AmeCon 2006 Writing Contest - 3rd Place
Hi all,
Apologies for the lengthy delay, I'm sure you're all curious to see which entries came out on top!
Once again, a huge thank you to everyone who submitted entries! They were all great reads and I hope to see a similar success this year for the AmeCon 2007 Writing Contest.
So without further ado, here is the 3rd place entry.
Universe.
By Laura Jacques (Penanna).
I could tell when she was thinking about me, her breathing slowed, its pattern altered so that the gentle rise and fall of our chests was harmonious. In, out, in out, exactly in time like clockwork, the matching pieces in a two-piece jigsaw puzzle.
I admit that even then I could see in the way she was cradled in my arms - her back to my chest - a sublime state of loveliness that only served to lull me into a false sense of security. It was the calm before the storm; the storm that would whisk her out of my arms, and never return her.
“Say, Kisa?” Her voice called me back from the far reaches of my mind, and I indulged myself in it briefly, like a moth in the naked flame. My fingertips had been brushing the softly sensual dip in between her bare ribs and hips as she lay on her side, having had enough practise, I could have found the spot on her belly to induce her giggles, but I restrained, and addressed the nostalgic tone in her voice.
“Hmm? What is it Penda?” the intonation in the sweet syllables of her name let her know I was listening as I continued brushing her perfect silky skin with my contrasting imperfect, dirty fingers.
“This is wrong, isn’t it? My fingertips faltered, their caress broken. I turned my eyes slowly to look at the back of her head, I knew she would feel my gaze. “Us, as two girls…I mean…” she said. I sighed gently, and tilted my head towards her, sliding my hand down her front to rest on her belly as my dark hair pooled over my shoulders and partially blinded me,
“Is that what you think, or what they’d want you to think?” I asked, knowing that the reason behind her words was more sadistic than her own mind. Silence was my reply, but the strawberry-blonde, cucumber-eyed girl turned over fully, her head facing me, her eyes locking to mine. The gold, purple and white ribbons in her hair had held fast despite our lovers’ antics, and shined mystically in the moonlight trickling through the crack in the curtains. The perfect brow on her perfect round face was marred in shame, it was my fault she bored such shame, and I already knew from past attempts, that no words from my mouth would calm the worry in her heart. I frowned and took her into my arms, holding her head to my chest, her body to my own, to offer her some warmth from the cold air and her colder thoughts.
We lived in a society with a rather unique system, to prevent young girls becoming pregnant, the Elders divided the city into three sections; Males, Females and Families. Couples, like Penda’s parents and my own lived in the ‘Families’ section, and whenever a child was born it was sent almost immediately to one of the other two sections, pending its gender. The girls and boys in each section were put into groups of fifty based on their birthdates, and shared apartments, when all the boys in one apartment turned eighteen, a Ceremony was held, in which the oldest group of girls and the oldest group of boys both attended. The night was designed as one thing, a ‘Wife picking’ night. Once a boy has claimed a girl, she can state no protest and must be wed and move to the ‘Families’ section.
But of course, regardless of this rather dynamic system, our society was still flawed in its laws and beliefs. I had no qualms with the majority of them and followed them without a fuss, but the single law which concerned Penda and I - the law that stated that no girl could love another girl, and no boy could love another boy - that was one law I hated the Elders for.
Penda and I had managed to keep our love a secret for quite some time now, we shared a dormitory and kept ourselves to ourselves, more so recently with the next Ceremony looming over our heads. We’d simply told our dorm-neighbours that we were busy sewing our dresses for the event, even though the aforementioned dressed had been completed many weeks ago.
The thought of the Ceremony terrified me. I had been subject to several now, and was one of the oldest girls in the Female section of the City. My demeanour was such that most males were afraid to approach me, much less declare their undying lust and marry me. Penda however… she had been subject to but one, or rather had managed to obtain legitimate permission not to attend due to the fact she had cramps, which of course she didn’t, but I was overjoyed the nurse hadn’t detected her lies.
My arms tightened around her, a gentle yet firm hold that, if I wasn’t aware of the rest of reality, would have not let up even for a second. I felt her fingers cling to my collar softly and stroked her head in response. Oh please god, don’t let this night end, you can send my soul to hell when I die, and do with it what you will, but please, I beg you, don’t take her away from me…
“I’m scared.” I heard her whisper through the darkness into the nape of my neck. Her breath was cool on my warm skin, calming me unexpectedly. “I’m not strong like you Kisa… I’ll get picked I know I will.” I squeezed her gently, I knew she would be picked, I needed no skill of foresight to know it, and it terrified me as much as it did her. Penda was a beautiful young flower in the midst of the older girls like myself in our apartment; it wouldn’t surprise me if she was claimed by the first male to enter the hall.
I wanted to say ‘I’ll protect you’ or ‘You’ll always be mine’ but such words were falling on unwilling ears. We both knew our romance was wrong from the very first moment we stood facing one another and realised the attraction, eyes locked together, our cheeks a matching shade of pink. Wrong, illegal, something that made one, or both of us worthy of hell, but still… captivating, alluring, a taste of heaven on earth every time my lips touched hers, how could something that felt so right be so wrong? It may be wrong, or unforgivable, but these feelings are all that exist in us right now, each breath, each heartbeat, every kiss, every touch of our hands, every comforting gaze, or sigh of sadness… All of it we did, for the other.
What happens, happens, I told myself as I brushed her hair gently, allowing my fingertips to drown in the depth of the short blonde waves, each tide mingled with a flash of gold, purple or white. We were loving one another on borrow time - sooner or later we would be separated, whether it be this Ceremony or the next, I would be forced to watch her walk out of those golden doors, another’s arms around her, trapping her, tying her to them for the rest of her life. I knew it was something I would have to endure, but as I lay there I wondered, would I be able to endure it? I considered Penda as my possession, and even became jealous when others would talk to her in class, or even look at her and smile softly, as if they too thought of delicate Penda as I did.
No one else would ever love her as much, or think her as beautiful, sublime, intoxicating, innocent, sweet or delicate as I did then. No one would ever replace her in my heart, our romance would never die, it would live on in me, even if in reality, it ended with her passing through that golden door. I didn’t claim to know much about ‘love’, but from the teachings of the Elders, the first love was usually the ‘one’ that lived forever. Whether it was true or not, I believe it with all my heart.
Looking down at the delicate flower in my arms I finally noticed that she’d fallen asleep in my arms, a smile replacing the frown of contemplation upon my lips. I brushed a few strands of hair off her face. Seeing her like that just made me think even more that I’d slowly die if we were ever separated. I wanted to believe that nothing would ever end for us, but it was wishful to believe in such things in a love such as ours.
Carefully, I moved to the side and placed Penda gently down on the mattress of my bed, pulling the blanket and duvet over her. Poor substitutes for the warmth my body gave her. I slipped out from under the thick material and took my clothing from the floor, padding across the soft blue carpet as quietly as possible into the bathroom. I shut the door over behind me, knowing from experience the handle was particularly noisy and liable to wake my sleeping flower.
I dropped my clothes where I stood and turned the tap for the shower. I took a moment to look upon myself in the mirror before stepping under the cascading cool water. I let the silvery liquid pour over me, cleansing and comforting me slowly, bit by bit, drop by drop. Cold showers had become somewhat of a habit for me, ever since I’d been with Penda it was as if my feelings and nerves shut down when away from her, like I could feel nothing.
As I stood there with my eyes shut, just allowing the water to drown me slowly, I thought back to the moment Penda and I met. My previous roommate had been chosen by a boy and had left me a few days earlier. Penda had lived in an apartment for younger girls, but she was old enough to move into an older apartment, and when a space appeared in my room, they moved Penda in swiftly. I was called down to the main dining hall to be introduced to her, and the very moment she lifted her head, to look at me with those light green eyes, I knew, and she knew, that our relationship would be more than friendly.
From that day on, I no longer concerned myself with the daily tasks of most other girls. Instead of sewing, painting, reading, studying or cooking, I found myself staring into space; day dreaming, thinking about those illustrious green eyes of hers and the way the sunlight was reflected in them, or the way - like from the depths of the ocean - her clear and lovely voice completely mesmerised me. Gazing out of my open window one night when the moon was full, and stars were shooting in the diamond sky, I made a wish; to be together with the person I love, with Penda forever. If my wish won’t come true, I’d rather fade away like the white horses dancing upon the tide. I want to be with Penda, so I won’t allow her to disappear… absolutely not.
* * * * * * * * * *
“Kisa! I can’t tie it!” Penda burst out of the bathroom in a flurry, wearing her dress for the Ceremony, it was a ‘corset’ style dress that required tying at the back, and by the flush on her cheeks, I could tell Penda had struggled to do it herself before asking me. I motioned her to stand with her back to me while I tied it.
“You should have asked me from the start to do it for you; you’ll ruin your make-up if you sweat.” I could almost feel Penda blush as my fingers worked the delicate pale-green lace tight. She looked radiant in the dress, a thin silky material with delicate and detailed silver embroidery. The material was thicker due to the boning at her torso to hold it in place, and present her modest curves more flamboyantly. All of this along with the transparent two-tone silver and green piece hanging from her headdress, pinned in at the back of her messy bun, made me believe that I was marrying her, and not a male whose identity was still unknown.
“But I’m trying to be strong, so you won’t worry about me when I’m…” As her voice trailed off, my fingers paused for a moment, but I was glad she hadn’t finished the sentence, and resumed tying the thing green lace into a detail bow that hung down loosely to her lower back. “And, I’m not wearing make-up.” she admitted with a proud tone in her voice. I smiled and put my hands on her now sturdy waist and turned her quickly to face me. There was a blush on her face by the time she was facing me, but my smile hadn’t faltered.
“Really? You could have fooled me.” I chimed, placing a finger on her lips gently. She wasn’t even wearing gloss, and still she looked as though she had stepped out of one of my dreams. The blush on her cheeks intensified as I lent down the four or so inches to her and moulded my lips to her own. I treasured that kiss as if it were our last, and clung to her tightly, almost with desperation, I felt her hands gently creep up and wrap around my neck, long delicate fingers tangling in the mass of loose dark brown hair atop my head.
Penda broke the kiss gently, and dropped down back onto the flat of her feet, having tiptoed in order to put her arms around me. I opened my eyes, as if waking from a nightmare to a bright light, dazed and entranced, and all I could do was stare at her, into those soft green eyes, and love her with all I was, had been and would be.
“Penda… please… you don’t have to go, I’ll tell them you were vomiting and couldn’t attend, please Penda, I don’t want to lose you, not to them, not to any of them.” Trying to fight tears that wouldn’t fall, I choked out my words and clung to her tightly. Penda’s hands trailed up and down my back comforting me as best she could. This is what I had been reduced to, a shaking, bundling, timid mass of nerves and fears that clung to the one thing that could make it all vanish. I felt sorry for Penda, for having to suffer the shame of loving me, for having to live every day knowing that what we had was wrong, but even more so for having the compassion to stay with me and care for me. I needed her more than she needed me, but even so, even though I was choking her, restraining her, she stayed with me… I loved her.
“I’m sorry,” Penda managed, her lips buried into my neck for the second time in the past 12 hours.
“I wish things could be different for us, but we can’t change our situation.” Slowly her hands grasped my shoulders and she leaned me back so she could look at my face, into my eyes. I could see the love behind her pupils, but also the sorrow. “What happens, happens. But no matter what that is, I won’t ever forget you Kisa.” All I could do was look at her, completely entranced, how could someone be so kind, so loving, despite all the obstacles, the awkwardness, the fear that what we were doing was under all human and God respects, wrong?
“You’re my first, my last, my only love,” she said.
I broke down at that moment, all I could see, hear, feel, taste and touch was Penda. I fell into her, holding her tightly to me, placing a kiss of undying love onto her lips. No matter what…No matter what…
* * * * * * * * * *
I stood as still as was humanly possible for me, given the circumstances, though if I had not been trained in the lady-like skills of restraint and sitting-still, I might have caused an earthquake from all the shaking I was restraining from doing, or at least, that’s what it seemed like to me. Despite the fact that I was stood there perfectly still, my head would not cease its internal movement. It had made me dizzy the moment I’d set foot in the great hall, and had not let up even for a second.
I felt Penda’s hand grasp my own, firmly yet gently, nervously, even though our hands were hidden behind the cascading folds of our dresses, the lilac and light green material moulded together softly, a gentle transition from one colour to the other. Many of the other dresses there that night were more brightly coloured and more ornately decorated, as all the other girls seemed eager to move onto Womanhood, but not Penda and I, and I still hoped against hope that by some luck of fate we would still find ourselves in our dormitory together some 60, 70, maybe even 80 years in the future.
My posture stiffened and I clenched Penda’s hand tightly as the Elders began reading out the names of the boys who had selected girls, and then the names of those girls they had selected. The names were usually done in alphabetical order, and had it been the case that girls picked boys then Penda would have been one of the very last girls to be announced, but it did not work that way unfortunately.
She had been by my side all night, except for the six separate occasions when she’d been asked to dance by fairly attractive suitors, but of the six that asked her dance, I would not trust a single one of them with Penda. Having spent the twenty years of my life with other older girls, I had a natural mistrust of males, and did not expect any male who chose Penda to be gentle with her.
“Baalath Gin.” The Elders voice sounded like the ‘boom’ of a very large drum not two inches from my ear, and the sensation running through my nerves told me that this was when the rest of my life would unfold before my eyes. The boy, a tall, well-formed, dark-haired and tan-skinned being, stepped forward, a proud, slightly cocky smile upon his somewhat narrow face. Baalath walked to the centre of the great hall and turned to face the elders, bowing deeply to them. The head Elder turned his head in the direction of the female line and read the name next to Baalath’s upon the list.
“Penda Xaviera” my heart must have stopped at that very moment, my whole existence froze as I stared at the back of one Baalath Gin, it was now when my restrain and lessons in behaving like a lady failed me and I began to shake lightly. I’d heard Penda gasp beside me, and tossed aside all ‘protocol’ and turned to look at her, but the favour was not returned. Penda gulped hard, and slowly released my hand, I knew if she looked at me she would not have the strength to walk away, and that’s exactly what she did.
Slowly, timidly, Penda followed a similar trail to Baalath towards the centre of the hall, she turned to face the Elders and curtseyed, it had evidently been her gentleness that had attracted Baalath to her, for I saw his smile curl up towards his ears a little more when Penda bowed.
All I could do while the rest of the names were called was stand there and stare at Penda’s back longingly. Dying to ignore the other 105 people in the hall and run to her, embrace her, love her, despite all their gazes. They say, when you die, time stops and your whole life flashes before your eyes, at that moment, I died, but time seemed to accelerate and leave me behind, lulled, trapped in a dying wish. Before I knew it, the boys and their new brides were leaving the hall in pairs.
My eyes were locked on Penda, and I watched as she slowly grew closer to the golden doors, even step she took cut into my heart deeply, as if death himself wielded the weapon that committed each wound. Penda and Baalath reached the door, the small group of Elders stood near gave the pair a small applaus before giving them the instruction to leave the hall.
What do I do? I though, What do I do?! Do I really just let her, the love of my life, the only love of my life, walk out forever? I watched, my mind moving faster than my feet ever had, Penda and Baalath both took a single step forward, a single step closer to my death, before I couldn’t hold it anymore, and my own lung released a sound that even I was shocked to hear, a sound that shattered the silence of the room, and set in motion the cruel twist of fate that I would no doubt suffer for my love.
“PENDA!!” I screamed, the whole hall froze, all eyes suddenly upon me, I looked up, my eyes instantly found Penda’s form, frozen like a statue against the silhouette of the door, slowly but surely, her head turned, and I saw her face, stained with tears, but there was a smile upon her lips, a strong smile. I tossed aside my respect for the Elders and their foolish laws, and ran across the great hall, as fast as my slippered feet would take me. Penda, seeing that our fate was already sealed at my foolishness, pulled her hand from Baalath’s and ran towards me, the tears flowing freely.
Penda dove into my open arms, burying her head into my chest. My arms locked around her tightly, refusing to let her go, all common sense had eluded me, and all I can see was Penda. Penda, Penda. Penda…
We parted from our hold on each other and she leaned up to me, she too had rejected all common sense and like a flash, as if from a dream, something one would only witness in fairy tales, we kissed. And at that moment, all the people in the hall, male, female, or Elder, recoiled and gasped, shocked, stunned, horrified.
Ordered were being called by the Elders, and within moments the hall filled with guards. One seized me, another seized Penda. We knew our fate, even without being told it, and as they prized us apart, our hands stayed locked together, it took an act of violence and for us both to gain bruises for that tight grip to falter. We were taken away, through different doors to different holding cells, fed different food and read different rites. Never before had the grand hall witnessed such an act of selfless, undying love.
* * * * * * * * * *
Two days later, Penda and I met again, the details do not matter. Our hands locked and we walked out into the sunlight together, the whole city stood, watching, awaiting our demise.
“Penda.” I whispered, barely able to speak, “I need to tell you something.”
“And I you.” She replied, “but you first.” I took a deep breath, and quickly, melodically chimed the words as we walked to our death,
“I want to fall asleep, and wake in your world
Gold and white and purple, all in a blur
Passion that over anything I prefer
My love for you, has beautifully curled-
-Up, and now I’m in awe with feeling
Like I never felt before and I’m dreaming
Of those gentle eyes endlessly gleaming
Butterfly kisses that leave me reeling-
-Inside and out, turn me upside down
Got me smiling like I never smiled before
A kind of atmosphere only we can adore
A type of current in which I softly drown-
-To death, but I’m loving it,
Stars and planets don’t matter any more
For you I’d cry for, hell I’d endure
It’s only in your Universe that I fit-
-Like a glove, rainbow colours swirled
Fingertips running that render a purr
Tender words that I happen to slur
Delicate words incessantly hurled-
-Into the empty space, where I’m kneeling
Emotions so amazing you got me screaming
Although on me you’ll always be leaning
There’s still that hint of fate that’s beaming-
-With a wide grin, just like a Clown
But he can’t shake the one I implore
We’ve already beaten that war
Too many times we’ve bore the frown-
-Of sadness, and it always seemed to commit
Existence ripped asunder, I tore
To get to you just like I swore
It’s only with you I want to split-
It’s only in your Universe that I fit…”
I heard Penda choke slightly on tears as we reached the base of the stairs to the wooden stand, and I stopped leaning into her, despite the cries from the guard behind us ushering to move us forward. “Penda?” I exclaimed, asking her foolishly if she was alright, although we were about to meet our end.
“Thank you.” She whispered. “My first, my last, my only love.”
Thanks for reading,
- Jay
Apologies for the lengthy delay, I'm sure you're all curious to see which entries came out on top!
Once again, a huge thank you to everyone who submitted entries! They were all great reads and I hope to see a similar success this year for the AmeCon 2007 Writing Contest.
So without further ado, here is the 3rd place entry.
Universe.
By Laura Jacques (Penanna).
I could tell when she was thinking about me, her breathing slowed, its pattern altered so that the gentle rise and fall of our chests was harmonious. In, out, in out, exactly in time like clockwork, the matching pieces in a two-piece jigsaw puzzle.
I admit that even then I could see in the way she was cradled in my arms - her back to my chest - a sublime state of loveliness that only served to lull me into a false sense of security. It was the calm before the storm; the storm that would whisk her out of my arms, and never return her.
“Say, Kisa?” Her voice called me back from the far reaches of my mind, and I indulged myself in it briefly, like a moth in the naked flame. My fingertips had been brushing the softly sensual dip in between her bare ribs and hips as she lay on her side, having had enough practise, I could have found the spot on her belly to induce her giggles, but I restrained, and addressed the nostalgic tone in her voice.
“Hmm? What is it Penda?” the intonation in the sweet syllables of her name let her know I was listening as I continued brushing her perfect silky skin with my contrasting imperfect, dirty fingers.
“This is wrong, isn’t it? My fingertips faltered, their caress broken. I turned my eyes slowly to look at the back of her head, I knew she would feel my gaze. “Us, as two girls…I mean…” she said. I sighed gently, and tilted my head towards her, sliding my hand down her front to rest on her belly as my dark hair pooled over my shoulders and partially blinded me,
“Is that what you think, or what they’d want you to think?” I asked, knowing that the reason behind her words was more sadistic than her own mind. Silence was my reply, but the strawberry-blonde, cucumber-eyed girl turned over fully, her head facing me, her eyes locking to mine. The gold, purple and white ribbons in her hair had held fast despite our lovers’ antics, and shined mystically in the moonlight trickling through the crack in the curtains. The perfect brow on her perfect round face was marred in shame, it was my fault she bored such shame, and I already knew from past attempts, that no words from my mouth would calm the worry in her heart. I frowned and took her into my arms, holding her head to my chest, her body to my own, to offer her some warmth from the cold air and her colder thoughts.
We lived in a society with a rather unique system, to prevent young girls becoming pregnant, the Elders divided the city into three sections; Males, Females and Families. Couples, like Penda’s parents and my own lived in the ‘Families’ section, and whenever a child was born it was sent almost immediately to one of the other two sections, pending its gender. The girls and boys in each section were put into groups of fifty based on their birthdates, and shared apartments, when all the boys in one apartment turned eighteen, a Ceremony was held, in which the oldest group of girls and the oldest group of boys both attended. The night was designed as one thing, a ‘Wife picking’ night. Once a boy has claimed a girl, she can state no protest and must be wed and move to the ‘Families’ section.
But of course, regardless of this rather dynamic system, our society was still flawed in its laws and beliefs. I had no qualms with the majority of them and followed them without a fuss, but the single law which concerned Penda and I - the law that stated that no girl could love another girl, and no boy could love another boy - that was one law I hated the Elders for.
Penda and I had managed to keep our love a secret for quite some time now, we shared a dormitory and kept ourselves to ourselves, more so recently with the next Ceremony looming over our heads. We’d simply told our dorm-neighbours that we were busy sewing our dresses for the event, even though the aforementioned dressed had been completed many weeks ago.
The thought of the Ceremony terrified me. I had been subject to several now, and was one of the oldest girls in the Female section of the City. My demeanour was such that most males were afraid to approach me, much less declare their undying lust and marry me. Penda however… she had been subject to but one, or rather had managed to obtain legitimate permission not to attend due to the fact she had cramps, which of course she didn’t, but I was overjoyed the nurse hadn’t detected her lies.
My arms tightened around her, a gentle yet firm hold that, if I wasn’t aware of the rest of reality, would have not let up even for a second. I felt her fingers cling to my collar softly and stroked her head in response. Oh please god, don’t let this night end, you can send my soul to hell when I die, and do with it what you will, but please, I beg you, don’t take her away from me…
“I’m scared.” I heard her whisper through the darkness into the nape of my neck. Her breath was cool on my warm skin, calming me unexpectedly. “I’m not strong like you Kisa… I’ll get picked I know I will.” I squeezed her gently, I knew she would be picked, I needed no skill of foresight to know it, and it terrified me as much as it did her. Penda was a beautiful young flower in the midst of the older girls like myself in our apartment; it wouldn’t surprise me if she was claimed by the first male to enter the hall.
I wanted to say ‘I’ll protect you’ or ‘You’ll always be mine’ but such words were falling on unwilling ears. We both knew our romance was wrong from the very first moment we stood facing one another and realised the attraction, eyes locked together, our cheeks a matching shade of pink. Wrong, illegal, something that made one, or both of us worthy of hell, but still… captivating, alluring, a taste of heaven on earth every time my lips touched hers, how could something that felt so right be so wrong? It may be wrong, or unforgivable, but these feelings are all that exist in us right now, each breath, each heartbeat, every kiss, every touch of our hands, every comforting gaze, or sigh of sadness… All of it we did, for the other.
What happens, happens, I told myself as I brushed her hair gently, allowing my fingertips to drown in the depth of the short blonde waves, each tide mingled with a flash of gold, purple or white. We were loving one another on borrow time - sooner or later we would be separated, whether it be this Ceremony or the next, I would be forced to watch her walk out of those golden doors, another’s arms around her, trapping her, tying her to them for the rest of her life. I knew it was something I would have to endure, but as I lay there I wondered, would I be able to endure it? I considered Penda as my possession, and even became jealous when others would talk to her in class, or even look at her and smile softly, as if they too thought of delicate Penda as I did.
No one else would ever love her as much, or think her as beautiful, sublime, intoxicating, innocent, sweet or delicate as I did then. No one would ever replace her in my heart, our romance would never die, it would live on in me, even if in reality, it ended with her passing through that golden door. I didn’t claim to know much about ‘love’, but from the teachings of the Elders, the first love was usually the ‘one’ that lived forever. Whether it was true or not, I believe it with all my heart.
Looking down at the delicate flower in my arms I finally noticed that she’d fallen asleep in my arms, a smile replacing the frown of contemplation upon my lips. I brushed a few strands of hair off her face. Seeing her like that just made me think even more that I’d slowly die if we were ever separated. I wanted to believe that nothing would ever end for us, but it was wishful to believe in such things in a love such as ours.
Carefully, I moved to the side and placed Penda gently down on the mattress of my bed, pulling the blanket and duvet over her. Poor substitutes for the warmth my body gave her. I slipped out from under the thick material and took my clothing from the floor, padding across the soft blue carpet as quietly as possible into the bathroom. I shut the door over behind me, knowing from experience the handle was particularly noisy and liable to wake my sleeping flower.
I dropped my clothes where I stood and turned the tap for the shower. I took a moment to look upon myself in the mirror before stepping under the cascading cool water. I let the silvery liquid pour over me, cleansing and comforting me slowly, bit by bit, drop by drop. Cold showers had become somewhat of a habit for me, ever since I’d been with Penda it was as if my feelings and nerves shut down when away from her, like I could feel nothing.
As I stood there with my eyes shut, just allowing the water to drown me slowly, I thought back to the moment Penda and I met. My previous roommate had been chosen by a boy and had left me a few days earlier. Penda had lived in an apartment for younger girls, but she was old enough to move into an older apartment, and when a space appeared in my room, they moved Penda in swiftly. I was called down to the main dining hall to be introduced to her, and the very moment she lifted her head, to look at me with those light green eyes, I knew, and she knew, that our relationship would be more than friendly.
From that day on, I no longer concerned myself with the daily tasks of most other girls. Instead of sewing, painting, reading, studying or cooking, I found myself staring into space; day dreaming, thinking about those illustrious green eyes of hers and the way the sunlight was reflected in them, or the way - like from the depths of the ocean - her clear and lovely voice completely mesmerised me. Gazing out of my open window one night when the moon was full, and stars were shooting in the diamond sky, I made a wish; to be together with the person I love, with Penda forever. If my wish won’t come true, I’d rather fade away like the white horses dancing upon the tide. I want to be with Penda, so I won’t allow her to disappear… absolutely not.
* * * * * * * * * *
“Kisa! I can’t tie it!” Penda burst out of the bathroom in a flurry, wearing her dress for the Ceremony, it was a ‘corset’ style dress that required tying at the back, and by the flush on her cheeks, I could tell Penda had struggled to do it herself before asking me. I motioned her to stand with her back to me while I tied it.
“You should have asked me from the start to do it for you; you’ll ruin your make-up if you sweat.” I could almost feel Penda blush as my fingers worked the delicate pale-green lace tight. She looked radiant in the dress, a thin silky material with delicate and detailed silver embroidery. The material was thicker due to the boning at her torso to hold it in place, and present her modest curves more flamboyantly. All of this along with the transparent two-tone silver and green piece hanging from her headdress, pinned in at the back of her messy bun, made me believe that I was marrying her, and not a male whose identity was still unknown.
“But I’m trying to be strong, so you won’t worry about me when I’m…” As her voice trailed off, my fingers paused for a moment, but I was glad she hadn’t finished the sentence, and resumed tying the thing green lace into a detail bow that hung down loosely to her lower back. “And, I’m not wearing make-up.” she admitted with a proud tone in her voice. I smiled and put my hands on her now sturdy waist and turned her quickly to face me. There was a blush on her face by the time she was facing me, but my smile hadn’t faltered.
“Really? You could have fooled me.” I chimed, placing a finger on her lips gently. She wasn’t even wearing gloss, and still she looked as though she had stepped out of one of my dreams. The blush on her cheeks intensified as I lent down the four or so inches to her and moulded my lips to her own. I treasured that kiss as if it were our last, and clung to her tightly, almost with desperation, I felt her hands gently creep up and wrap around my neck, long delicate fingers tangling in the mass of loose dark brown hair atop my head.
Penda broke the kiss gently, and dropped down back onto the flat of her feet, having tiptoed in order to put her arms around me. I opened my eyes, as if waking from a nightmare to a bright light, dazed and entranced, and all I could do was stare at her, into those soft green eyes, and love her with all I was, had been and would be.
“Penda… please… you don’t have to go, I’ll tell them you were vomiting and couldn’t attend, please Penda, I don’t want to lose you, not to them, not to any of them.” Trying to fight tears that wouldn’t fall, I choked out my words and clung to her tightly. Penda’s hands trailed up and down my back comforting me as best she could. This is what I had been reduced to, a shaking, bundling, timid mass of nerves and fears that clung to the one thing that could make it all vanish. I felt sorry for Penda, for having to suffer the shame of loving me, for having to live every day knowing that what we had was wrong, but even more so for having the compassion to stay with me and care for me. I needed her more than she needed me, but even so, even though I was choking her, restraining her, she stayed with me… I loved her.
“I’m sorry,” Penda managed, her lips buried into my neck for the second time in the past 12 hours.
“I wish things could be different for us, but we can’t change our situation.” Slowly her hands grasped my shoulders and she leaned me back so she could look at my face, into my eyes. I could see the love behind her pupils, but also the sorrow. “What happens, happens. But no matter what that is, I won’t ever forget you Kisa.” All I could do was look at her, completely entranced, how could someone be so kind, so loving, despite all the obstacles, the awkwardness, the fear that what we were doing was under all human and God respects, wrong?
“You’re my first, my last, my only love,” she said.
I broke down at that moment, all I could see, hear, feel, taste and touch was Penda. I fell into her, holding her tightly to me, placing a kiss of undying love onto her lips. No matter what…No matter what…
* * * * * * * * * *
I stood as still as was humanly possible for me, given the circumstances, though if I had not been trained in the lady-like skills of restraint and sitting-still, I might have caused an earthquake from all the shaking I was restraining from doing, or at least, that’s what it seemed like to me. Despite the fact that I was stood there perfectly still, my head would not cease its internal movement. It had made me dizzy the moment I’d set foot in the great hall, and had not let up even for a second.
I felt Penda’s hand grasp my own, firmly yet gently, nervously, even though our hands were hidden behind the cascading folds of our dresses, the lilac and light green material moulded together softly, a gentle transition from one colour to the other. Many of the other dresses there that night were more brightly coloured and more ornately decorated, as all the other girls seemed eager to move onto Womanhood, but not Penda and I, and I still hoped against hope that by some luck of fate we would still find ourselves in our dormitory together some 60, 70, maybe even 80 years in the future.
My posture stiffened and I clenched Penda’s hand tightly as the Elders began reading out the names of the boys who had selected girls, and then the names of those girls they had selected. The names were usually done in alphabetical order, and had it been the case that girls picked boys then Penda would have been one of the very last girls to be announced, but it did not work that way unfortunately.
She had been by my side all night, except for the six separate occasions when she’d been asked to dance by fairly attractive suitors, but of the six that asked her dance, I would not trust a single one of them with Penda. Having spent the twenty years of my life with other older girls, I had a natural mistrust of males, and did not expect any male who chose Penda to be gentle with her.
“Baalath Gin.” The Elders voice sounded like the ‘boom’ of a very large drum not two inches from my ear, and the sensation running through my nerves told me that this was when the rest of my life would unfold before my eyes. The boy, a tall, well-formed, dark-haired and tan-skinned being, stepped forward, a proud, slightly cocky smile upon his somewhat narrow face. Baalath walked to the centre of the great hall and turned to face the elders, bowing deeply to them. The head Elder turned his head in the direction of the female line and read the name next to Baalath’s upon the list.
“Penda Xaviera” my heart must have stopped at that very moment, my whole existence froze as I stared at the back of one Baalath Gin, it was now when my restrain and lessons in behaving like a lady failed me and I began to shake lightly. I’d heard Penda gasp beside me, and tossed aside all ‘protocol’ and turned to look at her, but the favour was not returned. Penda gulped hard, and slowly released my hand, I knew if she looked at me she would not have the strength to walk away, and that’s exactly what she did.
Slowly, timidly, Penda followed a similar trail to Baalath towards the centre of the hall, she turned to face the Elders and curtseyed, it had evidently been her gentleness that had attracted Baalath to her, for I saw his smile curl up towards his ears a little more when Penda bowed.
All I could do while the rest of the names were called was stand there and stare at Penda’s back longingly. Dying to ignore the other 105 people in the hall and run to her, embrace her, love her, despite all their gazes. They say, when you die, time stops and your whole life flashes before your eyes, at that moment, I died, but time seemed to accelerate and leave me behind, lulled, trapped in a dying wish. Before I knew it, the boys and their new brides were leaving the hall in pairs.
My eyes were locked on Penda, and I watched as she slowly grew closer to the golden doors, even step she took cut into my heart deeply, as if death himself wielded the weapon that committed each wound. Penda and Baalath reached the door, the small group of Elders stood near gave the pair a small applaus before giving them the instruction to leave the hall.
What do I do? I though, What do I do?! Do I really just let her, the love of my life, the only love of my life, walk out forever? I watched, my mind moving faster than my feet ever had, Penda and Baalath both took a single step forward, a single step closer to my death, before I couldn’t hold it anymore, and my own lung released a sound that even I was shocked to hear, a sound that shattered the silence of the room, and set in motion the cruel twist of fate that I would no doubt suffer for my love.
“PENDA!!” I screamed, the whole hall froze, all eyes suddenly upon me, I looked up, my eyes instantly found Penda’s form, frozen like a statue against the silhouette of the door, slowly but surely, her head turned, and I saw her face, stained with tears, but there was a smile upon her lips, a strong smile. I tossed aside my respect for the Elders and their foolish laws, and ran across the great hall, as fast as my slippered feet would take me. Penda, seeing that our fate was already sealed at my foolishness, pulled her hand from Baalath’s and ran towards me, the tears flowing freely.
Penda dove into my open arms, burying her head into my chest. My arms locked around her tightly, refusing to let her go, all common sense had eluded me, and all I can see was Penda. Penda, Penda. Penda…
We parted from our hold on each other and she leaned up to me, she too had rejected all common sense and like a flash, as if from a dream, something one would only witness in fairy tales, we kissed. And at that moment, all the people in the hall, male, female, or Elder, recoiled and gasped, shocked, stunned, horrified.
Ordered were being called by the Elders, and within moments the hall filled with guards. One seized me, another seized Penda. We knew our fate, even without being told it, and as they prized us apart, our hands stayed locked together, it took an act of violence and for us both to gain bruises for that tight grip to falter. We were taken away, through different doors to different holding cells, fed different food and read different rites. Never before had the grand hall witnessed such an act of selfless, undying love.
* * * * * * * * * *
Two days later, Penda and I met again, the details do not matter. Our hands locked and we walked out into the sunlight together, the whole city stood, watching, awaiting our demise.
“Penda.” I whispered, barely able to speak, “I need to tell you something.”
“And I you.” She replied, “but you first.” I took a deep breath, and quickly, melodically chimed the words as we walked to our death,
“I want to fall asleep, and wake in your world
Gold and white and purple, all in a blur
Passion that over anything I prefer
My love for you, has beautifully curled-
-Up, and now I’m in awe with feeling
Like I never felt before and I’m dreaming
Of those gentle eyes endlessly gleaming
Butterfly kisses that leave me reeling-
-Inside and out, turn me upside down
Got me smiling like I never smiled before
A kind of atmosphere only we can adore
A type of current in which I softly drown-
-To death, but I’m loving it,
Stars and planets don’t matter any more
For you I’d cry for, hell I’d endure
It’s only in your Universe that I fit-
-Like a glove, rainbow colours swirled
Fingertips running that render a purr
Tender words that I happen to slur
Delicate words incessantly hurled-
-Into the empty space, where I’m kneeling
Emotions so amazing you got me screaming
Although on me you’ll always be leaning
There’s still that hint of fate that’s beaming-
-With a wide grin, just like a Clown
But he can’t shake the one I implore
We’ve already beaten that war
Too many times we’ve bore the frown-
-Of sadness, and it always seemed to commit
Existence ripped asunder, I tore
To get to you just like I swore
It’s only with you I want to split-
It’s only in your Universe that I fit…”
I heard Penda choke slightly on tears as we reached the base of the stairs to the wooden stand, and I stopped leaning into her, despite the cries from the guard behind us ushering to move us forward. “Penda?” I exclaimed, asking her foolishly if she was alright, although we were about to meet our end.
“Thank you.” She whispered. “My first, my last, my only love.”
Thanks for reading,
- Jay