Eighth
Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.
-Epicurus
Thank you, Daniel, Lestat, Rosella, and Machi. My thanks to each of you for the dances last night.
Private
He leaves me to be our Epicurus, he says. Did he think of those words in particular when he said it?
They were in my mind last night. Do not spoil what you have... Daniel. Marius. Lestat. Do I truly have any of them?
More importantly, though, ...remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.
I walked last night with Marius, and if it took silence to keep the peace between us, it was still something that once I had only hoped for.
I danced with Daniel, with Lestat, with Rosella, and Machi. ...the things you only hoped for. I danced for him.
It reminded me of how I used Daniel when he was still human. I used him as my proxy with human lovers, but I am not Marius' proxy for anything. He needs nothing from me. I cannot tell if he even wants anything from me or if he tolerates my company as the price he must pay for his weakness centuries ago.
I am a fool. Lestat is open to me - or as open as he can be. Daniel has not yet drawn completely away as I know he will. I should not spoil what I have. Why then is what plagues me what I cannot have?
/Private
-Epicurus
Thank you, Daniel, Lestat, Rosella, and Machi. My thanks to each of you for the dances last night.
Private
He leaves me to be our Epicurus, he says. Did he think of those words in particular when he said it?
They were in my mind last night. Do not spoil what you have... Daniel. Marius. Lestat. Do I truly have any of them?
More importantly, though, ...remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.
I walked last night with Marius, and if it took silence to keep the peace between us, it was still something that once I had only hoped for.
I danced with Daniel, with Lestat, with Rosella, and Machi. ...the things you only hoped for. I danced for him.
It reminded me of how I used Daniel when he was still human. I used him as my proxy with human lovers, but I am not Marius' proxy for anything. He needs nothing from me. I cannot tell if he even wants anything from me or if he tolerates my company as the price he must pay for his weakness centuries ago.
I am a fool. Lestat is open to me - or as open as he can be. Daniel has not yet drawn completely away as I know he will. I should not spoil what I have. Why then is what plagues me what I cannot have?
/Private