Weekly recap
Raw (Nov. 30)
Tonight's host: Mini-Me! AKA Verne Troyer.
We open with JeriShow talking trash about DX. They list off a bunch of reasons why they're better than DX and why they're going to keep the tag titles. Then DX comes out to argue. Also, they'd like Chris Jericho to kindly get lost and never come back. Triple-H challenges Jericho to a 1-on-1 match; Jericho says ok, but he further stipulates that the loser will face the winner's team in a handicap match. Jericho swears that he'll never leave Raw.
Melina & Gail Kim vs. Maryse & Jillian Hall: Maryse is back and she's gunning for Melina's title. Gail and Jillian are just filling space here, it's all about Melina vs. Maryse. Maryse wins it.
Sheamus comes out to talk. Sadly, this doesn't help the fact that he still has NO PERSONALITY. Blah, blah, blah, he put John Cena through a table so everyone would take him seriously. Well, Sheamus, that's great. Really.
Sheamus vs. Santino Marella: Santino doesn't stand a chance. Sheamus puts Santino through a table. Is this going to be a theme? Because it will get old really fast. Oh wait, that's right, I'm already tired of it.
Now we get to meet Verne. He says that everybody's been great, except the Miz. So Miz comes out to apologize, and they make fun of each other, and then here's Mark Henry. Verne would love to sock Miz right in the face, but he decides instead to book Miz vs. Henry for later.
Kofi Kingston comes out for a match against Randy Orton. On his way to the ring, he gets ambushed by Cody Rhodes. The ref breaks it up and asks if he still wants to do the match; Kofi's still game. Then Ted Dibiase comes out for another attack. The ref intervenes again, and again Kofi still wants to face Orton, despite an apparent knee injury. So...
Kofi Kingston vs. Randy Orton: Orton goes after the bum knee in his methodical killer fashion. Hot, hot, hot. Orton finally hits the RKO for the win.
Backstage, MVP and Verne are playing the Smackdown vs. RAW game; Jillian comes in and wants to sing. MVP decides to be gracious, so Jillian starts belting out some Beyonce. Mark Henry starts dancing (oh god), and then he falls over and squishes Jillian. Ouch. Henry and MVP look concerned, and hustle out of the room. Verne looks at Jillian, says "Uh, guys? I think she's dead." And then he goes back to the game (in which, BTW, MVP was playing himself and Verne was playing Undertaker; I approve!).
John Cena arrives in a hot car, and then he comes down to the ring after the commercial break. (Andy Wheeler: "The Champ is Here. The Champ is also OVER AN HOUR LATE.") Cena reminds us that Sheamus hasn't won anything yet; even if he does, Cena gets a rematch. In fact, he wants to go RIGHT NOW, and then if necessary he'll take his rematch at the PPV.
Carlito comes out. (His music is way too mellow and peppy to suit his character right now. It made me ROTFL.) Carlito says he's sick of Cena being champion; in fact, he says, most of the locker room feels the same way. They don't particularly care for Sheamus, but they all hope he beats Cena -- "Sheamus represents us!" (in response, my friend said: "Oh, you mean the nobodies?") Cena has had enough, and he tells Carlito to put up or shut up. Carlito attempts to put up, but Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment and that's that. Sheamus puts in an appearance on stage, and Cena is ready to rumble, but Sheamus decides to let Cena simmer for a while longer, and he leaves.
Verne is back. He brings out MVP and Mark Henry, who... start to rap? I'm skipping this part.
The Miz vs. Mark Henry: Henry wins. Bleh. To celebrate, Verne brings out the ladies, who start dancing. Eve is getting up close and personal with Verne, which reminds me that she did that with Hornswaggle, too. It makes me wonder if she has a thing for midgets.
Backstage, DX describe an apparent shared hallucination in which they were summoned to Little People's Court. They agree that it was a bizarre dream. Hornswaggle comes in, and he's pissed that they ignored his attempt at civilized recourse. He swears that he won't relent (in leprechaun-speak, of course, which is helpfully translated by subtitles); Shawn Michaels says that he speaks leprechaun (LOL, Shawn, of course you do), and insists that Hornswaggle has nothing on them. This whole storyline is just surreal, but I'm entertained enough to pay attention.
Chris Jericho vs. Triple-H: Jericho dives out of the ring early on, and Triple-H gives chase, only to step back when Big Show comes out. Jericho attacks while H is distracted; Show takes a seat at the announce table to join Shawn on commentary, and the match continues. Finally they start going back and forth with pin attempts; when the tide turns in Triple-H's favor for the second time, Show stands up; Shawn gets up in response, and Show drops him, and H comes to the rescue only for Show to punch him in the face. The ref kicks Show out of the arena. While Show is leaving, Shawn jumps into the ring and hits Jericho with a superkick. The ref turns around and kicks him out, too; Shawn looks like he might disobey, but then he leaves as well. In the ring, the ref goes on with the ten-count, but Jericho and Triple-H both get to their feet before ten. Jericho attempts a Codebreaker, Triple-H counters with a Pedigree attempt, Jericho counters with the Walls, Triple-H counters with a roll-up for the three-count and the win. Eh? The main event ends with a roll-up? That was weird.
Shawn comes back to pronounce doom and gloom on Jericho, and DX leads the crowd in a "Suck It" chant. Lovely. Jericho looks like he wants to cry. End of show.
I totally thought they were going to do Cena vs. Sheamus. But then they didn't. What if Sheamus gets the win next week, and Cena is set up for the big rematch at the PPV?
...I just realized: no Evan Bourne tonight. Boo.
--
Paul Marshall: Pulse Wrestling’s Real-Time Coverage of WWE RAW - 11.30.2009
Andy Wheeler: For Your Consideration...A Full-Sized Review of RAW
--
ECW (Dec. 1)
Stuff happens. Jackson is still being primed for a face turn, it looks like.
Backstage, Shelton Benjamin is playing the SD vs. Raw game (actually, he's playing himself in a ladder match against Christian -- practicing, I guess) when My Man Christian comes in. Christian wants to talk. Shelton says there's nothing to talk about; he's going to watch Christian's back until the PPV, at which point they'll steal the show and Shelton will win the ECW title. Then Shelton goes back to his game. Christian is irritated. He asks if he can play too, and then he hits the power button to kill the game. "Oops," he says. Heh. Christian says they'll have to wait and see who wins at the PPV.
Christian & Shelton Benjamin vs. Vladimir Kozlov & Ezekiel Jackson: Unspectacular (aside from My Man, of course, who is ALWAYS spectacular) but good match. Near the end, Jackson is working on Christian, and Kozlov blind-tags himself in. Then Christian turns it around on Kozlov and tags in Shelton, but when Kozlov goes to tag in Jackson, Jackson walks away. Shelton pins Kozlov for the win.
--
Chris Shore: 12/1 Shore's WWE "ECW on SyFy" Live Coverage
--
Smackdown (Dec. 4)
CM Punk vs. R-Truth: Punk is here with his new acolyte, Luke-formerly-known-as-Festus. Luke interferes, and Truth wins by DQ. Then he gets beat down by Punk and Luke.
Kane vs. Mike Knox: Meh. Kane wins. Apparently he's really a face now.
Mickie James vs. Natalya vs. Beth Phoenix, #1 contender to the women's championship: Mickie gets launched outside, and Beth & Natalya face off. Ooh! Yes! ... Eh. Or not. Natalya tries for a submission hold on Mickie, but Beth breaks it up and hits Natalya with the Glam Slam, and then Mickie kicks Beth out of the way and steals the pin on Natalya for the win. Stupid Mickie, go away.
Backstage, Teddy Long doesn't like what Batista did to Rey Mysterio. Consequently, Batista will face Mysterio in a street fight next week. Batista is displeased.
John Morrison vs. Drew McIntyre: Near the end of the match, Drew hits the floor and rolls into the ring apron, and Morrison gives chase, only for Drew to slam his head into the side of the ring. Morrison's out for the count. Drew drags him back into the ring, hits his finishing move, and gets the win.
Vickie Guerrero is here to demand that her newly-ex Eric Escobar come out to apologize and beg her forgiveness. Instead, he comes out and insults her. In retaliation, she books him in a handicap match.
The Hart Dynasty vs. Eric Escobar: What? Is this supposed to be a face turn? He's nobody! And nobody cares! Ugh. Escobar loses, and Vickie slaps him. Whatever. Vickie was great as one-half of the ultimate power-hungry power couple, with Edge, but now she's just kind of pathetic and petty. She needs a better foil to play against, and she needs to have enough power to be threatening. Until that happens, this is dumb.
Backstage, Luke-formerly-known-as-Festus tells the sad story of his old life, how his friends let him sink into a drug-induced stupor, and he praises the wonderful CM Punk for saving him.
JeriShow vs. Cryme Tyme: Jericho gets into trouble with JTG, and they both go for the hot tag. Shad runs in and Show knocks him out with one punch. Ha! Another win for JeriShow.
Undertaker comes out to cut a promo. On his way to the ring, Batista attacks! The beat-down commences. Batista hits a spinebuster onto a chair in the ring, and then grabs Taker's title belt and clobbers him in the head with it.
Is it just me, or was Smackdown kind of random this week?
--
Brian Eison: Smackdown recap for 12/04/09
Andy Wheeler: For Your Consideration...SmackDown!
--
Tonight's host: Mini-Me! AKA Verne Troyer.
We open with JeriShow talking trash about DX. They list off a bunch of reasons why they're better than DX and why they're going to keep the tag titles. Then DX comes out to argue. Also, they'd like Chris Jericho to kindly get lost and never come back. Triple-H challenges Jericho to a 1-on-1 match; Jericho says ok, but he further stipulates that the loser will face the winner's team in a handicap match. Jericho swears that he'll never leave Raw.
Melina & Gail Kim vs. Maryse & Jillian Hall: Maryse is back and she's gunning for Melina's title. Gail and Jillian are just filling space here, it's all about Melina vs. Maryse. Maryse wins it.
Sheamus comes out to talk. Sadly, this doesn't help the fact that he still has NO PERSONALITY. Blah, blah, blah, he put John Cena through a table so everyone would take him seriously. Well, Sheamus, that's great. Really.
Sheamus vs. Santino Marella: Santino doesn't stand a chance. Sheamus puts Santino through a table. Is this going to be a theme? Because it will get old really fast. Oh wait, that's right, I'm already tired of it.
Now we get to meet Verne. He says that everybody's been great, except the Miz. So Miz comes out to apologize, and they make fun of each other, and then here's Mark Henry. Verne would love to sock Miz right in the face, but he decides instead to book Miz vs. Henry for later.
Kofi Kingston comes out for a match against Randy Orton. On his way to the ring, he gets ambushed by Cody Rhodes. The ref breaks it up and asks if he still wants to do the match; Kofi's still game. Then Ted Dibiase comes out for another attack. The ref intervenes again, and again Kofi still wants to face Orton, despite an apparent knee injury. So...
Kofi Kingston vs. Randy Orton: Orton goes after the bum knee in his methodical killer fashion. Hot, hot, hot. Orton finally hits the RKO for the win.
Backstage, MVP and Verne are playing the Smackdown vs. RAW game; Jillian comes in and wants to sing. MVP decides to be gracious, so Jillian starts belting out some Beyonce. Mark Henry starts dancing (oh god), and then he falls over and squishes Jillian. Ouch. Henry and MVP look concerned, and hustle out of the room. Verne looks at Jillian, says "Uh, guys? I think she's dead." And then he goes back to the game (in which, BTW, MVP was playing himself and Verne was playing Undertaker; I approve!).
John Cena arrives in a hot car, and then he comes down to the ring after the commercial break. (Andy Wheeler: "The Champ is Here. The Champ is also OVER AN HOUR LATE.") Cena reminds us that Sheamus hasn't won anything yet; even if he does, Cena gets a rematch. In fact, he wants to go RIGHT NOW, and then if necessary he'll take his rematch at the PPV.
Carlito comes out. (His music is way too mellow and peppy to suit his character right now. It made me ROTFL.) Carlito says he's sick of Cena being champion; in fact, he says, most of the locker room feels the same way. They don't particularly care for Sheamus, but they all hope he beats Cena -- "Sheamus represents us!" (in response, my friend said: "Oh, you mean the nobodies?") Cena has had enough, and he tells Carlito to put up or shut up. Carlito attempts to put up, but Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment and that's that. Sheamus puts in an appearance on stage, and Cena is ready to rumble, but Sheamus decides to let Cena simmer for a while longer, and he leaves.
Verne is back. He brings out MVP and Mark Henry, who... start to rap? I'm skipping this part.
The Miz vs. Mark Henry: Henry wins. Bleh. To celebrate, Verne brings out the ladies, who start dancing. Eve is getting up close and personal with Verne, which reminds me that she did that with Hornswaggle, too. It makes me wonder if she has a thing for midgets.
Backstage, DX describe an apparent shared hallucination in which they were summoned to Little People's Court. They agree that it was a bizarre dream. Hornswaggle comes in, and he's pissed that they ignored his attempt at civilized recourse. He swears that he won't relent (in leprechaun-speak, of course, which is helpfully translated by subtitles); Shawn Michaels says that he speaks leprechaun (LOL, Shawn, of course you do), and insists that Hornswaggle has nothing on them. This whole storyline is just surreal, but I'm entertained enough to pay attention.
Chris Jericho vs. Triple-H: Jericho dives out of the ring early on, and Triple-H gives chase, only to step back when Big Show comes out. Jericho attacks while H is distracted; Show takes a seat at the announce table to join Shawn on commentary, and the match continues. Finally they start going back and forth with pin attempts; when the tide turns in Triple-H's favor for the second time, Show stands up; Shawn gets up in response, and Show drops him, and H comes to the rescue only for Show to punch him in the face. The ref kicks Show out of the arena. While Show is leaving, Shawn jumps into the ring and hits Jericho with a superkick. The ref turns around and kicks him out, too; Shawn looks like he might disobey, but then he leaves as well. In the ring, the ref goes on with the ten-count, but Jericho and Triple-H both get to their feet before ten. Jericho attempts a Codebreaker, Triple-H counters with a Pedigree attempt, Jericho counters with the Walls, Triple-H counters with a roll-up for the three-count and the win. Eh? The main event ends with a roll-up? That was weird.
Shawn comes back to pronounce doom and gloom on Jericho, and DX leads the crowd in a "Suck It" chant. Lovely. Jericho looks like he wants to cry. End of show.
I totally thought they were going to do Cena vs. Sheamus. But then they didn't. What if Sheamus gets the win next week, and Cena is set up for the big rematch at the PPV?
...I just realized: no Evan Bourne tonight. Boo.
--
Paul Marshall: Pulse Wrestling’s Real-Time Coverage of WWE RAW - 11.30.2009
Andy Wheeler: For Your Consideration...A Full-Sized Review of RAW
--
ECW (Dec. 1)
Stuff happens. Jackson is still being primed for a face turn, it looks like.
Backstage, Shelton Benjamin is playing the SD vs. Raw game (actually, he's playing himself in a ladder match against Christian -- practicing, I guess) when My Man Christian comes in. Christian wants to talk. Shelton says there's nothing to talk about; he's going to watch Christian's back until the PPV, at which point they'll steal the show and Shelton will win the ECW title. Then Shelton goes back to his game. Christian is irritated. He asks if he can play too, and then he hits the power button to kill the game. "Oops," he says. Heh. Christian says they'll have to wait and see who wins at the PPV.
Christian & Shelton Benjamin vs. Vladimir Kozlov & Ezekiel Jackson: Unspectacular (aside from My Man, of course, who is ALWAYS spectacular) but good match. Near the end, Jackson is working on Christian, and Kozlov blind-tags himself in. Then Christian turns it around on Kozlov and tags in Shelton, but when Kozlov goes to tag in Jackson, Jackson walks away. Shelton pins Kozlov for the win.
--
Chris Shore: 12/1 Shore's WWE "ECW on SyFy" Live Coverage
--
Smackdown (Dec. 4)
CM Punk vs. R-Truth: Punk is here with his new acolyte, Luke-formerly-known-as-Festus. Luke interferes, and Truth wins by DQ. Then he gets beat down by Punk and Luke.
Kane vs. Mike Knox: Meh. Kane wins. Apparently he's really a face now.
Mickie James vs. Natalya vs. Beth Phoenix, #1 contender to the women's championship: Mickie gets launched outside, and Beth & Natalya face off. Ooh! Yes! ... Eh. Or not. Natalya tries for a submission hold on Mickie, but Beth breaks it up and hits Natalya with the Glam Slam, and then Mickie kicks Beth out of the way and steals the pin on Natalya for the win. Stupid Mickie, go away.
Backstage, Teddy Long doesn't like what Batista did to Rey Mysterio. Consequently, Batista will face Mysterio in a street fight next week. Batista is displeased.
John Morrison vs. Drew McIntyre: Near the end of the match, Drew hits the floor and rolls into the ring apron, and Morrison gives chase, only for Drew to slam his head into the side of the ring. Morrison's out for the count. Drew drags him back into the ring, hits his finishing move, and gets the win.
Vickie Guerrero is here to demand that her newly-ex Eric Escobar come out to apologize and beg her forgiveness. Instead, he comes out and insults her. In retaliation, she books him in a handicap match.
The Hart Dynasty vs. Eric Escobar: What? Is this supposed to be a face turn? He's nobody! And nobody cares! Ugh. Escobar loses, and Vickie slaps him. Whatever. Vickie was great as one-half of the ultimate power-hungry power couple, with Edge, but now she's just kind of pathetic and petty. She needs a better foil to play against, and she needs to have enough power to be threatening. Until that happens, this is dumb.
Backstage, Luke-formerly-known-as-Festus tells the sad story of his old life, how his friends let him sink into a drug-induced stupor, and he praises the wonderful CM Punk for saving him.
JeriShow vs. Cryme Tyme: Jericho gets into trouble with JTG, and they both go for the hot tag. Shad runs in and Show knocks him out with one punch. Ha! Another win for JeriShow.
Undertaker comes out to cut a promo. On his way to the ring, Batista attacks! The beat-down commences. Batista hits a spinebuster onto a chair in the ring, and then grabs Taker's title belt and clobbers him in the head with it.
Is it just me, or was Smackdown kind of random this week?
--
Brian Eison: Smackdown recap for 12/04/09
Andy Wheeler: For Your Consideration...SmackDown!
--