BrigitsFlame, September - Week 1

[amused4ever]

Here we go again! :) Original fic forbrigits_flame.

Title: Parasite (yeah, not much for originality this time)
Prompt: Parasite
Word Count: 1098
Rating: PG
Summary: Sometimes, it's only a matter of...time.
Author's Notes: Ehhh, not sure what I think about this one. Cookie if you guess what the "parasite" is? :D?

Comments

[cedarwolfsinger]

Oh my. How real and sad and violent and frenzied and frightening. Very well written. Horrible subject matter. (I hope you understand that I can admire your writing and be uncomfortable with the subject matter at the same time.)

[amused4ever]

Yes, I understand perfectly. And it's exactly what I was going for--creepiness and horrible-ness. >D (No, really. Cuz that's what it is.)

[hardassonance]

As she swung the bathroom door open, the musty scent of mildew rushed at her blank face-usually enough to make her flinch violently in disgust, but today…her senses were blocked, the world muffled.

The effect you're going for at the end of this sentence might be better if you used a semicolon or another piece of information squeezed between two commas. This is instead of the ellipsis.

Example: “in disgust but today, there was no reaction, her senses were blocked, the world muffled.”
Example: “in disgust, but not today; her senses were blocked, the world muffled.”

You keep the same intended pause you want after “today” in these examples, without the ellipsis.

the small, pointless window most bathrooms seem to have for one reason or another.

Good observation. :)

knowing she could look that lividly insane and ready to care of all that threatened her.

ready to care? Kill, maybe?

Then she went to the side-toilet room and took a crap. Pulling up her pants and flushing, she went back over to the tub. It was almost full. This seems

[amused4ever]

Thank you! :)

Re: Editing - Part 2

[amused4ever]

:D Thanks for the thorough edit! I know all about awful weeks, so I'm just glad you got it!