Three years.
Days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months, and months turn into years... and here it is, that time of year again. The time of year that I never thought would ever be as difficult as it turned out to be, three years ago. Three years ago you left, Mom, and yet, I can still remember so much like it was yesterday. You at my graduation. Me calling you during Basic Training, and even though I was sure I couldn't do it, you always managed to somehow, someway, find a way to make me believe in myself. I remember your face as I graduated Basic Training; how proud you were of me. I remember when I came home, and you had the Christmas tree filled with red, white, and blue ribbons and American flags. I remember Christmases with you. I remember you coming down to wake me up for school. I remember dancing with you to the radio, to whatever song was on. Even songs on my Lilo and Stitch CD. I remember going to the casino with you, and sitting next to you when you kept losing at the slot machines. I even remember those stupid arguments we always had with eachother, that seem so insignificant now adays. I still remember.
Things have changed since you've been gone. You'd be really proud of Derek, Mom. He's turning into an amazing man. Yes, man. He's going to be 21 this year, can you believe it? He wants to be a history teacher, and dad is even taking him to Costa Rica this year on a church mission trip to help him with his Spanish minor. He's really grown up. And I know he misses you too.
As for me? Well, I'm not quite sure you'd be as proud of me as you are of Derek, but I'm trying. And I know you know that. Finding your way in this world is not easy. You can attest to that. I remember you telling me, once I got out of the Army, that I could go anywhere I wanted to. You always wanted me to get out of Rochester because you couldn't. Well, I tried moving to Ohio, and honestly, I moved for all of the wrong reasons. But I'm trying to get my act together; get my life together. I know you would want me to follow my dreams, and that's exactly what I'm doing. It's just frustrating, when people tell me I can't do something, or shouldn't do something. It's my life. Let me make my own mistakes, and my own choices. I'm not a robot anymore that will just bend over for anyone, or question my decisions anymore because of what people tell me. I used to be that way, and when I actually grew a spine, people didn't like it. Oh well. The spine is staying. It only took me 24 years to grow it.
Grandma isn't doing too well either. I know she misses you a lot. I can hear it when I talk to her, and see it when she sees me. I wish I could get up to New York more to see her. Please, be there for her when she passes.
I know you're still with me; you make it abundantly clear that you are. Whether it's in my dreams, or butterflies, or other random things. So I know you're doing okay. And I also know that you'll be waiting for me when I kick the bucket, with a margarita in hand. It better have an umbrella in it too.
I love you mom, and I miss you. Please, give me the strength that you had, and still have, to carry me through this rough spot in my life. I know you will.
Things have changed since you've been gone. You'd be really proud of Derek, Mom. He's turning into an amazing man. Yes, man. He's going to be 21 this year, can you believe it? He wants to be a history teacher, and dad is even taking him to Costa Rica this year on a church mission trip to help him with his Spanish minor. He's really grown up. And I know he misses you too.
As for me? Well, I'm not quite sure you'd be as proud of me as you are of Derek, but I'm trying. And I know you know that. Finding your way in this world is not easy. You can attest to that. I remember you telling me, once I got out of the Army, that I could go anywhere I wanted to. You always wanted me to get out of Rochester because you couldn't. Well, I tried moving to Ohio, and honestly, I moved for all of the wrong reasons. But I'm trying to get my act together; get my life together. I know you would want me to follow my dreams, and that's exactly what I'm doing. It's just frustrating, when people tell me I can't do something, or shouldn't do something. It's my life. Let me make my own mistakes, and my own choices. I'm not a robot anymore that will just bend over for anyone, or question my decisions anymore because of what people tell me. I used to be that way, and when I actually grew a spine, people didn't like it. Oh well. The spine is staying. It only took me 24 years to grow it.
Grandma isn't doing too well either. I know she misses you a lot. I can hear it when I talk to her, and see it when she sees me. I wish I could get up to New York more to see her. Please, be there for her when she passes.
I know you're still with me; you make it abundantly clear that you are. Whether it's in my dreams, or butterflies, or other random things. So I know you're doing okay. And I also know that you'll be waiting for me when I kick the bucket, with a margarita in hand. It better have an umbrella in it too.
I love you mom, and I miss you. Please, give me the strength that you had, and still have, to carry me through this rough spot in my life. I know you will.