Atumn in New York
Though each day seems longer than the last, suddenly the warm weather has turned to cold, the green leaves to a fluorescent-orange, and bright summer afternoons to rainy autumn evenings. I've traded in my short skirts and sandals for wool sweaters and rain boots. Well, ok, i'm still wearing short skirts. In any case, fall is in full swing here at Sarah Lawrence College.
Things have been hard, but pending my upcoming return to Texas, I can't complain. All semester I've teetered between high-highs and very low-lows. Come the weekend, either on campus or in the city, I somehow manage to find my little niche and return to my old optimistic, idealistic self. The weather is beautiful, the city is beautiful, my friends are beautiful. Life is just beautiful.
I was deeply concerned about my choice to come to Sarah Lawrence for a long time, but in all honesty, this place is really starting to grow on me. I can't express how incredible it feels to be truly inspired/motivated by my classes. And though many would argue that this campus is composed of nothing but angsty, bitter teenagers, I always seem to find myself in good company. And hey, for those days that we're feeling like utter shit, there's always a silver lining. Like pot-induced robot porn.
I've realized that it's time to fess up and accept the past for what it is: the past. I've wasted too much time sitting alone in my room dwelling on guilt-ridden memories of broken relationships and silly mistakes. I'm ready to finally start feeling comfortable in my own skin instead of constantly comparing myself to others. It's an ongoing process, and though I'm sure there'll be harder days to come, I secretly know that deep down inside myself I'll find solace.
And you know what's great? I feel like a kid again. I dance around my room like an idiot, even when people are watching. I flood my roommate with hugs and kisses for no apparent reason. I look forward my mother's evening phone calls. I can't help but revel in my little adolescent crush. Nothing beats the way the I feel when we lock eyes and exchange smiles. And boy, does she have a beautiful smile.
Exactly one year ago today, I was sitting in a hotel room with my sister, celebrating my 18th birthday. That night, after drinking a bottle of wine, I sat on the balcony and cried for an hour. Happiness seemed to be galaxies away then. So maybe things aren't perfect. But, one year later, I've come to one critical conclusion: maybe the cosmos aren't plotting against me afterall.