My first Avengers recs list, part two. 44 recs.
Avengers recs list part two. 44 recs.
(Part one back here.)
Team / Avengers-style Slice of Life:
Six Meetings Before Lunch by musesfool. Steve and Thor. Gen, Slice-of-life, humor. PG. Medium length.
Why read it: Orienting Thor to New York in a darling, no-we're-not-making-him-the-butt-of-our-jokes-thank-you way.
Basketball and poetry jams and bar crawls and street fairs and Coney Island and soap operas and--oh, there's just no better way to have a virtual tour of New York than this story, with a wide-eyed Asgardian at your side. Fuzzy and fabulous.The smell of sausage and peppers entices them onward, and Thor says, "This moveable feast is ingenious. I will have to suggest it to my lady mother when next I return home to Asgard. Though I think Volstagg might object to having to walk while he eats."
There are booths selling all manner of knickknacks and trinkets, and Steve buys a painted silk fan for Pepper and a Hello Kitty makeup bag for Darcy. He hesitates over a pair of lacquered hair sticks with brilliant teal and purple peacocks painted on them, and then buys them for Natasha. She can always stab him with them if he's out of line.
Any Way I Do by MissJeeves. Clint/Natasha. Humor. PG. Short length.
Why read it: Terrific Tony-voice. Plus sheepish Thor.
Tony discovers that Natasha and Clint tied the knot weeks ago. Without telling HIM! How dare they deprive him of the chance to plan a stag party and tease both of them within an inch of their lives?
“Natasha!” Tony bellows, storming off towards her room. “Mrs. Clinton Barton! Mrs. Barton, come out here!”
“Is she going to like that?” Steve whispers behind him.
“No,” says Bruce.
Phil Coulson is Not the Avengers' Public Relations Manager by scifigrl47. Steve and Team, budding Steve/Tony, established Clint/Coulson. PG. Medium length.
Why read it: *flailyhands* It's so damned adorable and clever and has an admirable agenda that never gets in the way of a good story.
Steve's just shopping in Manhattan and runs into a particular street event. So much fantastic in all this, from Tony's tech to the OCs and the taunting of Fox News.
“What is this?” Drew asked, one hand flashing out to grab Steve by the front of the jacket. “Who are you, and what is this magical piece of-” He made a moan that was almost embarrassing to hear in public. “Is this the new StarkPhone? Holy God, it is, it is, it iiiiiiiiiiis, I love you, I wish to have your babies and I love you.”
Steve was laughing, cheeks red. “Okay,” he said, easy going as always as the boy went through the phone with one hand. His friend reached over and pried his hand off of Steve's jacket, but his eyes were on the phone as well.“Wow,” he said, heavy black eyebrows arching. “How'd you get the new one, it's not supposed to be out for, like, two months.”
“I'm a test dummy,” Steve said, tucking his hands in his pockets. “Literally. I get it because if I can break it, they need to try again. I, uh, I break a lot of things.” Mostly programming, but it always ended up with Tony sitting down, cradling his tech in his hands and making confused noises about how Steve could've done this, no, really, this was not actually possible, how had he made the phone DO this?
well, let the drum beat drop by jonesandashes and pollyrepeat. Team, slice-of-life humor. PG. Medium length.
Why read it: Terrific Tony POV in absurd moments of team bonding.
After shawarma, the team's most odd bonding moments seem to revolve around food, from lunch in Tuscany to stale cinnamon buns.
The less said about awkward team dinner number five, the better. Suffice it to say, it involves a puff pastry danish, a dark alley in Prague, three wisdom teeth and a toe bone, Spanish assassins, a plaster bull, a real live bull, Nazi treasure, awkward, stilted bonding over tragic pasts while trapped in a drain pipe, and sixteen hours Tony will never get back and does not want to think about, thankyouverymuch. And a whole lot of drinking?
Just, like. Not enough. Just really not enough drinking.
To Be Modified As Necessary by ignipes. Humor with serious touches. Team (with some pairings, but mostly team humor). PG. Medium length.
Why read it: So. Damn. Funny.
This is probably my most-quoted fic; I just call people up and rattle off the list below except I usually don't make it past item k without collapsing in air-hungry laughgasps. It's essentially a Skippy's List take except each section has accompanying story to go with it. And hilarious as it is, at least one section is chilling. I adore this fic.
Rule 9. Thursday night is reserved for dinner and a movie, barring interruption by any of the following:
a) alien invasion
b) Doombot attack
c) onset of a potential global pandemic d) and/or zombie apocalypse
e) black hole threatening to swallow the Earth
f) Loki
g) HYDRA
h) fucking terrorists
i) dinosaurs
j) HYDRA terrorists riding dinosaurs
k) Clint gets kidnapped again
l) Sharktopus unleashed in the East River
m) just because it hasn't happened yet doesn't mean it couldn't
n) karaoke night
In Great Transition by vain_glorious. Teamfic, humor with serious touches. PG. Medium length.
Why read it: Fabulous prose and FUNNY.
Everyone moves into Stark Tower, one by one. Even the ones who need some convincing. This is the story that I remember because it has a bit where Tony doesn't just turn a particular phrase on its ear, he flips it on its back and fucks the shit out of it. I'm still giggling. (I adore everything by this author, I admit.)
“Thor is naked,” Natasha warns. “Laundry day, I think.”
“Why don’t you ever do that?” Tony asks her.
“I asked him to cover up and he put on his cape,” Bruce says. “But it’s in the back, so.”
“Ah,” Tony says.
“So guard your ego,” Natasha says, flatly.
Tony stares at her. That’s like a joke, and she said it.
“Are you high?” he asks.
Without the Usual Cost of Labor by vain_glorious Team, action, humor, slice-of-life. PG. Medium length.
Why read it: Hilarious even when serious. Terrific prose.
The team learns of a vile, personal crime, and decides it needs correcting. This is one of those where it's more fun if you just plunge in and not know where it's going. Suffice to say it's got Tony at his snarky best, and Natasha taken by surprise, and something cute and pink before the end. Pretty much one of those where you just giggle all the way through, even when things get sobering, because, Tony.
“Hey,” Tony says, as he enters the section of the gym that’s mostly reserved for stretching and yoga. The floor is soft, but not as padded as the spaces designated for ridiculously violent people throwing each other at the walls. Tony avoids both places, generally, being neither crunchy nor flexible enough for yoga or masochistic enough to train against his teammates without the Iron Man armor.
“Hello,” Natasha replies, in a pose Tony spontaneously names Lethal Lady Loop, since her body appears to be in some kind of human knot.
Bruce nods at her and then settles against the wall, alerting Tony that the explaining is all on him.
“Limber,” Tony tells her, appreciatively. Immediately, Natasha begins to unwind. Presumably, so her limbs are free to hit him.
“What do you want?” she asks, not friendly but also not scary. He figures she’s already picked up on the fact that he’s not being nearly as lewd as he could be.
“Um,” Tony says, not sure where to begin.
Some People Just Collect Stamps by Closer. Clint/Coulson. Adventure, humor, romance. PG. Long length.
Why read it: Triumphant, funny fix-it-fic.
Phil Coulson wakes up in a hospital bed. Well, damn. Includes mirror versions of scenes that are so delightful they deserve it. Devastatingly funny, too.
Some people just collect stamps, Phil says drily, because he will never not give Clint shit about collecting arrowheads.
Some people have dragged me to every creepy antique store everywhere we've ever been, looking for vintage Captain America cards, Clint answers because, admittedly, it's much easier to give Phil shit for his hobby.
the helicarrier by gdgdbaby. Team; mockumentary, humor, slice-of-life. PG. Medium length.
Why read it: LAUGHED 'TIL I WEPT.
A documentary's being filmed on the Helicarrier. Jesus, I was gasping for air during this.
"I run a Twitter account called Shit Thor Says." Tony holds the phone up to the camera. "It has over two hundred thousand followers."
a higher form of war by gdgdbaby. Tony/Steve. Team, Humor, Romance. NC-17. Medium length.
Why read it: Utter hilarity.
Paintball on the helicarrier! For THE PRIZE.
"That's not what I meant and you know it."
"You should say what you mean, then, instead of making excuses for yourself-"
"Jesus," Bruce interrupts placidly, his fingers still flying over the dual screens he's working with. "Will you two ever learn to shut up?"
Tony blinks. "What, you aren't hopelessly endeared by my dashing good looks and acerbic wit? Bruce, I'm hurt."
"It's not that," he says, voice dry. "The constant arguing was hilarious at first, but-well, Natasha explains it best."
Everyone in the room (save Bruce, who's fiddling with a couple of long equations that make Tony's fingers itch) turns to Natasha.
"You need to bone or get out," she says bluntly, shrugging. "The unresolved sexual tension in the room is giving me a headache, and your incessant bickering isn't great for morale."
"We do not need to bone," Tony protests, "and excuse you, I have chemistry with everything," not particularly offended but feeling like he should be-at the same time Steve asks, classically naïve, what boning means.
The Amazing Naked Avengers by vain_glorious. Humor, Team. R. Medium length.
Why read it: Yes, everyone's naked. Hilarious piece.
The villain apparently likes to set traps that require victims to leave their clothes behind. Jerk.
The rest of the armor has to come off, too. Powerless, it’s just a heavy, unwieldy, and yet super sexy costume.
Tony’s clothes go with it. Or rather, stay inside it. The fabric gets caught inside the armor, and he can pull his limbs out, but that’s it. His jeans rip when he tries to yank them out of the inside of the legs afterwards, so that doesn’t help. His suit keeps his t-shirt, and even his boxers. The edge of the arc reactor catches, briefly, and that doesn’t feel so good.
“Don’t be naked if the Iron Man suit is depowered” was never one of Tony’s design priorities, but apparently it should have been.
He has sudden regrets about never being kinder to Bruce when he ends up bare-assed after every transformation.
So, freeballing, Tony goes to find the rest of the Avengers.
Avengers: Epilogue by sam_storyteller. Post-film epilogue, humor, fix-it fic. Team. PG-13. Medium length.
Why read it: Funny and delightful film wind-down.
In which Hawkeye gets to punch Loki, wounds get figuratively licked, Tony makes plans, and Fury's lies are revealed. So many funny lines in this. So many!
"Pep, seriously, I'm fine. Yeah, the old mansion. Well, look, they can't keep you in the air forever, find a field or something -- of course he can land in a field, I can land a private jet in a field with one good eye and my tongue. Yes, I do -- the point is, I cannot put on my jet boots and come to you, jet boots are out of commission for the day, so the mountain will have to come to Tony Stark. I know other couples don't have these problems and wouldn't that be boring? Okay look," Tony said, and cradled the phone against his shoulder while he started tapping screens madly, "I'm clearing you a flight path to LaGuardia. I'm sorry, were you sleeping with me for some reason other than my ability to hack the FAA? My best girl," he added affectionately. "Sure. Now, Nick Fury is calling and I'm sure he has some kind of supertech that can come through the phone line and throttle me so I'm going to hang up and hide behind Captain America. Yep, love you too," he said, and hung up briefly. The phone blared. "Fury, you have to stop stalking me."
Support by jenna_thorn. Team. Drama (and humor), fix-it fic. PG. Medium length.
Why read it: Lovely understated "we have so many issues" story.
After everything, Coulson may have the hardest problems, but everyone's got something to deal with.
Fury leaned on the foot of the bed and Phil sank to one side, sliding off the stacked pillows at the small of his back. He smiled benignly into Fury’s resolve, even the edge of anger in Fury’s voice dulled by narcotics and paralysis. “I will use every tool that falls into my hand. I will not apologize for that.”
“Is that how you’re going to phrase it to Stark and Rogers? To Romanov? To Barton?”
Fury stood and rubbed at his chin, posing, now. “If only I had at hand an agent, a go-between, a liaison between me and these people.”
“I’m afraid, sir,” Phil said, and he felt the laughter bubble up past the searing pain in his chest, “that’s not my job.” The laugh become a cough, the cough bloomed into red fire and wet blood and he patted the bed for the morphine button. Fury pressed it for him and the white of the room and the burning red of his injuries faded to soft blue.
Even Gods Do by cluegirl. Steve, Team. Post-film wind-down, comfort fluff, humor. PG. Medium length.
Steve's trying to do all he can, but he needs to stop and adjust. Everyone else helps. Sweet and funny.
Fury's smile lasted two seconds before turning into a smirk as he glanced at, or more like through, the ceiling. "I did mention containment of the prisoner, didn't I? Well, they're sorting that out right now."
For a moment, Steve weathered the mental image of Loki, hogtied and squirming underneath the Hulk while Tony helped Clint and Natasha choose the right tool for temporarily incapacitating a demigod. Then he realized that he was probably selling Natasha's creativity, Clint's resentment, and Tony's tool collection short, and he gave in to a shiver. "All of them?"
"Dr. Banner declined in favor of the hot tub. Said he'd take the second shift, once they'd worked out Loki's little talking problem."
"Talking problem."
"He keeps doing it," Fury supplied, and pushed away from the counter. "Your room's this way."
spectrum by irnan. Team, Tony/Pepper, Natasha/Winter Soldier. Team bonding, adventure. PG. Long length.
Why read it: Terrific characterization, plus the addition of peripheral characters I didn't even think I cared about!
An "everyone gradually moves into Stark Tower" fic with a bit of adventure plot thrown it at the end!
He doesn't exactly have much stuff to move in, but one day Pepper eyes up the latest signs of wear and tear on his shirt and offers to drive him over to the storage locker where SHIELD is keeping all his things from Before, and then asks irritably what he's been doing with Tony's paychecks anyway?
"Paychecks?" says Bruce. "TONY! I'm not your employee, you lunatic."
"Sure you are!" Tony hollers back. "That bot that's going out next week is having your name on it! Anyway, you're not pretty enough to be a kept man."
On the list of things Bruce hates about Tony, his ability to make him laugh at any given moment is pretty high up there.
"Don't worry about it," says Pepper, "strictly speaking, I'm your boss."
yes, and back again by irnan. Team, humor. PG. Short length.
Why read it: Everybody's hilarious.
Tony discovers he's turning into the team chauffeur, what with his international jets. Both hilarious and poignant at turns.
"Several thousand feet in the air over Greece, actually, which I think you already knew. How's the mission?"
"Annoying," says Natasha. "We're in a barn outside of Split on the Croatian Adriatic coast being incompetently tortured - shut up, asshole, you should have been cutting my fingers off three hours ago - anyway, can you come and pick us up? We drove the Jeep off a cliff. There's an airstrip..."
Tony lays his arms on the table and puts his head in them and tries really really hard not to laugh out loud. Jarvis is already running a trace on the call.
The Mythic:
Mini Clint shapeshifter fic by neev. Clint, Loki, angst. G. Short length.
Why read it: Because the premise should not have worked and it turned out BEAUTIFUL.
Loki left Clint with a gift that's a curse. The concept that this could have been anything but silly fantasy AU was what sent me to look at it, imagining I'd gawk and snicker. Instead my throat was tight and I was nearly weeping. The ending broke me.
The time comes, as he knew it would from the very beginning, when he finally stops fighting and lets go of the last tattered remains of himself.
Learning to Fly by astolat. Loki and family. Angst. Self-harm warning. PG.Medium length.
Why read it: Heart-achingly beautiful Loki fic.
Loki's given his punishment after his attack on Midgard. Loki declines to endure it. This will break your heart but it is gorgeous.
He had never before had a pet: Thor had been too rough with young animals, when they had been children, and when they'd grown older, Loki hadn't seen the purpose of giving time from his books to the tiresome husbandry of caring for a beast. It had not occurred to him he might have enjoyed the company of so small and dumb a creature. "But quite honestly, you're a better conversationalist than half the court of Asgard," he told the magpie. "And significantly smarter than Volstagg, for one."
The magpie fluffed her wings in confident agreement: she didn't see why anyone who lumbered around on the ground all the time would have anything interesting to say, anyway. At least Loki had the sense to come live up high.
Balancing by astolat Loki/Thor. Plot plus porn. Non-con/dub-con. NC-17. Medium length. (Technically a Thor fic rather than Avengers. Don't care. Including it here.)
Why read it: Twisted and clever Loki plot AND DID I MENTION HOT.
The story assumes Odin does not merely hit the Odinsleep during the events of Thor, but dies, and Loki not only gets command, he gets the throne and lays meticulous preparation to keep it. And then to keep Thor. I'm including this one under "mythic" for the language and richness but, oh, my god, I go back to this one alllll the time for the gorgeous porn at the end.
The next morning he woke even before dawn, and the guards told him Sif and the Warriors Three already waited upon him, predictable as snow in winter. He went to the door himself and opened it. "My friends, come and join me," he said, and sent the guards to rouse the servants to bring breakfast. He gestured Sif to silence with a sharp cutting motion of his hand, when she would have begun, and waited until the guards were gone around the corner to turn.
"Good," he said. "I hoped you would come: quickly, now, while we are alone."
They looked at one another in surprise, but conspiracy was sweet on the tongue, and they swallowed it readily enough, leaning in to hear him. "I dare not, at present, revoke Thor's exile," Loki said, and held up a hand when Sif would have spoken. "You saw, last night, how precarious matters are here in Asgard-how easily treason might have broken out among men whose loyalty has been unquestioned for years. In his present state, mortal and stripped of all power, my brother is vulnerable as he never has been before."
Romance:
Mission: Matchmaker by infiniteeight. Clint/Coulson, romance. NC-17. Medium length.
Why read it: Perfectly adorable romance.
This is the sweetest piece of "let's analyze how relationships come together" cleverness and adorability. Fury has observed that Clint single equals Clint surly, and for the good of the team assigns Coulson to facilitate finding Clint a steady boyfriend. Of course you know where this has to go, and it doesn't disappoint.
"If you're not being straightforward with your prospective partners," Phil commented, "that might be part of the problem."
Clint snorted. "You don't date much, do you? Look, when you're angling for a first date, you don't say 'Hi, I work in a bizarre government job that I can't talk about in detail, but try turning on your TV. I like to go dancing because sometimes I need reminding why the world's worth saving, and Thai is my favorite kind of food because work has miraculously never sent me to Thailand.' You have to work up to that shit."
A Matter of Importance by Zinnith Clint/Natasha, Clint/Natasha/Coulson. Romance. NC-17. Medium length.
Why read it: Sweet-angsty Clint/Natasha/Coulson threesome.
Five times Coulson knew that his agents were doin' the deed together, and the time he got to join them.
Phil sighs, shifts a little in his chair (because he’s been sitting still in the same position for too long, no other reason at all) and says, “Agent Barton, Agent Romanoff? May I draw your attention to the fact that your comms are still active?”
There’s a brief moment of silence, then Clint says, “Sorry, sir,” in a tone of voice that completely lacks every trace of regret.
Natasha only laughs before the comm goes silent, and Phil goes back to his paperwork with that laugh stuck in his mind, open and happy. He knows that there are preciously few people who are allowed to hear her like that and the realization that he is now one of them is both humbling and honoring.
Like Teenage Gravity by londondrowning. Clint/Natasha, romance/angst. R. Short length.
Why read it: Because all the Budapest backstories in the world can't replace the emotional need for this kind of simple gorgeous Clint/Natasha connection.
Clint and Natasha got married, secretly, a few days before the events of The Avengers. The aftermath of this--Clint's anger, and Natasha rock-solid strength--makes me sink to my knees with happiness.
“I didn’t remember that I love you,” Clint says. “I didn’t care that I love you. That’s what I have, this is - ”
Hold, Release by smilla840 Clint/Coulson, established relationship, romance. NC-17. Short length.
Why read it: Hell, read it for the joy of that title alone. And the pairing.
For the good of future missions Phil decides an injured Clint should teach him to fire a bow. It proves a turn-on. Nice mission tech prose on this, too.
The secondary team, he had soon found out, was taking fire as well and Hill had informed him it would take at least twenty minutes for SHIELD to deploy additional resources to their location. In the grand scheme of things twenty minutes weren’t a lot and so when Barton had told him he had eyes on two SUVs approaching at high speed, ETA 20 seconds and “well, shit, it looks like they’ve got rocket launchers,” Coulson had simply relayed the intel to Hill and reloaded his weapon.
Bigmouth Strikes Again by Femme. Tony/Loki, established relationship, humor, slice-of-life, romance. NC-17. Long length.
Why read it: OH MY GOD, it's femmequixotic and her wonderful attention to cultural detail, just go read, dammit.
Don't ask how Tony and Loki have a relationship. Take it that they do. Then read this hysterical story about how Tony pisses off his lover and Loki decides to take it out on Hoboken. Like you do.
When the dust onscreen settles, the camera focuses on a sweet graffiti painting of Tony in full battle gear on the wall behind the reporter that would put Banksy to shame, over which someone--and by someone Tony means a fucking asshole Asgardian god whose handwriting he recognizes, God fucking damn it--has scrawled in sparkling green letters the word douchebag.
"Son of a bitch," Tony snaps, more irritated that the ouche is covering his nose than anything--Christ, does no one teach graphic arts and composition on Asgard--and then he glares back at the rest of the team. "Which one of you bastards taught him that word?"
Steve and Thor just look at him blankly; Natasha rolls her eyes. Bruce tries to smother a laugh by turning it into a cough, but when Tony's eyes narrow at him he shakes his head and holds up a hand. "Not me, man."
Clint rubs the back of his neck. "I may have called him that once or twice," he admits.
assume a defensive stance by hoosierbitch. Bruce/Clint. Romance. PG. Short length.
Why read it: Adorable romance, with wibble moments!
Bruce and Clint are together, and the interpretation of whether each is right for each other is quite subjective. (But of course they both are.) Sweet, wonderful stuff. Will give you lip-wibbles.
Clint chases Tony through the locker rooms and into the debriefing room before Tony yells at Bruce to put a leash on his boyfriend. “He’s like a toddler on meth,” Tony says, exasperated. “It’s grownup time now, okay?”
if at first you don't succeed (it could be a conspiracy) by noelia_g. Clint/Coulson. Romance. R. Medium length.
Why read it: Delightfully hilarious Clint-voice in all its frustration.
I can't improve on the summary and quote, I really can't: "Coulson gets released from medical on Monday, and on Wednesday Clint is ready to fucking murder his new teammates."
In which Clint wants a quiet moment to confess his feelings and Avengers are fucking cockblockers. Clint's voice is enough to make me choke on my laughter.
It’s not that... yeah, okay, this is how it is. He promised himself that when Phil wakes up, when he gets better, when he gets out of the hospital, Clint was going to confess his feelings.
That sounds so incredibly cheesy he wants to shoot himself with his own arrow, but that’s a bit hard to do logistically, so he would have to probably just stab himself with it.
Maybe one of the exploding ones, for the effect.
Once More Around the Dance Floor by Anonymous. Tony/Bruce. Romance. G. Short length.
Why read it: Adorkability, and the last paragraph.
Bruce is Tony's "plus one" at a formal event.
"Tony, not that I don't appreciate your somewhat extravagant sense of gift giving, but why is a designer suit on my lab table?" Bruce asked, slouching into Tony's workshop.
Leaving Doubt to Fate by sinope. Clint/Coulson. Romance, adventure. NC-17. Long length.
Why read it: Particularly nice take on what turns out to be a non-traditional romance.
Clint misses Coulson. Why does SHIELD's new AI feel so familiar? A long clever road to something that will never be a traditional romance, and isn't that a lovely twist?
Above a certain level of organizational importance, SHIELD agents don't get coffins. Everyone knows that -- most by word of mouth, but some by the single pale-green page in their stack of paperwork received upon promotion.
In case of death with no chance of revival, your body will be placed in stasis and relocated to a secure storage facility. SHIELD is at the forefront of experimental medical technology, and we are certain that many currently untreatable conditions will become curable, some within the span of a few years.
Your enrollment in this highly sensitive program is not optional. Your next of kin will be notified that cremation was necessary; do not inform them otherwise. SHIELD cannot guarantee revival at any point. You will be legally and practically dead.
Five Times Steve Rogers Rubbed Tony Stark Exactly The Wrong Way (And One Time He Didn't.) by cluegirl. Tony/Steve. Romance, humor. WIP (4 of maybe 7? 8? parts written so far); PG to date. Long length.
Why read it: Gorgeous, hysterical Tony-voice.
Tony is Tony and Steve is Steve and Tony's starting to be hurt at the amount of bonding Steve is doing with everyone but HIM, dammit. What's up with that? This is a gorgeous capturing of Tony.
Tony had come to the conclusion that Thor's laugh really ought to be registered as a pathogen with the CDC, it was that contagious. With a range from hearty guffaw to Scooby Doo giggle, and the force of Asgardian lungs to back it up, that laugh had some range, too. It wiped the scowl off Tony's face and the huff out of his grumbling pretty much the instant he heard it from two turns and twenty yards of hallway away. And that was saying something, because that had been a full on Coulson-inspired huff he'd had going there, with a Pepper's-so-mean huff for chaser.
He turned to the sound like the needle of a compass, figuring that if Thor was going to cockblock Tony's entirely justified snit, then he totally owed Tony his share of the joke.
Angst/Dark that doesn't quite fit elsewhere:
The Rashomon Effect by Ark. Tony/Steve, Bruce/Clint, Tony/Bruce, Steve/Clint. Angst, romance. NC-17. Medium length.
Why read it: To feel some heartbreak and some hope.
Seriously angsty story, and yet there's romance and heart-tugging within. Steve's with Tony; Clint's with Bruce. Yet Tony and Bruce are an inevitability that everyone sees. Actual laugh out-loud moments despite the pain in this one.
He'd been naïve about Tony and he should have known better by now. He knew who Tony was, knew his reputation, should have known he would never stay with anyone for very long. Not with Steve at least. Steve was backwards here even more than he'd been before he was frozen and he was messed up in the head from the things he'd seen and done, woke sweaty from bad dreams. He'd liked the sound of Tony's careless snore next to him when he tried to sleep again, grounding him in now. It was much rarer to sleep next to Tony than to sleep with him, though, so that part didn't feel as empty.
The first time --
But Don't Say "Ahh" by croik. Drama, non-con. A very angry Clint Barton. R. Short length.
Why read it: Dark and somehow amazingly believable.
This is wayyy more heavy and effective than the flip title and the wild premise make you expect (written for a kinkmeme prompt that made me say WHAT). You guys imagine, like I do, that the team had to do some serious talking-down of Clint before they let him corner crater-Loki with a nocked arrow? Yeah, so did this author. I'll just say: arrow fellatio. Seriously. It works. Beautifully. I'm still astounded too.
He presses the arrow into Loki's lip and draws blood. Loki doesn't flinch but his eyes widen and leap to a point over Clint's shoulder. Clint seethes. "Don't look at him," he says, his voice calm despite the fire coursing up and down his taut arm. "You look at me." His fingers slip a little more off the bowstring. "Look."
Hurt/Comfort / Whump!Kink:
Aftershock by anonymous. Tony!whump, non-con, hurt/comfort. NC-17. Medium length.
Why read it: Deliciously perverted Villains/Tony non-con.
Christ, this one hits my deepest, most pervy buttons. Tony, taken hostage, diverts attention from the other hostages by goading the other thugs into...well, into using him like kleenex, and afterward he thinks he can just shrug it off but, not so easy there, genius. Simply gorgeous use of freaked-out/rationalizing Tony voice throughout this whole thing. Slightly abrupt ending but still one of the hottest things I've read in the fandom.It was nothing, it was familiar. He'd done this more times than he could count, dropped to his knees in front of an endless string of men and women whose names he wouldn't remember in the morning. Done it in nightclubs and hotel rooms, in celebrity mansions and boarding-school toilet stalls. This was no different, and if he could see the mouth of a gun barrel trained on him at the edge of his peripheral vision, well, all he had to do was close his eyes. If the hands clenching in his hair were a little rougher than usual -- well, he liked it rough, didn't he? He could do this. It was nothing.
More Than Nothing by sonora_coneja. Bruce!whump, Tony/Bruce. R. Medium length.
Why read it: Bruce in a bad way with his teammates fighting to save him. Mmmmmm.
The team is trapped in a small space, and Bruce is bleeding out--to save himself he could transform, but he won't risk the others. Yummy time-is-running-out angst!
In the few panicked minutes since their elevator car brought them, hurtled them, to the bottom of this fucking mile-deep mine, Tony hasn’t had much time to work.
Not that there’s much to work with here in this hole they’ve been banished to. Left to die in.
The torso section of his suit, one of his gauntlets and most of the arm, the only bits not destroyed in the battle above, the scant remaining contents of Clint’s quiver, part of the collar they’d found Bruce wearing when they’d entered the facility above. Thor’s hammer, Cap’s shield. And their tomb itself, a three-by-six-by-ten meter box of negative space cut out of the veins of unrefined uranium running through this mountain, the start of a lower level that hasn’t been completed yet.
Loki/Tony needlekink minifill by anonymous. Loki/Tony, dark kink. R. short length.
Why read it: Eeeeevil.
Assumes Tony made that muzzle for Loki. Later, Loki takes revenge.
“You and I, darling,” the god says, holding conjured flame in his hand, a needle suspended shining in the middle of it, “we understand the merits of words.
Character bonding:
Heart to Heart by jaune_chat. Tony, Bruce, angst-fluff. PG. Short length.
Why read it: Bruce worrying about Tony and making it all better. Awwwwww.
The arc reactor was never meant to be a permanent fix for Tony's injury--Bruce gets that, Tony doesn't. Tony resists.
"You know, people consider me to have all kinds of personality flaws."
"That's what the gossip rags say."
Tony gave him the ghost of a grin. "Even in Calcutta?"
"It sounds even worse in Bengali."
Untitled Tony/Clint kissfic by foxxcub. Tony&Clint, serious. G. Short length.
Why read it: Because serious reasons for Tony and Clint to bond aren't being written enough.
Clint's got a problem with SHIELD tech; Tony's his best chance of proving he's not imagining it. I love how this story uses something sobering as their connection.
“They’ve messed with the alloys a little, thrown a different balance into the mix. They weigh just about the same though, like to a high number of digits, I don’t know how you’d even tell without-.”
“They fly different,” Barton says, his voice gone weird. He’s standing at Tony’s back, looking at the two sets of numbers.
Handling the Handlers by Anonymous. Clint & Coulson, introspection. G. Short length.
Why read it: Lovely dynamics and Clint's layers-within-layers observations.
Coulson watches over Clint's well-being; it would be suicidal not to return the favor.
And just like that, Clint knows that Coulson’s almost-anger has been successfully sublimated under a new layer of ‘so help me Barton I will trade you to the marine corps for a candy bar,’ which is the exact right note Clint was hoping to hit, playing Coulson the way he’s been.
fubar by waldorph. Clint & Natasha, Clint/Coulson. Post-film angst. R. Medium length.
Why read it: Because you know Clint had some serious coping difficulties afterward.
Natasha gets Clint away for some healing. And not the sexual kind. Though I am a fan of the sexual healing trope in fiction 'cos, y'know, sick romantic over here, I am shamelessly quoting this fabulous exchange:
“So,” Stark says, eating obnoxiously, “you’re going to, what, fuck the life back into him?”
Natasha pulls out her phone.
“What’s--who’re you calling?” Stark asks, and at least he looks nervous, shifting his weight back and forth rapidly.
“Rhodes,” she says, looking at him. “I’m going to warn him that if he’s ever tortured, mind-raped, and kills some of his men, is kicked in the head until he snaps out of it and then makes the decision to come to you? You’re going to fuck him because you think your jizz has healing properties.”
She aims a look at his dick and then flicks her eyes back to his, tilting her head.
Stark blinks at her. “Understood.”
“I’m thrilled,” she tells him, and crosses the room to Rogers and Clint.
“I never liked you!” Stark shouts behind her, petulant.
Godspeed, Tony Stark by lordessrenegade. Tony, Bruce, introspection. G. Short length.
Why read it: Because we're all space geeks and probably thought the same thing, even if it was after the fact, like Tony in this.
Did any of you think--for just a minute there--that Tony was in outer space at the end there, and it should have been the most amazing moment of his life, except he had to deal with nukes and maybe dying? Yeah, so did this author. A beautiful after-snippet with lovely Tony-Bruce moments.
"I didn't look. That's the roadblock I keep hitting. I was in space, and I was distracted."
"You had some things on your mind at the time," Bruce reminded him. He reached behind them for the bottle that Tony had brought outside with them, and refilled Tony's glass, topping off his own as well. "Fate of the world, and all that."
"True," Tony said. He stretched his legs out in front of him. "Something tells me that ten year old me wouldn't think that was a very good excuse."
My very specific "Loki totally did Clint while he had him" list:
Only Resist by quigonejinn Loki/Clint, non-con. NC-17. Short length.
Why read it: Nnnnnrg, mindraped Clint.
This is the "screaming trapped inside your own head" version of brainwashed Clint, and it's hot enough to make my eyes cross.
"Selvig says it's a reasonable offer. Almost generous. Why does the Mandarin want you so badly?"
"I killed his top lieutenant last year and disrupted his operations in South America."
Does Loki know where South America is? Does he know what a lieutenant is? You remember reading the file on his brother; initial contact suggested that Asgardians didn't have much knowledge of Earth. You don't know, either, how much access Loki has to your thoughts, but he considers you for another moment. The generator goes on humming; the tesserect goes on shining. Your armor and bow are at his feet.
Every Second by quigonejinn. Loki-by-proxy/Clint. Non-con. NC-17. Medium length.
Why read it: Devious take on non-con: when the victim's the one with the idea.
Not necessarily quite in the same storyverse as the earlier one, but a similar gist. Clint's the one to use himself to gain whatever Loki needs from SHIELD's enemies. *"eeeep"-ing noises of joy*
You look over at your own master, who is leaning against the wall, looking bored. He doesn't have time for you to go over this guy's head, and you sigh.
Why hold back on something that, in the end, means nothing? So you lean forward across the table. Does he need proof that you've turned?
"Let me offer you a sweetener," you say, smiling with your mouth and your eyes. "Let me show you that SHIELD can be broken."
Trial Run by tipsybluetips. Loki/Clint, dub-con/non-con (though with a consensual feel). Smut. NC-17. Short length.
Why read it: Seriously sexy non-broken Clint, delicious affected Loki.
All kinds of UNF for this Clint. Loki's not one forego a bit of distraction while he's got a hot assassin at his side.
Besides Loki’s fondness of tinkering with his disguises, slight debauchery never went astray on his complexion: his scarf hangs to brush Hawkeye’s thighs as Loki bends to look the seated man on his sharp blue eyes, shining even bluer from Loki’s touch - soon his fingers go alongside the wool, kneading on tight muscles over clothing, evaluating the primitive strength they must show when trapping Loki between them . “And what would you do if I granted you privilege over that sight you so appreciate? What would I have you do to me, Barton?”
“Whatever made you scream yourself senseless,” and Barton is bold to wrap his archery fingers around his tie and pull Loki into a kiss that is all heat, tongue and boundless desire.
it was his lode, his lord, his appointed star by tigriswolf. Loki/Clint. Dark. PG. Short length.
Why read it: You like the idea that it's not so easy for Clint to shake Loki.
Loki comes back for his archer.
When Loki steps into the room, the HYDRA goons go silent. It’s a nice change from the demanding rambling, actually, even if Clint’s whole body shudders.
“What is this?” Loki asks quietly, head tilting in what seems to be honest curiosity.
The goons all look at each other. Clint wonders who’s actually in charge of HYDRA this week. Is Red Skull dead again?
“We were interrogating the prisoner,” the head goon says, spine straightening. “He has important information and- ”
“Do shut up,” Loki orders pleasantly, eyes focusing on Clint.
“You in charge of these fuckers?” Clint scoffs. “Gotta say, that’s a step down.” He just barely cuts off the sir before he says it. Fuck. He shudders again.
Fall by Slashy Goodness (allmadhere). Loki/Clint, Clint/Natasha. PG. Angst. Short length.
Why read it: Because sometimes brutal healing is the tastiest kind.
Clint's still haunted, but Natasha understands.
A cruel curve of a ghastly smile that might as well be like moonlight over a calm sea to him, all bathed in a cold blue. He closes his eyes and breathes out slowly like he's taking a shot and--
He blinks at the blood swirling in the drain, the rain of familiar Russian expletives, the coppery smell of blood, and heaves out a heavy sigh. She's seen worse but not by much.
Enjoy! Leave the authors feedback!
(Part one back here.)
Team / Avengers-style Slice of Life:
Six Meetings Before Lunch by musesfool. Steve and Thor. Gen, Slice-of-life, humor. PG. Medium length.
Why read it: Orienting Thor to New York in a darling, no-we're-not-making-him-the-butt-of-our-jokes-thank-you way.
Basketball and poetry jams and bar crawls and street fairs and Coney Island and soap operas and--oh, there's just no better way to have a virtual tour of New York than this story, with a wide-eyed Asgardian at your side. Fuzzy and fabulous.The smell of sausage and peppers entices them onward, and Thor says, "This moveable feast is ingenious. I will have to suggest it to my lady mother when next I return home to Asgard. Though I think Volstagg might object to having to walk while he eats."
There are booths selling all manner of knickknacks and trinkets, and Steve buys a painted silk fan for Pepper and a Hello Kitty makeup bag for Darcy. He hesitates over a pair of lacquered hair sticks with brilliant teal and purple peacocks painted on them, and then buys them for Natasha. She can always stab him with them if he's out of line.
Any Way I Do by MissJeeves. Clint/Natasha. Humor. PG. Short length.
Why read it: Terrific Tony-voice. Plus sheepish Thor.
Tony discovers that Natasha and Clint tied the knot weeks ago. Without telling HIM! How dare they deprive him of the chance to plan a stag party and tease both of them within an inch of their lives?
“Natasha!” Tony bellows, storming off towards her room. “Mrs. Clinton Barton! Mrs. Barton, come out here!”
“Is she going to like that?” Steve whispers behind him.
“No,” says Bruce.
Phil Coulson is Not the Avengers' Public Relations Manager by scifigrl47. Steve and Team, budding Steve/Tony, established Clint/Coulson. PG. Medium length.
Why read it: *flailyhands* It's so damned adorable and clever and has an admirable agenda that never gets in the way of a good story.
Steve's just shopping in Manhattan and runs into a particular street event. So much fantastic in all this, from Tony's tech to the OCs and the taunting of Fox News.
“What is this?” Drew asked, one hand flashing out to grab Steve by the front of the jacket. “Who are you, and what is this magical piece of-” He made a moan that was almost embarrassing to hear in public. “Is this the new StarkPhone? Holy God, it is, it is, it iiiiiiiiiiis, I love you, I wish to have your babies and I love you.”
Steve was laughing, cheeks red. “Okay,” he said, easy going as always as the boy went through the phone with one hand. His friend reached over and pried his hand off of Steve's jacket, but his eyes were on the phone as well.“Wow,” he said, heavy black eyebrows arching. “How'd you get the new one, it's not supposed to be out for, like, two months.”
“I'm a test dummy,” Steve said, tucking his hands in his pockets. “Literally. I get it because if I can break it, they need to try again. I, uh, I break a lot of things.” Mostly programming, but it always ended up with Tony sitting down, cradling his tech in his hands and making confused noises about how Steve could've done this, no, really, this was not actually possible, how had he made the phone DO this?
well, let the drum beat drop by jonesandashes and pollyrepeat. Team, slice-of-life humor. PG. Medium length.
Why read it: Terrific Tony POV in absurd moments of team bonding.
After shawarma, the team's most odd bonding moments seem to revolve around food, from lunch in Tuscany to stale cinnamon buns.
The less said about awkward team dinner number five, the better. Suffice it to say, it involves a puff pastry danish, a dark alley in Prague, three wisdom teeth and a toe bone, Spanish assassins, a plaster bull, a real live bull, Nazi treasure, awkward, stilted bonding over tragic pasts while trapped in a drain pipe, and sixteen hours Tony will never get back and does not want to think about, thankyouverymuch. And a whole lot of drinking?
Just, like. Not enough. Just really not enough drinking.
To Be Modified As Necessary by ignipes. Humor with serious touches. Team (with some pairings, but mostly team humor). PG. Medium length.
Why read it: So. Damn. Funny.
This is probably my most-quoted fic; I just call people up and rattle off the list below except I usually don't make it past item k without collapsing in air-hungry laughgasps. It's essentially a Skippy's List take except each section has accompanying story to go with it. And hilarious as it is, at least one section is chilling. I adore this fic.
Rule 9. Thursday night is reserved for dinner and a movie, barring interruption by any of the following:
a) alien invasion
b) Doombot attack
c) onset of a potential global pandemic d) and/or zombie apocalypse
e) black hole threatening to swallow the Earth
f) Loki
g) HYDRA
h) fucking terrorists
i) dinosaurs
j) HYDRA terrorists riding dinosaurs
k) Clint gets kidnapped again
l) Sharktopus unleashed in the East River
m) just because it hasn't happened yet doesn't mean it couldn't
n) karaoke night
In Great Transition by vain_glorious. Teamfic, humor with serious touches. PG. Medium length.
Why read it: Fabulous prose and FUNNY.
Everyone moves into Stark Tower, one by one. Even the ones who need some convincing. This is the story that I remember because it has a bit where Tony doesn't just turn a particular phrase on its ear, he flips it on its back and fucks the shit out of it. I'm still giggling. (I adore everything by this author, I admit.)
“Thor is naked,” Natasha warns. “Laundry day, I think.”
“Why don’t you ever do that?” Tony asks her.
“I asked him to cover up and he put on his cape,” Bruce says. “But it’s in the back, so.”
“Ah,” Tony says.
“So guard your ego,” Natasha says, flatly.
Tony stares at her. That’s like a joke, and she said it.
“Are you high?” he asks.
Without the Usual Cost of Labor by vain_glorious Team, action, humor, slice-of-life. PG. Medium length.
Why read it: Hilarious even when serious. Terrific prose.
The team learns of a vile, personal crime, and decides it needs correcting. This is one of those where it's more fun if you just plunge in and not know where it's going. Suffice to say it's got Tony at his snarky best, and Natasha taken by surprise, and something cute and pink before the end. Pretty much one of those where you just giggle all the way through, even when things get sobering, because, Tony.
“Hey,” Tony says, as he enters the section of the gym that’s mostly reserved for stretching and yoga. The floor is soft, but not as padded as the spaces designated for ridiculously violent people throwing each other at the walls. Tony avoids both places, generally, being neither crunchy nor flexible enough for yoga or masochistic enough to train against his teammates without the Iron Man armor.
“Hello,” Natasha replies, in a pose Tony spontaneously names Lethal Lady Loop, since her body appears to be in some kind of human knot.
Bruce nods at her and then settles against the wall, alerting Tony that the explaining is all on him.
“Limber,” Tony tells her, appreciatively. Immediately, Natasha begins to unwind. Presumably, so her limbs are free to hit him.
“What do you want?” she asks, not friendly but also not scary. He figures she’s already picked up on the fact that he’s not being nearly as lewd as he could be.
“Um,” Tony says, not sure where to begin.
Some People Just Collect Stamps by Closer. Clint/Coulson. Adventure, humor, romance. PG. Long length.
Why read it: Triumphant, funny fix-it-fic.
Phil Coulson wakes up in a hospital bed. Well, damn. Includes mirror versions of scenes that are so delightful they deserve it. Devastatingly funny, too.
Some people just collect stamps, Phil says drily, because he will never not give Clint shit about collecting arrowheads.
Some people have dragged me to every creepy antique store everywhere we've ever been, looking for vintage Captain America cards, Clint answers because, admittedly, it's much easier to give Phil shit for his hobby.
the helicarrier by gdgdbaby. Team; mockumentary, humor, slice-of-life. PG. Medium length.
Why read it: LAUGHED 'TIL I WEPT.
A documentary's being filmed on the Helicarrier. Jesus, I was gasping for air during this.
"I run a Twitter account called Shit Thor Says." Tony holds the phone up to the camera. "It has over two hundred thousand followers."
a higher form of war by gdgdbaby. Tony/Steve. Team, Humor, Romance. NC-17. Medium length.
Why read it: Utter hilarity.
Paintball on the helicarrier! For THE PRIZE.
"That's not what I meant and you know it."
"You should say what you mean, then, instead of making excuses for yourself-"
"Jesus," Bruce interrupts placidly, his fingers still flying over the dual screens he's working with. "Will you two ever learn to shut up?"
Tony blinks. "What, you aren't hopelessly endeared by my dashing good looks and acerbic wit? Bruce, I'm hurt."
"It's not that," he says, voice dry. "The constant arguing was hilarious at first, but-well, Natasha explains it best."
Everyone in the room (save Bruce, who's fiddling with a couple of long equations that make Tony's fingers itch) turns to Natasha.
"You need to bone or get out," she says bluntly, shrugging. "The unresolved sexual tension in the room is giving me a headache, and your incessant bickering isn't great for morale."
"We do not need to bone," Tony protests, "and excuse you, I have chemistry with everything," not particularly offended but feeling like he should be-at the same time Steve asks, classically naïve, what boning means.
The Amazing Naked Avengers by vain_glorious. Humor, Team. R. Medium length.
Why read it: Yes, everyone's naked. Hilarious piece.
The villain apparently likes to set traps that require victims to leave their clothes behind. Jerk.
The rest of the armor has to come off, too. Powerless, it’s just a heavy, unwieldy, and yet super sexy costume.
Tony’s clothes go with it. Or rather, stay inside it. The fabric gets caught inside the armor, and he can pull his limbs out, but that’s it. His jeans rip when he tries to yank them out of the inside of the legs afterwards, so that doesn’t help. His suit keeps his t-shirt, and even his boxers. The edge of the arc reactor catches, briefly, and that doesn’t feel so good.
“Don’t be naked if the Iron Man suit is depowered” was never one of Tony’s design priorities, but apparently it should have been.
He has sudden regrets about never being kinder to Bruce when he ends up bare-assed after every transformation.
So, freeballing, Tony goes to find the rest of the Avengers.
Avengers: Epilogue by sam_storyteller. Post-film epilogue, humor, fix-it fic. Team. PG-13. Medium length.
Why read it: Funny and delightful film wind-down.
In which Hawkeye gets to punch Loki, wounds get figuratively licked, Tony makes plans, and Fury's lies are revealed. So many funny lines in this. So many!
"Pep, seriously, I'm fine. Yeah, the old mansion. Well, look, they can't keep you in the air forever, find a field or something -- of course he can land in a field, I can land a private jet in a field with one good eye and my tongue. Yes, I do -- the point is, I cannot put on my jet boots and come to you, jet boots are out of commission for the day, so the mountain will have to come to Tony Stark. I know other couples don't have these problems and wouldn't that be boring? Okay look," Tony said, and cradled the phone against his shoulder while he started tapping screens madly, "I'm clearing you a flight path to LaGuardia. I'm sorry, were you sleeping with me for some reason other than my ability to hack the FAA? My best girl," he added affectionately. "Sure. Now, Nick Fury is calling and I'm sure he has some kind of supertech that can come through the phone line and throttle me so I'm going to hang up and hide behind Captain America. Yep, love you too," he said, and hung up briefly. The phone blared. "Fury, you have to stop stalking me."
Support by jenna_thorn. Team. Drama (and humor), fix-it fic. PG. Medium length.
Why read it: Lovely understated "we have so many issues" story.
After everything, Coulson may have the hardest problems, but everyone's got something to deal with.
Fury leaned on the foot of the bed and Phil sank to one side, sliding off the stacked pillows at the small of his back. He smiled benignly into Fury’s resolve, even the edge of anger in Fury’s voice dulled by narcotics and paralysis. “I will use every tool that falls into my hand. I will not apologize for that.”
“Is that how you’re going to phrase it to Stark and Rogers? To Romanov? To Barton?”
Fury stood and rubbed at his chin, posing, now. “If only I had at hand an agent, a go-between, a liaison between me and these people.”
“I’m afraid, sir,” Phil said, and he felt the laughter bubble up past the searing pain in his chest, “that’s not my job.” The laugh become a cough, the cough bloomed into red fire and wet blood and he patted the bed for the morphine button. Fury pressed it for him and the white of the room and the burning red of his injuries faded to soft blue.
Even Gods Do by cluegirl. Steve, Team. Post-film wind-down, comfort fluff, humor. PG. Medium length.
Steve's trying to do all he can, but he needs to stop and adjust. Everyone else helps. Sweet and funny.
Fury's smile lasted two seconds before turning into a smirk as he glanced at, or more like through, the ceiling. "I did mention containment of the prisoner, didn't I? Well, they're sorting that out right now."
For a moment, Steve weathered the mental image of Loki, hogtied and squirming underneath the Hulk while Tony helped Clint and Natasha choose the right tool for temporarily incapacitating a demigod. Then he realized that he was probably selling Natasha's creativity, Clint's resentment, and Tony's tool collection short, and he gave in to a shiver. "All of them?"
"Dr. Banner declined in favor of the hot tub. Said he'd take the second shift, once they'd worked out Loki's little talking problem."
"Talking problem."
"He keeps doing it," Fury supplied, and pushed away from the counter. "Your room's this way."
spectrum by irnan. Team, Tony/Pepper, Natasha/Winter Soldier. Team bonding, adventure. PG. Long length.
Why read it: Terrific characterization, plus the addition of peripheral characters I didn't even think I cared about!
An "everyone gradually moves into Stark Tower" fic with a bit of adventure plot thrown it at the end!
He doesn't exactly have much stuff to move in, but one day Pepper eyes up the latest signs of wear and tear on his shirt and offers to drive him over to the storage locker where SHIELD is keeping all his things from Before, and then asks irritably what he's been doing with Tony's paychecks anyway?
"Paychecks?" says Bruce. "TONY! I'm not your employee, you lunatic."
"Sure you are!" Tony hollers back. "That bot that's going out next week is having your name on it! Anyway, you're not pretty enough to be a kept man."
On the list of things Bruce hates about Tony, his ability to make him laugh at any given moment is pretty high up there.
"Don't worry about it," says Pepper, "strictly speaking, I'm your boss."
yes, and back again by irnan. Team, humor. PG. Short length.
Why read it: Everybody's hilarious.
Tony discovers he's turning into the team chauffeur, what with his international jets. Both hilarious and poignant at turns.
"Several thousand feet in the air over Greece, actually, which I think you already knew. How's the mission?"
"Annoying," says Natasha. "We're in a barn outside of Split on the Croatian Adriatic coast being incompetently tortured - shut up, asshole, you should have been cutting my fingers off three hours ago - anyway, can you come and pick us up? We drove the Jeep off a cliff. There's an airstrip..."
Tony lays his arms on the table and puts his head in them and tries really really hard not to laugh out loud. Jarvis is already running a trace on the call.
The Mythic:
Mini Clint shapeshifter fic by neev. Clint, Loki, angst. G. Short length.
Why read it: Because the premise should not have worked and it turned out BEAUTIFUL.
Loki left Clint with a gift that's a curse. The concept that this could have been anything but silly fantasy AU was what sent me to look at it, imagining I'd gawk and snicker. Instead my throat was tight and I was nearly weeping. The ending broke me.
The time comes, as he knew it would from the very beginning, when he finally stops fighting and lets go of the last tattered remains of himself.
Learning to Fly by astolat. Loki and family. Angst. Self-harm warning. PG.Medium length.
Why read it: Heart-achingly beautiful Loki fic.
Loki's given his punishment after his attack on Midgard. Loki declines to endure it. This will break your heart but it is gorgeous.
He had never before had a pet: Thor had been too rough with young animals, when they had been children, and when they'd grown older, Loki hadn't seen the purpose of giving time from his books to the tiresome husbandry of caring for a beast. It had not occurred to him he might have enjoyed the company of so small and dumb a creature. "But quite honestly, you're a better conversationalist than half the court of Asgard," he told the magpie. "And significantly smarter than Volstagg, for one."
The magpie fluffed her wings in confident agreement: she didn't see why anyone who lumbered around on the ground all the time would have anything interesting to say, anyway. At least Loki had the sense to come live up high.
Balancing by astolat Loki/Thor. Plot plus porn. Non-con/dub-con. NC-17. Medium length. (Technically a Thor fic rather than Avengers. Don't care. Including it here.)
Why read it: Twisted and clever Loki plot AND DID I MENTION HOT.
The story assumes Odin does not merely hit the Odinsleep during the events of Thor, but dies, and Loki not only gets command, he gets the throne and lays meticulous preparation to keep it. And then to keep Thor. I'm including this one under "mythic" for the language and richness but, oh, my god, I go back to this one alllll the time for the gorgeous porn at the end.
The next morning he woke even before dawn, and the guards told him Sif and the Warriors Three already waited upon him, predictable as snow in winter. He went to the door himself and opened it. "My friends, come and join me," he said, and sent the guards to rouse the servants to bring breakfast. He gestured Sif to silence with a sharp cutting motion of his hand, when she would have begun, and waited until the guards were gone around the corner to turn.
"Good," he said. "I hoped you would come: quickly, now, while we are alone."
They looked at one another in surprise, but conspiracy was sweet on the tongue, and they swallowed it readily enough, leaning in to hear him. "I dare not, at present, revoke Thor's exile," Loki said, and held up a hand when Sif would have spoken. "You saw, last night, how precarious matters are here in Asgard-how easily treason might have broken out among men whose loyalty has been unquestioned for years. In his present state, mortal and stripped of all power, my brother is vulnerable as he never has been before."
Romance:
Mission: Matchmaker by infiniteeight. Clint/Coulson, romance. NC-17. Medium length.
Why read it: Perfectly adorable romance.
This is the sweetest piece of "let's analyze how relationships come together" cleverness and adorability. Fury has observed that Clint single equals Clint surly, and for the good of the team assigns Coulson to facilitate finding Clint a steady boyfriend. Of course you know where this has to go, and it doesn't disappoint.
"If you're not being straightforward with your prospective partners," Phil commented, "that might be part of the problem."
Clint snorted. "You don't date much, do you? Look, when you're angling for a first date, you don't say 'Hi, I work in a bizarre government job that I can't talk about in detail, but try turning on your TV. I like to go dancing because sometimes I need reminding why the world's worth saving, and Thai is my favorite kind of food because work has miraculously never sent me to Thailand.' You have to work up to that shit."
A Matter of Importance by Zinnith Clint/Natasha, Clint/Natasha/Coulson. Romance. NC-17. Medium length.
Why read it: Sweet-angsty Clint/Natasha/Coulson threesome.
Five times Coulson knew that his agents were doin' the deed together, and the time he got to join them.
Phil sighs, shifts a little in his chair (because he’s been sitting still in the same position for too long, no other reason at all) and says, “Agent Barton, Agent Romanoff? May I draw your attention to the fact that your comms are still active?”
There’s a brief moment of silence, then Clint says, “Sorry, sir,” in a tone of voice that completely lacks every trace of regret.
Natasha only laughs before the comm goes silent, and Phil goes back to his paperwork with that laugh stuck in his mind, open and happy. He knows that there are preciously few people who are allowed to hear her like that and the realization that he is now one of them is both humbling and honoring.
Like Teenage Gravity by londondrowning. Clint/Natasha, romance/angst. R. Short length.
Why read it: Because all the Budapest backstories in the world can't replace the emotional need for this kind of simple gorgeous Clint/Natasha connection.
Clint and Natasha got married, secretly, a few days before the events of The Avengers. The aftermath of this--Clint's anger, and Natasha rock-solid strength--makes me sink to my knees with happiness.
“I didn’t remember that I love you,” Clint says. “I didn’t care that I love you. That’s what I have, this is - ”
Hold, Release by smilla840 Clint/Coulson, established relationship, romance. NC-17. Short length.
Why read it: Hell, read it for the joy of that title alone. And the pairing.
For the good of future missions Phil decides an injured Clint should teach him to fire a bow. It proves a turn-on. Nice mission tech prose on this, too.
The secondary team, he had soon found out, was taking fire as well and Hill had informed him it would take at least twenty minutes for SHIELD to deploy additional resources to their location. In the grand scheme of things twenty minutes weren’t a lot and so when Barton had told him he had eyes on two SUVs approaching at high speed, ETA 20 seconds and “well, shit, it looks like they’ve got rocket launchers,” Coulson had simply relayed the intel to Hill and reloaded his weapon.
Bigmouth Strikes Again by Femme. Tony/Loki, established relationship, humor, slice-of-life, romance. NC-17. Long length.
Why read it: OH MY GOD, it's femmequixotic and her wonderful attention to cultural detail, just go read, dammit.
Don't ask how Tony and Loki have a relationship. Take it that they do. Then read this hysterical story about how Tony pisses off his lover and Loki decides to take it out on Hoboken. Like you do.
When the dust onscreen settles, the camera focuses on a sweet graffiti painting of Tony in full battle gear on the wall behind the reporter that would put Banksy to shame, over which someone--and by someone Tony means a fucking asshole Asgardian god whose handwriting he recognizes, God fucking damn it--has scrawled in sparkling green letters the word douchebag.
"Son of a bitch," Tony snaps, more irritated that the ouche is covering his nose than anything--Christ, does no one teach graphic arts and composition on Asgard--and then he glares back at the rest of the team. "Which one of you bastards taught him that word?"
Steve and Thor just look at him blankly; Natasha rolls her eyes. Bruce tries to smother a laugh by turning it into a cough, but when Tony's eyes narrow at him he shakes his head and holds up a hand. "Not me, man."
Clint rubs the back of his neck. "I may have called him that once or twice," he admits.
assume a defensive stance by hoosierbitch. Bruce/Clint. Romance. PG. Short length.
Why read it: Adorable romance, with wibble moments!
Bruce and Clint are together, and the interpretation of whether each is right for each other is quite subjective. (But of course they both are.) Sweet, wonderful stuff. Will give you lip-wibbles.
Clint chases Tony through the locker rooms and into the debriefing room before Tony yells at Bruce to put a leash on his boyfriend. “He’s like a toddler on meth,” Tony says, exasperated. “It’s grownup time now, okay?”
if at first you don't succeed (it could be a conspiracy) by noelia_g. Clint/Coulson. Romance. R. Medium length.
Why read it: Delightfully hilarious Clint-voice in all its frustration.
I can't improve on the summary and quote, I really can't: "Coulson gets released from medical on Monday, and on Wednesday Clint is ready to fucking murder his new teammates."
In which Clint wants a quiet moment to confess his feelings and Avengers are fucking cockblockers. Clint's voice is enough to make me choke on my laughter.
It’s not that... yeah, okay, this is how it is. He promised himself that when Phil wakes up, when he gets better, when he gets out of the hospital, Clint was going to confess his feelings.
That sounds so incredibly cheesy he wants to shoot himself with his own arrow, but that’s a bit hard to do logistically, so he would have to probably just stab himself with it.
Maybe one of the exploding ones, for the effect.
Once More Around the Dance Floor by Anonymous. Tony/Bruce. Romance. G. Short length.
Why read it: Adorkability, and the last paragraph.
Bruce is Tony's "plus one" at a formal event.
"Tony, not that I don't appreciate your somewhat extravagant sense of gift giving, but why is a designer suit on my lab table?" Bruce asked, slouching into Tony's workshop.
Leaving Doubt to Fate by sinope. Clint/Coulson. Romance, adventure. NC-17. Long length.
Why read it: Particularly nice take on what turns out to be a non-traditional romance.
Clint misses Coulson. Why does SHIELD's new AI feel so familiar? A long clever road to something that will never be a traditional romance, and isn't that a lovely twist?
Above a certain level of organizational importance, SHIELD agents don't get coffins. Everyone knows that -- most by word of mouth, but some by the single pale-green page in their stack of paperwork received upon promotion.
In case of death with no chance of revival, your body will be placed in stasis and relocated to a secure storage facility. SHIELD is at the forefront of experimental medical technology, and we are certain that many currently untreatable conditions will become curable, some within the span of a few years.
Your enrollment in this highly sensitive program is not optional. Your next of kin will be notified that cremation was necessary; do not inform them otherwise. SHIELD cannot guarantee revival at any point. You will be legally and practically dead.
Five Times Steve Rogers Rubbed Tony Stark Exactly The Wrong Way (And One Time He Didn't.) by cluegirl. Tony/Steve. Romance, humor. WIP (4 of maybe 7? 8? parts written so far); PG to date. Long length.
Why read it: Gorgeous, hysterical Tony-voice.
Tony is Tony and Steve is Steve and Tony's starting to be hurt at the amount of bonding Steve is doing with everyone but HIM, dammit. What's up with that? This is a gorgeous capturing of Tony.
Tony had come to the conclusion that Thor's laugh really ought to be registered as a pathogen with the CDC, it was that contagious. With a range from hearty guffaw to Scooby Doo giggle, and the force of Asgardian lungs to back it up, that laugh had some range, too. It wiped the scowl off Tony's face and the huff out of his grumbling pretty much the instant he heard it from two turns and twenty yards of hallway away. And that was saying something, because that had been a full on Coulson-inspired huff he'd had going there, with a Pepper's-so-mean huff for chaser.
He turned to the sound like the needle of a compass, figuring that if Thor was going to cockblock Tony's entirely justified snit, then he totally owed Tony his share of the joke.
Angst/Dark that doesn't quite fit elsewhere:
The Rashomon Effect by Ark. Tony/Steve, Bruce/Clint, Tony/Bruce, Steve/Clint. Angst, romance. NC-17. Medium length.
Why read it: To feel some heartbreak and some hope.
Seriously angsty story, and yet there's romance and heart-tugging within. Steve's with Tony; Clint's with Bruce. Yet Tony and Bruce are an inevitability that everyone sees. Actual laugh out-loud moments despite the pain in this one.
He'd been naïve about Tony and he should have known better by now. He knew who Tony was, knew his reputation, should have known he would never stay with anyone for very long. Not with Steve at least. Steve was backwards here even more than he'd been before he was frozen and he was messed up in the head from the things he'd seen and done, woke sweaty from bad dreams. He'd liked the sound of Tony's careless snore next to him when he tried to sleep again, grounding him in now. It was much rarer to sleep next to Tony than to sleep with him, though, so that part didn't feel as empty.
The first time --
But Don't Say "Ahh" by croik. Drama, non-con. A very angry Clint Barton. R. Short length.
Why read it: Dark and somehow amazingly believable.
This is wayyy more heavy and effective than the flip title and the wild premise make you expect (written for a kinkmeme prompt that made me say WHAT). You guys imagine, like I do, that the team had to do some serious talking-down of Clint before they let him corner crater-Loki with a nocked arrow? Yeah, so did this author. I'll just say: arrow fellatio. Seriously. It works. Beautifully. I'm still astounded too.
He presses the arrow into Loki's lip and draws blood. Loki doesn't flinch but his eyes widen and leap to a point over Clint's shoulder. Clint seethes. "Don't look at him," he says, his voice calm despite the fire coursing up and down his taut arm. "You look at me." His fingers slip a little more off the bowstring. "Look."
Hurt/Comfort / Whump!Kink:
Aftershock by anonymous. Tony!whump, non-con, hurt/comfort. NC-17. Medium length.
Why read it: Deliciously perverted Villains/Tony non-con.
Christ, this one hits my deepest, most pervy buttons. Tony, taken hostage, diverts attention from the other hostages by goading the other thugs into...well, into using him like kleenex, and afterward he thinks he can just shrug it off but, not so easy there, genius. Simply gorgeous use of freaked-out/rationalizing Tony voice throughout this whole thing. Slightly abrupt ending but still one of the hottest things I've read in the fandom.It was nothing, it was familiar. He'd done this more times than he could count, dropped to his knees in front of an endless string of men and women whose names he wouldn't remember in the morning. Done it in nightclubs and hotel rooms, in celebrity mansions and boarding-school toilet stalls. This was no different, and if he could see the mouth of a gun barrel trained on him at the edge of his peripheral vision, well, all he had to do was close his eyes. If the hands clenching in his hair were a little rougher than usual -- well, he liked it rough, didn't he? He could do this. It was nothing.
More Than Nothing by sonora_coneja. Bruce!whump, Tony/Bruce. R. Medium length.
Why read it: Bruce in a bad way with his teammates fighting to save him. Mmmmmm.
The team is trapped in a small space, and Bruce is bleeding out--to save himself he could transform, but he won't risk the others. Yummy time-is-running-out angst!
In the few panicked minutes since their elevator car brought them, hurtled them, to the bottom of this fucking mile-deep mine, Tony hasn’t had much time to work.
Not that there’s much to work with here in this hole they’ve been banished to. Left to die in.
The torso section of his suit, one of his gauntlets and most of the arm, the only bits not destroyed in the battle above, the scant remaining contents of Clint’s quiver, part of the collar they’d found Bruce wearing when they’d entered the facility above. Thor’s hammer, Cap’s shield. And their tomb itself, a three-by-six-by-ten meter box of negative space cut out of the veins of unrefined uranium running through this mountain, the start of a lower level that hasn’t been completed yet.
Loki/Tony needlekink minifill by anonymous. Loki/Tony, dark kink. R. short length.
Why read it: Eeeeevil.
Assumes Tony made that muzzle for Loki. Later, Loki takes revenge.
“You and I, darling,” the god says, holding conjured flame in his hand, a needle suspended shining in the middle of it, “we understand the merits of words.
Character bonding:
Heart to Heart by jaune_chat. Tony, Bruce, angst-fluff. PG. Short length.
Why read it: Bruce worrying about Tony and making it all better. Awwwwww.
The arc reactor was never meant to be a permanent fix for Tony's injury--Bruce gets that, Tony doesn't. Tony resists.
"You know, people consider me to have all kinds of personality flaws."
"That's what the gossip rags say."
Tony gave him the ghost of a grin. "Even in Calcutta?"
"It sounds even worse in Bengali."
Untitled Tony/Clint kissfic by foxxcub. Tony&Clint, serious. G. Short length.
Why read it: Because serious reasons for Tony and Clint to bond aren't being written enough.
Clint's got a problem with SHIELD tech; Tony's his best chance of proving he's not imagining it. I love how this story uses something sobering as their connection.
“They’ve messed with the alloys a little, thrown a different balance into the mix. They weigh just about the same though, like to a high number of digits, I don’t know how you’d even tell without-.”
“They fly different,” Barton says, his voice gone weird. He’s standing at Tony’s back, looking at the two sets of numbers.
Handling the Handlers by Anonymous. Clint & Coulson, introspection. G. Short length.
Why read it: Lovely dynamics and Clint's layers-within-layers observations.
Coulson watches over Clint's well-being; it would be suicidal not to return the favor.
And just like that, Clint knows that Coulson’s almost-anger has been successfully sublimated under a new layer of ‘so help me Barton I will trade you to the marine corps for a candy bar,’ which is the exact right note Clint was hoping to hit, playing Coulson the way he’s been.
fubar by waldorph. Clint & Natasha, Clint/Coulson. Post-film angst. R. Medium length.
Why read it: Because you know Clint had some serious coping difficulties afterward.
Natasha gets Clint away for some healing. And not the sexual kind. Though I am a fan of the sexual healing trope in fiction 'cos, y'know, sick romantic over here, I am shamelessly quoting this fabulous exchange:
“So,” Stark says, eating obnoxiously, “you’re going to, what, fuck the life back into him?”
Natasha pulls out her phone.
“What’s--who’re you calling?” Stark asks, and at least he looks nervous, shifting his weight back and forth rapidly.
“Rhodes,” she says, looking at him. “I’m going to warn him that if he’s ever tortured, mind-raped, and kills some of his men, is kicked in the head until he snaps out of it and then makes the decision to come to you? You’re going to fuck him because you think your jizz has healing properties.”
She aims a look at his dick and then flicks her eyes back to his, tilting her head.
Stark blinks at her. “Understood.”
“I’m thrilled,” she tells him, and crosses the room to Rogers and Clint.
“I never liked you!” Stark shouts behind her, petulant.
Godspeed, Tony Stark by lordessrenegade. Tony, Bruce, introspection. G. Short length.
Why read it: Because we're all space geeks and probably thought the same thing, even if it was after the fact, like Tony in this.
Did any of you think--for just a minute there--that Tony was in outer space at the end there, and it should have been the most amazing moment of his life, except he had to deal with nukes and maybe dying? Yeah, so did this author. A beautiful after-snippet with lovely Tony-Bruce moments.
"I didn't look. That's the roadblock I keep hitting. I was in space, and I was distracted."
"You had some things on your mind at the time," Bruce reminded him. He reached behind them for the bottle that Tony had brought outside with them, and refilled Tony's glass, topping off his own as well. "Fate of the world, and all that."
"True," Tony said. He stretched his legs out in front of him. "Something tells me that ten year old me wouldn't think that was a very good excuse."
My very specific "Loki totally did Clint while he had him" list:
Only Resist by quigonejinn Loki/Clint, non-con. NC-17. Short length.
Why read it: Nnnnnrg, mindraped Clint.
This is the "screaming trapped inside your own head" version of brainwashed Clint, and it's hot enough to make my eyes cross.
"Selvig says it's a reasonable offer. Almost generous. Why does the Mandarin want you so badly?"
"I killed his top lieutenant last year and disrupted his operations in South America."
Does Loki know where South America is? Does he know what a lieutenant is? You remember reading the file on his brother; initial contact suggested that Asgardians didn't have much knowledge of Earth. You don't know, either, how much access Loki has to your thoughts, but he considers you for another moment. The generator goes on humming; the tesserect goes on shining. Your armor and bow are at his feet.
Every Second by quigonejinn. Loki-by-proxy/Clint. Non-con. NC-17. Medium length.
Why read it: Devious take on non-con: when the victim's the one with the idea.
Not necessarily quite in the same storyverse as the earlier one, but a similar gist. Clint's the one to use himself to gain whatever Loki needs from SHIELD's enemies. *"eeeep"-ing noises of joy*
You look over at your own master, who is leaning against the wall, looking bored. He doesn't have time for you to go over this guy's head, and you sigh.
Why hold back on something that, in the end, means nothing? So you lean forward across the table. Does he need proof that you've turned?
"Let me offer you a sweetener," you say, smiling with your mouth and your eyes. "Let me show you that SHIELD can be broken."
Trial Run by tipsybluetips. Loki/Clint, dub-con/non-con (though with a consensual feel). Smut. NC-17. Short length.
Why read it: Seriously sexy non-broken Clint, delicious affected Loki.
All kinds of UNF for this Clint. Loki's not one forego a bit of distraction while he's got a hot assassin at his side.
Besides Loki’s fondness of tinkering with his disguises, slight debauchery never went astray on his complexion: his scarf hangs to brush Hawkeye’s thighs as Loki bends to look the seated man on his sharp blue eyes, shining even bluer from Loki’s touch - soon his fingers go alongside the wool, kneading on tight muscles over clothing, evaluating the primitive strength they must show when trapping Loki between them . “And what would you do if I granted you privilege over that sight you so appreciate? What would I have you do to me, Barton?”
“Whatever made you scream yourself senseless,” and Barton is bold to wrap his archery fingers around his tie and pull Loki into a kiss that is all heat, tongue and boundless desire.
it was his lode, his lord, his appointed star by tigriswolf. Loki/Clint. Dark. PG. Short length.
Why read it: You like the idea that it's not so easy for Clint to shake Loki.
Loki comes back for his archer.
When Loki steps into the room, the HYDRA goons go silent. It’s a nice change from the demanding rambling, actually, even if Clint’s whole body shudders.
“What is this?” Loki asks quietly, head tilting in what seems to be honest curiosity.
The goons all look at each other. Clint wonders who’s actually in charge of HYDRA this week. Is Red Skull dead again?
“We were interrogating the prisoner,” the head goon says, spine straightening. “He has important information and- ”
“Do shut up,” Loki orders pleasantly, eyes focusing on Clint.
“You in charge of these fuckers?” Clint scoffs. “Gotta say, that’s a step down.” He just barely cuts off the sir before he says it. Fuck. He shudders again.
Fall by Slashy Goodness (allmadhere). Loki/Clint, Clint/Natasha. PG. Angst. Short length.
Why read it: Because sometimes brutal healing is the tastiest kind.
Clint's still haunted, but Natasha understands.
A cruel curve of a ghastly smile that might as well be like moonlight over a calm sea to him, all bathed in a cold blue. He closes his eyes and breathes out slowly like he's taking a shot and--
He blinks at the blood swirling in the drain, the rain of familiar Russian expletives, the coppery smell of blood, and heaves out a heavy sigh. She's seen worse but not by much.
Enjoy! Leave the authors feedback!