(no subject)
hmm... i dont really wanna go thru the long complicated process of uploading my pics from church so if u wanna see them IM me or E-mail me kay?
Customer Service Rep: Yes, Ma'am, how can I help you today?
Customer: Well, after much consideration,
I've decided to install love. Can you
guide me through the process?
CS Rep: Yes, I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?
Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think
I'm ready to install now. What do I do first?
CS Rep: The first step is to open your HEART.
Have you located your HEART ma'am?
Customer: Yes I have, but there are several other programs
running right now. Is it okay to install while they are running?
CS Rep: What programs are running ma'am?
Customer: Let's see, I have
PAST-HURT.EXE,
LOW-ESTEEM.EXE,
GRUDGE.EXE,
and RESENTMENT.COM
running right now.
CS Rep: No problem. LOVE will gradually erase PAST-HURT.EXE
from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent
memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. LOVE will
eventually overwrite LOW-ESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own
called HIGH- ESTEEM.EXE. However, you have to completely turn
off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM. Those programs prevent
LOVE from being properly installed. Can you turn those off ma'am?
Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
CS Rep: My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke
FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do this as many times as necessary until
GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM
have been completely erased.
Customer: Okay, done. LOVE has started
installing itself automatically. Is that normal?
CS Rep: Yes. You should receive a message that says it will
reinstall for the life of your HEART. Do you see that message?
Customer: Yes I do. Is it completely installed?
CS Rep: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program.
You need to begin connecting to other Heart's in order to
get the upgrades.
Customer: Oops. I have an error message already. What should I do?
CS Rep: What does the message say?
Customer: It says
"ERROR 412 -
PROGRAM NOT RUN ON INTERNAL COMPONENTS."
What does that mean?
CS Rep: Don't worry ma'am, that's a common problem. It means that
the LOVE program is set up to run on external HEARTS but has not
yet been run on your HEART. It is one of those complicated
programming things, but in non-technical terms it means you have
to "LOVE" your own machine before it can "LOVE" others.
Customer: So what should I do?
CS Rep: Can you pull down the directory called
"SELF-ACCEPTANCE"?
Customer: Yes, I have it.
CS Rep: Excellent. You're getting good at this.
Customer: Thank you.
CS Rep: You're welcome. Click on the following files
and then copy them to the "MYHEART" directory:
FORGIVE-SELF.DOC, REALIZE-WORTH.TXT,
and ACKNOWLEDGE-LIMITATIONS.DOC.
The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching
any programming. Also, you need to delete SELF-CRITIC.EXE from
all directories, and to make sure it is completely gone and never
comes back, you will need to empty your recycle bin.
Customer: Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling up with new files.
SMILE.MPG is playing on my monitor right now and it shows
that PEACE.EXE, and CONTENTMENT.COM are copying
themselves all over my HEART. Is this normal?
CS Rep: Sometimes. For others it takes a while, but eventually
everything gets downloaded at the proper time. So, LOVE is
installed and running. You should be able to handle it from here.
One more thing before I go.
Customer: Yes?
CS Rep: LOVE is freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules
to everybody you meet. They will in turn share it with other people
and they will return some similarly cool modules back to you.
Customer: I will. Thanks for your help. By the way, what's your name?
CS Rep: You can call me the Divine Cardiologist,
also known as The Great Physician.
Most people feel all they need is an annual checkup to stay
heart-healthy, but the manufacturer suggests a schedule
of daily maintenance for maximum efficiency.