Fading, Fear ("I Love You")
Title: Fading, Fear ("I Love You")
Pairing: Onew/Key
Genre: Angst
Rating: R (implied smut)
Warning: english is not my first language :)
Summary: There isn't much courage in him to keep trusting. Thus the excessive love he showers him.
I wake up abruptly, feeling panic for no reason. There is no nightmare, but the feeling is worse than that. I thrashed around, not knowing what to do to calm my heartbeat. However, as soon as my eyes land on a figure beside me, a sigh of relief escapes my lips.
‘He’s still here.’
I touch his face and caress his cheek. I can feel his skin under my fingers, soft and flushed, sharp cheekbones adorning his feature. He’s real. He’s still here.
But my doubt never disappears.
I watch as his eyes flutter open, eyelashes tapping the expanse of his smooth skin. The moment he notice me his body become tense. But I wipe that thought away, leaning forward to give him a peck on his lips.
“I love you.”
He gives me a weak smile.
---
The room is suffocating.
The still air is embracing us. Humid atmosphere lingers around our bodies, wiping away the world’s matters from my spellbound brain. I close my eyes but then that fear comes again, it stays to haunt me. I can’t feel him. He’s not here, he’s disappearing beneath me.
I try to breathe for something. Something amongst the thick smell of sweat, something that I hope will give me a little piece of strength to keep hanging on.
But I never catch it.
I grip his wrists, tightening my grasp. More, I give him more, just like how we love it, so he won’t ever leave. My eyes open to see his face scrunches in discomfort and suddenly he becomes greedy for oxygen. His nails sink into my skin as our stomach bump against each other.
And then I see it, his wet deep brown orbs trying to say something. They search and scream for my attention, voicing a silent plea, hoping for a vague wish.
I push the thought away. I just carry on giving him more, so that he’ll be happy.
‘He’ll stay, I’m holding him,’ my naïve thought whisper-shouts at me.
But it never seems to work. He keeps fading.
“I love you.”
He only whimpers.
---
It’s 2 AM when I’m awake and I realize I’ve been on the couch at my living room- our living room. I can’t really bring to mind as to what happened after I got home from work this evening. My head is spinning but I force myself to keep walking, my hands trying to find the light switch. Somewhere along the way, I can feel my leg accidentally kicks something hard and cold in the process. And when the room is finally lit, I become more confused.
Our living room is a total mess. The couch fabric is somewhat torn, its white cushion peeking out from the long cut. Papers are scattering on the floor and there’s some foreign liquid soaking them. The vase- his favorite blue floral vase is now in a form of ugly sharp pieces, joining the papers on the ground. Later I find that certain thing I kicked earlier was an empty alcohol bottle. I glance around me and I see more of it. It looks like someone just held a great party here. Maybe he did?
…where’s he?
I make a way to run to our bedroom, the same fear running through my veins, making my dizziness long forgotten. But before I can step out from the living room to the corridor, I yet again step on something. When I bend down to pick it up, it turns out to be my belt. But then I squinted as I spot a trace of crimson on its buckle and on some part of it. I look at my hand and the cheery red is there, clear and apparent, staining my palm.
Something is definitely wrong.
I continue my strides to our bedroom, practically fling the door open as soon as I reach the entrance. It’s dark inside but I can still see his back facing me. He’s lying on our bed, buried safely under the blanket.
I put a smile while approaching him. I intend to wake him slowly and ask about the chaos in the living room but quickly stop when I make out the vision before me. His pale white back is tainted with bruises and cuts, purple and red, a horrid combination ruining his beauty. I can hear his faint snivels, wounded shoulders shaking in such pitiful way.
‘Who the hell did this? How come he never tells me?’
My heart clenches at the sight. I want to hold him so bad, so I lie down next to him, sneaking my arm to circle his small waist from behind. He stops crying instantly, which I think is a good sign.
His body feels cold against my skin, I like the feeling. I can feel his hipbone poking my forearm as I stroke his stomach softly. His breathing is steadier by now. I want to question the gashes on his body, but I guess he’s really tired this night, so I just stay quiet. He should sleep and I can ask him in the morning.
But I never remember to.
I kiss him gently on the nape of his neck, showing him my love so he won’t ever think to leave.
“I love you.”
He replies with a sob.
===
A/N: HOLLLLYYYFUUUU first entry ever! B)
I've been a lurker here in lj and I'm technically a noob here XP
so to everyone who actually read this, please do warn me if I make silly mistakes :)
any comment or critique for this fic? :) post your rage please, tell me how I did, even if I fail so much XD
Pairing: Onew/Key
Genre: Angst
Rating: R (implied smut)
Warning: english is not my first language :)
Summary: There isn't much courage in him to keep trusting. Thus the excessive love he showers him.
I wake up abruptly, feeling panic for no reason. There is no nightmare, but the feeling is worse than that. I thrashed around, not knowing what to do to calm my heartbeat. However, as soon as my eyes land on a figure beside me, a sigh of relief escapes my lips.
‘He’s still here.’
I touch his face and caress his cheek. I can feel his skin under my fingers, soft and flushed, sharp cheekbones adorning his feature. He’s real. He’s still here.
But my doubt never disappears.
I watch as his eyes flutter open, eyelashes tapping the expanse of his smooth skin. The moment he notice me his body become tense. But I wipe that thought away, leaning forward to give him a peck on his lips.
“I love you.”
He gives me a weak smile.
---
The room is suffocating.
The still air is embracing us. Humid atmosphere lingers around our bodies, wiping away the world’s matters from my spellbound brain. I close my eyes but then that fear comes again, it stays to haunt me. I can’t feel him. He’s not here, he’s disappearing beneath me.
I try to breathe for something. Something amongst the thick smell of sweat, something that I hope will give me a little piece of strength to keep hanging on.
But I never catch it.
I grip his wrists, tightening my grasp. More, I give him more, just like how we love it, so he won’t ever leave. My eyes open to see his face scrunches in discomfort and suddenly he becomes greedy for oxygen. His nails sink into my skin as our stomach bump against each other.
And then I see it, his wet deep brown orbs trying to say something. They search and scream for my attention, voicing a silent plea, hoping for a vague wish.
I push the thought away. I just carry on giving him more, so that he’ll be happy.
‘He’ll stay, I’m holding him,’ my naïve thought whisper-shouts at me.
But it never seems to work. He keeps fading.
“I love you.”
He only whimpers.
---
It’s 2 AM when I’m awake and I realize I’ve been on the couch at my living room- our living room. I can’t really bring to mind as to what happened after I got home from work this evening. My head is spinning but I force myself to keep walking, my hands trying to find the light switch. Somewhere along the way, I can feel my leg accidentally kicks something hard and cold in the process. And when the room is finally lit, I become more confused.
Our living room is a total mess. The couch fabric is somewhat torn, its white cushion peeking out from the long cut. Papers are scattering on the floor and there’s some foreign liquid soaking them. The vase- his favorite blue floral vase is now in a form of ugly sharp pieces, joining the papers on the ground. Later I find that certain thing I kicked earlier was an empty alcohol bottle. I glance around me and I see more of it. It looks like someone just held a great party here. Maybe he did?
…where’s he?
I make a way to run to our bedroom, the same fear running through my veins, making my dizziness long forgotten. But before I can step out from the living room to the corridor, I yet again step on something. When I bend down to pick it up, it turns out to be my belt. But then I squinted as I spot a trace of crimson on its buckle and on some part of it. I look at my hand and the cheery red is there, clear and apparent, staining my palm.
Something is definitely wrong.
I continue my strides to our bedroom, practically fling the door open as soon as I reach the entrance. It’s dark inside but I can still see his back facing me. He’s lying on our bed, buried safely under the blanket.
I put a smile while approaching him. I intend to wake him slowly and ask about the chaos in the living room but quickly stop when I make out the vision before me. His pale white back is tainted with bruises and cuts, purple and red, a horrid combination ruining his beauty. I can hear his faint snivels, wounded shoulders shaking in such pitiful way.
‘Who the hell did this? How come he never tells me?’
My heart clenches at the sight. I want to hold him so bad, so I lie down next to him, sneaking my arm to circle his small waist from behind. He stops crying instantly, which I think is a good sign.
His body feels cold against my skin, I like the feeling. I can feel his hipbone poking my forearm as I stroke his stomach softly. His breathing is steadier by now. I want to question the gashes on his body, but I guess he’s really tired this night, so I just stay quiet. He should sleep and I can ask him in the morning.
But I never remember to.
I kiss him gently on the nape of his neck, showing him my love so he won’t ever think to leave.
“I love you.”
He replies with a sob.
===
A/N: HOLLLLYYYFUUUU first entry ever! B)
I've been a lurker here in lj and I'm technically a noob here XP
so to everyone who actually read this, please do warn me if I make silly mistakes :)
any comment or critique for this fic? :) post your rage please, tell me how I did, even if I fail so much XD