Twilight of the Abyss: Prologue

[amamelina]

Prologue

The everyday noise of the city faded as Bella stood, her mouth dropped open in shock at her best friend. Time stood still in that instant, capturing everything like a picture. Every detail became vivid with perfect clarity. As Bella tried to find her voice, little details stood out in her mind. The way the setting sun entered

Comments

[authoressarktos]

Pretty good. I'm kinda lost, but I get the impression you'll clear things up in future chapters.

Tip: hitting the reader with so many foreign concepts is hard to do, and although you've done it well, I'd recommend going through and making it a little less inf-dumpy. You need to focus on hooking the reader more at this point.

Granted, for NaNo, this is great. :)

[amamelina]

Thanks! It's still just a first draft. After Nano, I'll clean it all up.

Oh, and I'll start putting things behind cuts from now on. I forgot how long it was.