FIC: Jim Kirk, coitus interrupter part 2/4
Fic: Jim Kirk, coitus interrupter part 2
Series: How to bag and keep a Vulcan
Pairing: Kirk/Spock
Fandom: Star Trek 2009
Summary: Spock tries to seek relaxation via engaging in sexual congress with various strangers. Jim is jealous and tries to stop him. Epic cock-blocking and hilarity ensues.
Written originally for the st_xi_kink_meme, crossposted at AO3 and at the kirkspock community.
Rating: Explicit
Disclaimer: I own nothing, it's all just fun and games...
Part 1 is here
Jim Kirk, coitus interrupter part 2
The High King obviously didn’t like his wife making doe eyes at Bones, but instead of like banishing her from their chambers or something he threw Bones into his dungeon. Jim was furious and angry and it took Uhura quite some time to translate his swearing into something resembling diplomatic talk. All got cleared up, though, they are back on the ship, treaty still intact and getting the hell out of here before another Kasychian tries to kill his best friend. Apparently saying “hello” to another man’s wife in Kasych means an invitation for adultery.
This is so getting into his report, as soon as he manages to coax Bones out of hiding and Spock stops wanting to kill him. The guards ripped Bones’ robe something fierce, and he had to walk to sickbay in a pretty tiny loincloth. Most of the female crew approved, but Bones was blushing and yelling and refuses to come out of his office before all the pictures taken are deleted.
He knows why Spock is angry, but he refuses to feel sorry for cock-blocking his Vulcan. Spock really shouldn’t let himself be felt up by strange aliens or stroll around barely covered by a see-through cloth and Jim made sure to tell him so. Spock looked murderous, but Jim doesn’t care and disallowed Spock from returning to Kasych to “conclude their diplomatic talks in a more polite way”. Yeah, right.
Spock’s place is next to Jim, or maybe underneath him, but it will be a cold day in hell before Spock agrees to that. So, if Jim can’t get any, Spock won’t get any, simple as that. Also he will never admit that he took pictures of Spock in his robe and watched them quite a lot since Kasych, in bed and behind his desk and even in the shower once.
-----
The last 7.3 weeks have been quite stressful. It has been 10.6 weeks since he last engaged in coitus and Spock finds himself quite… anxious. Neither meditation nor taking the matter into his own hands, so to speak, have any discernible amount of effect in calming him and his… mood is starting to affect his behavior. Even the Doctor seems somewhat pleasing to Spock’s eyes now, which is clearly a sign that he should seek immediate solution for his problem.
They have been ordered to help with an outbreak of Carrion Fever on Thetis. Before travelling to this planet they were directed to Starbase 17 where they are to stock up on supplies and retrieve vaccines. This procedure will surely last several hours, if not a whole day and the Captain has granted permission for every interested crewmember to visit the base. Spock will use this opportunity and seek company. And this time, he will succeed.
-----
Spock enters the bar and is instantly approached by two Cardassians. He politely declines their invitation and walks towards the bar. After all, one should always survey all available merchandise before picking the optimal one. And the merchandise offered in this establishment looks very promising, indeed.
Spock is content to sip his water and watch, for now. He has time. The Captain is safely engaged in his dinner with the Doctor and will not be here to interrupt Spock again.
-----
Dinner is great. And Starfleet is great. And Bones is great, and his crew and his life are great. And these drinks are great! All pink and pretty. He wants another one.
“Kid, I think you had enough.”
“Nooo! There’s never enough, only too much.”
“That… made pretty much no sense at all.”
“Bones! My friend. You’re my best friend, you know?”
“I know, kid, I know.”
Jim tries to pat Bones’ hand but somehow ends up patting his forehead. Well, the intention counts. Yay! The barkeeper brings a new round. These drinks are awesome. And Bones is awesome!
“You’re my best friend in the whole universe. You’re awesome, you know? And I’m not just saying that. You’re smart and cute and prickly and all soft and squishy on the inside, and…”
“Stop! I get it. … Thanks.”
“You’re welcome!” Jim beams. Bones understands him. “You understand me, Bones, and you’re my friend.”
“I know. You think maybe we should take a walk? You look like you could use some air.”
“Okay. But I don’t need air. I need Spock, you know? Although Spock is like air, kind of. All silent and you think it’s gentle and weak, and then he blows you away like…”
“Oh God, not this again.”
“… like a storm. Yeah, a thunderstorm, with thunder and lightning and Spock is awesome, you know? And I need him. Bones, I need him and where is he?”
“I don’t know, Jim, I don’t know and I don’t wanna know, he’s probably in some gay bar or having unemotional robot-sex with random strangers, and I really don’t wanna think about it.”
“What? No! He can’t be! I need him! He can’t go hook up with somebody else, he should hook up with me! I have to find him. Computer, locate Commander Spock!”
“Commander Spock is currently located at the “Hole-in-one”, deck 13 quadrant 6.”
“Let’s go, Bones! We have to find Spock! Come on come on come on!”
“… I really shouldn’t have said that.”
-----
Spock does not know whom to choose. The Klingon is a strong possibility. Spock has never engaged in coitus with a member of this species, but their strength and obvious masculinity have always fascinated him, as have the rumors about their remarkable stamina. On the other hand, the Orion’s experience as proven by the intriguing suggestions whispered in his ear is similarly exciting. Hmm. So many choices.
His musings are interrupted by an unfamiliar hand on his posterior. Spock turns and looks at the person attached to it. Paw would be a more appropriate term for the appendage which is now caressing him. A Gerian, or “Bear-man”. How interesting. Spock allows himself to be drawn closer to the other. The Gerian smiles, showing sharp fangs, and growls playfully. Spock opens his mouth and shows his own teeth. Clearly he remembered his lesson about Gerian customs correctly, this is indeed the proper way to show sexual interest, as is proven by the sudden erection pressed against his tigh. Spock bares his neck and is rewarded by another growl. He smiles inwardly. He leaves his arms at his sides, aware that a submissive pose is most arousing to Gerians. The “Bear-man” clearly approves and starts roaming his paws over Spock’s upper body. The carefully trimmed claws drag delightfully against cloth and skin and Spock shudders in pleasure. It seems like he made his decision.
Suddenly there are four paws petting him. Spock turns his head and finds another Gerian at his back. One in front, one behind, both Gerians are pressed close and stroking him, their growls sending shivers up Spock’s spine. The soft fur feels most pleasant against his skin, and the faint red welts rising behind their claws feel tight and hot. Clearly, this has been the right choice.
-----
Leonard is panting. Jim can be goddamned fast if he wants to be, and he seems to think he has a pretty good reason for running. Leonard doesn’t want to think about this reason or what Jim’s about to do, but he feels obliged to follow the kid. Probably will injure himself on someone’s fist sooner rather than later, although Leonard is still undecided whether Spock will punch Jim, or his thwarted one-night-stand, or maybe if he’s gonna hit the kid himself if the idiot won’t stop right now. Still, Jim runs in an amazingly straight line for being that drunk.
They come up to the stupid bar, and the god-awful pun that is its name is flashing at them in neon brightness. Leonard does not want to go in there, not the least bit, but Jim’s racing straight towards the door.
Which opens and releases Spock. Thank God.
Wait. Oh no. There are two furry… things with the Vulcan, standing close, and, oh God, their paws on Spock’s ass and his eyes are gonna bleed. And Jim, stupid idiot that he is, is running up to them and, hell, throws his arms around Spock.
The Vulcan staggers back, nearly bowled down by his sudden appendage, arms rising instinctively to catch Jim before the idiot makes them both fall over. The… bears stop and stare. Leonard finally manages to catch up to the group, arriving just in time to hear Jim’s pathetic whining.
“… looked all over for you, Spock! I missed you and wow, you’re hot. And strong. And hot. Where have you been?”
Spock is trying to untangle himself, but to no avail. Jim’s octopus arms are clamped securely around the Vulcan’s neck, like a vice. Leonard thinks it’s hilarious, especially since Spock is scowling at Jim and at the same time trying to shoot the bear-things apologetic looks.
“Captain. Remove yourself from my person right this instant.”
“Dun wanna. You’re warm. I missed you. Who are those people?”
Now Jim’s glaring at the bear-things, who are tall and mean-looking and have fangs, for God’s sake, and the kid has the survival instinct of a mayfly. Leonard hurries closer and puts himself between his idiot captain and the two aliens. He gives them his most vicious glare and hopes as hell they’re not starting a fight.
They don’t. Leonard wants to think it was his scowl that made them leave, but it’s more likely Jim throwing up all over the floor did the trick.
He and Spock haul Jim’s ass back to the Enterprise, where Leonard finds out that Jim wasn’t actually drunk, but had an allergic reaction to one of the fruits in his pretty pink drinks. He shoves a couple of hypos into the kid’s neck and is content to leave him to deal with his nausea - he’s earned that - and Spock. The Vulcan was pretty annoyed at first and accused Jim of “faking sickness in order to disturb my recreational ventures”, but his anger quickly turned into worry when Jim started convulsing.
It’s kinda sweet, really, Spock sitting next to his captain, prim and proper, distracting him from nausea with chess and tales about his childhood pet - any minute now they’re gonna start braiding each other’s hair. Or, it would be sweet if the view wouldn’t make Leonard gag from all the doe eyes Jim is giving the Vulcan.
-----
Nyota loves Spock, she really does. Even if it didn’t work out between them - and she could kick herself for not noticing earlier that the Vulcan looked at shapely behinds way more than at shapely bosoms - they are still friends, and very close ones at that. They talk about their problems and family and guys, Spock even goes shopping with her for goodness sake. Still, if one more Ensign comes running to her because the Commander kicked his puppy or something, she’ll have to kill Spock.
So, she strides along the corridor, ponytail swinging, long legs stretching with each wide step. She knows she’s hot, thank you, and Spock himself told her that she looks “especially appealing when moved by irritation or anger”. Well, in about ten seconds he’ll get to see that appeal up close and personal.
Nyota buzzes his room and taps her foot impatiently until the Vulcan opens. Spock inclines his head and opens his mouth for a greeting, but Nyota won’t have that. She’s on a roll, and that smooth velvety voice won’t break her stride. She breezes past him, ignoring the raised eyebrow and stands in the middle of his room, arms crossed and glaring.
“What the hell do you think you are doing?”
“At this moment, I am standing here looking at you. If you are referring to anything else I might be doing at any point during the day, you will have to provide a more detailed query.”
“Don’t give me that! Denise Shusha came to me, crying, because you told her she obviously got her degree at the lottery?”
Spock looks rather taken aback at that. “I said no such thing.”
“You know what I mean! This is the sixth time I had to deal with Ensigns you made cry, Spock, and it’s getting kind of boring. What the hell is your problem?”
Spock opens his mouth and closes it again. Nyota glares at him until he nods. “Very well. If you would like to sit?”
She doesn’t. “Tell me, Spock. What’s up with you? I know you work a lot, but this has to stop. It’s obvious you’re stressed, but you can’t take that out on the crew.”
Spock clears his throat. “You are correct, of course. I will apologize to the crew members in question and in the future attempt to exercise more restraint in my dealings with them.”
“Good.” Nyota glares a little more until Spock looks suitably abashed, only then she deigns to sit. Spock makes her some tea and they relax on the couch.
“Seriously, what’s up? I’ve never seen you so keyed-up and stressed, not even during finals. Are you meditating enough?”
“Medidation has proven unhelpful in this situation. And during finals I procured… different means of relaxation.”
“What do you mean?”
If she didn’t now Spock better, Nyota would say he fidgets. “You are, of course, aware of my preference for males.”
“Right.”
“On Earth it has been simple to obtain companionship, for… recreational purposes.”
Oh. Oooh. Right.
“Since my posting aboard this vessel, however it has proven decidedly more difficult to encounter such company. Therefore, I find myself somewhat… agitated.”
“I get it. You obviously can’t sleep with anyone under your command, but what about shore leave? We’re constantly visiting other planets, surely there must have been some way for you to hook up with somebody?”
“Indeed. I have tried several times to ‘hook up’, as you call it, but all my attempts were thwarted. The Captain has an uncanny ability to always need help at the most untimely moments.”
Wait, what? “Are you saying that James T. Kirk stopped you from seducing random strangers? Every time?”
“I would not phrase it in such a way, but essentially you are correct.”
Jesus. She can’t believe it. Jim cock-blocking the Vulcan, that’s hilarious. Clearly Kirk has a death wish. Or maybe he’s jealous. Hey, that’s it! Kirk is always cranky and moody after shore-leave. He’s jealous! He wants Spock all for himself! Oh, this is perfect. Suddenly, she’s neither angry at Spock nor worried about him, but feels decidedly cheerful, and maybe a little wicked.
She puts her tea cup away and pats Spock’s knee.
“Don’t worry, I’ll help you! It would be a surprise if we didn’t find you a nice guy tonight. Come with me! You’re going to put on the most sexy outfit we can manage and go blow everyone’s mind.”
Spock stands and straightens his uniform. “You are beautiful and intelligent as well as kind, Nyota. Your assistance is greatly appreciated.”
“No problem, Spock! I bought you a very nice pair of fake-leather pants last shore-leave. They were meant for your birthday, but clearly this is a special occasion that needs some very tight pants. I’ll call Gaila over, too, she is an artist with eye-liner.”
Spock raises an intrigued eyebrow and follows her. Nyota can’t wait to see how he’ll look. And Kirk’s face will be great.
-----
Spock is standing in front of Nyota’s mirror. He turns this way and that, checking the fitting of his tight, tight fake-leather pants and the black muscle shirt. Nyota has to fan herself a little, because Spock looks hot. Dressed all in black, shirt showing off his muscular shoulders and the slender neck, pants clinging to his firm thighs, knee-length boots emphasizing his long legs. The pants look like they are painted on, and it’s obvious Spock wears nothing underneath. Spock’s hair has been artfully tousled by Nyota’s expert hands, a hint of glitter is dusted high on his cheeks and his eyes, God. Those long lashes, and the eye-liner makes them seem even darker, fathomless black pits, like you could drown in them and never see the sun again. Yeah, Spock is smoking hot, and it’s totally unfair that this guy’s not into girls.
“Wow.”
“Hell yes. Spock, you look gorgeous. Sure you don’t wanna hook up with me? I have a strap-on. It’s purple.”
“Thank you, Gaila, for you offer, but I must decline. However talented you undoubtedly are with this sexual aid, I myself have a distinct preference for living flesh.”
“Too bad. It would’ve been so hot.”
Gaila pouts a little. Spock raises an indulgent eyebrow at her and turns back to the mirror. He and Gaila have gotten quite close, a surprise to most people who assume a Vulcan and a Orion could never be friends. They share a lot of experiences, though, have bonded over being the only member of their species serving in Starfleet and the difficulties that came with it, and also over the fact that they share a mutual dislike for underwear. Nyota is happy for them, neither of the two has all that many real friends, and their easy camaraderie is a delight. Gaila makes inappropriate comments and propositions Spock at every opportunity, he retaliates with his dry and quirky humor. It’s amazing and sweet and she’s never laughed as much as in their company.
“So, we’re ready? Let’s go!” Gaila hops up from the couch, hair floating around her head like a fiery cloud. Her obvious excitement is infecting, and Nyota suddenly wants to jump around like she does. She won’t, though, someone has to stay responsible. Plus, she has plans.
“Yeah, let’s go.”
“Gaila, are you sure you are ready to leave? You appear to be wearing underwear, this time, but you seem to have forgotten the rest of your attire.”
“No, I haven’t, it’s supposed to look like that. Isn’t it great? This bra makes my boobs look enormous.”
“Indeed. One might think you were desperate for a male’s attention.”
Nyota laughs, Spock quirks an eyebrow and even Gaila sniggers. Nyota stands and beckons Spock. “Zip my dress for me?”
Spock does, and when she turns around he grasps her hand for a moment and touches it softly to his lips. “Thank you, Nyota. It is an honor to be your friend.”
She’s blushing, furiously, and has to clear her throat. Spock hasn’t let go of her hand, yet, and she turns it and presses her palm briefly against his face. “It’s an honor for me, too.”
“What about me?”
Gaila interrupts the tender moment, and Nyota’s glad for it, before she bursts into tears. Also her make-up would never survive it.
Spock lets go of her hand and bows briefly towards the Orion. Nyota marvels how he’s able to bend over in those pants, but his ass looks great like that.
“Forgive me, dear Gaila. I cherish our friendship, as well. You are much like the sister I never had, if one disregards your constant invitations for intercourse.”
Gaila beams at the compliment. “Why thank you, Mr. Spock! Whoever said that Vulcans had no idea of sweet-talk clearly didn’t know them.”
Spock gives her his Vulcan smile and gallantly offers his arms to both women. “Shall we?”
-----
Writing reports is boring as hell. Jim eyes the mountain-high stack in his in-box and then the three lonely PADDs in his out-box. Jesus, so much work to do. Whoever said that being the Captain of a starship was all fun and games and exploring and meeting strange new cultures clearly didn’t know about the avalanche of paperwork that comes with this job. Or was a terrible liar.
Jim sighs and thumps his head against his desk. This sucks. He had to decline Sulu’s invitation go surfing, because he’s the Captain and the Captain finishes his paperwork on time. The Captain is adult and responsible and won’t go on shore leave before this whole mountain of reports is dealt with. The Captain says no to shore leave, to sandy beaches and blue oceans and awesome waves and pretty pink drinks… Yeah, the Captain is responsible and won’t leave this room as long as there’s still a single PADD left in his in-box.
He decides to go annoy Bones.
Continued in part 3
Series: How to bag and keep a Vulcan
Pairing: Kirk/Spock
Fandom: Star Trek 2009
Summary: Spock tries to seek relaxation via engaging in sexual congress with various strangers. Jim is jealous and tries to stop him. Epic cock-blocking and hilarity ensues.
Written originally for the st_xi_kink_meme, crossposted at AO3 and at the kirkspock community.
Rating: Explicit
Disclaimer: I own nothing, it's all just fun and games...
Part 1 is here
Jim Kirk, coitus interrupter part 2
The High King obviously didn’t like his wife making doe eyes at Bones, but instead of like banishing her from their chambers or something he threw Bones into his dungeon. Jim was furious and angry and it took Uhura quite some time to translate his swearing into something resembling diplomatic talk. All got cleared up, though, they are back on the ship, treaty still intact and getting the hell out of here before another Kasychian tries to kill his best friend. Apparently saying “hello” to another man’s wife in Kasych means an invitation for adultery.
This is so getting into his report, as soon as he manages to coax Bones out of hiding and Spock stops wanting to kill him. The guards ripped Bones’ robe something fierce, and he had to walk to sickbay in a pretty tiny loincloth. Most of the female crew approved, but Bones was blushing and yelling and refuses to come out of his office before all the pictures taken are deleted.
He knows why Spock is angry, but he refuses to feel sorry for cock-blocking his Vulcan. Spock really shouldn’t let himself be felt up by strange aliens or stroll around barely covered by a see-through cloth and Jim made sure to tell him so. Spock looked murderous, but Jim doesn’t care and disallowed Spock from returning to Kasych to “conclude their diplomatic talks in a more polite way”. Yeah, right.
Spock’s place is next to Jim, or maybe underneath him, but it will be a cold day in hell before Spock agrees to that. So, if Jim can’t get any, Spock won’t get any, simple as that. Also he will never admit that he took pictures of Spock in his robe and watched them quite a lot since Kasych, in bed and behind his desk and even in the shower once.
-----
The last 7.3 weeks have been quite stressful. It has been 10.6 weeks since he last engaged in coitus and Spock finds himself quite… anxious. Neither meditation nor taking the matter into his own hands, so to speak, have any discernible amount of effect in calming him and his… mood is starting to affect his behavior. Even the Doctor seems somewhat pleasing to Spock’s eyes now, which is clearly a sign that he should seek immediate solution for his problem.
They have been ordered to help with an outbreak of Carrion Fever on Thetis. Before travelling to this planet they were directed to Starbase 17 where they are to stock up on supplies and retrieve vaccines. This procedure will surely last several hours, if not a whole day and the Captain has granted permission for every interested crewmember to visit the base. Spock will use this opportunity and seek company. And this time, he will succeed.
-----
Spock enters the bar and is instantly approached by two Cardassians. He politely declines their invitation and walks towards the bar. After all, one should always survey all available merchandise before picking the optimal one. And the merchandise offered in this establishment looks very promising, indeed.
Spock is content to sip his water and watch, for now. He has time. The Captain is safely engaged in his dinner with the Doctor and will not be here to interrupt Spock again.
-----
Dinner is great. And Starfleet is great. And Bones is great, and his crew and his life are great. And these drinks are great! All pink and pretty. He wants another one.
“Kid, I think you had enough.”
“Nooo! There’s never enough, only too much.”
“That… made pretty much no sense at all.”
“Bones! My friend. You’re my best friend, you know?”
“I know, kid, I know.”
Jim tries to pat Bones’ hand but somehow ends up patting his forehead. Well, the intention counts. Yay! The barkeeper brings a new round. These drinks are awesome. And Bones is awesome!
“You’re my best friend in the whole universe. You’re awesome, you know? And I’m not just saying that. You’re smart and cute and prickly and all soft and squishy on the inside, and…”
“Stop! I get it. … Thanks.”
“You’re welcome!” Jim beams. Bones understands him. “You understand me, Bones, and you’re my friend.”
“I know. You think maybe we should take a walk? You look like you could use some air.”
“Okay. But I don’t need air. I need Spock, you know? Although Spock is like air, kind of. All silent and you think it’s gentle and weak, and then he blows you away like…”
“Oh God, not this again.”
“… like a storm. Yeah, a thunderstorm, with thunder and lightning and Spock is awesome, you know? And I need him. Bones, I need him and where is he?”
“I don’t know, Jim, I don’t know and I don’t wanna know, he’s probably in some gay bar or having unemotional robot-sex with random strangers, and I really don’t wanna think about it.”
“What? No! He can’t be! I need him! He can’t go hook up with somebody else, he should hook up with me! I have to find him. Computer, locate Commander Spock!”
“Commander Spock is currently located at the “Hole-in-one”, deck 13 quadrant 6.”
“Let’s go, Bones! We have to find Spock! Come on come on come on!”
“… I really shouldn’t have said that.”
-----
Spock does not know whom to choose. The Klingon is a strong possibility. Spock has never engaged in coitus with a member of this species, but their strength and obvious masculinity have always fascinated him, as have the rumors about their remarkable stamina. On the other hand, the Orion’s experience as proven by the intriguing suggestions whispered in his ear is similarly exciting. Hmm. So many choices.
His musings are interrupted by an unfamiliar hand on his posterior. Spock turns and looks at the person attached to it. Paw would be a more appropriate term for the appendage which is now caressing him. A Gerian, or “Bear-man”. How interesting. Spock allows himself to be drawn closer to the other. The Gerian smiles, showing sharp fangs, and growls playfully. Spock opens his mouth and shows his own teeth. Clearly he remembered his lesson about Gerian customs correctly, this is indeed the proper way to show sexual interest, as is proven by the sudden erection pressed against his tigh. Spock bares his neck and is rewarded by another growl. He smiles inwardly. He leaves his arms at his sides, aware that a submissive pose is most arousing to Gerians. The “Bear-man” clearly approves and starts roaming his paws over Spock’s upper body. The carefully trimmed claws drag delightfully against cloth and skin and Spock shudders in pleasure. It seems like he made his decision.
Suddenly there are four paws petting him. Spock turns his head and finds another Gerian at his back. One in front, one behind, both Gerians are pressed close and stroking him, their growls sending shivers up Spock’s spine. The soft fur feels most pleasant against his skin, and the faint red welts rising behind their claws feel tight and hot. Clearly, this has been the right choice.
-----
Leonard is panting. Jim can be goddamned fast if he wants to be, and he seems to think he has a pretty good reason for running. Leonard doesn’t want to think about this reason or what Jim’s about to do, but he feels obliged to follow the kid. Probably will injure himself on someone’s fist sooner rather than later, although Leonard is still undecided whether Spock will punch Jim, or his thwarted one-night-stand, or maybe if he’s gonna hit the kid himself if the idiot won’t stop right now. Still, Jim runs in an amazingly straight line for being that drunk.
They come up to the stupid bar, and the god-awful pun that is its name is flashing at them in neon brightness. Leonard does not want to go in there, not the least bit, but Jim’s racing straight towards the door.
Which opens and releases Spock. Thank God.
Wait. Oh no. There are two furry… things with the Vulcan, standing close, and, oh God, their paws on Spock’s ass and his eyes are gonna bleed. And Jim, stupid idiot that he is, is running up to them and, hell, throws his arms around Spock.
The Vulcan staggers back, nearly bowled down by his sudden appendage, arms rising instinctively to catch Jim before the idiot makes them both fall over. The… bears stop and stare. Leonard finally manages to catch up to the group, arriving just in time to hear Jim’s pathetic whining.
“… looked all over for you, Spock! I missed you and wow, you’re hot. And strong. And hot. Where have you been?”
Spock is trying to untangle himself, but to no avail. Jim’s octopus arms are clamped securely around the Vulcan’s neck, like a vice. Leonard thinks it’s hilarious, especially since Spock is scowling at Jim and at the same time trying to shoot the bear-things apologetic looks.
“Captain. Remove yourself from my person right this instant.”
“Dun wanna. You’re warm. I missed you. Who are those people?”
Now Jim’s glaring at the bear-things, who are tall and mean-looking and have fangs, for God’s sake, and the kid has the survival instinct of a mayfly. Leonard hurries closer and puts himself between his idiot captain and the two aliens. He gives them his most vicious glare and hopes as hell they’re not starting a fight.
They don’t. Leonard wants to think it was his scowl that made them leave, but it’s more likely Jim throwing up all over the floor did the trick.
He and Spock haul Jim’s ass back to the Enterprise, where Leonard finds out that Jim wasn’t actually drunk, but had an allergic reaction to one of the fruits in his pretty pink drinks. He shoves a couple of hypos into the kid’s neck and is content to leave him to deal with his nausea - he’s earned that - and Spock. The Vulcan was pretty annoyed at first and accused Jim of “faking sickness in order to disturb my recreational ventures”, but his anger quickly turned into worry when Jim started convulsing.
It’s kinda sweet, really, Spock sitting next to his captain, prim and proper, distracting him from nausea with chess and tales about his childhood pet - any minute now they’re gonna start braiding each other’s hair. Or, it would be sweet if the view wouldn’t make Leonard gag from all the doe eyes Jim is giving the Vulcan.
-----
Nyota loves Spock, she really does. Even if it didn’t work out between them - and she could kick herself for not noticing earlier that the Vulcan looked at shapely behinds way more than at shapely bosoms - they are still friends, and very close ones at that. They talk about their problems and family and guys, Spock even goes shopping with her for goodness sake. Still, if one more Ensign comes running to her because the Commander kicked his puppy or something, she’ll have to kill Spock.
So, she strides along the corridor, ponytail swinging, long legs stretching with each wide step. She knows she’s hot, thank you, and Spock himself told her that she looks “especially appealing when moved by irritation or anger”. Well, in about ten seconds he’ll get to see that appeal up close and personal.
Nyota buzzes his room and taps her foot impatiently until the Vulcan opens. Spock inclines his head and opens his mouth for a greeting, but Nyota won’t have that. She’s on a roll, and that smooth velvety voice won’t break her stride. She breezes past him, ignoring the raised eyebrow and stands in the middle of his room, arms crossed and glaring.
“What the hell do you think you are doing?”
“At this moment, I am standing here looking at you. If you are referring to anything else I might be doing at any point during the day, you will have to provide a more detailed query.”
“Don’t give me that! Denise Shusha came to me, crying, because you told her she obviously got her degree at the lottery?”
Spock looks rather taken aback at that. “I said no such thing.”
“You know what I mean! This is the sixth time I had to deal with Ensigns you made cry, Spock, and it’s getting kind of boring. What the hell is your problem?”
Spock opens his mouth and closes it again. Nyota glares at him until he nods. “Very well. If you would like to sit?”
She doesn’t. “Tell me, Spock. What’s up with you? I know you work a lot, but this has to stop. It’s obvious you’re stressed, but you can’t take that out on the crew.”
Spock clears his throat. “You are correct, of course. I will apologize to the crew members in question and in the future attempt to exercise more restraint in my dealings with them.”
“Good.” Nyota glares a little more until Spock looks suitably abashed, only then she deigns to sit. Spock makes her some tea and they relax on the couch.
“Seriously, what’s up? I’ve never seen you so keyed-up and stressed, not even during finals. Are you meditating enough?”
“Medidation has proven unhelpful in this situation. And during finals I procured… different means of relaxation.”
“What do you mean?”
If she didn’t now Spock better, Nyota would say he fidgets. “You are, of course, aware of my preference for males.”
“Right.”
“On Earth it has been simple to obtain companionship, for… recreational purposes.”
Oh. Oooh. Right.
“Since my posting aboard this vessel, however it has proven decidedly more difficult to encounter such company. Therefore, I find myself somewhat… agitated.”
“I get it. You obviously can’t sleep with anyone under your command, but what about shore leave? We’re constantly visiting other planets, surely there must have been some way for you to hook up with somebody?”
“Indeed. I have tried several times to ‘hook up’, as you call it, but all my attempts were thwarted. The Captain has an uncanny ability to always need help at the most untimely moments.”
Wait, what? “Are you saying that James T. Kirk stopped you from seducing random strangers? Every time?”
“I would not phrase it in such a way, but essentially you are correct.”
Jesus. She can’t believe it. Jim cock-blocking the Vulcan, that’s hilarious. Clearly Kirk has a death wish. Or maybe he’s jealous. Hey, that’s it! Kirk is always cranky and moody after shore-leave. He’s jealous! He wants Spock all for himself! Oh, this is perfect. Suddenly, she’s neither angry at Spock nor worried about him, but feels decidedly cheerful, and maybe a little wicked.
She puts her tea cup away and pats Spock’s knee.
“Don’t worry, I’ll help you! It would be a surprise if we didn’t find you a nice guy tonight. Come with me! You’re going to put on the most sexy outfit we can manage and go blow everyone’s mind.”
Spock stands and straightens his uniform. “You are beautiful and intelligent as well as kind, Nyota. Your assistance is greatly appreciated.”
“No problem, Spock! I bought you a very nice pair of fake-leather pants last shore-leave. They were meant for your birthday, but clearly this is a special occasion that needs some very tight pants. I’ll call Gaila over, too, she is an artist with eye-liner.”
Spock raises an intrigued eyebrow and follows her. Nyota can’t wait to see how he’ll look. And Kirk’s face will be great.
-----
Spock is standing in front of Nyota’s mirror. He turns this way and that, checking the fitting of his tight, tight fake-leather pants and the black muscle shirt. Nyota has to fan herself a little, because Spock looks hot. Dressed all in black, shirt showing off his muscular shoulders and the slender neck, pants clinging to his firm thighs, knee-length boots emphasizing his long legs. The pants look like they are painted on, and it’s obvious Spock wears nothing underneath. Spock’s hair has been artfully tousled by Nyota’s expert hands, a hint of glitter is dusted high on his cheeks and his eyes, God. Those long lashes, and the eye-liner makes them seem even darker, fathomless black pits, like you could drown in them and never see the sun again. Yeah, Spock is smoking hot, and it’s totally unfair that this guy’s not into girls.
“Wow.”
“Hell yes. Spock, you look gorgeous. Sure you don’t wanna hook up with me? I have a strap-on. It’s purple.”
“Thank you, Gaila, for you offer, but I must decline. However talented you undoubtedly are with this sexual aid, I myself have a distinct preference for living flesh.”
“Too bad. It would’ve been so hot.”
Gaila pouts a little. Spock raises an indulgent eyebrow at her and turns back to the mirror. He and Gaila have gotten quite close, a surprise to most people who assume a Vulcan and a Orion could never be friends. They share a lot of experiences, though, have bonded over being the only member of their species serving in Starfleet and the difficulties that came with it, and also over the fact that they share a mutual dislike for underwear. Nyota is happy for them, neither of the two has all that many real friends, and their easy camaraderie is a delight. Gaila makes inappropriate comments and propositions Spock at every opportunity, he retaliates with his dry and quirky humor. It’s amazing and sweet and she’s never laughed as much as in their company.
“So, we’re ready? Let’s go!” Gaila hops up from the couch, hair floating around her head like a fiery cloud. Her obvious excitement is infecting, and Nyota suddenly wants to jump around like she does. She won’t, though, someone has to stay responsible. Plus, she has plans.
“Yeah, let’s go.”
“Gaila, are you sure you are ready to leave? You appear to be wearing underwear, this time, but you seem to have forgotten the rest of your attire.”
“No, I haven’t, it’s supposed to look like that. Isn’t it great? This bra makes my boobs look enormous.”
“Indeed. One might think you were desperate for a male’s attention.”
Nyota laughs, Spock quirks an eyebrow and even Gaila sniggers. Nyota stands and beckons Spock. “Zip my dress for me?”
Spock does, and when she turns around he grasps her hand for a moment and touches it softly to his lips. “Thank you, Nyota. It is an honor to be your friend.”
She’s blushing, furiously, and has to clear her throat. Spock hasn’t let go of her hand, yet, and she turns it and presses her palm briefly against his face. “It’s an honor for me, too.”
“What about me?”
Gaila interrupts the tender moment, and Nyota’s glad for it, before she bursts into tears. Also her make-up would never survive it.
Spock lets go of her hand and bows briefly towards the Orion. Nyota marvels how he’s able to bend over in those pants, but his ass looks great like that.
“Forgive me, dear Gaila. I cherish our friendship, as well. You are much like the sister I never had, if one disregards your constant invitations for intercourse.”
Gaila beams at the compliment. “Why thank you, Mr. Spock! Whoever said that Vulcans had no idea of sweet-talk clearly didn’t know them.”
Spock gives her his Vulcan smile and gallantly offers his arms to both women. “Shall we?”
-----
Writing reports is boring as hell. Jim eyes the mountain-high stack in his in-box and then the three lonely PADDs in his out-box. Jesus, so much work to do. Whoever said that being the Captain of a starship was all fun and games and exploring and meeting strange new cultures clearly didn’t know about the avalanche of paperwork that comes with this job. Or was a terrible liar.
Jim sighs and thumps his head against his desk. This sucks. He had to decline Sulu’s invitation go surfing, because he’s the Captain and the Captain finishes his paperwork on time. The Captain is adult and responsible and won’t go on shore leave before this whole mountain of reports is dealt with. The Captain says no to shore leave, to sandy beaches and blue oceans and awesome waves and pretty pink drinks… Yeah, the Captain is responsible and won’t leave this room as long as there’s still a single PADD left in his in-box.
He decides to go annoy Bones.
Continued in part 3