I'll show you hostile...

[amonitrate]

Yeah, the crack. I'm sure I could go on and develop it more, but this is what came out.

"So, Mr. Stark. How did that make you feel?"

Tony shifted in the too-plush easy chair, picking at a scab across one knuckle. "How did what make me who?"

The bespectacled man seated in the chair opposite just smiled his freakishly calm smile. "How did your

Comments

[quigonejinn]

Dude, I'm not even sure this is crack. I mean, no, Tony isn't going to go to therapy volutarily, but it's not that hard to imagine that SHIELD wants him to go seeing someone as a condition of them letting him run around.

This entire thing is made out of win. I swear.

[amonitrate]

hee. Thanks! I just need to get him to the point where he realizes how mean he's being to Pepper, and they go to Vegas and get hitched.

then will it be crack?

[quigonejinn]

BWAHAHAH.

As long as Stark Airlines provides transportation and strippers? I COULD STILL SEE IT. YOU JUST HAVE TO GET ME TO BELIEVE THAT PEPPER WOULD MARRY HIM.

[amonitrate]

THERE WAS A GREAT DEAL OF ALCOHOL INVOLVED ON BOTH SIDES.

as I mentioned in another post, the next morning Tony has no memory of it and Pepper keeps quiet, because she's conflict avoidant.

somehow Rhodey gets the surveillence photos though.

[quigonejinn]

They basically pretend that nothing has changed. Which it hasn't. Pepper still brings him coffee. Tony never fills out his own forms anyways, and when it comes tax-time, Pepper puts them down as "married, filing separately."

[amonitrate]

chortle.

Tony's not even pretending. But he doesn't understand when Pepper can't meet his eyes for a few days, and he starts hacking her search histories and discovers lots of searches about legal annulments. And thinks that she's married someone behind his back.

[gabby_silang]

UHHH HI THERE. You have to do this. Because. Because I can just see thing, in Vegas, swaying at some glitzy glam bar with margaritas the size of your head, and Pepper's actually starting to fall asleep in hers and Tony's just busts out, "Hey, we're in Vegas. Let's go next door, get hitched, come on, drink up." And she just looks at him from her vantage cheek-down on the bar and slurs "You're ssstupid." And he's all "Please, you absolutely want to. Anyone would want to. There's not even time for a pre-nup, it'd be like winning the lottery, but you'd also get so laid."

[amonitrate]

AND THE IRONIC BIT WOULD BE THAT HE TOTALLY PASSED OUT BEFORE SHE COULD GET LAID.

Which she holds a grudge for. Because everyone else getss laid by Tony Stark but his new wife.

[gabby_silang]

AAAAHAHA TONES.

There would be so much "what?" "nothing." "what is it?" "NOTHING. JUST SIGN HERE HERE AND HERE."

[amonitrate]

oh, god. Poor Pepper.

"Okay," he says, and signs, and nearly squeaks in a very unmanly way when she whips the papers from his hands before he's quite done.

[gabby_silang]

And she's totally fine, and has collected herself, until she sees that he's signed NEVER and TOBY SPARK on everything.

[amonitrate]

TOBY SPARK. aaaa ha ha ha.

She doesn't come back that afternoon, and he doesn't think to wonder where she went until about seven, when she usually checks in to see if he needs anything before she goes home for the day. He finds her purse upstairs and his Audi missing.

Jarvis claims to have no idea what's going on, but since last Friday night, Jarvis seems to have taken sides, and for the life of him Tony has no idea why.

[gabby_silang]

AWWWW what will happen to Jarvis during the big, acrimonious divorce? He'll have little talks with Dummy about how he's both their friend, how can they expect him to choose? But really, Pepper is much nicer to him as a rule. Then he tries to hint that she should get the house.

[amonitrate]

WHEN THINGS get really bad, Jarvis locks Tony out of the house. He's just come back from a mission, and he's still in the suit, and all sweaty and shit, and he can't get it off by himself. So he's forced to call Rhodey for help.

Rhodey takes one look at his face and dissolves into very un-colonel like giggles.

[needleandspoon]

YOU MUST WRITE THIS.

[amonitrate]

oh, god, the whole crackfic? But... I have serious fic to work on! WHY MUST MY BRAIN BE THIS CRACKTASTIC TODAY?