Anniversary of hide's death
I remember that summer when I first started listening to VK. I remember how much hide as a musician captivated me, how free he was, how fun, how irresistibly cool. I remember the first time I saw the video for Doubt 97, watching him saunter across the screen, his chin up high, his pink hair all pointed up. He had everything: skill, charm, charisma, a good heart, an honest voice (even if he couldn't sing all that well). Sure, he had his flaws. He drank too much, probably was a terrible fornicator.
When I think about him now, I can't help but notice the glaring irony of his life. Here you have this guy who was so free with himself. He was who he was, however he wanted to be. Watching him perform, playing guitar, singing and dancing, one would think he was the most carefree person in the world. But the more you look at him, one begins to see that inner person; the person who wrote the lyrics to a song like "Goodbye." And I think that is what really captivated us all. We could sense that part of him always, that part of him that was sad or lonely or depressed and his constant desire to fight against that, to lose himself in a melody. He was the pink spider who so badly wanted to fly, right? Borrowing wings from a butterfly. :)
Well, when I think back on that summer, the "hide" summer and that time standing on the bridge over Lake Shore Drive or sitting in my room watching the smoke trail off thickly from the tip of Dani' cigarette, Drink or Die playing in the background, I am reminded just how powerful music can be. I think that summer was probably the hardest of my life, one of my darkest moments and that hide and his music was a kind of refuge so to speak, something that to me felt alive and vibrant. hide was fun. hide made me smile.
Hearing Forever Love for the first time and knowing that was what they played at his funeral was the first time I ever cried for a celebrity's death, actually the only time. And I think it's because hide is much more than just some famous guy. He's much more than that. Words can't quite describe what he means. He's like the spirit animal of Visual Kei. :) And even if his death makes me sad, I just feel that it's wrong to concentrate on that. Often times, you see people say RIP or something of that extent but I don't think that is right. I think hide even after death is very much alive.
I don't know. I just needed to get my feelings out there.
Years from now, I will always remember hide and what he means to me which is more than just a great rock musician. When I think of hide-even though I never met him and never will, I know that he is someone of the same cloth as me, someone of the same "tribe," someone whose presence comforts and inspires me still. He makes me happy like a child and for that I am eternally grateful.