catching up, 5

[americanleaguer]

Comments

[reveritas]

Yikes. Yikes!

I have to say, though, this is my favorite sentence:
The syringe hove into view again

That's gorgeous usage right there, that is. That's something Jon Miller would say.

[americanleaguer]

Now imagining Jon Miller doing a dramatic reading of this. Jon Miller dramatically reading Nolan Ryan blowjob scene. Mmm, yup, brain has exploded.

[ravensgurl211]

As a Urbina fan, oh god was this chapter hard to read. But, you did it (and Pudge's reactions) such great justice that it was worth the tears prickling in my eyes.

[americanleaguer]

It all seems so insane and dramatic, like it has to be totally invented... like, a fight on the plane, really? A machete, really? If I hadn't been framing around real events I never, ever would have thought to have it take those turns. o.O

[ravensgurl211]

Hahahha, yes. His life is like a (fucked up and sad) movie. But, I did like that since it was Pudge doing the 'talking' - he was using all the excuses in his head that I used as well (Urby's mother, how crappy my poor Venezuela actually is, alcoholism, you know, things like that) to justify the even though Urbina was kind of a little fucked up and flaky to begin with - something like that had to have another reason then just 'oh crap, Urbina is as fucked up as people say!'

I did love the touch that Inge went to Pudge about 'the problem' instead of management though.

[americanleaguer]

Did you see Ozzie Guillen going off on Sean Penn about Venezuela? What a mess.

I did like that since it was Pudge doing the 'talking' - he was using all the excuses in his head that I used as well

I always worry with a semi-tight third person point of view, am I making the narration too omniscient? Am I holding it too tightly to the character's point of view? But yes, that's exactly right-- we as readers can clearly see that Ugie is, yanno, off his rocker, but we're also supposed to see that Pudge has trouble with that in some ways.