commentary, just like old times. Jesse admires Vince's suit and red bowtie and they trade insults.
Battle Royale: Kofi Kingston, Sheamus, R-Truth, MVP, Mark Henry, Randy Orton, Ted DiBiase, & Cody Rhodes: It starts off with Dibiase & Rhodes going after Kofi. Sheamus is chilling out of the way in one of the corners; Orton is cruising, shark-like, outside the ring, waiting for the opportune moment. (Vince and Jesse are keeping up a running commentary on the match, but I'm more amused by the steady back-and-forth volley of insults.) One by one, the match participants gets eliminated; Dibiase & Rhodes finally get cleared out in one shot, quickly followed by Mark Henry, and then it's down to Orton, Sheamus, and Kofi. Orton and Kofi go at it; Sheamus goes after Orton after a bit, Orton drops him and goes back to Kofi. Then Sheamus comes after Orton again. Orton finally goes out, and then Sheamus takes out Kofi. Sheamus wins the match. Really? Damn. (Paul Marshall: "Grade: A+ (mainly due to the commentary)" LOL!) Outside the ring, Orton looks like his head might explode with shock and rage.
Jesse and Sheamus are in the ring with a table for the WWE championship match contract signing. Sheamus looks impatient and angry. Cena finally comes out to take his seat at the table, all smiles and sunshine and confidence. Then Sheamus demands that Cena stand up and face him, and Cena gets serious. He stands up and faces Sheamus to tell him that Sheamus might be a bully, but now he's facing real competition and he'd better be ready for it. They glare at each other and sign the contract. Then Jesse claims that there's a conspiracy at the top of the WWE, a conspiracy to keep the championship on John Cena. Jesse feels put out that he himself never got a title shot; Cena steps up to challenge him, only to eat a kick in the face from Sheamus. Sheamus proceeds to beat the crap out of Cena.
End of show.
I don't get this huge push for Sheamus. He has no personality. He randomly attacks and destroys whoever is a convenient target. All we know about him is that he's a large, angry man. And...? What? So? If they're going to spend this much effort on catapulting him to the top, he needs to grow a personality to go along with the exposure.
--
Paul Marshall: Pulse Wrestling’s Real-Time WWE RAW Report -- 11.23.09
Andy Wheeler: For Your Consideration...Slapsgiving
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ECW (Nov. 24)
Shelton Benjamin wins against Zack Ryder to become the new #1 contender to My Man Christian's ECW title.
Christian comes out to discuss this turn of events. Like me, he's a little put out by the fact that ECW hasn't really been represented at the last few PPVs. To fix this, he challenges Shelton to a ladder match at the next PPV. Shelton asks if he's sure he wants to do that; Christian says that he doesn't care about impressing anybody, that his goal is to steal the show. Shelton agrees. HELL YES. WANT. (Christian's smirk? SO HOT.)
Later, it looks like they might be setting up Ezekiel Jackson to break away from William Regal and fellow goon Vladimir Kozlov. We'll see where that goes.
--
Chris Shore: 11/24 Shore's WWE "ECW on SyFy" Live Coverage
--
Smackdown (Nov. 27)
We open with Josh Matthews, who announces that tonight we'll get Batista vs. Kane for #1 contendership to Undertaker's heavyweight championship.
Then Chris Jericho comes out to talk smack about DX and the TLC match at the next PPV. He also wants to complain about not being in the Batista-Kane match. Cue Teddy Long, who instead offers Jericho a match tonight against Undertaker himself. Careful what you wish for, Chris.
The Hart Dynasty vs. Cryme Tyme: The Hart boys win it. Pretty decent match. If Cryme Tyme can drop a little bit of the over-the-top lame gimmick, I might be able to take them more seriously.
John Morrison and Teddy Long are discussing Morrison's awesomeness. Icky Vickie Guerrero interrupts to demand that her boyfriend, Eric Escobar, gets an intercontinental championship match against Morrison. Teddy reluctantly agrees, but declares that it will be Escobar's one and only shot at the title.
CM Punk is in the ring with Festus. (Festus??? He's still around?) Punk re-introduces Festus as Luke, explaining that Luke's former condition was caused by drug use, and Punk helped Luke to kick those habits. Then Punk waxes poetic about the evils of people like Jeff Hardy, which brings out Matt Hardy to come to his brother's defense.
CM Punk vs. Matt Hardy: Matt looks like he's going to win it, but then Luke-Formerly-Known-As-Festus interferes, the ref awards the match to Hardy by DQ, and Punk and Luke proceed to give Hardy a thorough beating.
Backstage, Mickie gives an interview to denounce the juvenile tactics of her opponents: "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." This is one of the stupidest diva feuds I've seen in a really long time.
Batista vs. Kane, #1 contender to the world heavyweight title: They go back and forth. Eventually they brawl outside the ring, where Batista hits Kane with something that the ref doesn't see. Batista beats the ten-count back to the ring; Kane doesn't. Batista wins by count-out.
John Morrison vs. Eric Escobar: Vickie is here to cheer for her man. Also, she's Vickie, so she distracts Morrison, which lets Escobar get in some extra hits. But eventually Escobar misses his attack at a critical juncture, allowing Morrison to set up and hit Starship Pain for the win. Post-match, Vickie is pissed at Escobar and breaks up with him.
Undertaker vs. Chris Jericho: Batista is here to watch. Undertaker takes control of the match from the start. Then Batista distracts him, and Jericho hits Taker with a dropkick. Now it's Jericho's turn to take over and go to work on Undertaker. Finally Taker fights his way back and goes for a chokeslam, but Jericho escapes and hits a couple of his own moves. But then Taker gets him by the throat and goes for the Tombstone. At this point, Batista comes back in to attack Taker and the calls the match for Undertaker by DQ. Jericho nails Taker with a Codebreaker, and then he's had enough and he leaves. Batista grabs a chair and pounds away on Undertaker.
End of show.
--
Brian Eison: Smackdown recap for 11/27/09
--
For the big Thanksgiving show, our host is Jesse Ventura.
But we open with Randy Orton. He says that Jesse Ventura has a decision to make tonight, about the WWE title. Orton thinks Jesse should let Orton challenge for the title, despite the rules that Orton agreed upon with John Cena. Jesse comes out to say that he likes Orton, respects him and admires his style. However, Jesse thinks that the same people have been in this title picture for too long; tonight, he declares, the new #1 contender will be chosen from a pool of candidates, none of which have ever held the championship title. After a series of matches between Smackdown and Raw roster members, the winners of each match will contend in a battle royale, the sole winner of which will challenge for the WWE title or the world heavyweight title (depending on which brand they belong to). Huh. Ok, this should be interesting.
Kofi Kingston vs. Dolph Ziggler: Kofi wins it to earn his spot in the battle royale.
The Miz is backstage. He says that he's thankful for everybody giving him respect, among other things. On second thought, he says, he expects these things; furthermore everyone else should be thankful for Miz being so awesome.
Sheamus vs. Finlay: They brawl. Finlay gets in some good beating on Sheamus, but then Sheamus fights back to win. Sheamus will be in the battle royale. Post-match, he continues to attack Finlay. Maybe he should consider seeing an anger management therapist.
Backstage, Orton badgers Jesse to let him into the Battle Royale; Jesse says he'd love for Orton to be in it, but sorry, no can do.
CM Punk comes down to the ring to delcare that he's thankful for being straight-edge. Also, he's glad he's not like the rest of us gluttons, because he's better than us. Also, he calls John Cena a turkey.
CM Punk vs. John Cena: Kickass. Punk throws his t-shirt at Cena. Cena takes off his own shirt and chucks it into the crowd. (No offense, Punk, but it's more impressive when Cena does it, because Cena is a serious hunk of man-flesh. lesson_in_love: "Cena's abs are particularily awesome tonight.") Then, the match: Nice. They go back and forth for a while; Punk gains the upper hand, then Cena, then Punk again, but in the end Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment for the win.
Chris Masters, Jack Swagger, & Chavo Guerrero vs. MVP, Mark Henry, & R-Truth: MVP gets beat on by the heels. Henry doesn't do much of anything. R-Truth wins the match for his team, all three of whom have now been entered into the battle royale. Lame.
Backstage, Triple-H is glaring at Shawn Michaels. H feels betrayed over the sudden turn in the PPV triple-threat match; Shawn says that he thought Triple-H would turn on him and therefore made a preemptive strike. ...Or maybe it was just his dodgy eye, right? Then, seriously, dude, in comes the real Mini-Me, Verne Troyer. He serves DX with a notice that they're being sued by Hornswoggle in the Little People’s Court next week. Ha!
Evan Bourne vs. Primo: When Primo comes out, Orton ambushes him from behind! Good-bye, Primo! Orton says he's taking Primo's place in the match. On the jumbotron, Jesse says that rules were meant to be broken; if Orton wins the match, he gets to be in the battle royale.
Evan Bourne vs. Randy Orton: Ooohhh. (planningmyxcape: "this match is SEX") Orton is ready to rumble and goes after Evan for an early two-count. Then Evan comes back, goes for a pin attempt and gets a two-count! Then Orton turns it around again, Evan eats a powerslam, and Orton nails the RKO! (Once again, owies for Evan, but also, hhhott.) Orton gets his wish to enter the battle royale.
Backstage, Ted Dibiase and Cody Rhodes talk strategy. *sighs dreamily*
There's a divas' match. I don't care.
Degeneration-X vs. The Hart Dynasty: The Hart boys team up to do some damage to Michaels early on. Eventually, though, Shawn gets the hot tag to Triple-H, who cleans house. The Harts try to save it, but one eats a superkick, the other gets a Pedigree, and DX wins.
While DX celebrates in the ring, Chris Jericho comes out to give them some lovely sarcastic applause. Then Jesse Ventura is back to announce DX vs. JeriShow for the unified tag titles at the next PPV in a TLC match. Dude, that should be good. Jericho promises that as long as he holds the tag titles, DX won't touch them.
Batista comes out to Rey Mysterio's music to announce that Mysterio won't be here tonight, he’ll be spending Thanksgiving in the hospital. (That's not quite true, but I do believe that Mysterio is slated for surgery the following week to address some lingering knee problems.) Batista is here tonight to put everyone on notice: If anyone from Smackdown dares to win the battle royale tonight, Batista will make them regret it because the Undertaker and the world heavyweight title are Batista's for the taking. Then Kane comes out for a face-to-face chat. Kane wants to know what, exactly, constitutes disrespect to Batista. Kane challenges Batista to make an example out of him. They glare at each other for a few moments, but eventually Batista backs down and leaves, watching Kane over his shoulder.
Legacy vs. Cryme Tyme: Yay! Go Fanboyz! Legacy has things under control for a while. Then Dibiase gets into trouble against Shad, but Rhodes breaks up the pin attempt and JTG gets clobbered out of the ring. Then Dibiase hits Dream Street on Shad for the pin and the win. Dibiase and Rhodes are the final entrants in the battle royale.
For tonight's main event, Jesse Ventura and Vince McMahon will be on commentary, just like old times. Jesse admires Vince's suit and red bowtie and they trade insults.
Battle Royale: Kofi Kingston, Sheamus, R-Truth, MVP, Mark Henry, Randy Orton, Ted DiBiase, & Cody Rhodes: It starts off with Dibiase & Rhodes going after Kofi. Sheamus is chilling out of the way in one of the corners; Orton is cruising, shark-like, outside the ring, waiting for the opportune moment. (Vince and Jesse are keeping up a running commentary on the match, but I'm more amused by the steady back-and-forth volley of insults.) One by one, the match participants gets eliminated; Dibiase & Rhodes finally get cleared out in one shot, quickly followed by Mark Henry, and then it's down to Orton, Sheamus, and Kofi. Orton and Kofi go at it; Sheamus goes after Orton after a bit, Orton drops him and goes back to Kofi. Then Sheamus comes after Orton again. Orton finally goes out, and then Sheamus takes out Kofi. Sheamus wins the match. Really? Damn. (Paul Marshall: "Grade: A+ (mainly due to the commentary)" LOL!) Outside the ring, Orton looks like his head might explode with shock and rage.
Jesse and Sheamus are in the ring with a table for the WWE championship match contract signing. Sheamus looks impatient and angry. Cena finally comes out to take his seat at the table, all smiles and sunshine and confidence. Then Sheamus demands that Cena stand up and face him, and Cena gets serious. He stands up and faces Sheamus to tell him that Sheamus might be a bully, but now he's facing real competition and he'd better be ready for it. They glare at each other and sign the contract. Then Jesse claims that there's a conspiracy at the top of the WWE, a conspiracy to keep the championship on John Cena. Jesse feels put out that he himself never got a title shot; Cena steps up to challenge him, only to eat a kick in the face from Sheamus. Sheamus proceeds to beat the crap out of Cena.
End of show.
I don't get this huge push for Sheamus. He has no personality. He randomly attacks and destroys whoever is a convenient target. All we know about him is that he's a large, angry man. And...? What? So? If they're going to spend this much effort on catapulting him to the top, he needs to grow a personality to go along with the exposure.
--
Paul Marshall: Pulse Wrestling’s Real-Time WWE RAW Report -- 11.23.09
Andy Wheeler: For Your Consideration...Slapsgiving
--
ECW (Nov. 24)
Shelton Benjamin wins against Zack Ryder to become the new #1 contender to My Man Christian's ECW title.
Christian comes out to discuss this turn of events. Like me, he's a little put out by the fact that ECW hasn't really been represented at the last few PPVs. To fix this, he challenges Shelton to a ladder match at the next PPV. Shelton asks if he's sure he wants to do that; Christian says that he doesn't care about impressing anybody, that his goal is to steal the show. Shelton agrees. HELL YES. WANT. (Christian's smirk? SO HOT.)
Later, it looks like they might be setting up Ezekiel Jackson to break away from William Regal and fellow goon Vladimir Kozlov. We'll see where that goes.
--
Chris Shore: 11/24 Shore's WWE "ECW on SyFy" Live Coverage
--
Smackdown (Nov. 27)
We open with Josh Matthews, who announces that tonight we'll get Batista vs. Kane for #1 contendership to Undertaker's heavyweight championship.
Then Chris Jericho comes out to talk smack about DX and the TLC match at the next PPV. He also wants to complain about not being in the Batista-Kane match. Cue Teddy Long, who instead offers Jericho a match tonight against Undertaker himself. Careful what you wish for, Chris.
The Hart Dynasty vs. Cryme Tyme: The Hart boys win it. Pretty decent match. If Cryme Tyme can drop a little bit of the over-the-top lame gimmick, I might be able to take them more seriously.
John Morrison and Teddy Long are discussing Morrison's awesomeness. Icky Vickie Guerrero interrupts to demand that her boyfriend, Eric Escobar, gets an intercontinental championship match against Morrison. Teddy reluctantly agrees, but declares that it will be Escobar's one and only shot at the title.
CM Punk is in the ring with Festus. (Festus??? He's still around?) Punk re-introduces Festus as Luke, explaining that Luke's former condition was caused by drug use, and Punk helped Luke to kick those habits. Then Punk waxes poetic about the evils of people like Jeff Hardy, which brings out Matt Hardy to come to his brother's defense.
CM Punk vs. Matt Hardy: Matt looks like he's going to win it, but then Luke-Formerly-Known-As-Festus interferes, the ref awards the match to Hardy by DQ, and Punk and Luke proceed to give Hardy a thorough beating.
Backstage, Mickie gives an interview to denounce the juvenile tactics of her opponents: "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." This is one of the stupidest diva feuds I've seen in a really long time.
Batista vs. Kane, #1 contender to the world heavyweight title: They go back and forth. Eventually they brawl outside the ring, where Batista hits Kane with something that the ref doesn't see. Batista beats the ten-count back to the ring; Kane doesn't. Batista wins by count-out.
John Morrison vs. Eric Escobar: Vickie is here to cheer for her man. Also, she's Vickie, so she distracts Morrison, which lets Escobar get in some extra hits. But eventually Escobar misses his attack at a critical juncture, allowing Morrison to set up and hit Starship Pain for the win. Post-match, Vickie is pissed at Escobar and breaks up with him.
Undertaker vs. Chris Jericho: Batista is here to watch. Undertaker takes control of the match from the start. Then Batista distracts him, and Jericho hits Taker with a dropkick. Now it's Jericho's turn to take over and go to work on Undertaker. Finally Taker fights his way back and goes for a chokeslam, but Jericho escapes and hits a couple of his own moves. But then Taker gets him by the throat and goes for the Tombstone. At this point, Batista comes back in to attack Taker and the calls the match for Undertaker by DQ. Jericho nails Taker with a Codebreaker, and then he's had enough and he leaves. Batista grabs a chair and pounds away on Undertaker.
End of show.
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Brian Eison: Smackdown recap for 11/27/09
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