Dear Mom (1)
I saw Sister today.
I picked at my face again. I know I shouldn't. I need to get rid of this beard, it's out of control.
She gave me pictures from high school.
I wish you were in at least one of them.
I always thought I had the prettiest mommy. I was smug about it with other kids, because nobody's mom was prettier than mine. You never thought you were pretty, which was stupid.
My shrink and I were talking about you and she said I could still talk to you even without the satisfaction of a response. It's kind of frustrating, but I'm going to try it anyway.
Mom's Boyfriend keeps bugging me about your stupid car. Apparently I fucked up the title when I signed it in the wrong place and the junkyard won't even take it without a proper title. Well, I don't have power of attourney for you because your credit was a completely fucked up situation, and you left us with fifty thousand dollars in medical bills and me in particular with twenty thousand dollars of debt, so...
I told MB's Sister I couldn't help and was really sweet and polite even though she called you his friend and not his girlfriend or common law wife which would have been, you know, accurate.
MB said some froggy shit about you when I was cleaning out your apartment and I will never forgive him ever. But I've been nice, Mother. I've been kind to that stupid old redneck, because you would have wanted me to, and it has been hard.
Dad has said some froggy shit, too, but he's Dad and that's to be expected.
Dad's really been good this year. All things being relative, obviously. Good for Dad would have been unthinkable for you because you were rich in love but financially incompetent. Dad is financially generous but his affection is something like weathering the weather in the Caribbean.
Where he is trying to get me to move. Or at least as close to it as Clearwater, Florida.
Brother says Clearwater is really expensive. He and sister-in-law are moving to north Tampa. The sister's in Philly.
Cat's miaowing. I guess Roommate's home. (Pause)
I don't know what to do with myself. I totally fucked up my first year of teaching and screwed my chances in NC. I don't know how else to put it. shes_unreal and High School Friend invited me to move to Texas. I don't know about Texas. Tornadoes. Heat. I don't know about Florida, either. Mosquitos. Hurricanes. Both places are still in the South and full of rednecks and Republicans.
I'm so tired, Momma. I miss you, as aggravating as you were.
Love you. Bye.