first day back to work. it was a relief. It's turned into a very healthy and theraputicpart of the day for me, whatever negative events may occur throughout; it's still very important for me to -get out- of my habitat. I suppose it does help that the shifts are short ( Read more... )

note to self- the refeeding process is a bitch enough to never want to go back. Except during this process itself, that is when it is easiest to turn around. The heart throbs, the water cells multiply as your abdomen swells. Arms, chest, and limbs remain sunken and emaciated as your body refuses to release any of the weight from padding the organs ( Read more... )

...in daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee ( Read more... )

a whole week off? how many days is this going to turn into..1..3..5..7..11..13..17..19..23..NO..just cause I wanted to make 8 iterations. hmm..prolly 11 or 12.The whole point of working for me is to keep my insanely talkative head quiet and busified ( Read more... )

"Of course not I'm a fuckin' squirrel ( Read more... )

Shadow walks faster than you
You don't really know what to do
Do you think that you're not alone?
You really think that you are immune to
Its gonna get that the best of you
Its gonna lift you up and let you down
It will defeat you then teach you to get back up
After it takes away all that
You learn to love

Your reflection is a blur
Out of focus
( Read more... )

as if all those entries weren't enough ( Read more... )

allright. allergy testing. done. Nice doc spent an hour and a half with me. 32 pricks on my lower arms, then 27 more on my uppers. Doc gave me a nice tattoo of numbers and red splotches flares. He even gently "scratched" my arms on the sides of the test area cause I was ready to start chewing my skin it itched so bad. ugh. Made him laugh though. ( Read more... )

under stipulations I was accepted into the IOP program at Renfrew Radnor. stipulation A stop smoking. Fine. stipulation B attend 2 NA meetings every week. NO fucking way. Because I was the 1/10 people that was honest about smoking pot? Do people who admit to drinking hard liquor once a night get sent to AA? no. it's just a goddam plant what's that ( Read more... )

This Columbian brew is kickin my ass. altogether good weekend of me being depressed and accomplishing...very little. I can't say nothing ( Read more... )