Fic: The Grandfather Paradox
Title: The Grandfather Paradox
Author: Amazon X
Rating: NC-17
Summary: What you do in the present affects the future, even in the past.
Feedback: Why, yes, thank you!
Category: slash, Torchwood
Archive: I'll archive it myself.
E-mail: yankeestarbuck@yahoo.com
Website: http://yankeestarbuck.com
Disclaimer: Not mine, never were, I have no money.
Notes: OK, so, I said I needed to rewatch Torchwood before I could write this story. So, I'm in the middle, going to watch "Countrycide" tonight, and as many as I can fit in before bedtime, just because I need their voices again. I need to hear them in my head as if they were part of me. So, in the first ep, there's a different explanation for where the real Captain Jack went, than from the ep "Captain Jack Harkness", if you listen to the police woman. And being a Stargate fan, I understand the implications of going to the past, doing something, and how that changes the future. So, Jack goes back to 1941 and meets his namesake the night before he dies. Who's to say other things didn't step in before what Jack thinks happened?
Author's note: I'm an American, so if my sayings or spellings seem off, they are. I'm trying, people, I really am! I have to thank fififolle and _stolendreams_ for their beta excellence. I think it makes a much better story. I hope I didn't make any heinous mistakes. If I did, let me know!
*-*-*-*
Ianto sat staring at the tall white mug with the dragonfly pattern so delicately painted on the ceramic. It hadn't been washed since Jack last used it and sat it at Ianto's desk. Ianto didn't have the heart. He didn't touch it, but he would stare at it, all the same. Gwen would look, too, as she walked by. Tosh couldn't, didn't have the strength to look. Owen thought they were being silly, but if Ianto was very quiet, he would find Owen looking at it, heaving a big sigh.
The group thought Owen would go apeshit with power, being new second in command after Suzie died. Again. It surprised everyone when he sprung for breakfast for all, sat with them, in his usual spot at the conference table leaving Jack's chair conspicuously empty, and outlined the direction the team would take, which was spot on from where the Captain left it.
"The way he had things running, worked fine. Why change now? When he's back...then..."
"If he comes back," Gwen interjected.
"He's coming back, believe me," Tosh said, more cheer in her voice than her eyes.
Ianto sat silent.
"Right, on we go." They ended the meeting, Danish pastries, bacon rolls and coffee untouched. Ianto immediately began clearing away, when Tosh stopped him.
"Would you like help?" she asked. This was the second time someone he cared for was taken from him. Tosh understood loss, regardless of the fact that Mary was an alien. Losing someone you cared about was painful, full stop. Having it happen twice, under the same roof, probably agonising.
"Thank you, no," was all Ianto managed.
He smiled and went on his way, going about whatever needed to be done, whatever shit needed to be cleaned up.
Gwen had had enough of everyone's moping about and sat heavily at her desk, slamming her palms on the surface. "Alright, that's it. We need to do something, not sit about drinking tea, eating scones. We have to look for him."
Owen walked over and quietly stated, "You saw the video. He went of his own accord. He'll come back when he's done what needs doing."
And so it went from there. Day in, day out, investigating sightings and alerts for alien technology; it began to seem normal. Yet, the spirit in the air was as flat as the air around the Bay. And flat air around Cardiff Bay was an anomaly all on its own, as if Mother Nature missed Jack as well. Quiet reigned in the Hub until the jar began to flash. That weird jar, with the severed hand that Jack so tenderly caressed when Carys broke the container, began to flash and beep. Ianto's breath caught in his throat, Tosh covered her mouth with both hands, Gwen jumped up and ran to the jar, and all the while, Owen said a silent prayer of thanks that Jack was coming home.
The large blue box, labelled Police Public Call Box, appeared in the middle of the lower deck of the Hub, just a hint, a flash at first, then a strong image. There was no movement for a few moments, but suddenly, the Captain came storming out, coat tails flying behind him like a cape, not looking back as the blue door slammed closed and faded away as quickly as it came. The four members of Torchwood stood stock still, unsure of how to proceed. Jack was back, and he wasn't happy. He entered his office and slammed the door closed behind him.
Owen looked at the other members, wondering what should be done. "Who should go in there?" he asked.
"You’ve been acting team leader," Tosh answered, quickly. "Go and tell him what we've been doing while he was on holiday."
"I don't think he was on holiday really, just he was doing other things..." Gwen started, then let it trail off.
"Right, then, I'll go. I've had a good life. Nice knowing you lot."
Owen grabbed the file folder he'd been using to keep all the paperwork tidy. It wasn't in any particular order, but Owen figured Jack would be impressed that he was keeping any sort of records. He turned towards the stairs and looked to see what Jack was doing at the moment, but he wasn't even there. The blue glow from the round hatch in the floor alerted them to the fact that Jack had gone down to his quarters. No one had ever been down there, but Ianto. And that was only to collect and deliver Jack's laundry.
"He's gone down the hatch," Owen said. "Not following, not me."
All eyes turned to Ianto. "Why are you looking at me?" he asked, backing away.
"You've been down there," Tosh said. "You know your way round the place."
"To get his laundry, not to snoop on where he's been," Ianto said, stepping back.
The silence was deafening in the Hub for several minutes while the team scrambled for ideas on how to handle approaching their leader. The problem was solved for them when Jack all but sprang from the hatch and bounded out of his office to the doorway. "Owen, the latest paperwork! Tosh, I want all CCTV and sound for the...vehicle on disks in my office and off the servers. Ianto, coffee, now and Gwen...uh...good to see you again."
He turned abruptly and went back to his office, fighting not to slam the door. He sat heavily in his chair and put his head back, resting on the softened leather back. What a fucking trip! Jack thought to himself. The Doctor had no right...none, not at all. It wasn't even true.
Jack's fingers flew over his keyboard, searching the listing in the Royal Air Force database classified archive. It could not be true. Sure, you warned people about that, going back and forth through time, but to know you were the cause...
The listing came up "Missing". He was missing. Never found. The official word was "Captain Jack Harkness, RAF Group Captain, M." M. Not MIA, but M. Just plain old missing. Jack took a deep breath and pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes, trying to rub away the itch of tears.
Bravest of them all, Gwen walked through the door, Owen's folder in her hands, steeling herself with a deep breath. Jack looked up, saw the tentative curl of her gap-toothed smile, and knew why he was thrown through the rift. "So, still chasing after Owen's shortcomings?" he asked, knowing the nasty look he'd get. She dropped the folder before him on the desk, ignoring his extended hand.
"I thought it would be better for me to bring you these. You wouldn't be so hard on me, or so I thought. I'm sorry to have bothered you, Jack." She turned to leave and smiled when Jack stood and held a hand out.
"Wait...I...how are you doing? How have things been around here? How...long have I been gone?" He sat gently as she turned back to him.
"Six weeks. Well, two days short of, actually."
"That long? I don't suppose anyone missed me..."
"Terribly. How could you think we wouldn't?" Gwen's ire was reflected in the shrillness of her tone. "We just got you back, you bastard! I sat with you for four days while you came back to us. And you wonder if we cared while you were gone! Ianto is all but wasted away, Tosh cried so hard her eyes were swollen shut. Owen lost clumps of hair in stress trying to keep things together. Me...I missed you..."
"And I'm sure Rhys paid the price, didn't he?" Jack said, with more venom than he intended.
"Do you have to be such a wanker?" she said before stalking from the room. Jack kept his head down, leafing through the folder. He truly was being a bastard, and he knew it. He couldn't help it. One thing about being a feeling person was that you couldn't just turn the feelings off. How could he do that? How could he say those things to Jack? Jack loved him. Jack worshipped him.
The day ended quietly, with the Captain ensconced in his office and the rest of the team tip-toeing around him. Ianto had silently set the coffee cup down on Jack's desk, the dragonfly mug that he'd revered for six weeks, and Jack barely acknowledged him. Ianto quickly retreated to Reception afterwards, hiding in his cubby in the back.
Gwen, Tosh and Owen went to the pub for a drink that evening, brainstorming about what Jack could have been up to, and why he was in so foul a mood about it. They tried to think, but it just didn't add up.
Ianto sat at his desk in Reception long after Tosh, Gwen and Owen left the Hub. He was reluctant to go down to the lower level, but he knew the Hub was a mess and he was expected to clean up. Why was it that the most smartly dressed member of the team was expected to be the butler? Ianto laughed to himself, because the butler was always smartly dressed.
Screwing up all of his courage, Ianto went down the stairs to the lower level, straight to the kitchen. He pulled a large bin liner out and began stuffing the day's rubbish inside. He glanced at Jack's office once, twice, and every five minutes until everything was ship-shape again. Jack never left his desk, not even looking up from his computer. That was different. Usually, he or Tosh would do all of Jack's searches and surfing. Other than e-mail and instant chat, Ianto didn't think Jack knew much about computers at all, which was far from the truth.
Taking a chance, Ianto lingered by Jack's door with the bag, pretending to adjust his grip on the bin liner.
"Ianto, stop skulking about. If you want to come in, just come in."
Ianto noted Jack hadn't looked up. He tied off the bag and left it on the landing before going into Jack's darkened office. He waited on the other side of the desk, heart pounding in his throat, blood pressure making his vision blurry.
"I...um...wanted to say...sir...welcome back."
"Thank you. I would have liked to have called but...I didn't bring my phone. How have you been doing?" Jack's voice had softened significantly.
"I'm well, thank you. It's been a bit lonely without you. Wait...you could have phoned?" Ianto asked, looking up at Jack.
"Well, yes and no. The...person I was with, he could make any cell phone still work to here, no matter where, or when, we were. But I didn't have my phone with me. I...would..."
"Please, Jack, don't. Don't try and tell me that. You would not have called me, or Gwen, or even Owen, to make sure we hadn't fallen apart without you. Here's the rub: we didn't fall apart without you. We were just fine. Sort of. And we also solved two cases you couldn't. Goodnight, Jack."
With that, the Welshman turned to leave Jack sitting there, mouth shut tightly closed. He watched Ianto make his way to the gates and rolling door, and then out. Jack sat back in his chair, pressing hard into the leather. Fuck! He knew better. Why take it out on the staff when there was nothing they could do about it? He couldn't even tell them. The Torchwood Institute was designed to keep him out. Hell, Jack shouldn't even have been there, in all honesty.
The dishes were done and Rhys was going on about someone from the pub doing someone or something. Why was Jack acting that way? He wasn't happy to be back, but he didn't seem like he wanted to stay in that blue box, either. Was he in that box the whole time? Was it some kind of ship? 'Where the hell did he go?!' was the real question Gwen wanted to scream at the top of her lungs. No, back to Rhys and the pub boys. If Jack wanted his secrets, he could keep them and sod off.
Tosh lay back in the tub, cherry blossom scented bubbles floating around her. The candles flickered on the walls, enhancing the rich purple and soft plum of the faux finish. Yes, it was a little dark for a bathroom, but she needed it, needed to remember. The happy bits were few and far between. And Tosh could edit out the bad bits in her head.
She was afraid for her team. With Jack acting so off, who would bring them back together? Jack was the positive side, the ray of sunshine, the icing on the cake. What other leader of a secret organisation smiled that much? Would he ever smile again?
Owen didn't think of Jack the rest of the night. He had two lovely ladies who, for once, were more interested in him than each other. Who cared if Jack went totally bonkers? There were two bodies waiting for him in his bed, and if he didn't get in there with the wine and glasses, they would start without him.
And so it went for days, silence in the Hub, Tosh, Owen and Gwen whispering when they needed to speak to each other. Ianto hid in Reception as often as he could, bringing the coffee or lunches down silently when summoned. It was off, all off. Thankfully, the Rift had had mercy on them and nothing too dangerous had fallen through at that point. Jack looked at his staff, Tosh working with the tiny innards of a transverse-receiver, Owen marking slides, Gwen reviewing victim files and Ianto...well, where WAS Ianto, anyway? He was as scarce as...they all were.
Jack was a bastard. It was official. He couldn't trawl the internet for information any longer. He had to tell them what happened. How would he go about it? Would he take them all to a pub? After all, Torchwood was meant to defend against...shit! It was so hard to categorise his feelings, to understand what he felt. Here he was, immortal, and the only other person who could understand shouldn't be in his house.
"Jack!" shouted Gwen from her station. "Oi! Jack! It's Friday, so, can we finish early, eh? Hello!"
Jack took a deep breath. He wouldn't let her get to him. He would just send her an IM.
"Hey, if you're just going to burrow like a beetle in there, we're going, yeah? Can't wait for you to get your knickers straight!" Gwen had her fill of the brooding captain. If he wanted to sod off alone, so be it. They didn't have to sit around and wait for him, did they? Certainly not. Wouldn't it be nice to see Rhys come in and find her cooking the dinner for a change?
Springing from his chair, Jack ran through his office and stood at the door. Everyone was by the rolling door, coats in hand, ready to go. OK, then, fine. "Go then! You think I'm such a bastard, did any of you ask why?"
"We've asked you things before, Jack. You never answer. We've stopped caring." Gwen's chin went up in defiance. That was it. Jack had had enough.
"Do you want to know why I've been so off? Fine, I'll tell you. The person I left with, you know him very well, I'd say. That was the Doctor, the real Doctor, the one that Queen Victoria built the Torchwood Institute to keep OUT of the empire. Well, one thing about him, he's older than I am, and we have so much in common. He's my best friend. And he told me something I couldn't believe, refused to believe, until I saw the proof. Tosh, do you remember the real Captain Jack Harkness?"
Tosh was speechless and just nodded. Owen couldn't bring his eyes to meet Jack's, feeling like a chastised child. Ianto was frozen in his place, all attention on Jack. Gwen was the only one showing emotion, daring him to finally truly open up to them.
"Well, I forgot the first rule of time travel. And you'd think with all the years I spent as a Time Agent, I'd know better. I let my feelings get in the way. That's rule number two. Well, after that wonderful display, dancing with him, kissing him goodbye...they killed him. His squad." Ianto dropped his coat. Tosh swiped at the tears on her face. Gwen felt all the air rush from her lungs, and was thankful Owen reached out to steady her, less she'd have fallen over. "They didn't want some...American pouf leading them, someone they couldn't trust. He never made it to that training exercise. They beat him to death in his bed..." Jack turned his back and covered his face with hands, letting the tears flow. Tears that had waited days to come. Tears he didn't think he deserved to shed.
The first pair of arms came about him, low on his waist. Tosh, bless. The second were a little higher, then around his neck and the last around those. Owen's aftershave, Ianto's soap, Gwen's tinkly earrings, they were all hugging him. Tosh was crying, so was Gwen. They knew what meeting the real Captain Jack had meant to him. In that short time together, Jack had fallen in love with his namesake, a man destined to die.
After endless moments, the small group pulled away and eyes were dried, nervous smiles exchanged. Jack took a deep breath and said, "First round is on me."
Nodding, they waited for Jack to collect his greatcoat and left for the evening, to the pub where they knew it was small, dark and private. Jack needed the quiet. Yes, he had to share with his team, but he couldn't share it all. Some of it he needed to keep for himself.
He sipped his scotch, letting the burn coast down his throat. "I was a Time Agent for many years. Meaning, I would be sent to different eras in time to fix things that seemed to have gone wrong, making sure that other time travellers didn't mess with the future of any galaxy, star system or planet. I loved it. Always being a new person, a new name, a new adventure. But I must have seen or heard something I shouldn't have. They took two years of my memories away. I was hoping the Doctor could help me get that back. But...once a memory is gone, it's well and truly gone. I will never know what I lost or why it was taken."
"What was it you said about the real Jack...they killed him?" Gwen asked, the bravest of them all.
"Do you think that just because right now Britain has Civil Partnerships that you people always were so open about accepting same sex displays? Not so, especially not the military." Jack's voice had gone an octave deeper, more resonant, quieter. "They beat him so badly, if it wasn't for the fact he was wearing his uniform, they wouldn't have known who he was."
"Were the men punished?" Tosh asked.
"No one was ever arrested for the crime. It's still unsolved. Now that the Prime Minister is trying to seem more progressive, he's ordered the archiving lots of classified files that have no bearing on national security at this time."
Ianto sat on the other side of the table, sipping at his pint, just watching Jack. He missed Jack so very much, each night watching reruns of "Eastenders" and other worthless programmes. Although, "Cash in the Attic" was fun sometimes. Ianto wanted to laugh at his own naiveté. How could he be so stupid, getting his hopes up that maybe he and Jack could have anything? No, Ianto couldn't do that, he was numb inside. And he would be for a very long time.
Jack stared across the table at the younger man with those sad blue eyes. He and Ianto were so much alike, losing the loves of their lives. Well, Jack had to wonder if the real Jack Harkness was truly the love of his life. He had so very long to live.
During several more rounds, the conversation wound its way around to what had been going on in the Hub and in Cardiff while he was gone. Jack was impressed by the way his team acted, Ianto stepping up to fill in when Owen took command. They were attentive and concerned for each other, making sure they were all covered when investigating. Jack was proud of his team, how they came together in the face of abandonment. Owen promised to get Gwen and Tosh home, and they left, Owen protecting them both with arms around them.
Jack looked across the table at Ianto, who had said next to nothing. "So, how are things for you?" Jack asked. "You haven't really...told me how your new position has been for you."
"I suppose..." Ianto started, looking around the pub, hoping for a distraction, a match, something to take the focus from him. Jack was good at that, giving a nugget then moving the focus. "I like it. It's better than being the tea boy. Jack's little tea boy..." Ianto let his voice trail off.
Jack reached across the table and took Ianto's hand. "You've never been just a tea boy to me. Not ever, Ianto."
Two of the largest blue eyes rose to meet his, half filled with tears and holding onto them as best as he could. He looked away and sniffed hard, blinking his tears back. Jack smiled. Ianto could never hide his feelings very well, when you really looked at him. Ever since that nasty encounter with Lisa, Jack made sure to pay close attention to his people. Ianto was hurting, always hurting. Tosh, she was gun-shy after Mary hurt her so badly, and hearing all the things her team mates thought. Owen was...well, he was Owen, after all. Spent his time off in vast and various beds, or with others in his. Gwen was the only smart one, holding tight to what Jack told her. Keep your life, he begged her. It made him happy to see her call Rhys before they left for the pub and when they were leaving, so he would know when she would be home. And thankfully, Owen respected her decision.
"So, what are your plans for tonight?" Jack asked Ianto. It didn't escape either one that Jack still held Ianto's hand.
"Oh, you know, home to do the washing, watch 'Eastenders', try and get some sleep. Although, with you home, I may drop off more easily."
Jack's eyes flashed with mischief. "What if I told you that you that I'd like to keep you awake tonight?"
Ianto wanted to smile. He wanted to open his heart and believe, to think that Jack actually cared for him as a man and not just as someone on his team, a body to protect and take pleasure from occasionally. But Ianto did the very same thing, used Jack for comfort in his own world of pain. Being with Jack eased the pain of losing Lisa, of being in that hellish fight at Canary Wharf, almost becoming meat...the things he'd been through for Torchwood. Could just shagging your boss cure all the ills of your life?
Not all the ills of his life, but it whiles away a night that would normally be spent worrying about the Captain, or cataloguing the archives of Torchwood so that he wouldn't worry about the Captain. No, Jack wasn't offering a happily ever after. He was offering a night of sex, comfort and maybe just the ghost of love, a hint and it would give them both the escape they needed. Ianto led Jack to his car parked behind the restaurant and they quietly drove to the council estate where Ianto owned a lovely flat. It was decorated sparsely, mostly because he didn't spend any time there. Jack knew Ianto spent almost all of his time in the Hub, whether downstairs or up at Reception. But Jack was drawn to the few pictures on the mantle. One of Ianto and Lisa, sitting in a field, laughing in the sunshine. Another of Ianto in graduation wear, probably university. Another with young Ianto in a football kit, holding a ribbon, mud smeared everywhere it could be. Second place, better than none, Jack thought.
Ianto went about hanging his and Jack's coat while Jack walked into the bedroom, which was completely different from the rest of the house. It was cluttered with things, books mostly, some newspapers, files that should still be at the Hub, and boxes. There were stacks of boxes, full of clothing, more books, shoes, all women's items. Lisa's things.
Ianto saw the older man looking at his room. "I don't have the heart to toss them out." It was solemn, matter of fact, not much emotion in the words at all.
"I'm not asking you to." Jack's eyes were soft and gentle, understanding Ianto's need to keep her things, keep just a little of her nearby. Ianto just nodded. He walked over to Jack and just stood there, waiting. Jack always made the first move, always reached out first, always wanted to touch first. This time was no different. Jack had such big hands, and he pulled Ianto by his shoulders forward, pressing their mouths together. Ianto allowed Jack admittance to his mouth as those big hands moulded themselves on Ianto's ass, squeezing both cheeks firmly. This always brought giggles to Ianto, making him pull away to laugh. Jack would laugh as well, pull him back and they would kiss again.
The bed was tidy, made up properly, but Jack soon took care of that, pulling Ianto down with him onto the navy blue duvet. Ianto usually had a thing about sitting on his bed with street clothes on, but he could attest to the cleanliness of Jack's clothes as he tended to them himself. What if he knew that Ianto took his clothes to the flat and washed them there, to make sure Jack's shirts were perfectly starched and ironed, and his boxers were soft and folded neatly?
Jack rolled Ianto onto his back, grinding their bodies together along with their mouths. The heat from Ianto's pelvis, pressed against Jack's, brought a flush up to Ianto's cheeks, making him look even younger if possible. Jack loved that look, total innocence that he felt his duty to debauch. This was a far cry from the groping, mutual masturbating and quickie blowjobs in Jack's office. It was nice when Jack sat up and pulled on Ianto's tie to slide it off, tossing it to hang from the arm of a chair in the corner. Those huge hands, with strangely well-manicured nails, took their time popping open each button on Ianto's shirt, pulling it open gently and freeing it from his trousers. Ianto sat up to be undressed.
With all the care he expected, Ianto let Jack strip him naked. It brought a shiver to Ianto when the cool air of his bedroom hit his warm skin. The Captain focused all of his attention on Ianto's body, stroking each new part that was revealed when his shirt was removed, running the backs of his fingers over Ianto's nipples, and grazing them with his nails when they hardened, sending shivers through Ianto. Pleasure bubbled up in Jack as he watched Ianto flush from the attention. Jack stroked Ianto's legs when he slid the suit trousers down, loving how the soft sparse hair felt under his hands, soft as down. The erection stood proud from Ianto's body and Jack stared at it, with that guilty smile on his face, as if he should act sorry for making Ianto hard, but wasn't going to admit it.
It had been so long, Jack missing for so many weeks, Ianto wasn't thinking about what, or who, Jack might be doing. He was back, that was all that mattered. He sat up and grabbed Jack's braces, pulling the man closer to him, and claimed his mouth. The sudden change of control startled Jack briefly, but then he let go, gave in to Ianto. Ianto needed to take charge for a while, to have some type of power over Jack, control over a situation that spiralled away from him. Ianto's tongue plunged into Jack's mouth, testing all corners and getting bolder as Jack let him explore. Jack needed to give up control, to not cause any more harm.
Ianto began unbuttoning Jack's shirt, pulling a few buttons off in the process. "Watch those, Ianto," Jack said gently.
"I'll be the one sewing them back on, won't I?" he said, tossing another on the floor. Jack smiled and with four furious hands, he was naked beside Ianto, luxuriating in a large bed, much better than his own narrow cot. Jack stretched his legs out, stroking a foot along Ianto's ankle, the whole way. The giggle was sweet, as Ianto pulled back and looked into Jack's deep blue eyes. Ianto's eyes were almost that blue, just a shade lighter, but Jack's eyes were endless, deep and serene. Jack was always calm, always had the answer, knew everything. Ianto was young, overly cautious, and after losing Lisa, became a bit of a recluse. Asking Jack for that first time with the stopwatch was a tender step towards this.
And this was magic. Jack pressed his mouth to Ianto's throat, sucking but not making a visible mark. That wasn't something Jack needed to do. But he did love what it did to Ianto, making him squirm. Ianto was so responsive to Jack's mouth, kissing, sucking and nibbling, and what else to do with all those white teeth! His hands were huge and soft, sliding over him and leaving trails of fire in their wake. Strong fingers with perfect nails scratched gently up Ianto's back, leaving trails of fire in their wake.
Jack sat up and looked down at Ianto. A hot hand sat gently on Ianto's chest, radiating heat straight into Ianto's heart, thawing the frozen bits back to life.
"Ianto, I'm sorry I hurt you. I didn’t mean to be gone so long..."
"You're here now," was all Ianto would say before pulling Jack back down to him. This was their night. Ianto would finally know what Jack Harkness felt like, inside and out. He would have his hands and mouth and body where so many wished they could be. He pushed the thoughts of how many had been there before he had, and concentrated on the hands that slid down his hip, grasping his buttock. All of Ianto's attention was focused on Jack rolling him onto his back, spreading his legs and nestling between Ianto's thighs. Jack's mouth worked on Ianto's, building up heat between them. Ianto wasn't sure when it was that Jack had gotten some lube and coated his fingers to work them inside his ass, the first to ever get that far with him.
Ianto rolled onto his front and waited for Jack. It was murder, having lost the most delicious mouth that Ianto had ever tasted. But if rumours were to be believed, he was in for the shagging of his life. But those were only rumours, and only from the team. No one Jack ever shagged told about it. Retcon was his best friend. Oh, God! Would Jack Retcon him in the morning? He turned to see Jack's face, just to know, and saw Jack rolling a condom on.
"I have to keep you safe, don't I?" he said, flashing his million watt smile.
"Jack, will I remember this in the morning?" Ianto asked, a little too timidly for how he wanted it to come out.
"Oh, I hope so. It would be a shame if you didn't." That smile made its way towards Ianto's growing smirk and their lips pressed together in a searing kiss, sweeping Ianto's mind from the blunt heat of Jack's cock pressing into him. It wasn't painful, the way Ianto thought it would be. No, it was warm, tight, and burned. But he liked the burn. He liked the feeling of Jack pressed down on his back. He liked when Jack moved in him, slowly at first, giving him a chance to get used to the new sensations. The drag of Jack's cock inside him threw sparks all about his body, jolts of lightning up his spine. Was this what sex with Captain Jack Harkness was like for everyone?
Jack moved faster, grunted and panted on Ianto's neck. Teeth sunk into his shoulder, intensifying the burn and Ianto couldn't bear all the different sensations flowing over him at once. He began to buck under Jack, which Jack took for pleasure and pounded him harder. Ianto gritted his teeth, hoping the press would cause pain and that would bring him away from the overload that was the Captain. Jack grabbed Ianto's hips and with a few thrusts, he came, hard and intense, groaning into Ianto's shoulder as he slowed, savouring every jolt and jiggle that ran through him.
"Oh, God, Ianto, that was incredible," Jack panted, pressing little kisses to Ianto's shoulder and neck. It was a little indulgence, but Jack felt the need to rub his cheeks and lips against Ianto's back. After all the rush of emotions, Ianto just lay on his stomach, enjoying the comforting weight of Jack's body on his back.
"How was that for you?" Jack asked, rather pleased with himself.
"It was nice," was all Ianto could think to say.
Jack was brought up abruptly by that. He moved away from Ianto and sat up straight. "Nice? That was nice? That's all you have to say?" From where the sudden emotion stirred surprised Jack entirely.
"I didn't...I mean..." Ianto rolled over and his half-erection bobbed slightly in front of him.
Jack blushed. It was a mistake a virgin would make, mistaking discomfort for completion. "Oh, Ianto...I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Jack reached out and Ianto pulled away. He didn't want to be touched right then. He didn't want Jack near him. Even though it was his own bed, Ianto moved to the edge and threw his legs over, sitting with his back to Jack. Jack crawled to him, pressing his still-wet chest to Ianto's still-warm back. Jack's lips began a gentle assault of Ianto's shoulder, trying to soften Ianto's posture, and not doing a damn bit of good. Ianto pulled away.
"I'm sorry, Jack. I'm not going to lie to you, and profess how amazing a lover you are, and how I'll love you until the end of time. It's not..."
"True?" Jack said, softly but matter of factly. "I know that, Ianto. I didn't expect you to fall in love so quickly after..."
"After you murdered Lisa. Say it, Jack. Please, just once, say it." Ianto didn't shout. He didn't even turn around.
"We murdered Lisa. We had to. She was going to kill more people." Jack's voice was soft and even, flowing over Ianto, cutting his flesh and soothing it in the same motion. Pain and healing in the same breath.
"Thank you, Jack." Ianto turned back to the man who had waited patiently while he processed the words. Their mouths met again, this time slower, more patient and searching. Jack pulled Ianto down, rolling him onto his back. Ianto allowed Jack's hot mouth the blaze a trail from his throat, down his chest and to his groin, briefly taking interest in his navel before moving further down. Ianto just lay there, letting each flicker of Jack's tongue bring wonderful sensations to his cock. Jack was a man who knew how to please another man, to tickle the flesh with his tongue, caress the shaft from base to tip, then to swallow Ianto all the way down.
It only took minutes for Jack to bring Ianto off, swallowing it all down. He waited for Ianto to settle before crawling up beside him to lie down and hold Ianto. Ianto surprised Jack and rolled into him, wrapping long, sweaty limbs around Jack's body. Jack pulled him close and kissed him, really kissed Ianto. Jack put every bit of love and care and longing in his being into that kiss. It wasn't meant as a declaration of ever-lasting love, of commitment, but it was what Jack had been going through until he'd gone back with the Doctor.
Ianto settled, laying his head on Jack's smooth chest, stroking a pattern lazily on Jack's stomach. They didn't speak for long moments, then Jack's tapped Ianto's shoulder and moved to stand. Ianto sat up and watched him, watching the hope of having a warm body to sleep with dissolve with Jack's retreating back. He went into the bathroom and closed the door behind him. Too late he realized Jack still wore the condom from earlier and was probably cleaning up. Ianto pulled the blankets up on him, preparing to watch Jack come out and dress, make some lame excuse and leave the younger man alone, to wonder about why Jack didn't feel the need to tell his team where he'd been, other than "with the Doctor". Turning his face into the pillow, Ianto breathed in the scent of Jack Harkness deeply, the smell of his hair, his sweat and his love. Or at least his lust.
It was an understatement to say that Jack walking back into the bedroom was a surprise. He knelt on the bed and pulled up the covers to slide in beside Ianto. Jack pulled his reluctant body back, wrapping a long leg around Ianto's in a very possessive motion. "You mind if I stay?" Jack asked, letting his cheeky side take over.
The smile grew on Ianto's face and it tickled Jack's skin. "If you like, sir," he said, in as humble a "tea-boy" voice he could manage.
"I would like. And I would like some sleep, if you don't mind. Thank you, Ianto. I...appreciate it. Everything."
"I didn't do anything special, sir."
"You did. You let me come home, but you held me accountable for what I'd done. Where I'd been. Most people don't do that. They let me get away with...things."
"You're very charismatic, Jack. You can usually talk your way out of anything. I won't let you."
Jack just nodded absently. "Thank you."
There was silence for a while, and Ianto thought Jack had drifted off, regardless of the strong heartbeat. Then, Jack spoke up. "Ianto, do you know what it's called, the theory of changing events when going back in time and making one small misstep?"
"The Grandfather Paradox. If one kills one's grandfather before he can procreate, will one cease to exist? And if one does cease to exist, having not been born, how can one go back into time to kill one's grandfather? It's a self-sustaining cycle of question."
Jack pressed a strong kiss to Ianto's head. "I could learn to get used to this," he said quietly.
"I could learn to like that," was all Ianto would allow back.
It wasn't much. Just an inkling, a step towards a thought towards trying. Nonetheless, it was something.
The End
Author: Amazon X
Rating: NC-17
Summary: What you do in the present affects the future, even in the past.
Feedback: Why, yes, thank you!
Category: slash, Torchwood
Archive: I'll archive it myself.
E-mail: yankeestarbuck@yahoo.com
Website: http://yankeestarbuck.com
Disclaimer: Not mine, never were, I have no money.
Notes: OK, so, I said I needed to rewatch Torchwood before I could write this story. So, I'm in the middle, going to watch "Countrycide" tonight, and as many as I can fit in before bedtime, just because I need their voices again. I need to hear them in my head as if they were part of me. So, in the first ep, there's a different explanation for where the real Captain Jack went, than from the ep "Captain Jack Harkness", if you listen to the police woman. And being a Stargate fan, I understand the implications of going to the past, doing something, and how that changes the future. So, Jack goes back to 1941 and meets his namesake the night before he dies. Who's to say other things didn't step in before what Jack thinks happened?
Author's note: I'm an American, so if my sayings or spellings seem off, they are. I'm trying, people, I really am! I have to thank fififolle and _stolendreams_ for their beta excellence. I think it makes a much better story. I hope I didn't make any heinous mistakes. If I did, let me know!
*-*-*-*
Ianto sat staring at the tall white mug with the dragonfly pattern so delicately painted on the ceramic. It hadn't been washed since Jack last used it and sat it at Ianto's desk. Ianto didn't have the heart. He didn't touch it, but he would stare at it, all the same. Gwen would look, too, as she walked by. Tosh couldn't, didn't have the strength to look. Owen thought they were being silly, but if Ianto was very quiet, he would find Owen looking at it, heaving a big sigh.
The group thought Owen would go apeshit with power, being new second in command after Suzie died. Again. It surprised everyone when he sprung for breakfast for all, sat with them, in his usual spot at the conference table leaving Jack's chair conspicuously empty, and outlined the direction the team would take, which was spot on from where the Captain left it.
"The way he had things running, worked fine. Why change now? When he's back...then..."
"If he comes back," Gwen interjected.
"He's coming back, believe me," Tosh said, more cheer in her voice than her eyes.
Ianto sat silent.
"Right, on we go." They ended the meeting, Danish pastries, bacon rolls and coffee untouched. Ianto immediately began clearing away, when Tosh stopped him.
"Would you like help?" she asked. This was the second time someone he cared for was taken from him. Tosh understood loss, regardless of the fact that Mary was an alien. Losing someone you cared about was painful, full stop. Having it happen twice, under the same roof, probably agonising.
"Thank you, no," was all Ianto managed.
He smiled and went on his way, going about whatever needed to be done, whatever shit needed to be cleaned up.
Gwen had had enough of everyone's moping about and sat heavily at her desk, slamming her palms on the surface. "Alright, that's it. We need to do something, not sit about drinking tea, eating scones. We have to look for him."
Owen walked over and quietly stated, "You saw the video. He went of his own accord. He'll come back when he's done what needs doing."
And so it went from there. Day in, day out, investigating sightings and alerts for alien technology; it began to seem normal. Yet, the spirit in the air was as flat as the air around the Bay. And flat air around Cardiff Bay was an anomaly all on its own, as if Mother Nature missed Jack as well. Quiet reigned in the Hub until the jar began to flash. That weird jar, with the severed hand that Jack so tenderly caressed when Carys broke the container, began to flash and beep. Ianto's breath caught in his throat, Tosh covered her mouth with both hands, Gwen jumped up and ran to the jar, and all the while, Owen said a silent prayer of thanks that Jack was coming home.
The large blue box, labelled Police Public Call Box, appeared in the middle of the lower deck of the Hub, just a hint, a flash at first, then a strong image. There was no movement for a few moments, but suddenly, the Captain came storming out, coat tails flying behind him like a cape, not looking back as the blue door slammed closed and faded away as quickly as it came. The four members of Torchwood stood stock still, unsure of how to proceed. Jack was back, and he wasn't happy. He entered his office and slammed the door closed behind him.
Owen looked at the other members, wondering what should be done. "Who should go in there?" he asked.
"You’ve been acting team leader," Tosh answered, quickly. "Go and tell him what we've been doing while he was on holiday."
"I don't think he was on holiday really, just he was doing other things..." Gwen started, then let it trail off.
"Right, then, I'll go. I've had a good life. Nice knowing you lot."
Owen grabbed the file folder he'd been using to keep all the paperwork tidy. It wasn't in any particular order, but Owen figured Jack would be impressed that he was keeping any sort of records. He turned towards the stairs and looked to see what Jack was doing at the moment, but he wasn't even there. The blue glow from the round hatch in the floor alerted them to the fact that Jack had gone down to his quarters. No one had ever been down there, but Ianto. And that was only to collect and deliver Jack's laundry.
"He's gone down the hatch," Owen said. "Not following, not me."
All eyes turned to Ianto. "Why are you looking at me?" he asked, backing away.
"You've been down there," Tosh said. "You know your way round the place."
"To get his laundry, not to snoop on where he's been," Ianto said, stepping back.
The silence was deafening in the Hub for several minutes while the team scrambled for ideas on how to handle approaching their leader. The problem was solved for them when Jack all but sprang from the hatch and bounded out of his office to the doorway. "Owen, the latest paperwork! Tosh, I want all CCTV and sound for the...vehicle on disks in my office and off the servers. Ianto, coffee, now and Gwen...uh...good to see you again."
He turned abruptly and went back to his office, fighting not to slam the door. He sat heavily in his chair and put his head back, resting on the softened leather back. What a fucking trip! Jack thought to himself. The Doctor had no right...none, not at all. It wasn't even true.
Jack's fingers flew over his keyboard, searching the listing in the Royal Air Force database classified archive. It could not be true. Sure, you warned people about that, going back and forth through time, but to know you were the cause...
The listing came up "Missing". He was missing. Never found. The official word was "Captain Jack Harkness, RAF Group Captain, M." M. Not MIA, but M. Just plain old missing. Jack took a deep breath and pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes, trying to rub away the itch of tears.
Bravest of them all, Gwen walked through the door, Owen's folder in her hands, steeling herself with a deep breath. Jack looked up, saw the tentative curl of her gap-toothed smile, and knew why he was thrown through the rift. "So, still chasing after Owen's shortcomings?" he asked, knowing the nasty look he'd get. She dropped the folder before him on the desk, ignoring his extended hand.
"I thought it would be better for me to bring you these. You wouldn't be so hard on me, or so I thought. I'm sorry to have bothered you, Jack." She turned to leave and smiled when Jack stood and held a hand out.
"Wait...I...how are you doing? How have things been around here? How...long have I been gone?" He sat gently as she turned back to him.
"Six weeks. Well, two days short of, actually."
"That long? I don't suppose anyone missed me..."
"Terribly. How could you think we wouldn't?" Gwen's ire was reflected in the shrillness of her tone. "We just got you back, you bastard! I sat with you for four days while you came back to us. And you wonder if we cared while you were gone! Ianto is all but wasted away, Tosh cried so hard her eyes were swollen shut. Owen lost clumps of hair in stress trying to keep things together. Me...I missed you..."
"And I'm sure Rhys paid the price, didn't he?" Jack said, with more venom than he intended.
"Do you have to be such a wanker?" she said before stalking from the room. Jack kept his head down, leafing through the folder. He truly was being a bastard, and he knew it. He couldn't help it. One thing about being a feeling person was that you couldn't just turn the feelings off. How could he do that? How could he say those things to Jack? Jack loved him. Jack worshipped him.
The day ended quietly, with the Captain ensconced in his office and the rest of the team tip-toeing around him. Ianto had silently set the coffee cup down on Jack's desk, the dragonfly mug that he'd revered for six weeks, and Jack barely acknowledged him. Ianto quickly retreated to Reception afterwards, hiding in his cubby in the back.
Gwen, Tosh and Owen went to the pub for a drink that evening, brainstorming about what Jack could have been up to, and why he was in so foul a mood about it. They tried to think, but it just didn't add up.
Ianto sat at his desk in Reception long after Tosh, Gwen and Owen left the Hub. He was reluctant to go down to the lower level, but he knew the Hub was a mess and he was expected to clean up. Why was it that the most smartly dressed member of the team was expected to be the butler? Ianto laughed to himself, because the butler was always smartly dressed.
Screwing up all of his courage, Ianto went down the stairs to the lower level, straight to the kitchen. He pulled a large bin liner out and began stuffing the day's rubbish inside. He glanced at Jack's office once, twice, and every five minutes until everything was ship-shape again. Jack never left his desk, not even looking up from his computer. That was different. Usually, he or Tosh would do all of Jack's searches and surfing. Other than e-mail and instant chat, Ianto didn't think Jack knew much about computers at all, which was far from the truth.
Taking a chance, Ianto lingered by Jack's door with the bag, pretending to adjust his grip on the bin liner.
"Ianto, stop skulking about. If you want to come in, just come in."
Ianto noted Jack hadn't looked up. He tied off the bag and left it on the landing before going into Jack's darkened office. He waited on the other side of the desk, heart pounding in his throat, blood pressure making his vision blurry.
"I...um...wanted to say...sir...welcome back."
"Thank you. I would have liked to have called but...I didn't bring my phone. How have you been doing?" Jack's voice had softened significantly.
"I'm well, thank you. It's been a bit lonely without you. Wait...you could have phoned?" Ianto asked, looking up at Jack.
"Well, yes and no. The...person I was with, he could make any cell phone still work to here, no matter where, or when, we were. But I didn't have my phone with me. I...would..."
"Please, Jack, don't. Don't try and tell me that. You would not have called me, or Gwen, or even Owen, to make sure we hadn't fallen apart without you. Here's the rub: we didn't fall apart without you. We were just fine. Sort of. And we also solved two cases you couldn't. Goodnight, Jack."
With that, the Welshman turned to leave Jack sitting there, mouth shut tightly closed. He watched Ianto make his way to the gates and rolling door, and then out. Jack sat back in his chair, pressing hard into the leather. Fuck! He knew better. Why take it out on the staff when there was nothing they could do about it? He couldn't even tell them. The Torchwood Institute was designed to keep him out. Hell, Jack shouldn't even have been there, in all honesty.
The dishes were done and Rhys was going on about someone from the pub doing someone or something. Why was Jack acting that way? He wasn't happy to be back, but he didn't seem like he wanted to stay in that blue box, either. Was he in that box the whole time? Was it some kind of ship? 'Where the hell did he go?!' was the real question Gwen wanted to scream at the top of her lungs. No, back to Rhys and the pub boys. If Jack wanted his secrets, he could keep them and sod off.
Tosh lay back in the tub, cherry blossom scented bubbles floating around her. The candles flickered on the walls, enhancing the rich purple and soft plum of the faux finish. Yes, it was a little dark for a bathroom, but she needed it, needed to remember. The happy bits were few and far between. And Tosh could edit out the bad bits in her head.
She was afraid for her team. With Jack acting so off, who would bring them back together? Jack was the positive side, the ray of sunshine, the icing on the cake. What other leader of a secret organisation smiled that much? Would he ever smile again?
Owen didn't think of Jack the rest of the night. He had two lovely ladies who, for once, were more interested in him than each other. Who cared if Jack went totally bonkers? There were two bodies waiting for him in his bed, and if he didn't get in there with the wine and glasses, they would start without him.
And so it went for days, silence in the Hub, Tosh, Owen and Gwen whispering when they needed to speak to each other. Ianto hid in Reception as often as he could, bringing the coffee or lunches down silently when summoned. It was off, all off. Thankfully, the Rift had had mercy on them and nothing too dangerous had fallen through at that point. Jack looked at his staff, Tosh working with the tiny innards of a transverse-receiver, Owen marking slides, Gwen reviewing victim files and Ianto...well, where WAS Ianto, anyway? He was as scarce as...they all were.
Jack was a bastard. It was official. He couldn't trawl the internet for information any longer. He had to tell them what happened. How would he go about it? Would he take them all to a pub? After all, Torchwood was meant to defend against...shit! It was so hard to categorise his feelings, to understand what he felt. Here he was, immortal, and the only other person who could understand shouldn't be in his house.
"Jack!" shouted Gwen from her station. "Oi! Jack! It's Friday, so, can we finish early, eh? Hello!"
Jack took a deep breath. He wouldn't let her get to him. He would just send her an IM.
"Hey, if you're just going to burrow like a beetle in there, we're going, yeah? Can't wait for you to get your knickers straight!" Gwen had her fill of the brooding captain. If he wanted to sod off alone, so be it. They didn't have to sit around and wait for him, did they? Certainly not. Wouldn't it be nice to see Rhys come in and find her cooking the dinner for a change?
Springing from his chair, Jack ran through his office and stood at the door. Everyone was by the rolling door, coats in hand, ready to go. OK, then, fine. "Go then! You think I'm such a bastard, did any of you ask why?"
"We've asked you things before, Jack. You never answer. We've stopped caring." Gwen's chin went up in defiance. That was it. Jack had had enough.
"Do you want to know why I've been so off? Fine, I'll tell you. The person I left with, you know him very well, I'd say. That was the Doctor, the real Doctor, the one that Queen Victoria built the Torchwood Institute to keep OUT of the empire. Well, one thing about him, he's older than I am, and we have so much in common. He's my best friend. And he told me something I couldn't believe, refused to believe, until I saw the proof. Tosh, do you remember the real Captain Jack Harkness?"
Tosh was speechless and just nodded. Owen couldn't bring his eyes to meet Jack's, feeling like a chastised child. Ianto was frozen in his place, all attention on Jack. Gwen was the only one showing emotion, daring him to finally truly open up to them.
"Well, I forgot the first rule of time travel. And you'd think with all the years I spent as a Time Agent, I'd know better. I let my feelings get in the way. That's rule number two. Well, after that wonderful display, dancing with him, kissing him goodbye...they killed him. His squad." Ianto dropped his coat. Tosh swiped at the tears on her face. Gwen felt all the air rush from her lungs, and was thankful Owen reached out to steady her, less she'd have fallen over. "They didn't want some...American pouf leading them, someone they couldn't trust. He never made it to that training exercise. They beat him to death in his bed..." Jack turned his back and covered his face with hands, letting the tears flow. Tears that had waited days to come. Tears he didn't think he deserved to shed.
The first pair of arms came about him, low on his waist. Tosh, bless. The second were a little higher, then around his neck and the last around those. Owen's aftershave, Ianto's soap, Gwen's tinkly earrings, they were all hugging him. Tosh was crying, so was Gwen. They knew what meeting the real Captain Jack had meant to him. In that short time together, Jack had fallen in love with his namesake, a man destined to die.
After endless moments, the small group pulled away and eyes were dried, nervous smiles exchanged. Jack took a deep breath and said, "First round is on me."
Nodding, they waited for Jack to collect his greatcoat and left for the evening, to the pub where they knew it was small, dark and private. Jack needed the quiet. Yes, he had to share with his team, but he couldn't share it all. Some of it he needed to keep for himself.
He sipped his scotch, letting the burn coast down his throat. "I was a Time Agent for many years. Meaning, I would be sent to different eras in time to fix things that seemed to have gone wrong, making sure that other time travellers didn't mess with the future of any galaxy, star system or planet. I loved it. Always being a new person, a new name, a new adventure. But I must have seen or heard something I shouldn't have. They took two years of my memories away. I was hoping the Doctor could help me get that back. But...once a memory is gone, it's well and truly gone. I will never know what I lost or why it was taken."
"What was it you said about the real Jack...they killed him?" Gwen asked, the bravest of them all.
"Do you think that just because right now Britain has Civil Partnerships that you people always were so open about accepting same sex displays? Not so, especially not the military." Jack's voice had gone an octave deeper, more resonant, quieter. "They beat him so badly, if it wasn't for the fact he was wearing his uniform, they wouldn't have known who he was."
"Were the men punished?" Tosh asked.
"No one was ever arrested for the crime. It's still unsolved. Now that the Prime Minister is trying to seem more progressive, he's ordered the archiving lots of classified files that have no bearing on national security at this time."
Ianto sat on the other side of the table, sipping at his pint, just watching Jack. He missed Jack so very much, each night watching reruns of "Eastenders" and other worthless programmes. Although, "Cash in the Attic" was fun sometimes. Ianto wanted to laugh at his own naiveté. How could he be so stupid, getting his hopes up that maybe he and Jack could have anything? No, Ianto couldn't do that, he was numb inside. And he would be for a very long time.
Jack stared across the table at the younger man with those sad blue eyes. He and Ianto were so much alike, losing the loves of their lives. Well, Jack had to wonder if the real Jack Harkness was truly the love of his life. He had so very long to live.
During several more rounds, the conversation wound its way around to what had been going on in the Hub and in Cardiff while he was gone. Jack was impressed by the way his team acted, Ianto stepping up to fill in when Owen took command. They were attentive and concerned for each other, making sure they were all covered when investigating. Jack was proud of his team, how they came together in the face of abandonment. Owen promised to get Gwen and Tosh home, and they left, Owen protecting them both with arms around them.
Jack looked across the table at Ianto, who had said next to nothing. "So, how are things for you?" Jack asked. "You haven't really...told me how your new position has been for you."
"I suppose..." Ianto started, looking around the pub, hoping for a distraction, a match, something to take the focus from him. Jack was good at that, giving a nugget then moving the focus. "I like it. It's better than being the tea boy. Jack's little tea boy..." Ianto let his voice trail off.
Jack reached across the table and took Ianto's hand. "You've never been just a tea boy to me. Not ever, Ianto."
Two of the largest blue eyes rose to meet his, half filled with tears and holding onto them as best as he could. He looked away and sniffed hard, blinking his tears back. Jack smiled. Ianto could never hide his feelings very well, when you really looked at him. Ever since that nasty encounter with Lisa, Jack made sure to pay close attention to his people. Ianto was hurting, always hurting. Tosh, she was gun-shy after Mary hurt her so badly, and hearing all the things her team mates thought. Owen was...well, he was Owen, after all. Spent his time off in vast and various beds, or with others in his. Gwen was the only smart one, holding tight to what Jack told her. Keep your life, he begged her. It made him happy to see her call Rhys before they left for the pub and when they were leaving, so he would know when she would be home. And thankfully, Owen respected her decision.
"So, what are your plans for tonight?" Jack asked Ianto. It didn't escape either one that Jack still held Ianto's hand.
"Oh, you know, home to do the washing, watch 'Eastenders', try and get some sleep. Although, with you home, I may drop off more easily."
Jack's eyes flashed with mischief. "What if I told you that you that I'd like to keep you awake tonight?"
Ianto wanted to smile. He wanted to open his heart and believe, to think that Jack actually cared for him as a man and not just as someone on his team, a body to protect and take pleasure from occasionally. But Ianto did the very same thing, used Jack for comfort in his own world of pain. Being with Jack eased the pain of losing Lisa, of being in that hellish fight at Canary Wharf, almost becoming meat...the things he'd been through for Torchwood. Could just shagging your boss cure all the ills of your life?
Not all the ills of his life, but it whiles away a night that would normally be spent worrying about the Captain, or cataloguing the archives of Torchwood so that he wouldn't worry about the Captain. No, Jack wasn't offering a happily ever after. He was offering a night of sex, comfort and maybe just the ghost of love, a hint and it would give them both the escape they needed. Ianto led Jack to his car parked behind the restaurant and they quietly drove to the council estate where Ianto owned a lovely flat. It was decorated sparsely, mostly because he didn't spend any time there. Jack knew Ianto spent almost all of his time in the Hub, whether downstairs or up at Reception. But Jack was drawn to the few pictures on the mantle. One of Ianto and Lisa, sitting in a field, laughing in the sunshine. Another of Ianto in graduation wear, probably university. Another with young Ianto in a football kit, holding a ribbon, mud smeared everywhere it could be. Second place, better than none, Jack thought.
Ianto went about hanging his and Jack's coat while Jack walked into the bedroom, which was completely different from the rest of the house. It was cluttered with things, books mostly, some newspapers, files that should still be at the Hub, and boxes. There were stacks of boxes, full of clothing, more books, shoes, all women's items. Lisa's things.
Ianto saw the older man looking at his room. "I don't have the heart to toss them out." It was solemn, matter of fact, not much emotion in the words at all.
"I'm not asking you to." Jack's eyes were soft and gentle, understanding Ianto's need to keep her things, keep just a little of her nearby. Ianto just nodded. He walked over to Jack and just stood there, waiting. Jack always made the first move, always reached out first, always wanted to touch first. This time was no different. Jack had such big hands, and he pulled Ianto by his shoulders forward, pressing their mouths together. Ianto allowed Jack admittance to his mouth as those big hands moulded themselves on Ianto's ass, squeezing both cheeks firmly. This always brought giggles to Ianto, making him pull away to laugh. Jack would laugh as well, pull him back and they would kiss again.
The bed was tidy, made up properly, but Jack soon took care of that, pulling Ianto down with him onto the navy blue duvet. Ianto usually had a thing about sitting on his bed with street clothes on, but he could attest to the cleanliness of Jack's clothes as he tended to them himself. What if he knew that Ianto took his clothes to the flat and washed them there, to make sure Jack's shirts were perfectly starched and ironed, and his boxers were soft and folded neatly?
Jack rolled Ianto onto his back, grinding their bodies together along with their mouths. The heat from Ianto's pelvis, pressed against Jack's, brought a flush up to Ianto's cheeks, making him look even younger if possible. Jack loved that look, total innocence that he felt his duty to debauch. This was a far cry from the groping, mutual masturbating and quickie blowjobs in Jack's office. It was nice when Jack sat up and pulled on Ianto's tie to slide it off, tossing it to hang from the arm of a chair in the corner. Those huge hands, with strangely well-manicured nails, took their time popping open each button on Ianto's shirt, pulling it open gently and freeing it from his trousers. Ianto sat up to be undressed.
With all the care he expected, Ianto let Jack strip him naked. It brought a shiver to Ianto when the cool air of his bedroom hit his warm skin. The Captain focused all of his attention on Ianto's body, stroking each new part that was revealed when his shirt was removed, running the backs of his fingers over Ianto's nipples, and grazing them with his nails when they hardened, sending shivers through Ianto. Pleasure bubbled up in Jack as he watched Ianto flush from the attention. Jack stroked Ianto's legs when he slid the suit trousers down, loving how the soft sparse hair felt under his hands, soft as down. The erection stood proud from Ianto's body and Jack stared at it, with that guilty smile on his face, as if he should act sorry for making Ianto hard, but wasn't going to admit it.
It had been so long, Jack missing for so many weeks, Ianto wasn't thinking about what, or who, Jack might be doing. He was back, that was all that mattered. He sat up and grabbed Jack's braces, pulling the man closer to him, and claimed his mouth. The sudden change of control startled Jack briefly, but then he let go, gave in to Ianto. Ianto needed to take charge for a while, to have some type of power over Jack, control over a situation that spiralled away from him. Ianto's tongue plunged into Jack's mouth, testing all corners and getting bolder as Jack let him explore. Jack needed to give up control, to not cause any more harm.
Ianto began unbuttoning Jack's shirt, pulling a few buttons off in the process. "Watch those, Ianto," Jack said gently.
"I'll be the one sewing them back on, won't I?" he said, tossing another on the floor. Jack smiled and with four furious hands, he was naked beside Ianto, luxuriating in a large bed, much better than his own narrow cot. Jack stretched his legs out, stroking a foot along Ianto's ankle, the whole way. The giggle was sweet, as Ianto pulled back and looked into Jack's deep blue eyes. Ianto's eyes were almost that blue, just a shade lighter, but Jack's eyes were endless, deep and serene. Jack was always calm, always had the answer, knew everything. Ianto was young, overly cautious, and after losing Lisa, became a bit of a recluse. Asking Jack for that first time with the stopwatch was a tender step towards this.
And this was magic. Jack pressed his mouth to Ianto's throat, sucking but not making a visible mark. That wasn't something Jack needed to do. But he did love what it did to Ianto, making him squirm. Ianto was so responsive to Jack's mouth, kissing, sucking and nibbling, and what else to do with all those white teeth! His hands were huge and soft, sliding over him and leaving trails of fire in their wake. Strong fingers with perfect nails scratched gently up Ianto's back, leaving trails of fire in their wake.
Jack sat up and looked down at Ianto. A hot hand sat gently on Ianto's chest, radiating heat straight into Ianto's heart, thawing the frozen bits back to life.
"Ianto, I'm sorry I hurt you. I didn’t mean to be gone so long..."
"You're here now," was all Ianto would say before pulling Jack back down to him. This was their night. Ianto would finally know what Jack Harkness felt like, inside and out. He would have his hands and mouth and body where so many wished they could be. He pushed the thoughts of how many had been there before he had, and concentrated on the hands that slid down his hip, grasping his buttock. All of Ianto's attention was focused on Jack rolling him onto his back, spreading his legs and nestling between Ianto's thighs. Jack's mouth worked on Ianto's, building up heat between them. Ianto wasn't sure when it was that Jack had gotten some lube and coated his fingers to work them inside his ass, the first to ever get that far with him.
Ianto rolled onto his front and waited for Jack. It was murder, having lost the most delicious mouth that Ianto had ever tasted. But if rumours were to be believed, he was in for the shagging of his life. But those were only rumours, and only from the team. No one Jack ever shagged told about it. Retcon was his best friend. Oh, God! Would Jack Retcon him in the morning? He turned to see Jack's face, just to know, and saw Jack rolling a condom on.
"I have to keep you safe, don't I?" he said, flashing his million watt smile.
"Jack, will I remember this in the morning?" Ianto asked, a little too timidly for how he wanted it to come out.
"Oh, I hope so. It would be a shame if you didn't." That smile made its way towards Ianto's growing smirk and their lips pressed together in a searing kiss, sweeping Ianto's mind from the blunt heat of Jack's cock pressing into him. It wasn't painful, the way Ianto thought it would be. No, it was warm, tight, and burned. But he liked the burn. He liked the feeling of Jack pressed down on his back. He liked when Jack moved in him, slowly at first, giving him a chance to get used to the new sensations. The drag of Jack's cock inside him threw sparks all about his body, jolts of lightning up his spine. Was this what sex with Captain Jack Harkness was like for everyone?
Jack moved faster, grunted and panted on Ianto's neck. Teeth sunk into his shoulder, intensifying the burn and Ianto couldn't bear all the different sensations flowing over him at once. He began to buck under Jack, which Jack took for pleasure and pounded him harder. Ianto gritted his teeth, hoping the press would cause pain and that would bring him away from the overload that was the Captain. Jack grabbed Ianto's hips and with a few thrusts, he came, hard and intense, groaning into Ianto's shoulder as he slowed, savouring every jolt and jiggle that ran through him.
"Oh, God, Ianto, that was incredible," Jack panted, pressing little kisses to Ianto's shoulder and neck. It was a little indulgence, but Jack felt the need to rub his cheeks and lips against Ianto's back. After all the rush of emotions, Ianto just lay on his stomach, enjoying the comforting weight of Jack's body on his back.
"How was that for you?" Jack asked, rather pleased with himself.
"It was nice," was all Ianto could think to say.
Jack was brought up abruptly by that. He moved away from Ianto and sat up straight. "Nice? That was nice? That's all you have to say?" From where the sudden emotion stirred surprised Jack entirely.
"I didn't...I mean..." Ianto rolled over and his half-erection bobbed slightly in front of him.
Jack blushed. It was a mistake a virgin would make, mistaking discomfort for completion. "Oh, Ianto...I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Jack reached out and Ianto pulled away. He didn't want to be touched right then. He didn't want Jack near him. Even though it was his own bed, Ianto moved to the edge and threw his legs over, sitting with his back to Jack. Jack crawled to him, pressing his still-wet chest to Ianto's still-warm back. Jack's lips began a gentle assault of Ianto's shoulder, trying to soften Ianto's posture, and not doing a damn bit of good. Ianto pulled away.
"I'm sorry, Jack. I'm not going to lie to you, and profess how amazing a lover you are, and how I'll love you until the end of time. It's not..."
"True?" Jack said, softly but matter of factly. "I know that, Ianto. I didn't expect you to fall in love so quickly after..."
"After you murdered Lisa. Say it, Jack. Please, just once, say it." Ianto didn't shout. He didn't even turn around.
"We murdered Lisa. We had to. She was going to kill more people." Jack's voice was soft and even, flowing over Ianto, cutting his flesh and soothing it in the same motion. Pain and healing in the same breath.
"Thank you, Jack." Ianto turned back to the man who had waited patiently while he processed the words. Their mouths met again, this time slower, more patient and searching. Jack pulled Ianto down, rolling him onto his back. Ianto allowed Jack's hot mouth the blaze a trail from his throat, down his chest and to his groin, briefly taking interest in his navel before moving further down. Ianto just lay there, letting each flicker of Jack's tongue bring wonderful sensations to his cock. Jack was a man who knew how to please another man, to tickle the flesh with his tongue, caress the shaft from base to tip, then to swallow Ianto all the way down.
It only took minutes for Jack to bring Ianto off, swallowing it all down. He waited for Ianto to settle before crawling up beside him to lie down and hold Ianto. Ianto surprised Jack and rolled into him, wrapping long, sweaty limbs around Jack's body. Jack pulled him close and kissed him, really kissed Ianto. Jack put every bit of love and care and longing in his being into that kiss. It wasn't meant as a declaration of ever-lasting love, of commitment, but it was what Jack had been going through until he'd gone back with the Doctor.
Ianto settled, laying his head on Jack's smooth chest, stroking a pattern lazily on Jack's stomach. They didn't speak for long moments, then Jack's tapped Ianto's shoulder and moved to stand. Ianto sat up and watched him, watching the hope of having a warm body to sleep with dissolve with Jack's retreating back. He went into the bathroom and closed the door behind him. Too late he realized Jack still wore the condom from earlier and was probably cleaning up. Ianto pulled the blankets up on him, preparing to watch Jack come out and dress, make some lame excuse and leave the younger man alone, to wonder about why Jack didn't feel the need to tell his team where he'd been, other than "with the Doctor". Turning his face into the pillow, Ianto breathed in the scent of Jack Harkness deeply, the smell of his hair, his sweat and his love. Or at least his lust.
It was an understatement to say that Jack walking back into the bedroom was a surprise. He knelt on the bed and pulled up the covers to slide in beside Ianto. Jack pulled his reluctant body back, wrapping a long leg around Ianto's in a very possessive motion. "You mind if I stay?" Jack asked, letting his cheeky side take over.
The smile grew on Ianto's face and it tickled Jack's skin. "If you like, sir," he said, in as humble a "tea-boy" voice he could manage.
"I would like. And I would like some sleep, if you don't mind. Thank you, Ianto. I...appreciate it. Everything."
"I didn't do anything special, sir."
"You did. You let me come home, but you held me accountable for what I'd done. Where I'd been. Most people don't do that. They let me get away with...things."
"You're very charismatic, Jack. You can usually talk your way out of anything. I won't let you."
Jack just nodded absently. "Thank you."
There was silence for a while, and Ianto thought Jack had drifted off, regardless of the strong heartbeat. Then, Jack spoke up. "Ianto, do you know what it's called, the theory of changing events when going back in time and making one small misstep?"
"The Grandfather Paradox. If one kills one's grandfather before he can procreate, will one cease to exist? And if one does cease to exist, having not been born, how can one go back into time to kill one's grandfather? It's a self-sustaining cycle of question."
Jack pressed a strong kiss to Ianto's head. "I could learn to get used to this," he said quietly.
"I could learn to like that," was all Ianto would allow back.
It wasn't much. Just an inkling, a step towards a thought towards trying. Nonetheless, it was something.
The End