The Future And Beyond
[N'sync/BSB] [Chris/Nick/AJ] [PG...ish?]
This was written when we tested out the MTYG system, and in her request, ephemera asked for talking animals, spaceships, and pirates, if I could wrangle them in. ... I did my best? ;D
The Future And Beyond
So a penguin walks into a spaceship, right--
Okay, the strange animal in the Captain's cabin? Totally not Nick's fault.
See, Chris had been busy arguing with some other Pirate Captain about their nutrition supplement trading deal (it's Earth season, but they're running low on the Meatloaf and Cereal flavors, and apparently Broccoli isn't going to cut it) and it's not like Chris doesn't know how Nick gets after extended periods without sex.
He'd only meant to open the porthole for a second, anyway, just to test his new Constellation Capturer. Chris isn't all thrilled that Nick's still experimenting after their ship almost went up in flames with ConCap 5.0, but 5.5 seems to be doing her job, and it's a good way to conserve on space fuel, so Chris doesn't complain too much.
Anyway, the thing is, Nick only opens the porthole for a second, just long enough for ConCap to work her magic, when suddenly this huge black and white thing comes bowling into him, knocking him back onto the bed. "Oof," Nick says.
(Seriously, okay? The thing is, like, half his size, and twice as heavy.)
Now they're on opposite ends of the room, Nick kind of crouching and watching and waiting for it to do something, while it stares forlornly back at him with no clear intention of doing anything but staring forlornly back at him, and Nick is thinking about approaching it with a friendly smile when Chris chooses to barge into the room, grumbling loudly. "I swear to god, I'm going to fucking murder Norringt--AHHHH! What the hell, Nick?"
After Nick gets Chris to stop flailing, they sit down and figure out that the thing is actually a penguin. "Like, a penguin penguin?" Nick asks, in wonderment. "A supposedly-extinct-five-hundred-light-years-ago penguin?"
"Looks that way," Chris nods gravely, just before he reaches out to give the penguin a gentle pet on its beak. He's taking this all much better than Nick anticipated. The expression on Chris' face grows thoughtful, then. "I wonder if it'll eat all those Broccoli supplements Jack Sparrow sent back?"
It turns out the penguin will eat just about anything they feed it - not that Nick's tried. He grows kind of fond of it, really, and spends most of his free time with it. Space can be a little lonely, especially when your boyfriend is a paranoid Pirate Captain of a Trading Ship who refuses any crew offers because he's convinced they're all out to take over his stock. It doesn't help that Nick's a wanted man in just about every single Space-Time Continuum either, but they don't talk about that anymore. Plus, Captain Norrington is being kind of an asshole about the supplements lately, and Chris is spending long hours cooped up in his Communication Lab, telepathically beaming his thoughts over to Norrington's ship. Nick's giving it another Space Month before it all goes sour.
The combination of all these factors means that Nick doesn't notice that anything's out of the ordinary (well, more so than it already is) till much later. He supposes the fact that the penguin has been eating its Broccoli supplements a little too cooperatively should have clued him in, but still. It's not like he's ever had a vested interest in Earth's extinct sea birds. Uh, mammals?
"Hey, are penguins supposed to have these weird, like, symbol thingies on them?" he asks Chris.
Chris doesn't even look up from his trade treaties. "What?"
"Like, you know," Nick says, as he leans in to better inspect the dark markings. "Skulls and weird scribbly lines and stuff."
That does get Chris' attention, and he rolls over to Nick's side in his swivel chair. Sometimes Nick thinks the only reason they have sex in it is because Chris loves it more than he does Nick. Chris inspects the bands of color with a frown. "Huh," he says, eventually. "That's strange."
"You've gotta be kidding," the penguin says. Nick trips over his feet in his surprise, and falls right into Chris' lap. The chair skitters a safe distance away, but Nick can tell the penguin's still looking at them with a fair amount of disdain. "You're pirates," it adds accusingly. "And you're telling me you've never seen a tattoo before?"
Nick gapes, but Chris, adapt at dealing with new, potentially-threatening situations as always, swears instead. "Jesus fucking Christ. You talk?"
The penguin makes a sound that resembles a snort, and Nick baulks some more. "Yeah," it drawls. "And newsflash? I'm not actually a penguin."
Turns out the penguin -- AJ, Nick reminds himself hastily -- is the equivalent of a Pirate Prince from a different Space Continuum, one so distant that even Chris, in his years of travel, has no recollection of it. AJ's father was a wealthy merchant, and he left everything he owned to AJ after he died, a fact which few in the McLean clan were pleased with. "So they got the local Voodoo lady to work her magic on me at our next dock and then threw me overboard," AJ explains, wings flapping a little indignantly by his side. "You'd think they'd pick a bird that could at least fly."
"Jesus," Chris repeats. He looks as shaken as Nick feels. "And you couldn't have mentioned any of this earlier."
"Sure, I wanted to be tossed off the ship right after you were done screaming bloody murder," AJ deadpans. He bobs his head at Nick. "Besides, I saw the weaponry he keeps under his bed. And I thought you were the paranoid one, jeez."
"Hey," Nick protests, suddenly finding his voice. "I used to be in the military, okay?"
If penguins had eyebrows, Nick's pretty sure AJ's would be raised. "The military? You?"
"Yeah," Chris replies, before Nick can. He puts a hand on Nick's thigh. "He's a deserter, okay? I found him on one of my trips to Dnal Dnabyob a couple years ago and he's been with me ever since."
"Huh," AJ says. He sounds like he's caught between suspicion and disbelief. "Is that why I saw a picture of his face on one of the ships we passed by the other day? I gotta tell you, man, that's not Deserter-level reward money."
Nick looks up at Chris in alarm, sees the way Chris' jaw tightens just before he slams AJ back against the wall. "Look," Chris hisses, "He's one of the only three men in the galaxy who knows how to operate the Mini-Space Fighters. I hope to god you don't know what those things can do, but it's not pretty, and he's done. He's not going back. I may not be your local Voodoo lady but I've been a Pirate for fifteen fucking years. I know what I'm doing." Chris' voice is steel, and Nick's breath catches in his throat. "So I'm going to say this again: he's not going back."
AJ doesn't reply for a long, terse moment, and Nick catches his eye when he looks up. Then, very quietly, he says, "Roger that, captain."
It turns out that AJ's kind of a smartass (big surprise), and that he actually really likes Broccoli (which makes Chris laugh), and that he's pretty decent company, once Nick warms up to him. Captain Norrington's still being an ass, so Nick and AJ spend a lot of time together in the main hull of the ship, Nick working on ConCap 5.5 and trying to explain the intricacies of turning the heat energy from the constellations into something workable for the ship.
AJ pretends to be interested for all of two sessions before he's nudging Nick's thigh with his beak and teasingly calling him Captain Kirk all the time. Nick doesn't get the reference in that, although it apparently has something to do with AJ's dad being really into prehistoric Earth DVDs. "I would've salvaged them if I could," AJ says, almost sadly.
Nick laughs. "You're insane."
"Just a little," AJ concedes, with (what Nick assumes is) a wicked grin. "But you let me on the ship."
There's a scuffle behind him, then, and Nick looks up. Chris is standing in the doorway, eyeing him suspiciously. "You're leaving me for the penguin, aren't you?" he demands, once he realizes he has Nick's attention.
"Hey," AJ says. "The penguin happens to have a name."
Nick ignores him. "Yes,"he says to Chris, solemnly. "I'm sorry. The sex is too good to pass up. Leave us alone to our starcross'd love."
Chris crosses the room to drag Nick up by the collar - halfway up, at least - and kisses him square on the mouth. "Is that a request for me to prove that our sex is better?"
Nick cracks a grin at that, and kisses him back. "Are you done wiping the floor with Captain Norrington's ass?"he asks.
Chris merely cackles in response, and starts dragging Nick towards their cabin.
Just before they shut the door, Nick hears AJ snort, "Pirates."
Nick can't help thinking that AJ sounds incredibly alone.
When their ship goes down, it's been so long since AJ first joined their crew that Nick can't even remember the exact number of days anymore. They're running low on fuel, and he's just opened the porthole for a second when it happens. Nick realizes too late that the ship beside them has his face plastered across it in big, bright lights, and before he can raise the alarm, Chris' ship is tipping over on its side, a good portion of the main deck splintered in half.
"God-fucking-dammit," Chris curses. He nearly takes out half the console with his fist. "We have to abandon ship."
Nick scrambles for his weapons, something, anything, but AJ just looks at them both and says, "Where are we?"
"What?" Chris says.
AJ stamps on the floor with one of his small feet. "Milky Way's right below us?"
"Does that even fucking matter?" Chris demands. His expression is drawn and his fists drawn even tighter.
Nick goes over and lays a hand on Chris' shoulder. I'm sorry, he wants to say. I'm sorry I just lost you your ship.
Chris makes a quiet, pained sound, but then shakes his head. They both know what their priorities are. Still, Nick swallows hard, barely managing to turn away. "Yeah," he says to AJ. "We've above the Milky Way. Why?"
AJ looks them both in the eye, straightens as much as he can. "Get on my back. I'll get us out of here."
(Seriously, okay? AJ is a huge fucking penguin.)
Apparently, the Milky Way is strong enough to hold all three of them up, and AJ's half-cackling as he takes a dive, nose-first, and glides down it. Nick's grip is tight on AJ's sides, and Chris' back is plastered firmly against his chest. Nick doesn't need to look to know how terrified Chris is. He's always hated heights. It's over much earlier than they expected, though, and they land in a heap in the middle of a... jungle?
Now, AJ's told Nick about the legend of the Earth Rainbows? But he's skeptical about there actually being a pot of gold and tiny little men at the end of them. Which is why Nick supposes AJ's the most surprised of them all to realize that, at the end of the Milky Way, there's an undiscovered planet with a high enough oxygen level to support life, and enough raw materials that they'll hopefully be able to build a new ship, given some time. Nick secretly thinks it's a nice change of scenery.
They spend an hour exploring the land, Chris meticulously taking note of all the materials they'll be able to come back for later, and AJ just happy to be around "actual nature, man. Are you kidding? I'm fucking stoked."
And then they get to an actual stream.
"Water!" AJ trills. It's the first time Nick thinks he soundshappy.
"AJ!" Chris barks. "Wait!"
It's too late. AJ's already gone, diving head-first into the stream with a happy little caw.
"Oh for fuck's sake! AJ!" Chris says, clearly panicked. "That water could be poisoned!"
AJ's voice comes floating back to them. "I can't control the bird instinct, man," he says. "And would you get over yourself? The water's fine. What else are you gonna drink? It's not like the nutrition supplement crap does anything for thirst."
Nick hides his grin behind his hand, and Chris rolls his eyes. "Would you just get out of there?" he grumbles.
"Fine, fine," AJ snorts, as he waddles out to greet them--except he's not waddling at all. Nick blinks. He's not even a penguin.
"Uh," Nick says.
Because AJ's a man. A very naked, very hot man.
"Holy shit," Chris breathes.
"Oh, hey," AJ says, grinning as he tips his head down to kiss his bicep. "Would you look at that?"
"Holy shit," Chris repeats.
Nick's still staring. "And you laughed at me for wanting to have sex with our penguin!" he says, accusatorily.
AJ looks up at that with a smirk. "So is that offer still on the table or what?"
So an Army Man and a Space Pirate have sex with a Penguin--
Merry Christmas!
This was written when we tested out the MTYG system, and in her request, ephemera asked for talking animals, spaceships, and pirates, if I could wrangle them in. ... I did my best? ;D
The Future And Beyond
So a penguin walks into a spaceship, right--
Okay, the strange animal in the Captain's cabin? Totally not Nick's fault.
See, Chris had been busy arguing with some other Pirate Captain about their nutrition supplement trading deal (it's Earth season, but they're running low on the Meatloaf and Cereal flavors, and apparently Broccoli isn't going to cut it) and it's not like Chris doesn't know how Nick gets after extended periods without sex.
He'd only meant to open the porthole for a second, anyway, just to test his new Constellation Capturer. Chris isn't all thrilled that Nick's still experimenting after their ship almost went up in flames with ConCap 5.0, but 5.5 seems to be doing her job, and it's a good way to conserve on space fuel, so Chris doesn't complain too much.
Anyway, the thing is, Nick only opens the porthole for a second, just long enough for ConCap to work her magic, when suddenly this huge black and white thing comes bowling into him, knocking him back onto the bed. "Oof," Nick says.
(Seriously, okay? The thing is, like, half his size, and twice as heavy.)
Now they're on opposite ends of the room, Nick kind of crouching and watching and waiting for it to do something, while it stares forlornly back at him with no clear intention of doing anything but staring forlornly back at him, and Nick is thinking about approaching it with a friendly smile when Chris chooses to barge into the room, grumbling loudly. "I swear to god, I'm going to fucking murder Norringt--AHHHH! What the hell, Nick?"
After Nick gets Chris to stop flailing, they sit down and figure out that the thing is actually a penguin. "Like, a penguin penguin?" Nick asks, in wonderment. "A supposedly-extinct-five-hundred-light-years-ago penguin?"
"Looks that way," Chris nods gravely, just before he reaches out to give the penguin a gentle pet on its beak. He's taking this all much better than Nick anticipated. The expression on Chris' face grows thoughtful, then. "I wonder if it'll eat all those Broccoli supplements Jack Sparrow sent back?"
It turns out the penguin will eat just about anything they feed it - not that Nick's tried. He grows kind of fond of it, really, and spends most of his free time with it. Space can be a little lonely, especially when your boyfriend is a paranoid Pirate Captain of a Trading Ship who refuses any crew offers because he's convinced they're all out to take over his stock. It doesn't help that Nick's a wanted man in just about every single Space-Time Continuum either, but they don't talk about that anymore. Plus, Captain Norrington is being kind of an asshole about the supplements lately, and Chris is spending long hours cooped up in his Communication Lab, telepathically beaming his thoughts over to Norrington's ship. Nick's giving it another Space Month before it all goes sour.
The combination of all these factors means that Nick doesn't notice that anything's out of the ordinary (well, more so than it already is) till much later. He supposes the fact that the penguin has been eating its Broccoli supplements a little too cooperatively should have clued him in, but still. It's not like he's ever had a vested interest in Earth's extinct sea birds. Uh, mammals?
"Hey, are penguins supposed to have these weird, like, symbol thingies on them?" he asks Chris.
Chris doesn't even look up from his trade treaties. "What?"
"Like, you know," Nick says, as he leans in to better inspect the dark markings. "Skulls and weird scribbly lines and stuff."
That does get Chris' attention, and he rolls over to Nick's side in his swivel chair. Sometimes Nick thinks the only reason they have sex in it is because Chris loves it more than he does Nick. Chris inspects the bands of color with a frown. "Huh," he says, eventually. "That's strange."
"You've gotta be kidding," the penguin says. Nick trips over his feet in his surprise, and falls right into Chris' lap. The chair skitters a safe distance away, but Nick can tell the penguin's still looking at them with a fair amount of disdain. "You're pirates," it adds accusingly. "And you're telling me you've never seen a tattoo before?"
Nick gapes, but Chris, adapt at dealing with new, potentially-threatening situations as always, swears instead. "Jesus fucking Christ. You talk?"
The penguin makes a sound that resembles a snort, and Nick baulks some more. "Yeah," it drawls. "And newsflash? I'm not actually a penguin."
Turns out the penguin -- AJ, Nick reminds himself hastily -- is the equivalent of a Pirate Prince from a different Space Continuum, one so distant that even Chris, in his years of travel, has no recollection of it. AJ's father was a wealthy merchant, and he left everything he owned to AJ after he died, a fact which few in the McLean clan were pleased with. "So they got the local Voodoo lady to work her magic on me at our next dock and then threw me overboard," AJ explains, wings flapping a little indignantly by his side. "You'd think they'd pick a bird that could at least fly."
"Jesus," Chris repeats. He looks as shaken as Nick feels. "And you couldn't have mentioned any of this earlier."
"Sure, I wanted to be tossed off the ship right after you were done screaming bloody murder," AJ deadpans. He bobs his head at Nick. "Besides, I saw the weaponry he keeps under his bed. And I thought you were the paranoid one, jeez."
"Hey," Nick protests, suddenly finding his voice. "I used to be in the military, okay?"
If penguins had eyebrows, Nick's pretty sure AJ's would be raised. "The military? You?"
"Yeah," Chris replies, before Nick can. He puts a hand on Nick's thigh. "He's a deserter, okay? I found him on one of my trips to Dnal Dnabyob a couple years ago and he's been with me ever since."
"Huh," AJ says. He sounds like he's caught between suspicion and disbelief. "Is that why I saw a picture of his face on one of the ships we passed by the other day? I gotta tell you, man, that's not Deserter-level reward money."
Nick looks up at Chris in alarm, sees the way Chris' jaw tightens just before he slams AJ back against the wall. "Look," Chris hisses, "He's one of the only three men in the galaxy who knows how to operate the Mini-Space Fighters. I hope to god you don't know what those things can do, but it's not pretty, and he's done. He's not going back. I may not be your local Voodoo lady but I've been a Pirate for fifteen fucking years. I know what I'm doing." Chris' voice is steel, and Nick's breath catches in his throat. "So I'm going to say this again: he's not going back."
AJ doesn't reply for a long, terse moment, and Nick catches his eye when he looks up. Then, very quietly, he says, "Roger that, captain."
It turns out that AJ's kind of a smartass (big surprise), and that he actually really likes Broccoli (which makes Chris laugh), and that he's pretty decent company, once Nick warms up to him. Captain Norrington's still being an ass, so Nick and AJ spend a lot of time together in the main hull of the ship, Nick working on ConCap 5.5 and trying to explain the intricacies of turning the heat energy from the constellations into something workable for the ship.
AJ pretends to be interested for all of two sessions before he's nudging Nick's thigh with his beak and teasingly calling him Captain Kirk all the time. Nick doesn't get the reference in that, although it apparently has something to do with AJ's dad being really into prehistoric Earth DVDs. "I would've salvaged them if I could," AJ says, almost sadly.
Nick laughs. "You're insane."
"Just a little," AJ concedes, with (what Nick assumes is) a wicked grin. "But you let me on the ship."
There's a scuffle behind him, then, and Nick looks up. Chris is standing in the doorway, eyeing him suspiciously. "You're leaving me for the penguin, aren't you?" he demands, once he realizes he has Nick's attention.
"Hey," AJ says. "The penguin happens to have a name."
Nick ignores him. "Yes,"he says to Chris, solemnly. "I'm sorry. The sex is too good to pass up. Leave us alone to our starcross'd love."
Chris crosses the room to drag Nick up by the collar - halfway up, at least - and kisses him square on the mouth. "Is that a request for me to prove that our sex is better?"
Nick cracks a grin at that, and kisses him back. "Are you done wiping the floor with Captain Norrington's ass?"he asks.
Chris merely cackles in response, and starts dragging Nick towards their cabin.
Just before they shut the door, Nick hears AJ snort, "Pirates."
Nick can't help thinking that AJ sounds incredibly alone.
When their ship goes down, it's been so long since AJ first joined their crew that Nick can't even remember the exact number of days anymore. They're running low on fuel, and he's just opened the porthole for a second when it happens. Nick realizes too late that the ship beside them has his face plastered across it in big, bright lights, and before he can raise the alarm, Chris' ship is tipping over on its side, a good portion of the main deck splintered in half.
"God-fucking-dammit," Chris curses. He nearly takes out half the console with his fist. "We have to abandon ship."
Nick scrambles for his weapons, something, anything, but AJ just looks at them both and says, "Where are we?"
"What?" Chris says.
AJ stamps on the floor with one of his small feet. "Milky Way's right below us?"
"Does that even fucking matter?" Chris demands. His expression is drawn and his fists drawn even tighter.
Nick goes over and lays a hand on Chris' shoulder. I'm sorry, he wants to say. I'm sorry I just lost you your ship.
Chris makes a quiet, pained sound, but then shakes his head. They both know what their priorities are. Still, Nick swallows hard, barely managing to turn away. "Yeah," he says to AJ. "We've above the Milky Way. Why?"
AJ looks them both in the eye, straightens as much as he can. "Get on my back. I'll get us out of here."
(Seriously, okay? AJ is a huge fucking penguin.)
Apparently, the Milky Way is strong enough to hold all three of them up, and AJ's half-cackling as he takes a dive, nose-first, and glides down it. Nick's grip is tight on AJ's sides, and Chris' back is plastered firmly against his chest. Nick doesn't need to look to know how terrified Chris is. He's always hated heights. It's over much earlier than they expected, though, and they land in a heap in the middle of a... jungle?
Now, AJ's told Nick about the legend of the Earth Rainbows? But he's skeptical about there actually being a pot of gold and tiny little men at the end of them. Which is why Nick supposes AJ's the most surprised of them all to realize that, at the end of the Milky Way, there's an undiscovered planet with a high enough oxygen level to support life, and enough raw materials that they'll hopefully be able to build a new ship, given some time. Nick secretly thinks it's a nice change of scenery.
They spend an hour exploring the land, Chris meticulously taking note of all the materials they'll be able to come back for later, and AJ just happy to be around "actual nature, man. Are you kidding? I'm fucking stoked."
And then they get to an actual stream.
"Water!" AJ trills. It's the first time Nick thinks he soundshappy.
"AJ!" Chris barks. "Wait!"
It's too late. AJ's already gone, diving head-first into the stream with a happy little caw.
"Oh for fuck's sake! AJ!" Chris says, clearly panicked. "That water could be poisoned!"
AJ's voice comes floating back to them. "I can't control the bird instinct, man," he says. "And would you get over yourself? The water's fine. What else are you gonna drink? It's not like the nutrition supplement crap does anything for thirst."
Nick hides his grin behind his hand, and Chris rolls his eyes. "Would you just get out of there?" he grumbles.
"Fine, fine," AJ snorts, as he waddles out to greet them--except he's not waddling at all. Nick blinks. He's not even a penguin.
"Uh," Nick says.
Because AJ's a man. A very naked, very hot man.
"Holy shit," Chris breathes.
"Oh, hey," AJ says, grinning as he tips his head down to kiss his bicep. "Would you look at that?"
"Holy shit," Chris repeats.
Nick's still staring. "And you laughed at me for wanting to have sex with our penguin!" he says, accusatorily.
AJ looks up at that with a smirk. "So is that offer still on the table or what?"
So an Army Man and a Space Pirate have sex with a Penguin--
Merry Christmas!