snafu
why do i end up meeting the fucking weirdos. why, when i want to find eligible, attractive, local men, they end up being a) men who don't want to have kids, b) men who falsely advertise their height, or c) men who are socially inept?
my friends all agree that this latest boy (and "boy" is a completely appropriate term) is not worth the time, and that i should stop contacting him, because all it ends up doing is making me seem antagonistic and/or desperate.
there's also another word for it, in spanish, but, we haven't figured it out yet.
(sigh)
what's so damn frustrating about this entire situation is that it started out so very differently, and the change that occurred was really drastic, and not at all expected. i was having an experience similar to meeting joe, something akin to love at first sight, with all kinds of wonderful attraction and sparks and chemistry ... real chemistry, chemistry that doesn't feel forced or insincere.
but in less than a week, that all came to a halt, and here i am, faltering, bumbling, stumbling, and somehow or another, what some would call stalking!
so the phone calls are going to stop. johanna is about to do an intervention and hide my phone from me. soon they'll be hiding my laptop as well. i'm not allowed to check whether or not he's online, either on gmail, or on the personals site. they want me to hurry up and meet several new people to obsess over, but this is harder than one would think.
i'm just frustrated because i'm not a stalker, nor an antagonistic bitch. i'm a really really really nice person, who's just been mislead and dicked around. and the fact that this guy has made me feel so unsure of myself, putting me in a position of helplessness, disempowerment, and confusion, is a huge warning sign about his own feelings of inadequacies and inability to deal with them in a healthy way except for belittling others around him.
so.
maybe i'll get to make out with someone at the party on the 15th. that'd be nice.
but, more than anything, i have to return to not trying.
it just felt so nice to be in someone's arms again.
why'd i have to pick the oddball to lust after???