Breast-feeding
ok...so I'm on the third book in my journey of informed pre-conception motherhood (as I have began calling it).
"So, that's what they're for!"...an already amazing book written by a mother, journalist and lactation expert/consultant.
So a few chapters in and I'm having pages and pages of thoughts collecting in my "slightly angry feminist anti-society" file. A few seeds of thought have planted and fertilized the roots of a large tree here...and I have already collected some leaves this year.
So here is the thing...and I have always known this to be true...between my mom and common sense.
We know that "breast is best". That was the slogan in the 70's and 80's. Most people even know that there are benefits to breast milk that formula will never have. Honestly, that all kind of goes without saying for me. Formula is basically prosthetic breast milk...and no prosthetic is as good as the real thing...by any means. The statistics are mind-blowing...and I'm angry that I hadn't heard more about this before taking an active interest...but that entire aside...I'm angry at the social response to the act of breastfeeding.
The fact that there is even debate or question about women feeding her baby in public disgusts me.
The fact that baby dolls all come with bottles and that I've never seen a little girl hold her baby doll to her chest to "feed" it, bothers me...though I think I remember doing that myself.
I have all these angry feelings about this now. Because it is another blaring example of how natural things, things that women alone can do, have been degraded and tarnished in the eyes of our society.
I have always been happy to see mother's at work feeding their babies because I was getting to see something I hadn't really seen! I don't want the most natural thing in the world next to sex to be odd or strange to me! I am mad that assholes on the radio make comments about how "gross" it is and that "women should cover up or do it in private".
I am proud of the fact that the first thing I thought about when my friend had her nipples pierced was "will you be able to breastfeed if you have another baby?".
I am proud that I am angry about all of these things...because it means my mother was at least a little successful in passing on the traditions of Italy. While I may not have all of the language, I was raised with many of the old values. And while my own mother could only breastfeed me for a short while, she always discussed it as being a medical problem, and that if she could have, she would have.
Oddly enough, while sex was something we NEVER discussed and was quite taboo in our home growing up...Child-birth and breastfeeding were of their own sacred pool. We would discuss those things if I had questions and my mother freely explained her experience with both.
I am grateful for that, because it allowed me to keep the natural ideal in mind...and not be completely brainwashed by the American media and our cultures convenient norms.
The more I read and discuss these issues about children, the more I feel. The more questions I have. The more angry I become. The more I want to do something...not just when "our time comes", but to show others.
Children are not convenient.
Babies are not convenient.
Nor should they be.
This doesn't mean I think that a four year old should decide his/her bedtime...or that a baby should completely control your life...but it does mean that we are shown the years to come in a few steps thorough our lives. We as women are given small amounts of pain with our cycle every month...for a reason. We are taught at an early age, that life comes with some pain, but that it's manageable...and that we are stronger for it...as long as we are not hushed and overmedicated.
There have been many times women would offer me Advil, Midol, Tylenol...if I mentioned a little discomfort. I usually refused.
I never wanted to come off as "liking to complain" or anything like that...but I would feel the pain, perhaps stop for a moment...hold my stomach...breath...and move on.
Is this warranting of medication? Perhaps for some...but to be quite honest with you, I never wanted to be that weak. There were times I took the Midol or whatever people offered me. I felt guilty every time. Even just a little bit. Because I knew that in the past, I had been fine without it. I had given into the convenience of the pill. "I'll just take this, and I can go on like I don't have a uterus".
I was given this pain...and it's mine to bear. I never wanted to get in the habit of just covering it up with drugs, because to me that just made it feel like an ailment. It's not an ailment. It's what makes women different. It’s the very thing that makes us women. Our womb, our cycle our breasts our feminine hormones our emotional connection with the world and with ourselves. Why would I want to medicate that away? Why would I want to be ashamed of that? Why would I want to hide in a bathroom stall, to feed my baby? Why would I resort to feeding my baby the equivalent of bottom of the line energy bar when I can give them whole food that was MADE for them, unless there was NO OTHER OPTION?
I wouldn't.
I won't.
Perhaps this comes from growing up only with women. Perhaps, from having such a strong woman as a role model. Perhaps I was fortunate enough to avoid buying into the social norms in a lot of my life, unless they made sense to me. It was the blessing of being outcast. I was free to choose...because I had nothing to lose.
I hope I can be this strong when I need to be.
I don't chastise women I know for their choices, those are theirs to make. I can only remember that with the knowledge I have and the feelings I have, I have a responsibility to be honest if asked and if I am lucky enough to have children of my own, to do whatever I can to set an example for the world, and do my part. Perhaps a little girl will see me feeding my baby someday and thinks that bottles look funny.
I can only hope her mother has the courage to discuss it with her, and go through her own discomfort.
"So, that's what they're for!"...an already amazing book written by a mother, journalist and lactation expert/consultant.
So a few chapters in and I'm having pages and pages of thoughts collecting in my "slightly angry feminist anti-society" file. A few seeds of thought have planted and fertilized the roots of a large tree here...and I have already collected some leaves this year.
So here is the thing...and I have always known this to be true...between my mom and common sense.
We know that "breast is best". That was the slogan in the 70's and 80's. Most people even know that there are benefits to breast milk that formula will never have. Honestly, that all kind of goes without saying for me. Formula is basically prosthetic breast milk...and no prosthetic is as good as the real thing...by any means. The statistics are mind-blowing...and I'm angry that I hadn't heard more about this before taking an active interest...but that entire aside...I'm angry at the social response to the act of breastfeeding.
The fact that there is even debate or question about women feeding her baby in public disgusts me.
The fact that baby dolls all come with bottles and that I've never seen a little girl hold her baby doll to her chest to "feed" it, bothers me...though I think I remember doing that myself.
I have all these angry feelings about this now. Because it is another blaring example of how natural things, things that women alone can do, have been degraded and tarnished in the eyes of our society.
I have always been happy to see mother's at work feeding their babies because I was getting to see something I hadn't really seen! I don't want the most natural thing in the world next to sex to be odd or strange to me! I am mad that assholes on the radio make comments about how "gross" it is and that "women should cover up or do it in private".
I am proud of the fact that the first thing I thought about when my friend had her nipples pierced was "will you be able to breastfeed if you have another baby?".
I am proud that I am angry about all of these things...because it means my mother was at least a little successful in passing on the traditions of Italy. While I may not have all of the language, I was raised with many of the old values. And while my own mother could only breastfeed me for a short while, she always discussed it as being a medical problem, and that if she could have, she would have.
Oddly enough, while sex was something we NEVER discussed and was quite taboo in our home growing up...Child-birth and breastfeeding were of their own sacred pool. We would discuss those things if I had questions and my mother freely explained her experience with both.
I am grateful for that, because it allowed me to keep the natural ideal in mind...and not be completely brainwashed by the American media and our cultures convenient norms.
The more I read and discuss these issues about children, the more I feel. The more questions I have. The more angry I become. The more I want to do something...not just when "our time comes", but to show others.
Children are not convenient.
Babies are not convenient.
Nor should they be.
This doesn't mean I think that a four year old should decide his/her bedtime...or that a baby should completely control your life...but it does mean that we are shown the years to come in a few steps thorough our lives. We as women are given small amounts of pain with our cycle every month...for a reason. We are taught at an early age, that life comes with some pain, but that it's manageable...and that we are stronger for it...as long as we are not hushed and overmedicated.
There have been many times women would offer me Advil, Midol, Tylenol...if I mentioned a little discomfort. I usually refused.
I never wanted to come off as "liking to complain" or anything like that...but I would feel the pain, perhaps stop for a moment...hold my stomach...breath...and move on.
Is this warranting of medication? Perhaps for some...but to be quite honest with you, I never wanted to be that weak. There were times I took the Midol or whatever people offered me. I felt guilty every time. Even just a little bit. Because I knew that in the past, I had been fine without it. I had given into the convenience of the pill. "I'll just take this, and I can go on like I don't have a uterus".
I was given this pain...and it's mine to bear. I never wanted to get in the habit of just covering it up with drugs, because to me that just made it feel like an ailment. It's not an ailment. It's what makes women different. It’s the very thing that makes us women. Our womb, our cycle our breasts our feminine hormones our emotional connection with the world and with ourselves. Why would I want to medicate that away? Why would I want to be ashamed of that? Why would I want to hide in a bathroom stall, to feed my baby? Why would I resort to feeding my baby the equivalent of bottom of the line energy bar when I can give them whole food that was MADE for them, unless there was NO OTHER OPTION?
I wouldn't.
I won't.
Perhaps this comes from growing up only with women. Perhaps, from having such a strong woman as a role model. Perhaps I was fortunate enough to avoid buying into the social norms in a lot of my life, unless they made sense to me. It was the blessing of being outcast. I was free to choose...because I had nothing to lose.
I hope I can be this strong when I need to be.
I don't chastise women I know for their choices, those are theirs to make. I can only remember that with the knowledge I have and the feelings I have, I have a responsibility to be honest if asked and if I am lucky enough to have children of my own, to do whatever I can to set an example for the world, and do my part. Perhaps a little girl will see me feeding my baby someday and thinks that bottles look funny.
I can only hope her mother has the courage to discuss it with her, and go through her own discomfort.