Comments | amaya_natsuya: Wow.

amaya_natsuya

Wow.

Jun 02, 2008 14:30

Been awhile, ain't it?

Well, I've got good news. I haven't sent in my computer, yet. Which is good for you, because I was so close to finishing chapter fourteen of FotBB that I decided to just get it done today so I can send in my comp guilt free and you'll not have been waiting, like, six weeks for a new chapter. So. . . that's the good news. I ( Read more... )

fanfiction, fotbb, harry potter, gundam wing, crossover

Comments 11

calic0cat June 2 2008, 19:17:01 UTC

Another great part with a couple of interesting twists - the combined abilities of Harry and Quatre, plus the vision of Trowa's past - I'm looking forward to seeing where you take this.

One small but potentially important observation that I thought I should offer...

"Alphabetical or chronological?" Harry asked, picking up the first packet and glancing at it.I initially thought that this was Heero speaking - "chronological" is definitely not the way that a child would express the idea, though Harry might say something like "by date". I'd even hesitate a little bit over whether Harry would use the term "alphabetical order". He'd probably know what the concept of putting something in alphabetical order was but he'd be more likely to refer to it as something like putting the papers in order by name. The best solution would probably be to let Heero be the one to inquire how to sort the papers, then he and the others could show Harry how to sort them, or Harry could gather them up and hand them to the others for sorting. While Harry's ( ... )

amaya_natsuya June 2 2008, 21:51:39 UTC

About Harry knowing the term "chronological" I'm not sure how I would compare to normal nine year olds, but I did actually know the term by then. And alphabetical too, because we used to put our spelling words in alphabetical order for practice. So I figure Harry knowing the words isn't too out of left field ( ... )

calic0cat June 3 2008, 02:13:27 UTC

It's not so much a question of Harry not knowing the term "chronological" (or alphabetical, for that matter), but more a matter of him not being likely to use those terms. If it was later in the story and you'd had him gradually starting to do the "walking dictionary" imitation (my own not-so-friendly nickname amongst the other kids back in grade school) throughout the story, it would probably fit okay but, as it is, it just feels more like something a young Hermione might say, as it doesn't really fit a canon Harry's speech patterns even at eleven and your Harry hasn't really had enough time (yet) in his more secure living conditions to have developed that much differently than canon ( ... )

kjady June 3 2008, 02:10:19 UTC

Very well done as always! I always knew the 'Quatre's a girl' would pop up again. I find that situation extremely funny. I'm really enjoying your characterization of all of the characters, especially the gundam girls now that they have been added to the mix.

I took childrens lit this sememster as an elective and I'd just like to let you know that by nebraska state standards, Harry's vocabulary is on par in regards to alphabetical and chronological. They should be able to at least be able to recognize those terms by that point. I also believe that it would be correct by the british means also. If you want more information on standards I'd recommend looking here.

Again I think you're doing a fantastic job.

yanagi_wa June 3 2008, 02:37:08 UTC

Yay, another chapter. I love this story. Thanks for a great chapter.

As to puter. I wouldn't send it off without backing up in at least two places. And don't send it off with all your personal files on it. Not a good idea. Best of luck with the fix. *hugs*

jess_eklom June 3 2008, 19:18:14 UTC

Hmmm... I just think there were way too many people in this chapter with not much to do. I like the stonehenge plot twist, but really, there were just too many extrenuous characters in this... and I don't think you're utilizing the characters you DO have to their fullest. Try cutting down on the quantity of people you have and focus on giving us quality, in depth characters... like what ever happened to Ali's injuries? I think you lost sight of that particular thread that you were leading us with.

amaya_natsuya June 4 2008, 02:40:01 UTC

I'm inclined to agree with you, and I knew that before I started introducing them, but I didn't have a feasible way for Harry to be alone with any of them until he knew them at least a little better. That's why it took me so long to get the chapter written! Haha!

But they are gone now, so I no longer have to worry about it. ^_^ At least. . . not until the next group. GW just has too many characters in it already, you know? But I think now it'll start flowing properly again. As for the stuff with Ali. . . I'm planning on picking that up next chapter, so you totally need to stop reading my mind. Lol.

hi heeroduoyaoi July 26 2008, 20:37:09 UTC

like omoj wtf!why is RELENA in this no bad!! sry i couldnt resist hahahahahaha im so evil thanks 4 updating ppl on ff r gettin pretty mad at u i was one of them then i found this and now im happy!!!
-megan

Re: hi heeroduoyaoi July 27 2008, 15:00:50 UTC

ok nvm all i saw was relena when i was skimming but i do love the way you made everyone play into the plot really well and love the twist at the end......love this story please update soon.......okiedokie love this chapter keep writing i beg you!
-megan